How to say “no” to protect your creative time

“Why did I say “yes” to this thing? What was I thinking?! Why do I keep over-committing myself, and feeling like crap as a result?”  When was the last time you mumbled this to yourself on the way to a commitment you regretted saying “yes” to? Not so long ago, I bet.

When was the last time you said “no” to an opportunity, ask or time-consuming project? “How do I even say do that!?”, you might be wondering. 

Trust me, it IS possible. 

We don’t say “no” because it makes us feel bad, guilty, or worried. “What will people think of me?” How many times have you been asked to do something you REALLY didn’t want to do, but still said “yes”? It happens to creatives and entrepreneurs all the time! And it sure has happened to me many times, too.

In a way, everyone prefers to say “yes”. 

When someone asks us for something we don’t want to disappoint. We’ve been raised to listen to other people’s needs. We’re told that saying “no” might burn bridges, or that it might jeopardise a relationship. If someone is willing to disconnect and ignore you when you say “no” to them, perhaps they needed that “no” the most though…

The truth is: saying “yes” is the easy, people-pleaser response. But it’s not always the best one. At least it’s not the best one for you if you want to protect your creative time. 

After all, there must be a good reason why you’re reading this. You might be a bit of a perfectionist, have high standards, tend to people-please. I’m here to tell you, you shouldn’t do this at the expense of your time, energy and sanity. Chronic fatigue is real and over-working and over-exerting yourself can lead to under-performance in all areas of your life. 

This is not the way to more – or sustainable – productivity.

Prioritise Yourself

You can’t control what other people think and feel but you CAN be in charge of yourself. 

When you have an overwhelming list of to-dos – where do you even start? Trust me, I was there, and I did a lot of trial and error to find tools, tips and tricks that actually work! Whether in life, career, or business. I left the corporate world to pursue a smarter and more sustainable way of living – I followed my dreams because they grew too loud to ignore. 

Uncovering what is sabotaging  your productivity is unique to you (and that’s where I come in). It’s not just about the work anymore, it’s about meaningful and joyful work. It’s about prioritising the right things, and not just any things. It’s about addressing habits that no longer serve you, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Now let’s get back to saying “no”. 

Saying “no” can feel spooky or weird. It may or may not result in hurt feelings. But every time you say “yes” when you *really* want to say “no”, you’re actually saying “no” to yourself. The busier you are with other people’s requests means less time for yourself. At first it might seem like you’re helping others, doing your job or being a team player, but there’s a difference between doing good, and overworking just because you think you have to. 

That’s where you need to differentiate and learn to say “no”. 

Saying “no”

“Let me get back to you on that.”
“It’s not a good time for me right now.” 
“I have a lot on my plate right now, I’m gonna have to pass.” 
(For more ways to say “no” graciously, click here)

We’re all balancing A LOT. When you decide to work overtime, you’re saying “no” to a social life, hobbies, passions, relationships or even your wildest dreams. 

Sometimes, when we get into a cycle of saying “yes” all the time, we are blindsided by the fact we’re saying “yes” to unimportant activities. Granted, some of those activities might be important to others. That doesn’t make them valuable to you. We internalise the idea that by saying “yes”, those requests are important to us as well. When in reality it’s not the request that’s important, but rather the idea that we’re doing something, which in turn makes us believe we’re being productive. (But why, then, aren’t you moving forward on your own dreams?!)

That’s a problem.

By saying “yes” to other people, you’re losing touch with your own needs. With your purpose. It might feel good for a while to be appreciated for your time, energy and talents. But how sustainable is it for you to say “yes” to everybody all the time? The fact is: you will eventually burn out. 

Aim for the Right Target

At work things can get even trickier. If you’re giving out “yesses” too easily, you might end up sacrificing your own ideas, and projects to pursue someone else’s. Is that going to work out for you in the long run? Probably not. By fulfilling someone else’s vision, you’re following someone else’s breadcrumbs, building someone else’s dream… Essentially, you’re going to end up at the wrong house. I know, because I’ve been in front of ugly front doors many times!

Always consider how you invest your time and energy. Whether that’s leading towards a goal or dream you have, or away from the ones you don’t want to take part in. This way, you’ll have time to choose opportunities that align more closely with YOUR goals. The more you do this, the more those opportunities will present themselves – it’s like magic, believe me! 

Say “no” to following the breadcrumbs.
Say “no” to building other people’s dreams.
Say “no” to relationships that are no longer working.

If there isn’t an element of authenticity, or reciprocity, or if you don’t feel deeply connected to giving to someone else, you need to practice the art of saying “no”. 

Did you know? Saying “no” is also a huge productivity hack. 

I’m in the business of getting #SmartWork to as many multi-talented creatives and entrepreneurs as possible (psst that includes you!). Once you start believing that it’s okay to say “no” and how to turn down requests politely, you’ll free up so much time to rest, recuperate and realign to your inner voice, and where you really want to be going. 

After all, we could all use less work, and shorter to do-lists, couldn’t we?

Reclaim Your Time

Time is our most precious resource. We can never get it back.

How we spend our time can often feel like a loss, especially when our heart wasn’t fully into it. We don’t want to *waste* time. But what are we really doing, when we’re spending it on other people’s wishes? That’s not to say we can never be there and help, only that we should do it with care and consideration.

As a professional coach for many years, my clients come to me because they’re fed up with losing so much precious time. What’s the next step? What do I do? How do I reclaim my time? How do I achieve my dreams? Those are some of the common questions I get asked when we start working together. 

Part of it is #SmartWork – how do you get productive without feeling like you’re constantly running out of time and energy? A slice of that pie is learning to say “no”. And knowing that it’s okay.

Would you rather say “yes” and be unhappy? Or “no” and be fulfilled? It’s up to you… Part of it is finding the courage to stand up for yourself. 

In the end, if you’re not saying “yes” to yourself you’re saying it to someone else’s dreams and projects.

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An experiment to try: In the next two weeks, I’d love for you to say “no” to at least three things you usually say “yes” to but then feel resentful about. What shifts are you noticing? Is it getting easier? What other options is this unlocking for you? Let me know x

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How to say “no” without feeling guilty

I get a lot of emails from people who want to partner with me or have *irresistible* offers for me. They’ve got THE app that will quadruple my productivity or the system that will boost my website traffic into the millions. Usually I dismiss those emails (because you know what… you don’t have to reply to unsolicited email… no really, you DON’T) but sometimes the pitch will be *really* good, or the way the email is put together shows someone with a brain actually sat down behind a keyboard to write it. In that case, I might reply. Like I did last week, when I got an email from an airline magazine offering me a once in a lifetime deal to have my work featured in their upcoming onboard edition.

I was intrigued (not in the least by the outdated information they had about my business, which goes to show that there’s more that triggers me besides great pitches) so I decided to give it a shot.

Long story short, last Friday my phone rang. It was the airline magazine people. Quickly I realized the great deal was in fact an emergency cover-up on the side of the magazine, who had lost one of their advertisers last minute.

My business could be featured in the magazine instead. But to make it work I needed to act fast and provide a suitable ad by the end of the weekend, pay a (ahem) exceptionally discounted fee, change copy on my website, and be on stand-by all Monday for changes that would – most probably – be requested. Of course, all this without any certainty of return on my investment.

All in all not such a great deal after all.

With all the ifs above, and because I profoundly dislike last minute marketing (hello marketing plan) I told the friendly magazine representative that I wasn’t interested, at least not until the fee was so low that I couldn’t pass on the opportunity. I shared with her how disruptive this opportunity was for me, how I’d have to pay premium to my designer to work on such short notice, kiss relax and recreation my weekend plans goodbye, rearrange my marketing budget to squeeze in a magazine. All of which without knowing if it will result in any tangible business. After a short pause she took a breath and thanked me. Told me that she understood where I was coming from and wished she could give me a better rate. Since she couldn’t though, we said goodbye and left it at that.

I’m mentioning this experience because it’s a great example of how I’ve learned to say “no” in an authentic way, and how effective such clarity and honesty can be.

When you think of it, most requests are usually a “no” or a “yes”, but rarely a “maybe”. Even so, we turn most of our “nos” into delayed “yeses” floating around for way too long as “maybes”. Why? We don’t want to disappoint, we’re afraid we won’t be liked, or we haven’t learned how to do it properly (that’s most of us by the way).

The truth is: dancing around a “no” takes so much more time and effort than offering a gracious one immediately. It’s really not that hard. No, REALLY, it isn’t.

You can say something like:

Thank you so much for thinking of me, but right now I’m focusing on X so I won’t have time to do Y for the next Z.

I love the idea but I’m currently going all in on this new project I’m working on, so I’ll have to pass.

I’m so honoured you’ve thought of me, but I promised myself I wouldn’t take on any more work for now, so I won’t be able to help you. I can give you some referrals instead if that would help.

This sounds like a great opportunity but it doesn’t fit in the plan I’ve created for myself. I do know someone who might be just what you’ve been looking for, shall I introduce you?

Saying “no” doesn’t need to take long, be difficult, or put anybody off. All you need to do is be clear and honest about your situation, and explain why you cannot go in on the request.

That’s all.

Once you’ve mastered the art of saying “no” graciously, it will become one of your biggest allies in protecting your time so you can focus on what that really matters to you: your dreams and nobody else’s.

PS: If saying “no” is somewhat tricky for you, I’ve put together a free soulful productivity challenge that might be just what you need. In it I share everything I know about how to do your best work in a way that flows and feels easy. Including how to set boundaries and protect your time so you can do the things you really want to do. Click here to learn more (and sign-up :)).

How to listen to your intuition, especially when it’s saying “no”

Intuition is something beautiful. It’s a mix of intrinsic knowledge, past experiences, and picking up on the energies that are all around us. And I’m not saying this in a woo woo way. I mean situations like when a particular person enters a room, and the entire room is lit up. Or, quite to the contrary, when a person enters the party, and all of a sudden the mood is busted – for good. That’s energy, and it’s the kind I’m talking about here. We’ve all experienced this at least once in our lives. So have you. And, when you come to think of it, when you were in the presence of the person that busted the party, you probably just knew that something was off with them. And that, dear girlfriend, was your intuition talking.

But maybe you didn’t notice your intuition, or maybe you didn’t hear it at all. Because although we’re all born with intuition and strong instincts, as we grow older, a lot of us lose touch with it. And I was no exception to this.

Although I was a very intuitive child, and a small girl that looked at the world with my feelings more than my eyes, I lost that connection to the deeper part of me almost entirely as I grew up. So for the biggest part of my adult life, I didn’t know I had intuition, nor did I hear it calling out to me.

When I stepped into my adult self, I tried so hard to silence my intuition in favour of what I thought was expected of me – or worse – what I thought I needed to think or be like in order to be loved, accepted, and ultimately be successful in my life and my businesses. And I played a very good trick on myself by becoming very good at it, to the point that I lost my intuition almost entirely.

As one of my main goals of these past few years, I vowed to reconnect with myself on a deeper level, and listening to my intuition has been a major part of that.

What started as a little voice inside of me, after a few months, became a strong sense of knowing what to do in a lot of situations. Like when you meet someone and you instinctively know something is off or that this person is not made for you. Well, by silencing my intuition, I had come to neglect those thoughts and feelings, and to allow too many people into my life and businesses, even while somehow knowing that that was wrong. Leaving very little room for those who actually mattered. And leaving me drained of mental and emotional energy on too many occasions.

Throughout the past years, I’ve started to rely on my intuition more and more. In my private life, it made me decide to let go of friendships that weren’t really meant for me and to allow new kinships to flourish – ones that I never would have thought of before, but that turned out to be amongst the best connections I’ve ever made. In my businesses, it has helped to guide me and decide what routes to take and what not to do, by really thinking about what I wanted most for myself and for my team.

But more than that, I learned to say no. Because so often your intuition will tell you to. And that was a big one for me. Both in my private life and in my businesses. Privately, listening to the urge to say no and create boundaries for myself allowed me to choose better who I give all of my love to and for whom there is no room in my life. But more than that, I learned to accept my deeper needs and to listen to them more. Like deciding that I need some time alone sometimes to nourish my soul.

Now, when it comes to business, our intuition will speak to us very often, too.

I was raised believing that yes was the only word that mattered in business, and that any customer or client was a good one who you needed to cherish. Over the years, this belief has caused me quite a lot of trouble, stress, and heartache. By listening to my intuition more, especially when it told me not to engage with a particular client or project, I’ve realised how powerful and important ‘No’ is in business.

So, there too, I learned to say ‘no’ more often than ‘yes’.

The result? A better bottom line, happier clients, and a more productive team. Because when you get to pick who you work with, business simply becomes better.

But now, how to listen to your intuition? And how to say no?

#1 Be open to listening to what your intuition is trying to tell you

Try to schedule time with yourself and listen. And when you have a decision to make, or you feel that something bothers you, or even in any other situation in your life… before acting, try to really feel into the moment. And ask yourself: What do I really want? How do I really feel about this? I promise, if you keep at it, your intuition will speak to you.

#2 Practice on the small things first

Rekindling your intuition, and following its lead, is not something that happens overnight. You must practice and be willing to keep listening to the deeper parts of you and what they need to tell you. And when your intuition first shows up after a long time, it can be scary, and you might not be sure you can trust yourself. So it’s okay to start small. Maybe you told yourself you needed to do something today, but in listening to your intuition, you know you should actually be doing something else instead. So do that. And once you feel comfortable and trust your intuition more, you can follow it more and more.

#3 Let me get back to you on that

Saying no is not easy. It requires a lot of strength and courage sometimes, and asks us to confront instead of comply. And that is difficult for everyone, but especially for us women, who were raised to be good girls. But your intuition will become very loud and very clear about your boundaries at some point, and when that happens, you’ll need to learn to say no. To ease you into it, here’s a trick that works miracles almost every time. When someone asks something of you, or in any other situation where you know you should say no, start by saying: “let me get back to you on that”. You’ll win precious time to prepare your ‘no’, and in many cases that will be enough to let the request vanish on its own.

I used to long for the days of my childhood when intuition and instinct came naturally to me, and for the ease of living this allowed. But I don’t long for it anymore, because I know that I still have both inside of me. I just needed to listen more closely to them, and to trust my intuition and my instincts more again. And by doing this, I’ve transformed my life. And given myself a sense of freedom in the world, and connected to it, in a way that I hadn’t felt in decades.

And so can you.