A morning ritual for self-love in 5 easy steps

I love morning rituals. I like how they help me to structure and organize my life, and how they are an anchor I can always go back to, whatever life throws at me.

Over the years, I have found that what you do early in the morning, during that tiny moment where you wake up and become aware of your existence, can make or break your entire day. So, to me, having a good morning routine is essential to being happy.

When I first started to work on loving myself more, I started to add more elements of self-love into my morning routine. Where the routine was rather practical and pragmatic at first – writing down top to-dos, reading out my weekly intentions, and focusing on my vision board – once I started working on love and compassion, I needed more love and compassion in the morning. By engaging in those goals, I not only set myself up for a productive and successful day, but a happy one and loving one, too.

So, here is my morning routine of awakening into self-love:

Step 1: Upon waking up, have a positive and loving thought

Every day, when I wake up, once I’m aware of who and where I am, I bring a loving thought into my mind. This can be anything. In my case, I’ll usually think about the love I have for my husband or my friends, the happiness that I get from my dog Flex, or the delicious coffee that I’ll be tasting soon. Whatever it is for you, make sure it is something that you love and look forward to. This simple step will help you create a positive mindset – a key ingredient for self-love and happiness.

Step 2: There are no “have-to’s” early in the morning

As a morning practice, I have learned to allow myself to do and feel anything that I want for the first moments I’m awake. In the first moments of my day, I have no to-do list and I listen to nobody but myself. Usually, I’ll look outside the window, take a few deep breaths, sit at the kitchen table, and simply let myself wake up into my day. Most days, I’ll close my eyes and it will feel like a meditation. But again, without any obligations. I just do what I feel like. This is my sacred space and it allows me to ground myself for what’s to come.

Step 3: Make sure to take your coffee or tea in the now

After I have given myself the time to peacefully awaken, I make myself some coffee or tea, depending on my mood and feelings. When it’s ready and I drink it, I make sure I’m not doing anything else other than savoring the taste, warmth, and aromas. This brings me from wherever I am back into the now, close to the experience. So often, we drink our coffee without even noticing how good it tastes or how fresh it smells. A missed opportunity to enjoy what life has to offer us. That’s why I’ve made it a habit to really be aware of it when I drink it. It’s a little gift I give myself every day.

Step 4: Write down your intentions for the day

A very important part of my morning ritual is writing down my intentions for the day. By the time I am doing this, I have had a look at my schedule and know what my day will look like. Depending on who I’m going to meet, what I have to do, and what feelings I associate all that with, I think of an intention. If I know I have some difficult meetings ahead of me, I’ll write an intention to keep me grounded and calm, and if I am looking forward to seeing a friend, I will write an intention for us to have the best of times. Throughout the day, I go back to my intention a few times, making sure I remember what’s important for me and how I want to feel.

Step 5: Don’t forget to say “I love you”

The final – and most important step – of my morning ritual is saying “I love you” to myself. I do this every day, when I’m looking at myself in the mirror. Usually, it’s when I’m in the bathroom brushing my teeth, or when I’m getting dressed in my bedroom and looking in the big wall mirror I have by my closet. I’ll pause, take a few breaths, and really look at my reflection in the mirror. Then I will simply say “I love you”. I say it out loud or in silence, whatever I feel like. Sometimes I say it softly, sometimes I say it loudly. Sometimes I smile when I say it, sometimes I make a face. But because it’s so important to remember, I always say it.

This list might look like a lot, but it really isn’t. You can integrate it in any morning routine or in the habits you already have. You don’t have to do all of it either; you can choose what feels right for you and start from there. But whatever you do, I would invite you to try and start your day with thoughts of love for yourself. It will change your life.

What it means to really love yourself

What does it mean to really love yourself?

I find this to be one of the most difficult questions you could ever ask yourself, because loving yourself is such a complex and deep state of being.

In what follows, I offer you my vision of what I think loving yourself really means. It has taken me many years to understand what self-love is, and a number of years more to be able to give myself this kind of love. But once I began, I finally felt free. I had found a new way of being that brought me peace, happiness, and joy. And the magical thing about it is that I didn’t need to search outside of myself to find all that. After a decade-long pursuit of unattainable ideals, the search was finally over. I had found love, deep within me, where it had been waiting for me all along.

Because the magic of self-love is not something that overcomes you, but rather something that you create for yourself, I invite you to do the following. Find a quiet and peaceful spot to sit yourself down, pour yourself some of your favorite tea or make yourself a cup of your best coffee, and unplug yourself from any possible distractions. This exercise will help you to give yourself the time and attention you deserve. Grounding yourself this way, and being fully present for what follows, you are already taking a step towards self-love.

A word of caution is necessary before we move any further. The love I will talk about, and try to untangle and explain for you below, is not the same as romantic love. Of course, it is heart-centered, beautiful, and warm, but it is also much, much more.

Loving yourself means putting yourself first, even being selfish at times, and making sure you are well taken care of by you, yourself... before you even think about taking care of others. It is putting yourself at the heart of everything you do.

Loving yourself also means accepting yourself with all your flaws, all the negative aspects of you, and all the things you don’t really like about yourself. Maybe you procrastinate sometimes, or you get upset when you’d really rather not. Or perhaps you would like to be less emotional or sensitive all the time. Whatever it is, loving yourself means understanding and accepting that you cannot be whole without those sides of you, too.

Loving yourself is showing compassion for the person that you are. And by this, I don’t mean the perfect version of you that you aspire to be, but rather the imperfect version – the real you, as the vulnerable human being that you are.

Yes, loving yourself can be difficult. It requires consistent thought and determined action, especially because it’s so easy to slip back into a state of not loving yourself so much, and of fear, resentment, and even hate. With this in mind, loving yourself is also very courageous, and requires you to be brave and strong, as the process asks you to be honest with yourself and to really look at who you are and what you stand for.

Loving yourself demands that you accept your faults, your mistakes, and all the wrong turns you ever took, along with all of the bad decisions you ever made, and demands that you embrace all of that – with no exceptions – as an integral part of you. Knowing and accepting that you are perfectly imperfect, just as you are.

Loving yourself means being thankful for your body, your mind, your soul, your feelings and emotions, your unique way of seeing the world, your way of interacting with others, and your way of being in the world.

Loving yourself means loving absolutely everything about yourself: the light, the dark, and all the shades in between. It is saying to the universe: look at me, here I am, this is all that I have to offer, all that I am, all of this is me.

And then, after all is said and visible, after taking a good look at yourself in your entirety, it means deciding to befriend, accept, trust, enjoy, protect, grow, and nurture all that you have seen.

To me, that is what loving yourself really means.

But, however beautiful it is to think of you as a complete and self-loving human being, loving yourself is a never-ending journey. Whether you accept your flaws or not, whether you show compassion for yourself or take good care of yourself or not, if self-love is what pulls you forward, that is all you need. And if you don’t at times, even that is okay. Self-love never goes anywhere – it’s always there, ready for you to go back to.