How to choose your hard and get unstuck!
For years, I wanted to start writing a book. When I finally decided to write one, I would wait till inspiration hit before I sat down to write. I would stop the moment I felt like the inspiration had waned. My entire writing experience, then, was centered around getting into - and falling out of - a flow state. But flow states can be fickle. They don’t come when we call, they come when they want to. If I waited for inspiration to write, it would take me years to finish my first book.
I knew there had to be a different way. I knew I was stuck and had to find a way to get unstuck. So I started writing every day. I gave myself a time frame that I had to sit in front of my computer and type. It didn’t matter if it was cohesive or spelled correctly; I just had to type. Sometimes, inspiration would be there with me, guiding me along, but most of the time, I was on my own. Most of the time, I was writing because I’d built a habit.
It made me realize that when motivation is lacking, you have to rely on your dedication. On days when I don’t feel like writing, my dedication to the habit of writing guides me to the computer and gets me through the time slot I’ve set aside.
This experience was the start of of my get unstuck method. I realized that when you want to change something about your life - or your work - you have to start by changing your mindset. I wanted to write, so I changed my mindset about how I write (every day no matter what for 1 hour), focused on taking responsibility for my thoughts and emotions around writing and being an author, visualized the new life and habit I wanted, and then mustered the courage to go out there and do it.
“Getting Unstuck!” might sound like a tagline, but it’s really a mantra - one that was born out of necessity and evolved into a way of life. It’s about planting your feet and digging deep into the ground of discipline. It’s about daily action and building new habits.
The truth is, there is simultaneous pain and joy in growing into someone new. You can be both excited to start something new and terrified of the work it will take to get where you want. You can be both happy to change and miss the old life you lived where you knew what to expect. And you can be miserable in your life and work and still choose to stay there because the alternative is even more daunting. There is a duality between freedom and discipline; you’re allowed to feel and experience more than one emotion at the same time.*
I heard someone say once, “Everything is hard. Choose your hard.” Being stuck is hard. You are afraid to go after the life and work you want, so you procrastinate, get overwhelmed, and hide behind your fears. That’s hard and it gets harder the longer you stay in that headspace. However, getting unstuck is hard too. You have to put in the work, change your mindset, figure out what you want to do, create a vision for the life you want, and start implementing the steps to get there.
Here are a few things to think about when choosing your hard:
You’re going to be sacrificing either way. Whatever it is you want to do to change your life, it’s going to take sacrifice. But it’s also a sacrifice to keep your life exactly the same - only in this case, you are sacrificing your own dreams. For instance, if you currently work in tech, but really want to be an interior designer, you may have to sacrifice some of your free time to build a design portfolio, interview for new roles, and maybe even take a pay cut to get the experience you need for the jobs you really want. However, if you never go after that dream of being an interior designer and instead stay in tech, you are sacrificing your dream for the comfort of what you already know. Both paths lead to sacrifice, so choose the one that actually fulfills you.
Change is scary. Accepting that change is scary is one of the only ways that I can move past the fear. “Yes it’s scary, and I’m doing it anyways,” is one of my favorite mantras. When we acknowledge the fear in front of us, and we still decide to go after what we want, we’re fostering a trust within ourselves. There is nothing better than knowing you have your own back and that the decisions you make are solid, even when they’re scary.
Everything gets easier when you accept that it’s hard. This sounds counterintuitive, right? If we acknowledge it’s hard, then it’s hard. But actually, I think acknowledging that something will take hard work to complete is the first step in making it easier. With this acknowledgement comes the planning, visualizing, and mindset changes that are necessary to do the new thing. Think about it: when the painter decides they want to sell their art, but they know it will be hard to find clients, they start working even harder to find clients. They start posting their art on social media, and use their free time to create a website. They take the pressure off actually selling and focus on the steps to get their art out there into the world for people to see.
So which hard do you choose? The one that keeps you in place, feeling lost and stuck, or the one where you have the life you’ve been dreaming about?
*A special thank you to Colleen-Joy for inspiring this blog post during our interview last week for her podcast InnerLifeSkills.
Are you ready to choose your hard?
Getting unstuck is the only way to get to the life you want. You have to get out of your own way and start doing the scary things while changing your mindset.
I help my clients figure out exactly what it is they want to do, why their fear is holding them back, and how to move past all that.
