Is your money mindset affecting your dreams?

We all think we know what money is, and we all feel confident that what we think we know is true. We hardly ever question the beliefs that we have around money or the money mindset that comes with it – even though we don’t know where they come from. A perfect example of this is the belief that many of us have – me included – that making money is a hard thing to do. We start out in life believing this to be true, even before we experience it for ourselves.

My story and mindset about money began with that exact belief. For many years it rippled into everything I did, including how I approached my dreams and tried to achieve them. Because I believed making money was hard, I also believed achieving my dreams had to be.

And it was. Our mindset can be our worst enemy as much as it can be our best friend.

We don’t always think about our mindset this way. In fact, many people go through life without ever questioning what their beliefs are. As the student of my own mindset for many years now, and the witness of the amazing, positive changes that occur in my clients when they change their mindset about money, I’ve come to realize that understanding the true power of your beliefs is one of the most fundamental ways to find more flow, happiness, and courage in your life – and to achieve your dreams!

Our beliefs influence the way we think, but also the way we feel, and the way we act. In a way, you might say that everything comes down to your mindset:

• How you perceive the world

• Your level of self-confidence and self-esteem

• How much you think you’re worth

• Whether or not you believe you can do something

• …

All of these thoughts, feelings, and characteristics are guided by your mindset. If you believe that making money is hard, it will have an effect on your dreams.

You might think building your dreams is expensive, and since you believe making money is hard you’ll never get there. Or as you’re building the career or business of your dreams you might fall into the trap of relentless productivity and overwork like I did. Because way you think about money has a direct influence on the way you think about all the activities that produce money.

The good news is that, even though our beliefs control us, we can take control over what we believe. This means that you are in control, and that no matter what your situation may be today, you have the power to change the world you live in simply by changing how you think about it.

You start this process by asking questions.

• What do you think about when you think about money?

• When you think about money, how do you really feel? Calm, excited, happy, afraid, stressed out?

• What was the relationship your parents had with money? Were they savers, spenders? Were they relaxed about money or always worrying?

• In what financial situation did you grow up? How much money was available to you then? Was there enough to go around, or was making ends meet a challenge every month?

• Who do you think you need to be in order to make money?

• How much do you think you’re really worth? How about your time? And your work?

Exploring these questions will help you to find out more about your relationship with money, and what your money mindset is.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, beliefs about money were all around you when you were growing up. And they are still all around you today. Everybody has them, and often they’re rooted in the culture that you’ve been brought up into. For instance, do any of these money stories sound familiar to you?

• You have to suffer to make money.

• People want to steal your money away from you.

• You have to work hard to make money.

• The best things in life are free.

• Money is the root of evil.

• Money needs to be saved.

• It’s selfish to want a lot of money.

• People with money are greedy, evil, bad.

• Money doesn’t grow on trees… (although this statement is true, what it implies is still a belief about money)

All of these statements were part of my inherited beliefs about money. As long as I kept on to them they worked like self-fulfilling prophecies. Even though making money was never the issue, the way I felt about it and how I spent it were.

The stories I believed about money shaped the way I felt about it, how I looked at it, and what I believed it to be. Essentially, I was afraid of money. I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough of it in my life (since it doesn’t grow on trees, you see!), I was afraid I would have to work really hard all my life to have even a little (well, because you’ve got to work hard for money), I hated wanting money (because it’s selfish), and when I had money, I often felt bad about it (because it’s the root of all evil). What a mess!

I don’t believe any of these statements anymore. Money is not good or bad, doesn’t require hard work, doesn’t make you evil, and it’s certainly not selfish to keep the money that you’ve worked for for yourself. It’s just an instrument that is required in life to get a lot of the things we want.

The thing is nobody teaches us this stuff. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. The tyranny of our inherited dreams keeps us locked up in these suffocating beliefs about money. They have been passed down from generation to generation, transformed on the way down by the experiences of those who end up giving them to us.

Wherever they come from, what most of your beliefs about money are is – simply – beliefs. Yes, many of them probably find their origin in some truth, but not the kind that you need to live by today.

Unconsciously or consciously, we all live by many of the money beliefs that we’ve inherited and are surrounded with. And that limits us. Sometimes in a good way, like when we realize money doesn’t grow on trees and so we don’t spend it all. But most of the time our money stories aren’t that helpful. Like when we’re afraid to invest in our dreams because, well… money doesn’t grow on trees.

In order to achieve your dreams – and to live a life aligned with your soul – you need to create your own beliefs about money. And guess what, you have the power to do just that!

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back

In my coaching practice I meet women when they’re at a crossroads in their lives. When the life they’ve been living for a long time – and the goals they’ve pursuit – don’t work for them any more. When I ask these women what their big dreams are I’m often met with silence. Many of them simply don’t know. Or if they do, their big dreams often come with a big list of why they’ll never achieve them.

From personal experience, and listening to what these women tell me over and over again, I’ve learned that one of the main blocks to overcome in order to dream bigger are the beliefs we hold true for ourselves.

We live in a world full of rules and regulations about who we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to want. This is especially true as women. We’re expected to be a lot of things. Most of them in service of others. These unwritten rules or social expectations are often disguised as internalized beliefs. It’s simply the way culture works.

Being a good daughter for instance might mean you believe you need to listen to your parents when they give you advice about your career choices. Perhaps they want you secure your future by staying in a job you dislike, or earn a degree in a field that doesn’t interest you. The belief that you need to listen to them might make it hard for you to follow your own path, and choose your own career.

The good news is, once we identify the beliefs that hold us back, we can let go of them. We do this by replacing them with new beliefs based on who we are, what we really want, and what we actually belief about the world.

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back?

• Reflect

The best way I’ve found to identify internalized beliefs is to reflect on them. You can do this by journaling about them. Writing down what you believe in can be difficult. What’s internalized isn’t always visible on the surface or conscious. Here are a few prompts that can help you get started.

Pick a dream you’d like to achieve but have trouble getting started or following through with. Start writing down all the associations that come to you about this dream. Don’t edit or limit yourself.

Ask yourself:

• Do I think I deserve this dream?

• What will happen if I achieve this dream?

• Why do I think I won’t make it?

• What don’t I want about this dream?

• Why am I having trouble achieving this dream?

Go over your list and make a note of all the negative things you wrote down. What do they have in common? What do they say about how you see yourself in the world? What beliefs do they bring forward?

If your dream is to become a freelance writer you might think that pursuing this dream is risky, or that you can’t because you don’t have the right degree. Both of those things – risk and degree – are beliefs you have about who can, and can’t start a business.

The question is: is this really true? Do you really need a degree to become a freelancer writer and is it really that risky to work for yourself? Spoiler alert: it’s not! You only believe it is because you’ve been conditioned to.

• Listen to your inner voice

We all have a mean inner voice. It’s the one that tells us we can’t do something, or that we shouldn’t. She’s always there with an opinion about everything. Guess what? That opinion are your internalized beliefs.

By listening to your inner voice, especially when she’s being critical, you’ll be able to identify the beliefs that hold you back.

My inner critic has a tendency to tell me that I’m not good enough, that I don’t have what it takes to succeed at my dreams. For a long time this held me back from doing what I really wanted to do, and forced me to stay small. Once I realised she wasn’t telling the truth I was able to let go and make decisions without listening to her or my internalized beliefs.

• Question your inherited beliefs

Inherited beliefs are the beliefs that are passed down to us in childhood. A lot of them come from our parents, the school we went to, the social circles we grew up in. They’re closely related to our inherited dreams, something I resist and fight against in the work I do with my clients.

We have inherited beliefs about everything. Most of them came from the people that had the most influence on us, that we cared the most for or that we looked up to the most.

Questioning your inherited beliefs is an exercise in reflection like the first tip above. The difference is the focus of the question. Instead of asking yourself what you believe about something, you focus on someone else: your mom or dad, your siblings, a school teacher maybe. Anyone that had an influence on you growing up.

Ask yourself:

• What did my mom teach me about money?

• What did my dad teach me about work ethics?

• What did my fifth grade teacher think about creativity?

• How were my parents raised?

• What did my parents believe in?

These questions will help you to identify the beliefs that you’ve inherited. Once you have I invite you to ask yourself if they’re true and relevant to you. If not, don’t be afraid to change them to alternatives that work better for you. Your big dreams will thank you.