Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. In small doses, it can be an inspiring and motivating force that pushes us to reach for the best. It can help us stay focused, work hard and remain committed to a goal. In most cases, unfortunately, perfectionism becomes a prison that keeps you from fulfilling your potential.

In this article, we'll discuss what perfectionism is, common signs of perfectionism, how it keeps you stuck, and finally, I'll offer some practical tips on how to stop letting it hold you back.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a thought pattern where one has an extreme need for everything they do to be perfect. Common signs of perfectionism include black-and-white thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, feeling overwhelmed by the task, procrastination due to fear of failure, and overthinking decisions.

It's important to understand that perfectionism isn't just about achieving high standards; instead, it's more of an emotional response to making mistakes or not meeting expectations. Perfectionists are often highly critical of themselves and others and have an unrealistic view of their abilities.

Perfectionism is not a healthy mindset.

Even though perfectionism is often worn as a badge of honor, most perfectionists don't experience it as a good thing. Instead, it can be a significant source of stress due to endless procrastination and feelings of never being good enough, worthlessness, and discontentment.

If you're a perfectionist, I'm sure you're familiar with the fear of failure or criticism and how they cause you to set impossible standards for yourself. Because you're afraid not to live up to those standards, you quickly become overwhelmed and don't take risks. You may also find yourself procrastinating and never getting started on tasks because you're trying to make everything perfect before even beginning.

When perfectionism gets out of control, rather than encouraging progress and growth, it keeps us stuck in an endless loop of thinking, overthinking, and analyzing every detail until we never reach the finish line. When we focus too much on ensuring everything is perfect—our work, our relationships, or ourselves—we cannot take risks or accept failure as part of the learning process. Instead of feeling motivated and energized by challenges, we feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by them.

Where does perfectionism come from?

Perfectionism can stem from several sources, including upbringing, cultural norms, and insecurities. I believe perfectionism is a defense mechanism or a success strategy we learned in childhood to be safe by gaining approval and acceptance from those around us. Recently, a student in my writing class who's also a teacher shared that the most gifted children in her class are often the ones who suffer the most from perfectionism. They say no to activities they might fail at because they've been conditioned to believe failure is unacceptable.

It's important to understand that perfectionism is not necessarily something you're born with—it's often an acquired behavior or way of thinking. We may have learned it from our parents, teachers, or peers who believed that only the best was good enough. Or, as in my case, it stems from a need for control I internalized very young to survive in an emotionally and physically chaotic home.

How is perfectionism keeping you stuck?

Perfectionism can manifest itself through various behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. It often shows up as procrastination, avoidance, ruminating over decisions or outcomes, and having unrealistic expectations of oneself. Taking a long time to do simple tasks or overthinking every detail so much that progress stalls or stops. You might also find that you're unable to let go of mistakes or failures, striving for an unrealistic level of excellence and never feeling satisfied with your work.

Perfectionism also manifests in negative self-talk—constantly criticizing yourself for not being good enough or beating yourself up for making mistakes. This type of thinking hinders progress by generating feelings of inadequacy and insecurity which keep us stuck in our comfort zone because we're too afraid to take risks and try something new.

In my practice, I see many creatives and entrepreneurs who suffer from perfectionism. Although incredibly gifted and talented, they get stuck because of their perfectionist tendencies. They feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear of failure and criticism so much that it prevents them from doing anything about their creative ideas or business dreams. Instead of taking any action, they prefer to do nothing. Like Margie, a talented writer who doesn't start her novel because she's convinced it won't be good enough, or Amir, who is too afraid to show his work and start selling it, so he keeps it to himself.

How to stop letting perfectionism hold you back?

Even though perfectionism can hold us back and prevent us from taking action, it doesn't have to be that way. Understanding what triggers our perfectionism and developing healthier expectations makes it possible to break free from the grip of perfectionism and learn how to take healthy risks. Here are a few tips that can help:

#1 Awareness

The first step towards overcoming perfectionism is becoming aware of it. We need to understand our perfectionist tendencies and the negative patterns that we've internalized to make a change. It was hard to see that I was a perfectionist until I noticed how expecting so much of myself and others affected my work and relationships. That's when I was finally able to make the shift. Once we become aware, we can challenge our perfectionist thinking and behavior. Perfectionism hides in many places: how we speak to ourselves, approach tasks and projects, or even the standards we set for ourselves. Once we become aware of the areas in which perfectionism is holding us back, it's easier to identify and break these patterns.

#2 Accept imperfection

Once you recognize it, challenge your thinking by asking questions like: Why do I need everything to be perfect? What will happen if I make mistakes? How can I use this situation as an opportunity for learning and growth? Accept imperfection. This might sound counterintuitive, but accepting your limitations and shortcomings is the key to freeing yourself from perfectionism. When I finally realized that I couldn't write perfectly on the first try, I stopped procrastinating and instead started writing. Recognizing that you're not perfect allows you to make mistakes without feeling guilty or ashamed.

#3 Aim for progress, not perfection

Aim for progress rather than obsessing over perfectionism. We should focus on making progress, no matter how small, rather than striving for perfection. This shift allowed me to finally start my podcast after thinking about it for more than seven years! Even if it was well-intentioned, perfectionism can make you feel like every single detail needs to be perfect. It's more important to focus on the progress that you're making. It's okay if things aren't perfect immediately; what matters is that you keep moving forward and learning from your mistakes. 1% better every episode; that's what I'm aiming for with my podcast now, instead of waiting for perfection to get started.

#4 Learn to accept your mistakes

The key is learning to let go of needing everything to be perfect for it to have value or worth. Accept that mistakes will happen; this will allow you the freedom and confidence to take risks without fear of failure. One thing I've done to help me to accept my mistakes is to learn to appreciate them. The first big one I enjoyed this way was the monologue I delivered on stage last year. It could have been better, but it was good enough. Instead of looking at the mistakes and getting frustrated, I chose to look at the experience as a learning opportunity and use it to improve my speaking skills and create something better next time.

#5 Practice self-compassion

Finally, practice self-compassion. Replace feelings of inadequacy and shame with acceptance and understanding. Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of life and doesn't make you any less amazing. Treat yourself like your best friend and be gentle with yourself when setting standards. If you can view mistakes as an opportunity for growth, they become much less intimidating. I had to show a lot of self-compassion for myself recently when I changed my marketing focus quite drastically without knowing how it would pan out. So far, I'm pleased with the results and confident I chose the right path.

If it wasn't clear yet, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I've already done a lot of work to break free from the shackles of perfectionism. However, I'm still learning and practicing to be an imperfectionist—to accept that done is better than perfect, that sometimes making a mistake is okay, and that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters most.

It takes time and practice to break the cycle of perfectionism, but it's absolutely possible; I see it in my work and life every day. Be patient and persistent, and you will create a life full of success, satisfaction, and joy!