Why every freelancer needs self-care (and how to start)

You’ve leaped off the edge of the 9-5 and into the digital nomad or freelance lifestyle – or freedom lifestyle as I like to call it. You went from schedule to no schedule, from many bosses to you being the boss hot sauce. This jump might have been thrilling, but now you’re on the brink of exhaustion, fighting off the stresses and anxiety of the freelance world. 

From working sporadic hours while listening to the news, or watching YouTube and researching for your next client, keeping up with your habits and your time can border on a traffic jam or Titanic level crash. Putting your health and body first can be a struggle when everything else seems important, to the detriment of your work performance. (Perhaps you’re still in the dreaming phase of becoming a freelancer, and want to overcome the career change fear, if this is the case I wrote about that here.)

How to Self-Care as a Freelancer

Freelancing can easily lead to overwhelm, anxiety, loss of sleep, and even burnout. No clients or overwhelmed from too many clients? Exhausted from trying to juggle all of the elements of your freelance job? The list is endless: cold calls, responding to leads, marketing activities, writing and sending out newsletters, social media scheduling, meetings, networking… 

To enjoy the freelance lifestyle you need a schedule, priorities, ways to delegate, and tools and resources to help you navigate the trenches on the daily. Create daily and weekly goals, organize your tasks according to a schedule and use deadlines, both soft and hard ones and, most importantly, self-care all parts of your mind, body, and soul.  

Mind

One of the main elements of freelancing is that you’re working in isolation. It can be difficult to maintain connection with people when you work from home, or a coffee shop. Try not to neglect your family and social life. Isolation, both for freelancers and entrepreneurs in general, is a huge and common challenge. It’s hard to nurture strong relationships when you’re either not in the same location as other people (perhaps after work) or in a slump working from home (can’t seem to get out of those PJs huh?). 

Work is work, and as freelancers it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the things we have to do or underwhelmed by how slow the process is to get things off the ground. Make sure you prioritize your social support (schedule it if you need to). Work will always be there, but friends and family are important, both during good times and the more challenging ones. Don’t neglect the people around you. Call, text, send an email, check in with your people regularly! 

Apart from a social life try to include some form of mind work into your days: meditate, breathe, reflect, journal. And remember, always make your bed.

Body

Nutrition and physical activity are essential for freelancers. From maintaining a balanced diet, to moods, preventing chronic disease, and boosting positive emotions. You can’t work your best if your body can’t work its best. Often, we don’t take self-care seriously until we experience a serious health setback. Make sure you’re planning your meals and not breaking the bank buying fast food meals. This does twice the damage – processed meals and spending too much money. Why not try a meal planning app like Mealtime, Food planner, or Paprika? Be sure to supplement and balance with lots of natural foods and water, and try to minimize the amount of sugar. Sugar cravings can happen, and it’s a habitual trigger from anxiety, or even from skipping meals or low blood sugar. 

Slow down, take your breaks, go for walks, get off the bus one stop earlier, or sneak in YouTube videos on yoga, or simple at-home exercises (as safely as possible!). The other important thing about self-care is having a good healthcare plan. 

Be proactive and maintain your breaks for the gym, walk outside, eat nutritious food, maintain a healthy diet and get sleep. Don’t procrastinate all day, only to stay up all night to get a gig done. Sleep is one of the most vital things to ensure well-being and mental focus. 

Soul

Whether you’re a freelancer or a digital nomad, self-care is about a nourishing type of discipline (and not the punishing kind). The mind and body like routine and habit, while the soul requires more depth. All it takes is one step, and one plan to get going. Keep distractions at bay. Create a soulful work environment that helps you feel good AND succeed. Know yourself and spend time to reflect about where you are and if you’re heading in the direction you want. You can’t know until you sit quietly and listen to that inner knowing. 

Build self-awareness through stillness. This will help you to know what you tend to do, what your triggers are and how you react to situations. Becoming intimate with yourself like that will help you grow, and reach new heights.

In the end, be realistic and make sure you’re creating healthy boundaries in this new work environment, and say no. 

At first it might feel very tempting to say yes to any and all clients (and that’s okay when you have bills to pay) but do not bend your freelancing values just to accommodate everybody else first, including leads and clients. This might take a toll on your health. 

Be proactive about your freelance self-care. Whether it’s a 10-minute meditation in the morning or turning off all your electronics after 7 pm and taking a bath. 

Freelance self-care always starts with your well-being and the choices you make. Make sure to develop the self-trust necessary for stepping into your own power. In the end, if you’re not feeling well it’s going to be difficult for you to maintain that freelance lifestyle you dreamed of – and that you now finally have.

Self-care tips for when you’re working hard to build your dream

Self-care didn’t always come naturally to me. In fact, I’d say that for the biggest part of my life I didn’t care much for my body. Or myself. I was too preoccupied with endless to-do lists, multi-tasking to make sure everything got done, and that everyone around me was happy first. Taking care of myself was something I’d do in the future, after all the other stuff I had going on. Of course I never got to that point. How could I make myself a priority when I kept on adding other things to my list first?

When I think back on that time now, I realize I lived my life as if I had no body at all. Everything happened from the top of my head up to my neck. Anything below that was a necessity, not a gift. At least, that’s how I used to look at it.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t exercise, or wasn’t aware of what I was putting into my body. Only I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I slept because I had to, I ate – most days much later than I should have and at my desk – not because I wanted to nourish my body but because I was so hungry I couldn’t ignore my poor body anymore. When I went to the gym it was because I felt I needed to look a certain way to fit in, not because I wanted a strong, healthy body. The thing is, our bodies are amazing machines that can cope with a lot of things, but in order to live a joyful, fulfilling, healthy life we need to do more than just keep ourselves physically alive.

My own decade-long habit of ignoring my body’s needs resulted in heaps of stress, aches and pains, headaches. I wasn’t the nicest person to be around either, especially early in the afternoon when I hadn’t eaten yet and was in full-blown hangry agony. Because of the prolonged hours I spent at my desk behind my laptop I always had cold hands and feet, and a sore neck and shoulders.

But the biggest issue was that I wasn’t nearly as productive as I could have been. Doing almost nothing to work toward my goals. During my work day I was easily distracted, stressed out, unhappy. At night I was exhausted. By not allowing myself to take a break or care for myself I was miserable.

So, what is self-care?

The World Health Organization restricts the meaning of self-care to the practices that keep you safe from disease, boost and restore your health, but in a more general sense, self-care could be defined as taking time to focus on yourself and your physical and psychological needs. It’s about reconnecting with your body to listen to its messages, quieting your mind and dealing with your emotions and feelings.

Is self-care another name for pampering?

Only if your idea of pampering is to give your body (and mind) what it needs to thrive and continue to serve you well in your mission to achieve your dreams.

In recent years, self-care started becoming more popular thanks to the work of self-care activists like poet Audre Lorde.

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.
– Audre Lorde

The idea is quite simple: if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to keep fighting for the causes I believe in. If I don’t take care of my own needs, I’m not going to be able to help others get what they need either.

You’re a human being, not a robot

Something the South African writer Malebo Sephodi set out to remind people during a TEDx talk was that we need to allow ourselves to feel things. We’re human. We’re not robots designed to work or process information non-stop, and we need to take the time to reflect on who we are, who society expects us to be, and who we feel we should be – what we know is our true calling.

Self-care is an act of love and a tool for strengthening your body and mind. The bigger your dreams or goals, the bigger the risk of becoming overwhelmed, disengaged, or even sick while working hard to achieve them. Because you know that the reward will be so great, you risk pushing yourself too hard.

To help you work toward your big dreams in a meaningful way I’ve put together a list of self-care tips that I invite you to try, and (if you like them) integrate into your daily life. These tips have helped me to finally make friends with my body, and learn to treat myself well.

• Learn to release the tension in your body

You can do this through yoga, getting a massage (or giving yourself one), going to the gym, or even doing breathing exercises. For example, you can install the BreatheWell app on your phone (iOS, Android) and go through a breathing cycle any time you feel tense. You can start with a 4-second inhale, a 16-second hold, and an 8-second exhale.

• Sit on a bench in the park

Or step outside, or to your balcony for a few minutes. Just watch the people and the cars passing by, what’s unfolding around you without thinking about all the things you have to do. This will give your mind and body a relaxing break.

• Take a meditation break

Some people meditate for 2 hours a day, or more. It’s OK if you don’t have that long, 15 minutes or even less will be just as good. If you don’t know how to meditate, open a guided meditation on YouTube and listen to the indications or just focus on your breathing. [If you’re a member of the Big Dreamers Club, simply go through the meditation module Maja Savic created for us.] Meditation can help you live in the present and expand your consciousness, thus freeing you from the shackles of your own thoughts and emotions.

• Clean your desk or your room

Decluttering will make you feel more productive and will also help calm your mind. It’s really worth it to invest 15-20 minutes on cleaning up your workspace or personal space every day.

• Play a simple, mindless game

The awesome thing about games is that they capture your attention, so you can use them to give yourself a break, especially during stressful times. You can play a game on your phone or in your browser. A quick Google search will give you lots of options to choose from. So will asking children or teenagers!

• Make yourself a nourishing meal

It should be something you really want to eat and that’s also good for you. Usually, your body craves what it needs. So listen to it, and don’t postpone eating when you’re hungry, or eat less than your body needs. Remember that food is your body’s (and mind’s) fuel, and that you need it to be happy – and work on your dreams!

• Binge on some Netflix

Or watch a series or fun TV show. It doesn’t matter what you pick, as long as it’s not work in disguise. Don’t go to YouTube to learn more about subjects that matter to you at work, instead make sure to pick something that will amuse you, and will help you get your mind off things.

• Take a nap

Sometimes our bodies and minds need rest. Babies and young children do it often, and it’s easy to see the difference in mood before and after. The same is true for us. Whether it’s 10 minutes or half an hour, laying down to rest and closing your eyes for a little while can truly do wonders. Especially if you live a busy life with little time for yourself.

• Reach out to a friend

You’re not in this alone. Even though when you’re working your way through your to-do list you might feel you are. That’s why taking a break, and reaching out to a friend can do so much good. It doesn’t need to be a long conversation, or even a phone call. You can message a friend on Facebook, or exchange a few text messages through your phone. The point is to connect, and remember that a whole world is out there.

• Close the curtains and dance to your favorite song

Moving your body is one of the best ways to release tension, get some blood flowing through your body, and to remember you’re alive. If you feel up to it, try singing while you’re at it. Expressing yourself through your body can be a great way to get yourself out of the confines of your comfort zone, which in turn will not only boost your health but your creativity too!

• Put your thoughts on paper

Having dealt with anxiety for a big part of my life, I know all too well what it feels like to have too many things swirling in my mind. One trick that I’ve found to be helpful to release some of the mental stress that comes from having too many things in my head, is to write them down on a piece of paper. When I do it – and I’ve made it a habit to do this regularly – I can literally feel space freeing up inside my mind. The result? I’m calmer, less stressed, and I can focus better on what really matters.

If you like any of the tips, I invite you to put them into action. And in the comments below, let me know about it. But whatever you do, remember that you’re not a robot but a soul traveling through this world in a vessel made of flesh and bones. Take care of yourself!

What to do when someone hurts your feelings

Throughout my life I had my share of people hurting me, and I can say with absolute certainty that I’m not alone in that. We all get hurt. At certain times though it felt as if being hurt was the natural state of my life, never understanding what I was doing wrong to deserve it, feeling pretty sorry for myself, with no clue at all about what to do when someone hurt my feelings.

Then a few months ago, someone that was pretty close to me lashed out at me, out of nowhere, quite literally in the middle of the night. The incredible thing was that I didn’t feel all that hurt about it, and the hurt that I did feel went away quickly… In the past few years i’ve become much more self-aware. Of my feelings, what I’m made of, what I stand for, and what I believe in. I also started to love myself – finally, and through this process what hurts me, and how I react to other people’s not-so-fun behavior towards me has drastically changed.

This post is an attempt to share what I’ve learned along the way about what to do when someone hurts your feelings, and how a shift in perspective, and true love for yourself makes all the difference.

#1 Who’s hurt you

No two hurts are the same. Depending on the person who hurts you, you’re reaction will be different. Whether you’re full of self-love or not, some people just get to you faster, and deeper than others. My husband for instance doesn’t have to use that many words to hurt my feelings, while some distant relative or acquaintance will have a much harder time shaking my world.

At least that’s the case today.

As a recovering people-pleaser things were pretty different before. When all I wanted was for everyone to like me (never gonna happen lady!), anyone could hurt my feelings – easily. All it took was a few words. It’s only when I learned that I couldn’t possibly be liked by everyone that the hurt started to go down. But that’s not where the biggest transformation happened.

Things really started to shift when I understood it was OK for me not to like everyone either!

When I realized this a lot of the hurt went away on it’s own, and ever since before letting feelings of hurt get to me, I ask myself if I really care about the person who’s doing the hurting. If not, I drop the hurt feelings, and sometimes the person too.

#2 How have they hurt you

There are many ways someone can hurt you. That’s why this is such an important question to ask yourself when you think someone has.

Very often feelings of hurt are a result of our own wounds, and weaknesses. So again, not all hurts are equal. Did someone say something that triggered you? Or was she actually mean to you?

It’s important to be aware of this two main reasons. First, you don’t want to blame someone for something they didn’t do. Then, especially when there’s an internal trigger, you want to use the opportunity to grow. Nobody wants to keep nasty triggers for life, right? So getting clear on what sets you off by analyzing your feelings can help you to grow as a person. And, like knowing who’s hurt you, will help alleviate the hurt itself as well.

#3 You’re in control of your reaction

I believe that in life there are two kinds of events: the ones that you have control over, and the ones that you don’t. How people treat you is part of the latter, but how you react to it isn’t. You have control over that. In fact, when it comes to ourselves, and our feelings, there are many choices we can make because we’re almost always in control.

We can choose not to believe our thoughts, we can choose to feel good even when things don’t go our way, we can even choose to forgive someone who hurt us (more on that below). What we can definitely choose is how we react when someone’s hurt our feelings.

This may sound difficult, maybe even impossible to you. Believe me, it sounded like that to me for a long time as well. Until I realized nobody was actually making my choices for me, hence nobody – whatever they had done to me – could make me feel anything. Only I could do that. Of course having someone hurt your feelings always stings a little. But I’ve learned not to let it get to me or giving it a lot of thought, by asking myself one simple question, something that an anxious mind like mine welcomes with open arms, believe me. How do I want to feel?

#4 Is it worth working things out

Let’s say it’s not an inner trigger that is causing you to feel hurt, but a not-so-fun thing someone said or did to you. Let’s also say this is not a random person, but someone you know or that you can’t simply forget about.

The question to ask yourself now is whether it’s worth working things out with them or not. Is this person worth your time, and do you want to keep them in your life?

This may sound like a very selfish question, but I believe it isn’t. It’s a self-love question. We’re not meant to be for everyone. This implies that not everyone is meant for us either. Just like you have control over how you react to things, so you do about who you allow, or don’t allow into your life. Someone hurting your feelings, especially if it’s deeply or more than once, asks you to consider the relationship, and what it’s worth to you. Is this a reciprocal relationship? Are you happy with it? Would you rather not have this person in your life? Are you the sole giver, or are you also getting in return? These are important questions to determine whether or not it’s worth working things out. If it doesn’t feel right, you have the right to move on.

#5 Forgiveness is an inside job

Finally, when all is said and done, you can choose to forgive the person that hurt you. Not working things out, and moving on are not the same thing as forgiveness. The big thing to understand about forgiveness is that it’s an inside job.

Forgiveness is about you, not the other person. The reason is that all the feelings you walk around with are your own. In most cases, the people hurting us are unaware of our inner life. And when they aren’t what they know of it is usually the tip of the iceberg…

Yet we think we’re punishing them when we’re angry, sad, frustrated. We don’t tell them anything, but we walk around with all those feelings, expecting them to magically know about it, and suffer as we do. Or we’ve put an end to the relationship but still we carry those feelings with us, they linger on, weigh us down. That’s why forgiveness is important. Not for the salvation of someone else’s soul, but to free your own. And that’s why I try to practice it as much as I can, whatever anyone has done to me. Not to heal them, but to heal myself.

In the end what it comes down to for me is, when someone hurts my feelings I’m the one in control. This means I don’t have to “take” anything from that person, not her behavior (obviously) but also not the feelings of hurt she’s given me, not the frustrations or sadness, not even the relationship if I don’t feel it serves me anymore.

When someone hurts my feelings what I do is take control, do everything I can to heal myself, to learn, and move on.

How about you? What do you do when someone hurts your feelings? Do let me know below, I really want to know.

On the importance of a holistic approach to health

Traditional medicine – and to a larger extent traditional science, too – come from a very masculine place of measuring and testing, where the body – the medical subject – is regarded as something that can exist in perfect health, whatever the state of existence of the subject inhabiting it. What I mean by this is that traditional medicine looks at people and their health in a very narrow way, with regards for the physical aspects only, and without taking into consideration the mental, emotional, or spiritual state of a person.

From this approach, curing someone or maintaining a healthy body is purely a matter of applying scientific knowledge to the physical body. But, I hear you say, what about all the research that shows how body and mind are undeniably connected, how our emotions influence our physical state, how our mindset can have a positive or negative impact on curing disease, and so on?

Indeed, what about all that? What about Dr. Lissa Rankin’s “bold” statement that caring for your body is actually the least important part of your health?

I had the pleasure of attending a talk by Dr. Rankin last year in Portland, and I have to say that, ever since, my understanding of health and wellbeing has really expanded. I’ve come to understand that health is a global concept, with an infinite number of parts working together or against one another. Trying to stay healthy by looking after your physical body only is just addressing a part of the story, and will never allow you to be truly healthy.

According to Dr. Rankin (and many others in her field of holistic medicine and health), besides a well-functioning body, to be healthy, among other things, we need a positive and resilient mindset, more positive than negative emotions, and a sense of purpose and belonging to something which is greater than ourselves. Without this – and more – our physical bodies can suffer, and sustainable and profound health is much harder, if not impossible, to attain.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and of course I’m not making any medical claims with this post, but as a human being concerned about her health and that of others, I believe that there is more to health than just the body. That’s why, in this post, I want to address what are commonly known as five distinct, yet intertwined, aspects of holistic health: the mental, emotional, physical, environmental, and spiritual elements.

So, let’s take a slightly closer look at these five aspects, and see how they can influence our wellbeing.

1. Mental wellbeing

The way you think about things, the way you look at life and at yourself, at your achievements, and at your potential, is not only essential for your growth and happiness, but it also influences your health, in every aspect, all the way down to your physical body. And that is what your mental wellbeing is all about. To become more resilient, you can work on having a positive – and growth – mindset, as we’ve explored in The Boho Loft.

1. Emotional wellbeing

Your emotional wellbeing is everything that has to do with you feeling good about yourself and your life. Feeling good about themselves and their lives enables people to be part of society in a meaningful way, and to deal with all that they have to do in their everyday lives. Things that can influence your emotional wellbeing include: self-esteem and self-confidence, your relationships, your work/life balance, and even your financial security.

1. Physical wellbeing

Traditionally, talking about health would be more or less all talk about the body. In this case, however, following the bold statement from Dr. Rankin above, we’ve decided to take a holistic approach to health, and to see our physical wellbeing as one of the five main aspects of our health, and not the primary one.

When we talk about physical wellbeing, the first thing that comes to mind is, of course, taking good care of your body. This is what many of us know most about, simply because this is what we traditionally have been taught by our doctors and the medical profession, in general. More and more, however, the importance of nutrition – what we put into our bodies every day – is being recognized as an essential part of not only physical, but also mental and even emotional, wellbeing.

Then there is movement, and rest. The sleep revolution, started by Arianna Huffington, who made it her mission to get the world more sleep, even claims that if you want to succeed in your life and your career or business, guess what? You need more sleep! What a beautiful example of how health is being redefined.

1. Environmental wellbeing

An aspect of health that is very often undervalued is the environment that we live and work in. This environment should be peaceful, the air should be clean, and the surroundings should exist in accordance with Nature and should invite you to want to be a part of it, and to want to live there and work there.

There are two aspects to every environment we find ourselves in: an internal aspect and an external aspect. What I mean by this is that you have the spaces you live in and then you have the external environments which those spaces are built on. What you want is to have a healthy indoor environment, and a healthy outdoor one, too. If one of these two (or both) is not positive and healthy, this can be harmful to your health.

And ‘healthy’ here again must be looked at holistically, so it doesn’t mean just the air you breath, or what your walls are made of (although that’s important, too). But more important than these elements are things such as: whether your home or work environment is inviting, and safe, or whether it has enough light or is quiet enough, and etc.…

1. Spiritual wellbeing

I’ve mentioned this before, and I’ll surely mention it again. When you feel you’re part of something greater than yourself, you’re happier, and you feel good and grounded. Thanks to these feelings and that connection, you know you have a purpose in life, and each morning you wake up with a reason, and hopefully also with awareness of your own uniqueness as part of the bigger mystery.

Feeling spiritually connected like this is important to being healthy, and there are many ways to gain a greater spiritual awareness and connection to the divine mystery: meditation, mindfulness, stillness, creativity, and so much more. But what my spiritual mentors have really taught me in recent years” is that a spiritual practice requires discipline. You need to do the work in order to reap the benefits.

This is only an overview of the different aspects that matter for us to be healthy. In The Boho Loft, we go into much greater detail about each aspect, with an audio lecture, additional resources, reading material, and so on. As part of that, there are downloadable worksheets to help you learn more about yourself, and your health, too.

And here’s a link for you to a bonus download from the resources section of the membership site: natural remedies to lift you up – whatever mood you’re in!

Make sure to comment and let me know how you approach your health, and what you think is the most important part of being and staying healthy.

How to love yourself more by letting go and being vulnerable

I’ve been thinking about giving and receiving a lot lately. Now that the holidays are approaching, and gifts and giving are all that shopping malls and adverts care to talk about, I’ve been wondering about what it means to really give – but most of all, what it means to really receive.

Because I believe that receiving, although it’s not easy, and although most of us are really not that good at it, teaches us how to love ourselves by asking us to let go and be vulnerable.

I’ve always been a giver. I think it’s part of my nature to give, for sure. But I also think that it’s a result of my upbringing and life experiences. Growing up, I wasn’t exposed to a lot of receiving. Giving was the word of the day back then, where I was expected to give by not complaining, by accepting circumstances, by forgetting unhappy experiences, and more generally by not receiving anything from the heart or that really mattered, except for the necessary food, shelter and clothes. As a result, giving became second nature, while receiving was so rare and uncommon that I grew out of knowing how to do it.

By not knowing how to receive, I didn’t really know how to love and be loved either. I became so good at giving, and it became such a big part of me, that I started associating giving with caring, and eventually with love. And somewhere through that process, I started giving so much that I lost the ability to love myself, too.

Then, because receiving had become so uncommon in my life, I started to rebel against it. When someone would give me something, I would feel so uncomfortable that I would try my hardest to avoid any situation that would force me to accept anything. This continued for a very long time, until I realized that giving had become a way of being for me – the only way I knew how to be seen and feel valued. Because I found that recognition through giving, the act became much more than simple gift-giving. I loved not to owe anything to anyone, but to be the one that was giving instead. And that also meant that I loved to be the one to care for others, and yet had a very hard time allowing anyone to care for me. Including myself.

When I understood this, something big shifted inside of me. I realized that I had been using giving as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt by not being seen. And I knew that if I wanted to change this, I needed to allow myself to receive. So I started practicing, in the hope that it would help me to learn how to love others, really love them, and eventually how to love and care for myself, too.

At first, it was hard – even starting with little things, like a favor someone wanted to do for me, or something someone offered to help me with. Being in the habit of giving, I felt my “tab” always needed to either be at zero or in my favor. So, having it the other way around was one of the first things I practiced.

Then, when I felt ready, I decided to let go of even more by accepting bigger gifts. Accepting friends who wanted to do something just because they loved me, or someone willing to help me out even if that meant a lot of work, like painting the living room white or coming to get me in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

By allowing myself to receive gifts like that, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and this opened me up for love.

Because when it comes down to it, there simply can be no giving without receiving, as there can be no true love without vulnerability and letting go. And that goes for the love you have for yourself too. And more.

Your emotions are a strength, not a weakness. Here’s why.

If you’re a woman, and if you’ve ever shown what society claims to be too much emotion, you’ve probably been called unstable at one point or another in your life. I know I have.

For the biggest part of my life, I felt that my emotional life was one of my biggest weaknesses. The burden of this belief has weight heavily on me, for a long time, until I understood what a strength it actually is.

Early on, I realized that crying or expressing feelings wasn’t going to cut it at home, where emotions were something that didn’t belong. Later, I was led to believe the same thing when I started my professional career. The corporate world I was venturing into hardly had room for women, let alone for their emotions. I learned to do without, to hide my emotions most of the time. Only to show them sporadically, mostly to my romantic partners – who weren’t equipped at all to deal with them – which further reinforced my belief that emotions were a problem. That I had a problem.

That’s how I came to believe that hiding my emotions was a good thing, and that the palette of colourful feelings I was gifted with (hello highly sensitive empath!) had no place in the left-brain macho world I was living in. Although, I didn’t understand the world like that at the time. The only thing I could make of it back then was that it felt as if I didn’t belong.

From feeling like I didn’t belong, I took the next logical step and convinced myself that my emotions were a weakness. One that I should hide, and do everything I could to try, and correct. From there, it was easy to include my womanhood and femininity into the mix. I started to see those qualities as weaknesses too, and secretly wished I was born differently. For that would have made my life much easier.

We live in a world that has been dominated for centuries by left-brained thinking, science and technology. There is no room for emotions, intuition, or anything other than measurable quantities in that world. In such a world – that is, in the one we actually live in – we’re all being conditioned to be like that as well. To see emotions as a weakness, something that is not quantifiable. That must be hidden.

Now, after many years of trying to live up to this programming, I know emotions are not a weakness but a strength. I got curious, and questioned my beliefs. In the process, I realized that those beliefs didn’t work for me – and that I had the ability to choose something different for myself. My inner life, in all its beautiful, bright colours, emotions, feelings was waiting for me, ready to be born again.

By embracing my emotions, magical things happened…

First, I’ve been able to make deeper and more personal connections with people from around the world. Once I stopped being ashamed of my emotions, I stepped into my power full-force and learned a new way to connect with others, especially women. Instead of competing, I learned to collaborate. Instead of comparing, I learned to help and be happy for others. Instead of thinking I was all alone and needed to be strong all the time, I learned the power of community by allowing myself to receive friendship, love, compassion, and care.

Then, letting my emotions flow allowed me to start living a more meaningful life. When you’re separated from your emotions, there are no exceptions to which emotions get silenced. Even happiness and joy don’t come easily. By opening myself up to what I was feeling, I was able to experience these emotions more profoundly, which in turn makes my life so much more worth living.

On top of that, I’ve been able to infuse my businesses with new and better values. Although I’ve always been conscious of the good that I wanted to do through my work, I once approached building and running my businesses from a very left-brain perspective. There was no real heart in my work, and not enough love for the people doing the work with me. Things are different now. I consider my businesses to be extensions of myself and, as such, they’re now flowing with emotion. My businesses have hearts now.

Finally, allowing myself to express my emotions has made me know myself so much better. I love all the feelings that I have now, even the not-so-good ones. Because they’re the proof of how infinite life is and how much potential lies in every moment.

Having all of the above in my life doesn’t make me unstable. On the contrary – it grounds me. Gives me perspective and makes me care. For others, and for myself, too. But most of all, it allows me to love and feel… which, in the end, is the most important of all.

I invite you to embrace your emotions for the strengths that they are. The world needs them. It needs you. Desperately.

Don’t punish food with exercise

I’ve had a terrible relationship with my body and my self-image for almost 20 years. Since I was 15 years old, I’ve been on a diet. Starving myself, then letting myself go and gaining it all back, yo-yoing between having and lacking the willpower to do that to myself. It all began with a broken heart over a boy, a difficult relationship with my father, and a lack of (self-)love that I believed could be fixed only if I restricted myself.

As a result, I know the calorie count of almost everything that’s edible. I know a ton about fats, proteins, and carbs. I know about sugar and what it’ll do to you, and I know why processed foods are so addictive and so difficult to resist. But what I know most about, and what has been with me ever since I started my first diet, is guilt.

I don’t remember a time before dieting. It doesn’t matter how many times I try – I cannot remember a time where food was just that: food.

A time when eating didn’t make me think of the consequences and didn’t immediately make me question my worth by making me feel bad about my weight, the tightness of my jeans, or the circumference of my waste. Looking back, I realize how bad it was. But that was only the beginning. A few years into the all-consuming dieting practice, I discovered exercise. Not for the obvious benefits of living a fit and healthy life, but for the guilt relief it provided after eating.

From that point on, daily exercise became mandatory, especially after meals where I had let myself slip and had enjoyed something on the no-no list. And although exercising to stay in shape can certainly be a healthy choice, for me it wasn’t. I was not moving my body to keep it healthy, I was moving it to get rid of the food I had just eaten. It took me years to understand the difference. For the longest time, I was oblivious to what I was doing, and honestly believed that I was taking good care of myself, both with exercise and my diet!

Since then, by focusing on other benefits besides weight loss that exercise brings to my body, I’ve learned not to punish myself with exercise, but to enjoy it for the benefits it brings me. But then again, since then, I’ve also learned a totally new way to relate to food – one that isn’t filled with guilt and doesn’t require me to count every single calorie that I take in. It was a slow process, and it took me a long time to get where I am now. And it all started with me treating myself and talking to myself as I would treat and talk to someone I really loved – someone I would only wish the best for, and who I would want to care for, always.

Once I started to see myself and my body through a lens of love, things slowly shifted and moved into place.

I stopped counting calories and started listening to my body instead, focusing on feeling hungry. A feeling that I had suppressed so much in the past, that it took me close to a year to get in touch with it again. Now, when I’m hungry, I listen to my body and I eat!

I stopped punishing myself with exercise, and started enjoying it instead. Instead of doing one after the other, eating and then exercising, I separated both activities in order to allow them to exist and be good for me on their own. And every time I felt I had to exercise, I forced myself not to, and chose a self-care activity instead.

I stopped buying clothes that were too small, and had everything fitted instead. When I was on my perpetual diet, I was always aiming for smaller. As a result, I never bought anything that actually fit me. I never tried anything on either, so I usually never got around to wearing the new clothes I bought at all. The only thing those clothes ever did for me, was help me to be harder on myself. Now, I have a closet full of beautiful things that fit me and make me feel wonderful. There is simply no better feeling in the world.

I stopped comparing myself to others, and learned to love my body instead. For years, I let myself be brainwashed by the media, believing all the paint-brushed pictures telling me there was still a lot to improve upon with my body. When I started to love myself more, I realized I had a wonderful body of my own that had been with me for forty years, and that I hoped would be with me for at least another forty. I found a deep sense of love for the physical me, and have been cherishing and taking the best possible care of it ever since.

I still am not there 100% of the time, but most days, I’m doing fine. I eat when I’m hungry, I exercise a few times a week (but only when I feel like it), I wear what fits me, and I like my body. That’s what loving myself has done for me. And I think that’s pretty fantastic!