How to say “no” to protect your creative time
“Why did I say “yes” to this thing? What was I thinking?! Why do I keep over-committing myself, and feeling like crap as a result?” When was the last time you mumbled this to yourself on the way to a commitment you regretted saying “yes” to? Not so long ago, I bet.
When was the last time you said “no” to an opportunity, ask or time-consuming project? “How do I even say do that!?”, you might be wondering.
Trust me, it IS possible.
We don’t say “no” because it makes us feel bad, guilty, or worried. “What will people think of me?” How many times have you been asked to do something you REALLY didn’t want to do, but still said “yes”? It happens to creatives and entrepreneurs all the time! And it sure has happened to me many times, too.
In a way, everyone prefers to say “yes”.
When someone asks us for something we don’t want to disappoint. We’ve been raised to listen to other people’s needs. We’re told that saying “no” might burn bridges, or that it might jeopardise a relationship. If someone is willing to disconnect and ignore you when you say “no” to them, perhaps they needed that “no” the most though…
The truth is: saying “yes” is the easy, people-pleaser response. But it’s not always the best one. At least it’s not the best one for you if you want to protect your creative time.
After all, there must be a good reason why you’re reading this. You might be a bit of a perfectionist, have high standards, tend to people-please. I’m here to tell you, you shouldn’t do this at the expense of your time, energy and sanity. Chronic fatigue is real and over-working and over-exerting yourself can lead to under-performance in all areas of your life.
This is not the way to more – or sustainable – productivity.
Prioritise Yourself
You can’t control what other people think and feel but you CAN be in charge of yourself.
When you have an overwhelming list of to-dos – where do you even start? Trust me, I was there, and I did a lot of trial and error to find tools, tips and tricks that actually work! Whether in life, career, or business. I left the corporate world to pursue a smarter and more sustainable way of living – I followed my dreams because they grew too loud to ignore.
Uncovering what is sabotaging your productivity is unique to you (and that’s where I come in). It’s not just about the work anymore, it’s about meaningful and joyful work. It’s about prioritising the right things, and not just any things. It’s about addressing habits that no longer serve you, to make space in your life for what really matters.
Now let’s get back to saying “no”.
Saying “no” can feel spooky or weird. It may or may not result in hurt feelings. But every time you say “yes” when you *really* want to say “no”, you’re actually saying “no” to yourself. The busier you are with other people’s requests means less time for yourself. At first it might seem like you’re helping others, doing your job or being a team player, but there’s a difference between doing good, and overworking just because you think you have to.
That’s where you need to differentiate and learn to say “no”.
Saying “no”
“Let me get back to you on that.”
“It’s not a good time for me right now.”
“I have a lot on my plate right now, I’m gonna have to pass.”
(For more ways to say “no” graciously, click here)
We’re all balancing A LOT. When you decide to work overtime, you’re saying “no” to a social life, hobbies, passions, relationships or even your wildest dreams.
Sometimes, when we get into a cycle of saying “yes” all the time, we are blindsided by the fact we’re saying “yes” to unimportant activities. Granted, some of those activities might be important to others. That doesn’t make them valuable to you. We internalise the idea that by saying “yes”, those requests are important to us as well. When in reality it’s not the request that’s important, but rather the idea that we’re doing something, which in turn makes us believe we’re being productive. (But why, then, aren’t you moving forward on your own dreams?!)
That’s a problem.
By saying “yes” to other people, you’re losing touch with your own needs. With your purpose. It might feel good for a while to be appreciated for your time, energy and talents. But how sustainable is it for you to say “yes” to everybody all the time? The fact is: you will eventually burn out.
Aim for the Right Target
At work things can get even trickier. If you’re giving out “yesses” too easily, you might end up sacrificing your own ideas, and projects to pursue someone else’s. Is that going to work out for you in the long run? Probably not. By fulfilling someone else’s vision, you’re following someone else’s breadcrumbs, building someone else’s dream… Essentially, you’re going to end up at the wrong house. I know, because I’ve been in front of ugly front doors many times!
Always consider how you invest your time and energy. Whether that’s leading towards a goal or dream you have, or away from the ones you don’t want to take part in. This way, you’ll have time to choose opportunities that align more closely with YOUR goals. The more you do this, the more those opportunities will present themselves – it’s like magic, believe me!
Say “no” to following the breadcrumbs.
Say “no” to building other people’s dreams.
Say “no” to relationships that are no longer working.
If there isn’t an element of authenticity, or reciprocity, or if you don’t feel deeply connected to giving to someone else, you need to practice the art of saying “no”.
Did you know? Saying “no” is also a huge productivity hack.
I’m in the business of getting #SmartWork to as many multi-talented creatives and entrepreneurs as possible (psst that includes you!). Once you start believing that it’s okay to say “no” and how to turn down requests politely, you’ll free up so much time to rest, recuperate and realign to your inner voice, and where you really want to be going.
After all, we could all use less work, and shorter to do-lists, couldn’t we?
Reclaim Your Time
Time is our most precious resource. We can never get it back.
How we spend our time can often feel like a loss, especially when our heart wasn’t fully into it. We don’t want to *waste* time. But what are we really doing, when we’re spending it on other people’s wishes? That’s not to say we can never be there and help, only that we should do it with care and consideration.
As a professional coach for many years, my clients come to me because they’re fed up with losing so much precious time. What’s the next step? What do I do? How do I reclaim my time? How do I achieve my dreams? Those are some of the common questions I get asked when we start working together.
Part of it is #SmartWork – how do you get productive without feeling like you’re constantly running out of time and energy? A slice of that pie is learning to say “no”. And knowing that it’s okay.
Would you rather say “yes” and be unhappy? Or “no” and be fulfilled? It’s up to you… Part of it is finding the courage to stand up for yourself.
In the end, if you’re not saying “yes” to yourself you’re saying it to someone else’s dreams and projects.
An experiment to try: In the next two weeks, I’d love for you to say “no” to at least three things you usually say “yes” to but then feel resentful about. What shifts are you noticing? Is it getting easier? What other options is this unlocking for you? Let me know x
