How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You
My entire life I’ve been intrigued by how differently people perceive the same things, and by how biased we are in our assumptions of what other people think.
As a perfectionist, and people-pleaser I spent a big part of my childhood and adult life worrying about what other people thought of me. On a daily basis I would replay conversations in my head, wondering if I had said or done the right thing. When I was in high school, and later at University, whenever a group of students would stand together talking, if even just one glanced my way, I would immediately assume it was me they were talking about — and probably not in a good way.
Then later on in life, my excessive worry caused me sleepless nights over little conflicts, and friendly disagreements. Any action coming from me that I deemed imperfect would trigger a worry spiral I could hardly get out of.
This constant stress and anxiety was exhausting, and depressing.
This was a long time ago. In the past decade I’ve grown and left most of my worry days behind me and with it the mind-boggling dichotomy that existed between what I was worrying about, and what people were actually thinking.
Of course the road to the (almost) worry-free life I’m living now was a bumpy one. The change didn’t happen overnight. But what I want to share with you today, and what I hope you’ll get out of this article, is that there is a way out of your anxieties and into a more peaceful life. I know, because I’ve been there.
Along that bumpy road I learned a thing or two that I’d love to share with you. So here’s 5 tips to help you stop worrying about what other people think of you:
#1 Don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking
The group of talking students example above is a beautiful illustration of how our thinking works — and how wrong we are! We almost always assume we know how other people think and feel, based on our own feelings and thoughts. When we’re cold, we automatically assume everyone around us has icicles for feet. When we’re hungry we often think everyone’s ready to eat. When we’re sad the Sun doesn’t even shine as bright as usual. You get the picture.
The first thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to realise that you’re most probably wrong about your assumptions of what they’re thinking.
#2 When you think you know go for the best option, not the worst
Although the previous point is a valid one, it’s also hard to do. We’re all — always — alone with our thoughts, and emotions. Just like everyone else is alone with theirs. Assuming we know what someone else is thinking is the normal thing to do. But every time we do we also have the choice to pick the kind of assumptions we make. As a people-pleaser and perfectionist I always assumed the worse because that’s what I was focusing on. But since what we think is probably wrong anyway, we might as well assume the best, don’t we?
The second thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to reformulate your negative assumptions into positive ones. Instead of worrying about how silly you looked, or how stupid what you said was focus on how wonderful everyone thinks you are. They were probably not thinking about you anyway. Oh but wait, that’s the next point…
#3 People lead busy lives
I lead a busy life, and I bet you do to. In fact, everyone’s life is busy to the brink. It’s the disease of our times. When you look at the statistics, they’re staggering. On average a worker now produces in 11 hours what a worker in the 1950’s produced in 40 hours. I know, right? Although this is alarming — and the subject of a future article, the good news is that busy people don’t have a lot of time to think about other people.
The third thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to remember how busy people are, leaving very little room in their schedules to think about you.
#4 In doubt, ask
Sometimes worry controls you. You’re trying to follow tips one, two, and three but nothing’s working. Whatever you do, you keep on tossing and turning that conversation in your head. If you’re anything like me, you might even have winning arguments with them in your head, you know the ones in which you’re telling them how it is.
The fourth thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to ask them about it. Although this might feel daunting to you now, I promise it will release at least parts (and often all) of the fears, the worries, and the anxiety that you’re currently experiencing.
#5 Trust, love and appreciate yourself more
In the end, living an anxiety-free life is an inside job. I’ve found no better remedy to worry than to learn to trust, love, and appreciate myself more. The more you do that, the more self-confidence you’ll have, and the less you’ll worry about what other people think of you.
In the end all that matters is what you think of yourself.
Do you feel like you're always worrying about what other people think of you?
I know how it feels to be constantly stressed and anxious. You might not even realize that this is happening because it's become your normal state of being. But the truth is, we all deserve peace and happiness in our lives. We don't need to live with constant worry or anxiety!
My private coaching series will help you break free from these worries so that they no longer affect your life. It'll give you a sense of relief knowing that there are things in life more important than what others think of us - like living a happy, fulfilling life and doing work you love! Or perhaps even building that business on the side!
