Career & Business Coaching Blog.
Inspiration and tips for multi-passionate creatives & entrepreneurs.
3 Tips to Live at Your Full Potential, Instead of Your Full Capacity
"I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm burnt out. Am I doing enough?" It's a question many of us ask ourselves. I hear it from my clients, too. But is it the right question to be asked to assess success in life?
Living at capacity is not living at your full potential; capacity means working as hard and as long as possible even if it doesn't make sense for your own needs, schedule, or goals. Full capacity means that you're using up all of your resources, not that you’re doing the right things…
Success is not about working as hard as possible all the time. It's not about being busy, and it's not about filling up your calendar so you can check off "done" for the day/week/month. Yet, this is how many people go through their lives—always trying to get to the end of a to-do list that keeps getting longer.
Success comes when we're living our full potential, which means doing things that make us happy and using our gifts and talents. For creative generalists (multi-passionate creatives) especially, because of the many interests and ideas we have, this can be challenging. Because we're fast learners and good at many things, it's easy for us to fall into the trap of busyness instead of doing work that matters to us.
Besides the daily grind, many reasons can get you stuck working at full capacity. Here are the four most common ones:
You're a perfectionist
Perfectionism is the number one reason people get stuck working at full capacity. They want everything to be perfect before they can move on, which means they spend more time than necessary on tasks and end up never finishing anything. If you're a perfectionist, it's essential to learn to let go and move on.
You're a people pleaser
People pleasers tend to overcommit themselves because they don't want to let others down. They say "yes" to everything, even sacrificing their own time and energy. As a result, they end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. If you're a people pleaser, it's essential to learn to set boundaries and say "no" when necessary.
You're a control freak
Control freaks want to be in charge of everything, which means they have difficulty delegating tasks or asking for help. As a result, they do more than they need to and burn themselves out. If you're a control freak, it's essential to learn to stop micromanaging and allow others to help you.
You're a procrastinator
If you're a procrastinator, it's essential to learn to manage your time better and start tasks sooner. Procrastinators tend to put off tasks until the last minute, creating unnecessary stress and pressure. They often work better under pressure, but this isn't sustainable in the long run. If you’re a procrastinator, lower the bar to the point that even you can’t make excuses anymore.
So, how can you shift from living at full capacity to living at your full potential?
Here are three tips:
Get clear on your values and what makes you happy.
Knowing what's important to you makes it easier to make decisions that align with those values. And when you're doing things that make you happy, you're more likely to be in a flow state, which is when we're most productive.
Simplify your life and schedule.
Remove any activity that isn't helping you to be happy or successful (yes, that probably means a big chunk of what you're currently doing on the daily). When you have more free time, use it to do things that bring you joy or work on your passion projects.
Set boundaries and say "no" more often.
This is probably the most important one. When you have clear boundaries, you can say no to the things that don't align with your values and goals. This allows you to focus your time and energy on the truly important things to you.
Living at full potential doesn't mean you have to do more; it just means you have to do things that align with your values and make you happy. This might mean that if you're a creative generalist or an entrepreneur, you will need to figure out what a unique career path might look like. Because when you're clear on what those things are, it's much easier to focus your time and energy on them.
If you feel exhausted and burnt out, ask yourself if you're living at full capacity or full potential. If it's full capacity, make some changes so you can start living at your full potential.
Feeling lost and uncertain about your career?
You're not alone. A lot of people feel this way at some point in their lives. That's why I offer coaching to help you find your way.
I can help you get unstuck and move forward in your career. Together, we can figure out what's holding you back and create a plan to overcome it. Coaching is an investment in yourself – and it will pay off big time.
How to Get Better at Being Wrong: How to Accept Not Being Perfect and Handle Mistakes
Making mistakes is a natural part of life. But for some people, making mistakes can be challenging, especially if you're a perfectionist or a people-pleaser. If you find yourself struggling with this, don't worry - you're not alone. I know a thing or two about not being great at being wrong. This article will explore how to get better at it and handle mistakes more healthily.
No one is perfect. To some, this isn't a problem. To others, it can be agonizing to have to deliver something that isn't exactly right or the way they pictured it in their head. I know because I used to be like that. And to be honest, I still am sometimes. But I've learned that it's okay to be wrong. It's essential if you want to grow and improve.
Making mistakes is how we learn. If we never made any mistakes, we would never learn anything new. We would stay stuck, sitting on the warm cushion of our comfort zones, doing the same things repeatedly. So next time you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up about it, try to see it as an opportunity to expand and discover something new about yourself.
Let's explore and figure out how to get better at being wrong...
If you're a perfectionist, the key is to learn to accept not being perfect and to focus on the process, not the outcome. It's important to remember that you cannot move forward in your life without being wrong sometimes. Instead of beating yourself up about it, try to see it as an opportunity to grow. Something that helped me, and many of my clients, is to realize that your worth is not tied to your level of "perfectness." Making a mistake doesn't diminish your value or the amount of recognition you deserve for your work or the person that you are. These are entirely separate things. So be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you're just human.
If you're a people-pleaser, it's equally important to remember that making mistakes does not reflect your worth as a person. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you're bad or unworthy of love and respect. It's okay to make mistakes - we all do it. What matters is how you handle them. So instead of stressing over it, try to see it as a part of being alive, of being human. And next time, try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect.
As a people-pleaser, setting healthy boundaries can help to avoid mistakes. Don't put yourself in situations where you're likely to make mistakes to please others. It's okay to say no if something isn't right for you. And when you do make a mistake, don't be afraid to own up to it and apologize if necessary.
To summarise, here are seven tips to get better at being wrong:
Learn to accept not being perfect: Remember that mistakes are part of learning and growth. Instead of beating yourself up about them, try to see them as an opportunity to learn and improve.
Focus on the process, not the outcome: If you're a perfectionist, it's important to remember that your worth is not tied to your level of "perfectness." Making a mistake doesn't diminish your value or the amount of recognition you deserve for your work or the person that you are.
Be gentle with yourself: We all make mistakes - it's part of life. So be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you're just human.
Set healthy boundaries: As a people-pleaser, it's important to set healthy boundaries. Don't put yourself in situations where you're likely to make mistakes to please others.
Own up to your mistakes: When you make a mistake, don't be afraid to own up to it and apologize.
Remember that we all make mistakes: So next time you make one, try to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow instead of beating yourself up about it. And if you're struggling with this, don't worry - you're not alone. Remember that your worth is not tied to your mistakes and that making a mistake doesn't make you a bad person.
Embrace your mistakes: One final tip is to try and embrace your mistakes. Instead of seeing them as a negative thing, try to see them as a part of who you are. Embracing your mistakes can help you to accept yourself, good and bad. It can also be a source of strength - knowing that you're not perfect but still choosing to try and do your best.
Doing these things will help you get better at being wrong and hopefully make mistakes less daunting. So next time you make a mistake, don't hide it - embrace it!
Do you have trouble accepting making mistakes?
I know how it feels to be paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake. I offer private business and career coaching to help you move past that fear and start living your best life.
Imagine what it would feel like to not care about making mistakes. To know that you can try new things, take risks, and be yourself without worrying about what others will think. With my help, you can finally let go of the perfectionism and people-pleasing that's been holding you back for years to build a career or business that you love!
Are You Too Creative For the Corporate World or Too Corporate For The Creative World?
This is a question that many creative generalists (multi-passionate creatives) ask themselves, and it can be challenging to determine which side you are on. This article will look briefly at the struggles of left-brain people in the corporate world and right-brain people in the creative world. We then move on to the question: What happens if you fall somewhere in the middle? In what category do you fit? Let's find out!
Neither here nor there
Left-brained people in the corporate world often feel stifled by the rigid rules and lack of creativity at these workplaces. They may feel like they're not able to express their true selves or be creative in the ways that they want to be.
On the other hand, right-brained people in the creative world often struggle with the constant need to be creative and come up with new ideas. They may feel like they cannot relax or take a break from their work because they have this persistent need to think about new projects or ideas constantly.
So, what happens if you fall somewhere in the middle? In what category do you fit?
If you identify as a creative generalist (or multi-passionate creative), you may find that you have a unique perspective that can be beneficial in both the corporate and creative world. You're likely to have the ability to see things from different angles and come up with innovative solutions to problems. You may also find that you're able to balance out the left-brain and right-brain aspects of your personality, helping you manage your work and personal life.
When our idea of creativity keeps us trapped
It often seems easier to make it as a creative generalist in a creative job rather than trying to pursue a corporate career. But what do you do if you think you're not quite creative enough for the creative world?
A world you'd love to belong to, but one that you're not cut out for because you don't feel like a "real" creative, as so many of us creative generalists do.
What if you think you only look creative from the outside, but you feel like a fake deep down?
What if you think you're not creative at all - but still, you seem to be the only one who brings different and daring ideas to the corporate table?
Many multi-passionate creatives like being creative, but most believe they're not really creative, or at least not enough. The problem is that when we think about creativity, most of us don't see past paintbrushes and modeling clay. Many creative generalists also believe that being creative not only equals being "artistic" but also that you must excel at your art.
But this false belief of what a real creative must be like limits us, like all other false beliefs do: by speaking to us through our inner voice, by making its way into our conversations with others, and ultimately, by influencing our actions.
It makes us believe there's only one way to be creative, one way to express our creativity, and we're often not even aware of it because we think of it as a fact. Not a belief.
Ultimately, it keeps us trapped.
We come up with excuses for not trying, not playing, not exploring, for not creating. We drag our feet, don't complete projects, or fail to try something new. It weakens our beliefs about who we are and what we're capable of. It holds us back from pursuing hobbies, passions, and crafts from getting outside our box.
When we don't even start trying, we lose the opportunity to exercise creativity, stuck in a self-perpetuating process.
The good news: You can bust this false belief.
Think about who makes up the "creative enough" rules. Who gets to be that decision-maker, whether you're creative enough or not? Who is qualified to award you that title? Assign you that label?
That's right, the answer is you - and only you.
That means you have the power to skirt that rule of "enough," and you get to break that rule entirely. Drop "enough." You can start thinking of ways and alternatives. (That is being creative!) Be the exception to the rule. Or find the exception to the rule. Because there are plenty of others out there, who are being creative their way. And that IS enough.
A label can help us make sense of our world. But it can also limit us if we let it.
Neither here nor there: Not a bad place to be
Once you get out of your own way to claim the "I'm creative" title, you might still wonder whether the corporate or creative world is best suited for you. Here are a few questions that might help you to decide what career path to follow (or create your own, why don't you?):
When you're in creative flow, do you feel more alive, or do you prefer to have structure and systems filling up your days?
Do you feel like you need to constantly create something new, or are you happy working on both creative and non-creative projects?
Do you feel energized by interacting with people, or do you prefer to spend more time alone?
Do you feel like you need to be in a specific place or environment to create (e.g., do you only write when you're at home, or can you write anywhere)?
Do you prefer to work on one project at a time or juggle multiple projects simultaneously?
Accepting that you are creative enough and answering the questions above honestly will help clarify whether the corporate or the creative world is a better fit for you! And if you find that you don't neatly fit into either category, like so many other multi-passionate creatives, that's fine, too! You always have the option to create your own path and build a career that's tailored specifically to your strengths and interests!
If you're unsure of which path to take, the best advice would be to experiment, to try different things.
What feels right for you? What do you naturally feel drawn to?
You don't need to force yourself into a specific box or category - go with the flow and be open about where it takes you. You may find that you enjoy elements of both the corporate and creative world, and that's perfectly okay!
Just follow your heart and intuition; they usually know the way.
This article was a collaboration between myself and Winnie Tang. Click here to learn more about Winnie and to discover her work.
Feeling lost in your career?
You're not alone. A lot of people feel like they don't fit into the corporate or creative world. That's where private coaching comes in - to help you find your place and thrive.
You'll get clarity on what you want in a career, learn how to mary your many interests and talents effectively, and find out what skills you need to succeed. Most importantly, you'll have someone who believes in you every step of the way. Coaching can help take your career from stuck to soaring.
10 Alternatives to Feeling Guilt and Shame on Zero-Progress Days
It's a zero-progress day. There's a ton on your plate, your to-do list is screaming at you, but you have no inspiration and even less motivation to do anything. You're procrastinating, you didn't get anything done, and now you feel guilty and ashamed for it.
We all have unproductive days from time to time, but feeling guilt or shame about them only makes the problem worse. In this article, we'll discuss why doing nothing can be productive and ten alternatives to feeling bad about your lack of progress so that you can make the most out of your downtime!
When we get nothing done, we can feel guilty and shameful for doing nothing.
We all know that unproductive days are inevitable - you can't be at your best all the time, but the worst thing you can do on those days is beat yourself up. Especially as creatives and entrepreneurs, who always have so much going on in our businesses or lives, we can feel the pressure when it looks like we’re “losing” time.
As long as it's not a daily habit that keeps you stuck, doing nothing regularly is an essential part of being productive in a balanced way. You can't be 'on' all the time, and if you try to be, you're only setting yourself up for burnout.
So what should you do on those zero-progress days? Here are ten alternatives to feeling bad about your lack of progress:
Give yourself a break: One of the best things you can do on an unproductive day is give yourself a break. Relax, watch some TV, read a book, or take a nap - anything to get your mind off work.
Make a list of what you did: Rather than feeling guilty and ashamed about not getting anything done, make a list of everything you did manage to do. The list can include taking a walk, reading an article, or even checking your email.
Set some simple goals for tomorrow: If you're struggling to get started on anything, it might help set some simple goals for tomorrow. Plans don't need to be lofty or complicated; they can be as simple as "take a shower" or "make breakfast."
Do some easy tasks: Unproductive days can be frustrating because we feel like we're not accomplishing anything. To combat this, try to do some easy tasks to check off your list quickly. Doing this will help you feel more productive and motivated.
Unplug from technology: Although it may seem counterintuitive, one of the best things you can do on an unproductive day is disconnect from all forms of technology. This includes your phone, computer, television, and any other devices you use daily.
Get organised: One of the best ways to combat unproductive days is to get organised. Spend an hour or two organising your workspace, your to-do list, or your schedule. Doing this will help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed, and it's something many of us do when we procrastinate anyway :)
Learn something new: Take some time to learn something new. Read an article, listen to a podcast, or watch a tutorial. Learning something new can help jump-start your brain and give you some new ideas.
Connect with someone: When we're feeling unproductive, we can feel isolated and alone. Take some time to reach out to a friend, family member, or colleague. Check in on them, have a conversation, or exchange some funny memes.
Exercise: Exercise is a great way to jump-start your day and get your energy up. If you're not in the mood to work out, try going for a walk or doing some yoga.
Take a break from work: Finally, if all else fails, take a break from work. Sometimes it's just not possible to get anything done, and that's okay. Tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.
Unproductive days are inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the whole day feeling guilty. There are plenty of things you can do to make the most out of your downtime. So next time you find yourself with an unproductive day, try one of these ten alternatives and see how you feel.
Are you feeling lost and stuck about your next steps?
Private coaching is a unique opportunity to work one-on-one with me to help you clarify your goals, develop a plan of action, and stay accountable. You'll get the support you need to move forward in your career or business.
Imagine what it would feel like to finally have clarity and direction in your life. With private coaching, you can make this dream a reality.
Why You Might Have More Than One Why (And That's Okay)
Okay, you want to change the world, but you also want to travel in style. Or you want to save the planet, but at the same time, you do love fashion, and you feel best when you look your best - in Chanel and Lagerfeld! Or perhaps you want to paint all day and brighten the world with your art, but you also love finance and AI, and you're dying to enter a program at MIT that you know will mark the future for DeFi.
As someone with multiple passions and interests, I can tell you that the struggle is real. Although after thousands of hours coaching multi-passionate creatives (creative generalists), I know that all our interests and passions are a whole on a certain level, it's often difficult to figure out what that looks like. The same is true for our "whys."
Many creative generalists feel torn between multiple reasons why they do what they do, as well as different dreams or even lives they'd love to live. Those whys and goals might even contradict themselves.
You're a multi-passionate creative, a creative entrepreneur, a creative generalist. In short, a complex, multi-faceted and nuanced human being. You're allowed to be driven by more than one thing. In this article, we'll explore why you might have more than one "why" and how that's okay.
The power of your "whys"
Your whys are a powerful force in your life. They drive your decisions and your actions. If you have more than one, even though you might not think it right now, I consider you very lucky! Some people desperately look for their "why" their entire life, without ever feeling the inspiration you enjoy every day. It might be what makes you so creative and unique. You're not just an artist, scientist, or businessman - you're all of those things at once.
Simon Sinek says that you should find your why before anything else. As a thought leader, he has popularized the idea that everyone needs to have a single "Why" as their driving force in life. But what happens when your "why" changes over time or you have more than one?
In his TEDTalk, "How Great Leaders Inspire Action," Simon Sinek shares how your why is your driving force in life and should be your priority before anything else. He talks about the golden circle of communication for companies and leaders and how their why can inspire cooperation, trust, and change.
It's true; a powerful why can move us. If it's powerful enough, it can even move mountains - or at least start a revolution. So that's not the issue. The problem begins when you have more than one why, but the world keeps on telling you to pick just one. When that happens, you're stuck in multi-passionate choice overload. And as you might be familiar with, this is not a happy place to be.
The many "whys" of multi-passionate creatives
If you're a creative generalist, you probably have many different types of whys in your life. You might have some creative passions like writing or photography and some other, more mainstream "whys" that keep you motivated.
As a multi-passionate creative or entrepreneur, your "whys" can contradict themselves. One day you might be driven by your passion for saving the world, and the next, you might be more interested in making a lot of money. That doesn't mean that one is more important than the other; it's just that your priorities might change from day to day or week to week.
Creative generalists often have multiple whys because they're interested in many different things. They're naturally curious, and they like to explore new things. They're also very adaptable and can easily switch between various interests. This type of creativity is often called divergent thinking, and it's the type of creativity needed for innovation.
As a multi-passionate, you might also have what's called a portfolio career. A portfolio career is a career where you have multiple jobs or roles related to your skills and passions. This type of career is becoming more and more popular, as people are looking for ways to escape the rat race and find more meaning in their work.
So if you're feeling overwhelmed by all your different passions, don't worry. You're not alone. And you're not crazy. You're a creative entrepreneur, and that's a good thing. Embrace your many whys and use them to drive you towards your goals.
How to find balance when you have more than one (contradicting) why?
Even though creativity is a "why" that feels like an escape or release for many people, there are other times when it can feel like your duty and obligation. This is because of another why that you have: your sense of responsibility. You might feel a strong need to take care of those around you, including your team, clients or customers, and family members.
This contradiction can make it hard for creative generalists to find the balance between their two (or more) whys. But it's possible to bridge the dichotomy in two ways:
The first way is by mixing your whys and your obligations so that one does not outweigh the other. This might include delegating your creative tasks to someone else or outsourcing them when you have too many deadlines on your plate.
The second way is creating a pattern or rhythm that reflects your sense of balance between your creative spark and your responsibility. This might be something like scheduling your creative tasks for a portion of the day so that you can focus on your work-related duties during another time slot.
No matter how you find balance, it's important to remember that it will always be a work in progress. Don't be hard on yourself if you feel like you're not living up to your high standards. Just keep working at it, and eventually, you'll find a groove that works for you.
You're a unique creative being; you're allowed to have more than one why! It's your life - and your only one. So take the time to go deep on what matters to you, identify your creative passions as well as your other "whys," and combine them in a way that makes sense to you.
Do you want to make a career out of your passions?
I know what it feels like to have multiple interests – but not knowing how to make them work together. Sometimes, it can feel impossible, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever! If you're tired of feeling like there's no way to turn your passions into a career, then this might be the moment everything changes for you.
Let's explore your unique nature and create a plan together so we can figure out how best to turn your many interests into an extraordinary career and life!
How to Tell if You're a Multi-Passionate Entrepreneur. And Why it Matters.
Do you enjoy multitasking and can't stand to be bored? Do you have an insatiable hunger for knowledge? Do you see challenges or solutions where everyone else sees problems? Does it feel like you always have a million business ideas or things you're passionate about? If so, you might be a multi-passionate creative entrepreneur. Being multi-passionate is not always easy; after all, we still live in a world of specialists. To make the most of your unusual but incredible gifts requires patience, tolerance, curiosity, discipline, and creativity.
In this article, I'll help explain who multi-passionate creative entrepreneurs are, how they can make the best of their gifts and talents, and the benefits of their unique traits for multi-passionate entrepreneurship.
How to know if you are multi-passionate?
Multi-passionate creatives are individuals who have multiple passions and talents. It may not sound that extraordinary, but in a world that focuses on specialists and wants people to choose one thing and stick to it, being someone with a wide range of interests can be tricky, even painful. Especially if you don't know whether this fits into what society calls "normal."
Multi-passionate creatives are usually talented and interested in many things, not just one-off activities like marketing, writing, and dancing. They often are curious and want to know how things work and why. Exploring different areas of interest is probably what defines them the most. They love to expose themselves to new ideas, cultures, music, and so on. Thinking outside the box comes naturally to them.
In other words, a multi-passionate creative is someone who learns fast, is interested, connects dots, and thus can produce high-quality work in multiple fields of choice. If you're reading this article, my guess is you might be part of the family!
Why does it matter?
Multi-passionate creatives have a distinct advantage while pursuing their dream career paths: If you're an entrepreneur, you know that your business is only as good as the people who work for it. And if you're looking to hire someone or to turn an employee into an entrepreneur, multi-passionate creatives are the cream of the crop.
The ability to see the obvious answer is why multi-passionate creatives are in such high demand in today's competitive job market. Multi-passionate creatives like us can do their job well because we have a lot of different experiences to draw on. We're flexible and can deal with changes well. And we excel at problem-solving or coming up with creative solutions to challenges. Because we think differently from others, we can come up with fresh ways to look at issues or problems that others may overlook because it seems like the obvious solution.
Paradoxically, all these abilities and qualities that make us invaluable to employers also challenge finding or even creating our dream career. Multi-passionate people don't easily fit into the classic 9 to 5 work equation because we tend to be interested in more than one (many!) thing. Because of this, many of us might have opted out of a standard job or career path to pursue our dreams, but it takes practice and time before we learn how to manage all our projects well enough so that none of them suffer neglect.
The benefits of being a multi-passionate entrepreneur
We have multiple passions. Multi-passionate creatives have a hunger for knowledge and creativity. We're always exploring new interests and talents, which keeps us from getting bored. And this is important because boredom is our kryptonite!
We're multi-talented. We usually have a particular knack for a wide range of interests and crafts. This makes us incredibly resourceful! A multi-passionate creative is often a master in their craft, but that's not all.
We're curious. Multi-passionate creatives can access different knowledge and experiences that others don't have. This makes us a valuable asset to any team.
We're intuitive. And pick up quickly on different things. People with multiple passions can easily spot connections and patterns, enabling us to solve problems faster. Multi-passionate creatives can understand many subjects rapidly, as our broad range of interests allows us to learn from others and life.
We're flexible. Multi-passionate creatives are known for their ability to work in many different environments and with various people comfortably. We thrive when we have the opportunity to express ourselves creatively. This makes multi-passionate entrepreneurs an excellent fit for self-employment and consulting, as we don't rely on one particular kind of environment or people.
We're open-minded. Multi-passionate creatives usually have an interest in other cultures and backgrounds. We learn from other people's experiences and viewpoints, making it easy to connect with others. And that makes us great team members and networkers.
We love learning. Multi-passionate creatives love to learn from each other and life in general! As mentioned above, we often understand new subject matter quickly, which is a huge asset in today's fast-moving world. That's why most multi-passionate creatives have a natural ability to understand and integrate a lot of information from many different fields.
If you feel like you identify with some of the traits of a multi-passionate creative entrepreneur, then it's important to embrace those qualities! Own your multi-faceted personality and use it to your advantage. Be patient when it comes to exploring new passions and be willing to put in the hard work to make your dreams a reality.
Embrace your multi-passionate creative side and go out and change the world!
Do you have multiple passions?
We are all born with multiple passions, but many of us lose touch with them as we grow up. We start to think that it’s not possible to have more than one passion at a time. But the truth is, if you want to be successful in business and life, you need to embrace your multi-passions. It will help you become happier and more fulfilled in every aspect of your life.
But what if you're not sure what your passions are? Or if you're afraid of pursuing them because you don't want to fail? That's where private coaching can help. I can help you figure out what your passions are and how to use them to create a successful business.
Why You Keep Putting Your Dreams Last: Trauma Responses That Hold You Back
Do you feel like people-pleasing and perfectionism run the show sometimes? If so, you're not alone. These two behaviors can be hard to live with and limit us from achieving our potential and living our personal and professional dreams. In this article, I argue that perfectionism and people-pleasing can keep us stuck. They both can be responses to trauma, and as such, they're present in many people's lives - including that of multi-passionate creatives and entrepreneurs.
We'll go into depth on people-pleasing as a trauma response, the source of people-pleasing, and how to heal from it. We'll also discuss perfectionism and how it can keep people stuck in patterns of self-sabotage and far away from achieving their goals.
What is people-pleasing exactly, and why does it affect multi-passionate creatives and entrepreneurs?
People-pleasers are people who have learned to prioritize other people's needs before their own. This behavior is an unhealthy coping strategy that depletes you and leaves your needs unmet. I know because I've been there.
People-pleasing can be a response to trauma, or it might happen because of toxic caregivers, which is pretty much the same thing. Exposure to toxic people for an extended period can be as traumatizing as childhood abuse or even a short-lived catastrophic event.
In people-pleasing, when you're unaware of the mechanics, even when you think you're doing what is best for you, others are in control. Your behavior is an, often unconscious, response to their demands and expectations of you. This makes it difficult for everyone because people-pleasers often do things that hurt themselves to please someone and, in that process, create an unhealthy balance in the relationship.
For multi-passionate creatives and creative entrepreneurs, people-pleasing can be a learned strategy to conform. Even if you experienced a loving and warm childhood, you could still carry the stress and anxiety from trying to fit into the educational system, having to pick a major in college, or wanting to make your parents happy by choosing a 9-to-5 job you know will make you miserable.
The way you might have dealt with these painful demands is by developing people-pleasing or perfectionistic tendencies, or both. The problem with these strategies is that they're no longer helpful. When we're reliant on our caregivers for security and love, conforming is often the best (if not only) strategy. But you're an adult now, and you can take care of yourself. The strategy that helped you at some point is now working against you.
Long-term, people-pleasing is not a sustainable strategy.
First, people-pleasers never feel free to be themselves; they end up constantly censoring their thoughts and actions to avoid rejection.
Second, people-pleasing erodes self-confidence because people-pleasers constantly live under what they perceive to be others' judgment. If you care about what people say or think about you, then it's likely that people-pleasing has been operating your life for a long time already.
Third, people-pleasers have an increased risk of developing depression and anxiety disorders along with other mental health issues because being cut off from your feelings and needs is not a healthy state of mind. If you can't connect with who you are as a person, how are you to be happy?
Following these points, it's clear that as long as we keep on people-pleasing, we'll never get what we truly want. That's why it's so detrimental to our dreams and keeps us from being truly happy (alongside the many other toxic effects it can have on us and our wellbeing, something I won't go into here, but that is important to be aware of).
Let's take a look at how perfectionism fits into this before we move on to three things you can do to stop the cycle and start putting your dreams first.
Perfectionism often comes across as people-pleasing on steroids.
Like people-pleasers, perfectionists are people who think they should meet others' needs before their own. But it's not really about other people; it's about the fear of failing, not being good enough, or being found out for who you truly are. A perfectionist is maybe willing to tolerate disappointment from others but never from themselves. They're afraid that people won't like or love them if they don't put enough effort into everything they do or if they aren't perfect all the time.
The problem with perfectionism is that there is no such thing as an objectively determined "perfect" person, career, house, outfit - you name it. Perfection is a moving target that people adapt to in order to feel safe. The sad thing is that, while you're trying so hard to do everything right and never make a mistake, you're too afraid to take a step towards your dreams.
I've seen many clients claim they were going after what they wanted, only to find out later it was only a "safe" or watered-down version of what they truly dreamed about. If you don't believe you're good enough for something, you'll never go after it - not really.
In the end, people-pleasing and perfectionism are two sides of the same coin: both responses to trauma or learned behavior and both keeping people feeling unhappy and unfulfilled long-term.
So what do we do about this?
One important thing you need to understand is that people-pleasing and perfectionism often (but not always) come from a place of fear. That means that these behaviors protect us from more pain - at least they did when we were children; they're reactions we developed to survive. But now you're a grown-up who can take care of yourself.
I don't know about you, but I've personally experienced people-pleasing and perfectionism as a way to avoid being rejected, not being good enough, or being found out for who I am - all fear-driven reactions that originate from a place of vulnerability and insecurity. In my case, from a hard and painful childhood in which there was no room for me to express my needs or have them met. So I tried my best to adapt and understand what I was "doing wrong." To let go of these detrimental behaviors, it's important to realize you're good enough as you are that you deserve your dreams.
To stop people-pleasing and perfectionism, people need to understand how much they're hurting themselves by putting other people's needs ahead of theirs while at the same time sacrificing what they genuinely want in life (even if this self-sacrifice is at an unconscious level). People also need to learn healthy ways to regulate emotions so that people-pleasing and perfectionism are replaced by behaviors that help them take care of themselves and others.
How to change?
Awareness, as often, is the first step.
While people-pleasing might seem like the more accessible behavior to change, people who adopt people-pleasing as their way to relate to people are often very well aware that something is off but find it difficult to change their behavioral patterns. Especially in women, culture will reward the caring and the gentle ways people-pleasers operate. This makes it hard to change.
On the other hand, people who are perfectionists are sometimes less conscious about what they're doing because this behavior has become second nature over the years and is often also praised.
Whatever your situation, if you think this applies to you, I want to invite you to reflect on when you might be putting others first and your dreams (and yourself) last. Or when you might be expecting too much of yourself and being stuck out of fear.
Whatever your case, remember that you're good enough just as you, that perfection doesn't exist and that it's ok to choose yourself.
Are people-pleasing or perfectionism keeping you stuck?
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