How to take care of yourself without neglecting your priorities

Back in 2010, when my journey toward dreaming bigger started, one of the first things I learned was how important it is to take care of ourselves. Whatever you want to achieve; making sure the body, mind, and soul achieving it are nourished in a meaningful way is essential to succeed.

As women we’re conditioned to put everyone else first. Many of us are taught to be good, quiet, not too demanding, and certainly not selfish.

We’re expected to do all things without complaining. To bring children into the world, to care for our families, to look gorgeous, to be exemplary daughters, sisters, mothers, wives, and mistresses. In recent times to be wildly successful at our careers and businesses too.

The result is an epidemic of over-extension and overwork. Of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and dieting. Of trying to live big lives while keeping ourselves small, exhausted, trying to do it all.

It doesn’t work.

You cannot dream big while trying to please everyone. You cannot see the possibility in everything when the only way you believe you can be is perfect (read white, thin, and young). In order to achieve your goals you need to nurture yourself, and put yourself first.

Because pursuing big dreams is a marathon, not a sprint. So you need to be in optimal physical and emotional condition to keep at it over time, and to get to the finish line.

How to take care of yourself?

• Self-care is not selfish

One of the first things we need to unlearn as women is the belief that taking care of ourselves is selfish. It’s not. Putting ourselves first is smart. It’s necessary. Even taking care of others works better when we take care of ourselves first. There’s no need to feel guilty, ashamed, or not good enough.

• Self-care can be anything

The media easily associated self-care with spa days, and massages. Or time off in the Sun on a tropical island. Sure, those are great ways to take care of yourself but not the only ones. They’re also costly, and time-consuming which makes it harder to fit them into your life.

If we look passed this limiting picture of self-care a whole world opens up. Self-care can be anything. It can fit into any amount of time on any day of the week. It doesn’t need to cost anything. It can be a phone call to a friend, going to bed early, a babysitter on a Wednesday afternoon, five minutes of stretching in the morning, clothes that fit you perfectly. Self-care is about filling your cup, doing what you need to be nourished, strong, happy.

• Self-care is a practice

Giving yourself some me-time when you’re about to give up or break down is always a good idea. It will help recharge your batteries, and pick you up so you can keep going. But to reap the long-term benefits of self-care, so it can help you achieve your biggest dreams, it needs to be a practice. Something you do regularly, if possible every day.

Over time, five minutes of self-care every day will be life-changing. It will bring you closer to yourself, help you identify your needs, figure out how you operate from the inside out. You’ll learn to recognize when it’s time to focus on yourself, and have plenty of options to choose from.

If you want more Dream Bigger Tips, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

How Carolien became the go-to event planner creative entrepreneurs

Carolien is a vibrant, inspiring, and creative woman. Her love and passion for connecting people through unique experiences led her to start her own event planning business. With more than 100 business events under her belt, Carolien clearly has become the go-to event planner for coaching and creative entrepreneurs around the world. Here’s how she achieved her dream.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

When I was 14 or 15, I dreamt that I would get up every day and never feel unhappy to go to my job. I wanted a job that inspired me and that would keep me interested and excited about what I did every single day. When I grew older, after I went to university and I had my first jobs, I realized that my dream was to create my own company so that I could be location independent. I didn’t want to be tied down to one location but instead I wanted to travel. That’s exactly what I did. I’m building my own event planning agency and I’m traveling around Europe, US and the world to host in-person events for my clients, and to help them create their own events from scratch.

Did you always had this dream?

As I mentioned before, it grew on me when I was 14 or 15. I even wrote on my bedroom wall: “I have to create myself”, as Sartre said (L’existence précède l’essence – Existence precedes essence). This quote is the red thread in my career choices. I chose for myself, and made it work.

I opted for Ancient History rather than Medicine at university. I remember feeling confident that I would find my way in the adult world after uni, even if I didn’t choose a topic that typically let to an outlined career path. I picked the subject I liked the most, and had great fun and academic success along the way.

Then the time came to find my first job. I headed to the The European Art Fair in Maastricht, one of the top art salons in the world of fine arts. I had a couple of printed resumes with me, and presented myself in all the booths with Archeological Objects. I got one interview on the spot with an art auction house from Brussels, and they hired me! There I learned about organizing auctions and events.

After 2 years at the gallery, I wanted to get into meeting and event planning, and I got a job at an event planning agency. I was in charge of the logistical planning, and for running for conferences and meetings for the European Commission and other high profile clients. I loved the project cycle of putting together a live event where people could connect and transform together. What was missing for me at the agency was the freedom to travel and to choose my own clients in the industries I loved, like the online education industry. I wanted to work with clients at shaping the event concept, and I also wanted to offer full marketing and communication services to sell tickets. That’s why I founded my own event planning business in late 2015.

What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?

I took a course about freelancing, to learn more about what it is to run a business, and how to do it. This was back in 2013. Then I started getting clients on the side as a freelance translator, along my day job at the auction house. I picked translation because it matched with my skill set and it’s a service you can operate completely location-free. I missed the human contact I had when organizing events, so I eventually moved into event planning instead.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

The biggest challenge was to find a clear focus. I was asking myself a lot of questions: “Should I build a business, or should I find another job, or maybe stay at my job? What kind of business should I build? Should I go full-time or not?”

I wanted to be flexible and location-independent. I first tried translation, but this didn’t fit so well with my own desire to meet people and see my clients reactions at the end of the project. Again, one of the reasons why I went with event planning. It’s daunting to leave the security of a full-time job for a new project. I had no guarantees, but I felt a big urge to go for it. To make the transition, I started out in a startup incubator first, where coaches helped me find my way with market research, my first sales calls and my first clients. I actually landed my former employer, the event agency, as a first client with their help.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I wish I would have worked on my mindset earlier. I let myself be held back because of fears I had. Doing mindset work really helped me reach next levels in my business.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

I’m on my way, every day. I’m building my company.

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Support, both hired and from my circle of friends, business buddies and family. I regularly chat on Skype with other entrepreneurs that I meet during networking events or online, to check in with each other, and to hold each other accountable.

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Don’t let fear hold you back. You can figure out a way to get there. When I first started I was terrified of being visible online, on social media, and of doing sales conversations. I was afraid people would judge me, and I didn’t want that. But I realized there would be no business if no-one knew about me or if I didn’t sell anything… So I worked on my mindset and developed ways to get over my fears.

Carolien hosting one of her signature event planning workshops

More about Carolien – carolienmertens.com

Carolien Mertens is the go-to event planner for coaches and creative entrepreneurs. She planned over 100 business events and welcomed more than 10.000 participants. She’s a regular a contributor for the Huffington Post and Thrive Global on live event topics.

Carolien gives her clients the opportunity to focus and thrive at their live event through her signature flexible planning strategy, that ensures smooth event flow & intense participant experience.

Use her 5-step guide to start planning your own live event.

Watch Carolien’s Event Experts interviews on her Facebook Page. The last edition is all about branding your event.

Carolien’s favorite quote:

I have to create myself
– Jean-Paul Sartre

Carolien’s big dream for the world:

More access to education and opportunities for everyone.

If you want more inspiring stories I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

How to get enough sleep during the night to achieve more during the day

When you’re working on your dreams, it’s easy to get stuck in action mode. This might come as a surprise, especially since procrastination is one of the main reasons clients seek out my help to achieve their goals, but too much doing can keep you from getting what you want.

Too much of anything is never a great formula. With the exception of love. I don’t think you can ever get enough of that. But when it comes to working toward your goals, being in action too much, wanting it too much, thinking about it too much can produce the adverse effect. The way this “too muchness” will show up is different for everyone.

What I’ve found – in my own life as well as that of many of my clients – is that it often translates into not enough sleep. We get so excited about our new idea that we slay at it for hours on end, or it keeps us up at night. We fall in the trap of thinking we have to be first, so we keep on going. Relentlessly. As we do, we stop listening to our body, we neglect it. The result? We become less productive, our creativity takes a hit, eventually we end up exhausted.

None of this is good for your dreams. It makes it harder to stay on track, to enjoy the process, and even to believe in them.

So make sure you get enough sleep. A rested body, and a replenished mind are your best tools to achieve your goals. It’s an illusion to think you’ll get there faster if you only push yourself hard enough. Achieving big dreams is a marathon, not a sprint. Small steps over time will yield more results than unsustainable burst of too much action.

How to get enough sleep?

• Listen to your body

Our bodies are incredibly complex systems with even more intricate operating systems. Not a computer in the world can do what our bodies can. Our bodies will tell us when something’s wrong. Because our minds have such powerful processing power too it’s easy to discard the signs. Mind of matter is a thing, and a good one for many reasons. But not when sleep is concerned. In order to function optimally, to be happy and feel good in our bodies, we need to sleep.

You might feel tired, experience some aches and pains, become more irritable, have trouble organizing your thoughts. These could all be signs that it’s time to stop and get some rest.

• Remember you’ve got plenty of time

Most of us overestimate what we can do in a day, and underestimate what we can do in a month. The same goes for longer period of times. It’s easy to overestimate where we’ll be in a year, and underestimate what we can actually accomplish in five. When you’re working toward big dreams it’s important to remember you’ve got plenty of time. It might feel like you have to do it now because you want it so badly, but you do have time.

I see it so often: it’s the small steps over time that produce the most results. Creating something new is a process that can’t be rushed. The journey is part of it. When we start it’s easy to think there’s no journey, just a destination. That’s when we rush into things, demand too much of ourselves, neglect to sleep. It’s unsustainable and simply doesn’t work.

When it’s 11pm at night and you find yourself yawning more than you’re thinking… remember you’ve got plenty of time. And go to sleep.

• Visualize your dreams as you fall asleep

One of the things I love to do when I fall asleep is to visualize my dreams. As I close my eyes, and rest my head on my pillow I imagine I already have everything I’m working toward. I do this for two reasons.

First, I believe in the power of visualization. Whatever we focus our energy on will eventually manifest itself. Not because elves and fairies will magically make it true but if it stays on our mind we’ll think about it more, come up with creative solutions for the challenges we encounter, and eventually believe it can happen.

Second, because there’s no better way to fall asleep. Focusing on your dreams in a positive way pushes away worries, and negative thoughts that can keep you up at night. When I do it I’m gone to lalaland in a few minutes, with a big smile on my face!

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

How Sarah became a textile designer

I had the pleasure of meeting Sarah at a screen printing workshop she was teaching. I was immediately struck by the clarity with which Sarah was able to explain the technical aspects of screen printing, but also – and more importantly – how at ease she was with her own creativity, and mine. In the most gentle way Sarah pushed me forward, helped me to dig deeper so I could find that spark within myself.

When I meet rare humans like Sarah, I need to know more. How did they figure things out, build their careers, go after their big dreams? So here’s how Sarah became a textile designer and created her own label of interior objects.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

It’s a difficult one to answer because finding out what your big dream is, is not a fixed thing for me. I see it more like a constantly evolving process. In fact, during some periods of my life trying to define my big dream was more a stress factor than a blessing.

It felt like I had to have one otherwise it was as if I didn’t mean a thing or I didn’t even exist. I couldn’t find one thing because I have many passions and don’t like to put myself in a particular box while there are so many things I’m interested in.

It was hard work to let go of trying to figure things out, but the moment I did everything unfolded in front of me. I realized that my dream was already in me and in everything that surrounded me. I just needed some distance to observe what was already going on and look at what I did best, believe in my skills and do what I love the most, regardless what other people think of it.

The thing that I love to do and do best is to create and to help others through my creativity and art. I love to awaken the power to create that I believe is in everyone of us. Creativity helps you to be real, free and simply you. It doesn’t need to be perfect either. Whatever is being created is good enough in it’s own unperfected, raw way of existence. As long as it’s made in an honest dialogue with yourself it’s actually perfect.

Did you always had this dream?

I think it’s always been there, I just tried a lot of different roads to get to this point.

What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?

Go out there and try things out. Don’t be afraid to enter the work field, meet people, confront yourself, experiment as much as you can. It will help you figure out what you need, and what you don’t.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

Sometimes you make decisions or you start projects that don’t turn out the way you want.  Some of those decisions have huge consequences.

The biggest challenge is not to see it as a personal failure, but instead to see those moments as valuable lessons. When you fail, take your time to heal yourself, be kind to yourself and take a fresh look at the situation. Asking yourself what the problem was, and how you can react differently next time will make you stronger and more prepared for the unprepared that will eventually follow when you start something new after your “failed” project.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

Sometimes I wish I would have regained my self-confidence a bit sooner. Being mad at myself, or disappointed, and harsh for yourself takes a lot of energy and keeps you stuck in a negative spiral.

When that happens there’s no room for something new to emerge. On the other hand, sometimes things take the time they need to ground. In the end, it is what it is. So overall I don’t have much regrets.

Would you say you’ve achieved your dream yet?

I’m living it. I’m grateful for what I have, what I can do, what I’ve been given and I’m blessed with the perfect daughter, a funky family and golden friends!

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Never giving up, and keep on building and working in a loving positive way. Loving myself, and surrounding myself with things and people that are good for me!

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their dreams?

Be honest with yourself. Also accept the hard things that come your way. Life is good as it is, duality is part of it and keeps the balance we need.

Sarah teaching during the first session of the screen printing workshop I attended.

More about Sarah – sarahpatoor.com

Sarah grew grew up in an artistic family. Her parents taught her the importance of developing her personal talent. Through this encouragement, and subsequent studies at art school, she formed skills and a way of looking and searching. That foundation of questioning, and responding to things led to an interesting process that keeps evolving.

For the last fourteen years Sarah has lived and worked in Antwerp as a freelance textile designer. This includes creating patterns for different purposes, coloration of collections, styling of interiors, designing exhibition stands, creating trend boards, and so on. She’s also developing an own label of interior objects. The label stands for high quality, locally manufactured objects, with a clear artistic vision behind them. They’re made in limited productions, each production has its own story.

You can find our more about Sarah, and her work at sarahpatoor.com, or follow her on Instagram @patoorsarah

Sarah’s favorite quote:

It’s everyone’s right to be a white raven, envolez-vous et suivez votre rêve.

Sarah’s big dream for the world:

Love, light and connection.

If you want more inspiring stories I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

How to overcome your fear of failure

One of the cornerstones of the work that I do with my clients is to first deconstruct the belief system they’ve build around themselves and their dreams. Very often this is one of the main blocks stopping them from going after what they want.

Within that belief system the fear of failure takes a central role. The culture we live in is a culture of winners, where failure is seen as something bad that needs to be avoided. As women this translates into us easily being seen as helpless when we fail, with society ready to come to our rescue by letting us know it’s OK not to pursue our dreams. When we try and fail we’re not motivated to try again, but rather dusted off and put back into the good girl box, confronted with the cultural bias that it isn’t for us in the first place, that we’re not supposed to be winners anyway.

Because of this many women fear failure. It’s hard enough to step out of comfort zones, and go against what society wants us to believe about ourselves. When we fail – or think about failing – our biggest fear comes up: that we’re simply not good enough.  The truth is there’s no growth, no change, no progress without some failure too.

Failure is an essential learning experience to get to where you want to go. If you already knew exactly how to get there you wouldn’t fail – true – but you’d already be there!

How to overcome your fear of failure?

Here are 3 tips that have helped me and many of my clients to overcome their fear of failure. I hope they’ll be helpful for you too.

• Change your belief system about failure

Failing is not something bad that needs to be avoided at all costs. In fact, it’s one of the fastest ways to learn. In order to overcome your fear of failure it’s important to change your belief system about what it really is.

Failure doesn’t define you. It has nothing to do with who you are. Failure doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough, or smart enough. It only teaches you something. Probably a valuable lesson. By changing your belief system about failure you’re giving yourself space to experiment, play, and learn. Essential practices to dream bigger, and achieve your goals.

• Remember that everyone fails

There’s no such thing as overnight success. Everyone who ever achieved anything failed miserably – probably a gazillion times – before succeeding. History is full of stories of big dreamers who went on yearlong journeys of failure before becoming the successes they’re known to be today. Just think of Oprah, J.K. Rowling, Lady Gaga.

That’s why I love reading biographies. By learning about the struggles that others came across their journeys to success, I’m empowered to dream bigger and believe I can do it to. Here’s a couple that I particularly like:

Oprah Winfrey: A Biography
Michelle Obama: A Life
Gloria Steinem: My Life on the Road
I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and was Shot by the Taliban
Angela Davis: An Autobiography

• What’s the worst that could happen?

When everything else fails (pun intended) I love to ask myself this question. This powerful question is a miracle worker. Both for myself, and my clients. When the fear of failure becomes so strong that it causes procrastination or indecision it’s my go-to mantra. By asking myself what’s the worst that could happen I almost always realize the worst possible outcome is far better than not taking a chance at all.

I invite you to try it out for yourself. Think about what it is you want to do. Now think about what would happen – and I mean really happen – if you failed. Chances are your ego might be bruised a bit, and you might have to go back to the drawing tables and rework your plan. But… will the world end? Will everything in your life fall apart? Will you grow a second pair of legs? Probably not.

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

How Kristien became a horse trainer and traveling trail guide

Kristien is a multi-passionate woman with a bachelor degree in Psychology and a master in Theatre and Film. She first started out working in marketing and PR and later decided to specialize in fashion. Although Kristien seemed to follow her interests and come across engaging opportunities; she soon realized being stuck in an office all day staring at a computer screen wasn’t for her.

To find a job to match her talents turned out to be a challenge. Something always felt a bit off. That’s when I met Kristien. I’d coached Kristien’s sister, and after a successful coaching series with her she asked me if I could coach her sister.

Strengthened by the support of coaching Kristien realized her childhood dream of working with horses and being in touch with Nature was still very much alive. By the end of her 3 months of coaching she secured her first job as a horse trail guide, and was off to live out her life’s adventure.

Today, Kristien has two magnificent experiences under her belt, respectively in Hungary and South Africa, both working as a Trail Guide with horses. Soon she’s headed for Portugal where she’ll be working with Lusitanos, a proud Portuguese breed of horses.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

Life works in strange ways; you grow up and all kinds of things become important that weren’t before: what others think, what’s cool (especially when puberty kicks in), (first) love … Those things can easily side-track you from what you really want and soon I found myself lost and trying all kinds of studies and career choices that didn’t seem to fulfill me. I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted anymore. I pursued different things and lost my calling.

Finally I met you; in my opinion at the perfect time. I knew something had to give and I was open to receive the help that I knew I somehow (despite all of my enthusiasm) needed. What I truly craved for was someone who told me it was OK to change direction, to dig deep and disregard what all others desired of me and most of all to have someone by my side who believed in me.

It was only then that I could realize what my big dream was: working with horses and living an adventurous life.

Did you always had this dream?

Since I was young I just loved Nature, animals in particular. It was my escape from the human world, going into the woods and discovering the magical realm that lies beyond. I always felt that connection to Nature but that didn’t mean I listened to my gut feeling.

What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?

A life changer was the reading and workbook material you recommended to me.

When I started my sessions with you I wanted to start my own styling business – believe it or not. What the material did for me was to re-evaluate what I really wanted to do with my life. I was taken back to my childhood, I had to dig deep and think about my own style and what truly makes me happy in life.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

What’s still a major hurdle, is the opinion of others. Let’s face it, 90% of the people who surround us lead traditional lives. When someone suddenly breaks out of the regular way of doing things people take notice and will have an opinion about it.

Reactions I faced for example were: ‘Oh poor girl, she’s still finding her way, she’ll realize how life works eventually’. Also within my family it was hard to be taken seriously. That being said, I couldn’t have undertaken this journey without their love and support. In general though, it seems that whenever you take a different path, you’ll have to find a way to prove yourself even more.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

The only regret I have is not doing this earlier!

Sometimes I wonder: what would my life have been like if I followed my true passion earlier? How much further would I have been reaching my goals? Of course I realise a lot of things happen for a reason and my guess is I probably wasn’t ready yet and still had some lessons to learn.

My life has always been interesting so I can’t complain too much but I do feel everything makes more sense now I know what I’m working towards. So my advice is don’t let your life drag on, let it take the right direction in which everything naturally flows!

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

Absolutely … NOT! And thank goodness for that, it’s so much fun to keep on learning and growing. It will take time but time I have. As they say, it’s all about the process.

What do you think helped you achieve it?

An open mind, can do attitude, and the energy and willingness to change my life. Career coaching sessions with you, and the support of (a) special someone(s).

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Don’t be afraid when your goal starts to change over time. At first I wanted my experience to be all about Natural Horsemanship. But when I was at a horse festival in Portugal I suddenly thought: wow, this is where I want to be, these are the majestic horses I want to work with, this is the culture I want to experience … and when suddenly the opportunity arose, I simply took it. Although it wasn’t what I initially saw for myself.

Be ready to be flexible with your dreams. Before you know it your initial dream will come knocking at the door again and it all will seem to intertwine naturally.

Kristien working as a trail guide in Hungary

More about Kristien

Kristien is a multi-passionate horse trainer and traveling trail guide with a Natural Horsemanship perspective. Her next stop is Portugal, but who knows where her big dreams will lead her next?

You can follow Kristien’s travels, and adventures on Instagram @fiery_manes

Kristien’s favorite quote:

People only get really interesting when they start to rattle the bars of their cages.

– Alain de Botton

Kristien’s big dream for the world:

For horses to be treated as the magnificent creatures they are, with the respect they deserve. For animals in general to not be used for our never ending need of consumption anymore – I’m aiming to become a vegetarian. For people to believe in themselves and others instead of a higher power.

And of course … world peace ;)!

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

5 networking tips for creative entrepreneurs

Networking is a skill that doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Many multi-passionate creatives, freelancers and entrepreneurs have a complicated relationship with networking. It’s true for me, but I know it’s true for many other people as well. Networking can feel really uncomfortable, especially if you’re not a “one size fits all” person and juggle many interests and passions. How do you even respond to the "So, what do you do?" question?

To various degrees introverts, ambiverts, but even extroverts can struggle with it. Unfortunately, we can’t stick our head in the sand and forget all about it, because in this day and age, networking is a necessity. Whatever you’re trying to achieve knowing people that can support you, offer new perspectives, and help you forward is powerful.

If you think of networking as a way of meeting people you could help and also learn from, rather than a way to push your services or products, you might start seeing networking in a more positive light.

I believe that the biggest issue most people have with networking is the preconceived ideas about what it is, and how it needs to be done. Networking used to be reserved for members of the Old Boys’ Club. For a long time anyone who didn’t fit the bill (or didn’t have the wallet) wasn’t invited. Then, as more outliers became part of the work force, they slowly found their way to networking. But to many it never really felt like home.

The rules of traditional networking are created by a select few, and so work best for them. If you’re not from that context you’ll communicate, and make connections differently. So we need a different kind of networking.

Michael Goldberg is a TEDx speaker, an award-winning adjunct professor at Rutgers University, and the owner of Knock Out Networking. He thinks networking can be serendipitous or strategic, and that they both can help you achieve your goals and dreams.

Serendipitous networking

Serendipitous networking is based on making the most out of every human interaction in your life. It means to introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you on a plane, to someone you’re stuck with in an elevator, to friends of your friends, to other parents at a parent-teacher conference, etc. You never know who the other person is, and it could very well be someone who could become a client or a business partner, or even a romantic interest.

Strategic networking

On the other hand, strategic networking involves having a plan. You need to know where to go (online or offline), what to say, and with whom exactly you want to connect. You need to know who you want to build a relation with – is it start-up CEOs, brand managers in a particular industry, people working in a specific niche you’re interested in?

As Michael Goldberg calls it, it’s all about the “we” dynamic. You want to introduce yourself, and build relations with those people you click with, so you can start using “we” in your conversations. “How can we help one another?”

People have very different reasons for building their social networks. Some do it for generating new business (and this can take many shapes and sizes – from boosting sales to raising funds for charity), others for landing a job, or meeting new friends, or figuring out how to get rid of an issue they’re having, or simply to learn something – about an industry, a job, a new skill. No matter you reason for doing it, is as valid as any other.

Many creatives think of networking as icky

Cassell (A. Ferere), editor in chief of Reverie Page and Fashion Contributor for Forbes, says the struggle is real: networking was a struggle when we did it in-person. Now it’s become an even bigger “digital” struggle. He offers a few helpful tips:

1. Set networking goals. If you know “why” you’re doing it, it’s going to be easier to connect.

2. Prepare to use someone’s time wisely. If you’re going to “borrow” someone’s time, as Cassell puts it, consider using it wisely.

3. Take the creative approach. What else can you do than participate in the dreaded online networking event? There are plenty of ways to connect with people and you, creative superstar, are capable to come up with uniques on how to do so.

Herminia Ibarra is one of the most influential management thinkers in the world and she offers, although focused on the networking struggles of women, 3 key reasons why strategic networking can be difficult for those who don’t feel at home in traditional networking situations:

1. They don’t find people similar to them during events. Even today when we’re thinking of high-ranking business leaders, we’re still mostly thinking of older (white) men. For anyone else looking to make strategic connections these events challenging and time-consuming.

2. Women’s social networks tend to overlap less than men’s. When women and men list the people they turn to for important work matters and then those they spend time with outside of the office, the lists look very different. For men, the two lists tend to overlap. Managing two separate lists implies more effort on women’s part. It also means that men will talk about business in various informal settings, building more trust and being better informed than women.

3. It can feel like using people. Herminia Ibarra points out that “the more we differ from key stakeholders, the more likely that we’ll see a more intentional approach as disingenuous and calculating — all about selfish gain, “using people” and engaging in unmeritocratic ways of advancing one’s career.”

5 Networking tips you can apply today

So, how do we, (multi-passionate) creatives, freelancers and creative entrepreneurs network efficiently, and without feeling weird about it? Here are 5 tips that help me to network with more ease and flow, and that might be useful to you as well:

#1 Have a 1-minute introduction ready

Before going to a networking event, take the time to write down your introduction, to say it out loud and to tweak it to fit into one minute while telling people all they should know about you. Michael Goldberg advises people to use his PEEC Statement for drafting the introduction:

Profession – who you are, what you do, with whom?
Expertise – what if your depth of knowledge? what are you an expert in?
Environment – what is the target market you’re interested in?
Call to Action – what is it that you’d want to achieve?

Here’s an example:

Hello! I’m X and I work as a film producer for small budget web series. You might have heard of Y and Z, they were just released on Facebook Watch. I’ve been involved in creating video content for the web for almost a decade, and now I’m more and more interested in creating content for Facebook’s audience. I’d love to find a brand who might finance a new web series we’re producing next summer.

If, like me, you don’t fit into a 1-minute introduction, these tips on how to introduce yourself as a creative generalist can help.

#2 Figure out what you have to offer

What sort of problems did you face and how did you solve them? What did you learn in your profession or business? What do you know that others might find interesting? Knowing what sort of ‘keywords’ the other people are waiting to pop up into conversations can help you build connections and mutually beneficial relationships easier.

For example, you don’t think of yourself as rich and powerful, but that doesn’t mean the group won’t find you valuable. There are many forms of capital, and money is just one of them. Maybe you know the best accountant in your city, how to source local organic products, or maybe someone in your family is dealing with a challenging condition, and now you know everything about it.

#3 Be present and interested in the person in front of you

Make it a habit to be the person asking most questions when you talk to someone. Don’t look around the room for the next person to approach while you still speak to the first. Interested people have the most interesting lives. It can even serve you to be a matchmaker. Matching people you talk to with people you know could help them is a powerful way to do something for others, while also strengthening your bond with them.

#4 Don’t enter People-Pleaser mode

Meeting people face to face might make you feel you’re under more pressure to say yes to things you’re not interested in. Remember you have the right to politely say “no, thanks” to anything. You don’t have to get coffee with everyone who invites you, and you don’t have to partner up with anyone you don’t match with well. Here are some ideas on how to say “no” graciously.

#5 Follow-up like a pro

If you meet someone you want to build a connection with, and they give you their contact info, follow-up in the next 48 hours. Don’t let them forget about you. Email them, call them – start cultivating the relationship thinking of the long-term gains. The same applies if you agree to do something for someone you met at a networking event – the sooner you do it, the better.

Now it’s your turn. What’s your best networking tip? Let me know.

Are you wondering about what to do next?

Do you have too many interests and don't know how to make them work together? If so, you're not alone. There are so many creative generalists out there with the same issue.

Luckily, it doesn't need to be this way! There are tools for making sense of all these different interests and skills, like my private coaching services, which help you find your "one amazing thing" (or two or three) because you know what: you don't have to choose!

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