Your #1 Mindset Hack for a Badass Life: Every Negative Thought is Wrong

Overthinking, worry, and anxious thoughts plagued my every day - my every minute and even my every second on some days. I couldn't escape them, no matter how hard I tried. The noise in my head, paired with the discomfort in my body from the perpetual stress, made it difficult to focus on anything else. It was like a constant battle that, for years, I couldn't win.

Those anxious days are long gone, thank goodness, but it was a journey to get to where I am now. And it's a journey that I continue on every day because let's be honest - anxiety isn't something that entirely disappears forever. Yes, you can make it smaller and smaller, but it is a daily practice and reprieve. Anxiety and worry are things that we learn to manage and cope with.

I used to think my constant worrying was just a part of who I was - it was just my personality, and I could do nothing about it. But I learned that wasn't true through therapy, self-reflection, cultivating many calming and grounding rituals, and a lot of trial-and-error. Anxiety is not our identity - it's simply an aspect of thinking and the nervous system that has gone into overdrive. And just like any other part of ourselves that isn't serving us, we can work on changing it.

The problem with anxiety and worry is that it keeps us stuck in a state of fear and doubt. We become so consumed with what could go wrong and what might happen that we forget to live in the present moment. In my practice, I support many people who suffer from anxiety, worry, and overthinking.

Often, the way it manifests in their life is as follows:

• Difficulty concentrating on tasks and making decisions 

• Procrastination due to fear of failure 

• Loss of performance and productivity 

• Strained relationships at work and with loved ones 

• Increased physical discomfort like headaches or fatigue 

• Disrupted sleep patterns 

• Constant self-doubt and negative self-talk

It's a never-ending cycle that can leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and hopeless. But the good news is we have the power to break this cycle and take control of our thoughts and emotions. It starts with acknowledging that we have anxiety and understanding how it affects us. From there, we can begin implementing healthy coping strategies and seeking professional help if needed.

So, where do you start in this process of rewiring your brain so you can be freed from this crippling anxiety? How do you begin to quiet the noise and calm the storm inside your head? You can do many things, from therapy and medication to self-care practices like mindfulness, exercise, and journaling. It's about finding what works for you and creating a personalized plan to help you manage your anxiety.

One thing that has helped me tremendously in managing my anxiety is changing my mindset, aka the way I think about things.

Instead of constantly worrying and catastrophizing, I learned to challenge my thoughts, question their validity, and focus on the present moment. This shift in thinking has allowed me to let go of unnecessary stress and find peace within myself.

Life constantly changes and evolves, and people's reactions are beyond our control. Every day, something new, potentially stressful, and uncertain could happen. Instead of continually worrying about what might go wrong or trying to control everything, I have learned to focus on what I can control - my thoughts and my reactions.

I have done so much work learning to control my thinking this year, and this mindset thing is like magic! There are no two ways about it:

Our thoughts - our mindset - shape our reality; they are the lens through which we interpret the world.

Someone I consider very wise once told me, "We are what we focus on." This means that if our thoughts are consumed with worry and anxiety, then that is what we will manifest in our lives. But, if we focus on positivity, gratitude, and peace of mind, that is what we will attract.

So why not choose the latter? We can rewire our brains by changing our thought patterns and creating a more positive mindset. It's a challenging task but possible with practice and perseverance.

I used to believe that my anxiety was something I would always have to live with - it was just part of who I am. But now I know that I can manage it and even overcome it. It takes work every day, but the rewards are endless.

Since then, those words have become my truth. When we focus on positivity and possibility, we open ourselves to a world of opportunities and growth. When we pay attention to negative and limiting thoughts, we trap ourselves in a cycle of self-doubt and fear, often creating unnecessary anxiety and stress.

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought," said the Buddha.

With that in mind, I've been training myself to focus on thoughts that empower me rather than those that keep me small and stressed out. And let me tell you, it's like magic! It can be confusing to believe one negative thought but not another, as if some are true and we should listen to them! That's why I've created a simple rule for myself and my clients: 

Every negative thought is wrong!

As soon as one pops into my mind (as they will, thousands of times a day if you let them!), I choose to divert my focus to a positive thought instead. It takes practice (and a handy list of positive things to focus on helps), but the easier I do it, the easier it becomes.

Before I knew it, my mindset had shifted from one of limitation to one with ONLY possibility.  I have also seen amazing results in the creatives and entrepreneurs I support.

I'm constantly amazed at how much this simple shift in thinking has affected every aspect of my life - from relationships to my sense of well-being and happiness, overwork to personal growth. It's not about ignoring reality or pretending everything is perfect; it's about choosing to see things in a way that serves us and empowers us to live in the reality we dream about.

So, next time you feel overwhelmed or stuck, remember that you have control over how you think and perceive the world around you. Choose thoughts that empower you and open yourself up to the endless possibilities that await.

Are you ready to rewire your brain and let go of anxiety for good?

Transforming your mindset is a powerful way to create the life you want. None of your thoughts are fixed or part of who you are - they are just thoughts, and as such they can be changed.

I help my clients transform their mindsetso they can become the badass humans and professionals they know they are meant to be. Discover the power of coaching with me. Click below and let's chat!

Schedule your free session!

5 mindset shifts to help you stop being a good girl (and harness your inner badass instead)

Over the past few months, as my coaching business has really started to take off, I’ve found myself coaching and mentoring more and more women to help them go for what they want in life, and grow their businesses. While I’ve witnessed the incredible results these amazing women have created for themselves I’ve also taken note of what I believe is a deeply ingrained pattern common to almost all women: our need to be good girls. Something I believe is holding many women back from going after their most cherished dreams, and creating amazing lives for themselves.

I know this pattern very well because for the biggest part of my life I was a good girl too.

When being a good girl sucks

Whatever the situation, I would always be more concerned about the well-being of others than my own, worrying about what other people thought of me but certainly not about what I really thought of them! I would feeling inadequate, never good enough, and I would put myself under exhausting levels of stress by setting unattainable standards of perfection for myself.

As a result…

• I lived a big part of my life for others and not me,

• I struggled with severe anxiety, worry, and fear,

• I missed out on a lot of things I wanted to do,

• I attracted the wrong people into my life,

• I didn’t love myself.

Good girls are bad for business

But those are only a few of the many issues I experienced from trying to be a good girl all the time. Because to be a good girl you’re forced to suppress your authentic self, and your desires there are many more downsides to it. Like losing sight of who you really are, of not having any boundaries. And that’s without counting all the struggles I had in my career, and my businesses. And that perhaps you’re experiencing too. Like:

• Earning way less than my equal male counterparts because I simply didn’t ask for more,

• Letting interesting contracts slip my fingers because I didn’t want to look greedy,

• Unhappy clients because I failed to set clear boundaries,

• Hiring mediocre team members because I believed I didn’t deserve better,

• More than 15 years building a career, and businesses I didn’t really like.

Whether you’re struggling with being a good girl in your private or professional life doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day trying to please everyone never works, and it will end up making you feel miserable.

There’s an inner badass in all of us

It’s hard to chase your dreams, and go after what you want when you’re always putting other people first. It’s even harder to build a career, or a business. Believe me – on all accounts, I know. I’ve been there. Being a good girl keeps you from having what you want. That’s why it’s time for a mindset shift so that you can harness your inner super woman instead. She’s the one you want making decisions in your life, because she’s the one who has your back, isn’t afraid to speak up, and knows what you truly want.

So in what follows, I list the five main mindset shifts I made to go from always trying to be a good girl to become the much more at peace, self-loving, and self-confident woman I am today.

With those mindset shifts I became much happier, and fulfilled. Absolutely. But they were also instrumental for my career, and business success. Through them:

• I fell in love with myself, and my message,

• I created new, heart-centered, and profitable businesses that work for me,

• I attracted the right people in my life,

• I set strong and clear boundaries both in my private life, and in my business,

• and I became very clear about who I am, what my desires are, and what I stand for.

Mindset shift #1:
Turning not feeling good enough into I am more than enough – and stop the hopeless strive for perfection

When you’re a good girl, it’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough. In fact, that’s precisely what being a good girl does for you. You have your own dreams, and desires but the world keeps telling you to be a totally different human being, with wants and needs that are not your own.

The truth is, we all think we’re not good enough sometimes. It’s one of the most basic fears we all share – women especially. A mindfulness teacher once told me that I am not my thoughts. An absolutely liberating concept for me, that’s been helping me to put things into perspective ever since.

So first recognize that what you think does not define you, a.k.a. that you are not your thoughts! Accept that you have desires of your own, and that you are worth pursuing them. Then try to shift your focus outward instead of keeping it on you. Whatever it is your undertaking, think of what good it will bring into the world, the people you’re helping with it, the difference you will make instead of thinking you might not be up for the job. What you’re creating is the proof that you’re more than enough just as you are. And finally, choose progress over perfection. If you wait for that absolutely perfect moment where you’ll feel totally ready before doing anything, you’ll end up waiting for it your entire life. That moment will never come, simply because perfection does not exist. We all know this, yet we have such a hard time acting on it. But once you do you’ll have a much easier time believing you’re more than good enough, which in turn will help you overcome your need to be perfect all the time.

Mindset shift #2:
Moving from yes into no – and finally have a clue about healthy boundaries

When you’re a good girl, it’s hard to know where you start, and where you end. For a long time I didn’t have a clear set of boundaries. Not in my private life, and not in my businesses. The result of that was that I often pushed myself outside the limits of what felt comfortable for me in my relationship with others, and that I accepted way more than I should have. In my personal life this caused a lot of heartache, in my business it was exhausting, especially with demanding clients.

Once I embraced saying no rather than saying yes, really became clear on the things I would not accept, my life became so much easier, and my businesses really took off.

Mindset shift #3:
Ditching your fear of conflict for a passion for collaboration – and finally stop being afraid to upset anyone

When you’re a good girl, conflict is the last thing that you want. Because if anyone is mad at you, that means you’re not being as good as you’re supposed to be. So you try your hardest to avoid upsetting anyone, even when it goes against your own best interest. But because of this you’re not living up to your own dreams, and certainly not getting what you want.

The point is that all relationships you’ll have with other people will at some point include conflict. We’re all different, and come with our own set of beliefs, values, things we want to achieve. So when you’re looking after yourself, upsetting someone else is bound to happen at one point or another. The trick is not to avoid conflict (like I tried to do for so long), but to embrace it, then transform it. To do that you need to show up as your authentic self. Because when you come from an honest, authentic place, meeting the other person in the middle, there’s a much better chance you’ll both get out of it without being upset.

Of course this is not something you’ll learn to do overnight. But the more you practice standing up for yourself, and expressing your needs, the more it will start to feel a natural part of you, and the less guilt or shame you’ll feel when stepping out of the good girl persona.

Mindset shift #4:
Transform putting everyone else first into becoming your own champion – and never putting yourself last again

When you’re a good girl, it’s easy to forget your own needs in favor of the needs of everyone else on the planet. No wonder, since that’s exactly what being a good girl is. The problem is that by always putting yourself last, it becomes much harder to achieve anything. Because there simply isn’t any time, or energy left to do so.

Rita Pierson gave a beautiful talk about why every kid needs a champion. I totally agree with her. But I also believe that every good girl needs to be her own champion as well. Good girl Uni teaches women to care for others, but not for ourselves. It tells them to root for the success of everyone, except their own. Or worse, to find satisfaction in the success of others, but not their own. The only way for good girls to abandon that mindset is to start championing themselves.

Learning to give yourself the attention, the care, and the love that you so freely give others is essential to harness your inner super woman. Again, she’s the one who’ll help you reach your goals, and achieve the success you want. Not the good girl.

Mindset shift #5:
Going from never expressing what you think to saying what you really want – and finally knowing what that is   

When you’re a good girl, you learn early on that saying what you think is a big no-no. You’re thought that there’s things to say, and things not to say. That accommodating others is more important than expressing what you really mean, because you don’t want to offend anyone right?

So the final mindset shift I want to address might well be the most important one: saying what you really want. Even if you set healthy boundaries for yourself, learn to say no, believe deeply that you’re good enough… if you’re unable to express what you really want you won’t actually get it. I know that saying what you stand for, expressing your thoughts can be really scary, especially if you’re used to being a good girl. It took me a long time to get there, and I still struggle with it sometimes. But I’ve come to believe there’s not really any other way to be, if you want to harness your inner super woman. It takes practice, and a bit of courage too. But the more you do it the better it will feel, and the more rewarding it will be.

That’s it for this one. Now it’s your turn. In the comments below let me what mindset shifts have made a difference in your life, and career or business. What big a-has do you live by? I’d really love to know.