How to stay motivated when you don’t see results

One of the main issues that big dreamers encounter almost on a daily basis is the lack of big dreamers around them. A question I get asked often is how to dream bigger when everyone around you isn’t.

It’s true that the path to bigger, better dreams is often paved with the advice of well-intentioned people stuck in inherited dreams. I know them all too well. In my own life, and that of my clients, they often cause more harm than good. Of course, you can’t blame anyone for wanting to warn you about the “dangers” of going after your passion, and doing your own thing. The problem is not with them but with the world we’re born into. It simply isn’t made for big dreamers.

That’s why it’s important to get the juicy stuff elsewhere, to go in search of big dreamers and their stories.

One of the places I’ve found a lot of support and inspiration like that is biographies. Reading the biography of someone who has done it, who – against all odds – persevered, believed in herself and showed everybody wrong is one of my favorite ways to challenge my own inherited dreams, and that of the naysayers around me.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of overnight success, and believe that the people we look up to today were just lucky, or that their success came out of nowhere. The truth is, no matter where they are today, everyone starts somewhere (probably at the bottom). By reading their stories we’re reminded that it’s possible, and we’re inspired to open our mind to new possibilities for ourselves.

How to read inspiring biographies?

Not all biographies are created equal. Some of them might be great stories but if you can’t identify with the person who went through it, you won’t be inspired. There’s a science to this madness! Here are my three tips on how to pick and read inspiring biographies.

• Make sure the story resonates with you

I love reading biographies of women. Being a woman myself, this is one of the easiest ways for me to resonate with someone else’s story. But it’s not the only one.

Reading about the success stories of people who started where I started, who went through similar struggles as I did, who had the same inherited dreams or social background… it all helps to make sense of their story and see how it could apply to me. For if they could do it, why couldn’t I?

• Find a common interest

Sometimes it’s not the person but the achievement or that person’s interests or focus that inspires most. I love reading stories from people who’ve made it in finance for instance, because money love is something I care about. I also love to read biographies of entrepreneurs, and people who’ve spent their life fighting for a good cause.

When there’s a common interest, it doesn’t matter so much what that person’s background is, or where they started. It’s why and how they did what they did that interests me, and that I learn from the most.

• Identify with the person you’re reading about

Here’s a third and final tip about reading biographies. When you’ve picked one up that resonates with you or that is interesting to you my advice is to read it actively. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t just read it as a spectator. Put yourself in the shoes of the person going through the story. Imagine it was you. Feel into what that would be like, what your life would look like if that story was yours.

Visualizing is a powerful tool to dream bigger. Biographies are a great way to practice those skills! It will help you to be inspired and to take action on your own dreams.

If you don’t know where to start, here are a couple of inspiring biographies to get started with.

All Things at Once by Mika Brzezinski
Chanel: A Woman of her Own by Axel Madsen
Never Tell Me Never by Janine Shepherd
The Road to Someplace Better by Lillian Lincoln Lambert
Suits: A Woman on Wall Street by Nina Godiwalla

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

How to get the support you need to achieve your dreams

How to dream bigger when everyone around you isn’t? It’s a question I get asked often. Contrary to what you might think, the culture we live in is not one of big dreamers.

Most of us are raised in societies that aspire to success yet fail to equip us with what’s needed to get there. If you’re not part of the dominant group that sets the rules you’ll get mixed messages about your personal success – at best. As women this often translates in doubt, lack of confidence, perfectionism. The belief that we have to be and do it all before we can even speak about success. Even if we’d attain the impossible we still wouldn’t brag about it. We’d remain good girls and not shed too much light on our achievements. Sound familiar?

It certainly does for me.

From the start of my career when I was 21 until well in my thirties anything I did was never good enough. Fresh out of uni I was sitting at the table with decision-makers from major corporations, building innovative projects with passion, and dedication. I didn’t feel good enough. I went on to build my own web agency. I grew it with passion, and dedication. Still didn’t feel good enough. In 2013 I sold it to a bigger player on the market, and started consulting on a freelance basis. Again at the table with decision-makers from renown corporations, and institutions. Nope. Still didn’t feel like I deserved to be there.

By the end of 2014 I’d had it. I left the white-collar world to do the stuff I’d always wanted to do: pursue my big dreams.

As a multi-passionate creative woman I’d always heard the call, but systematically failed to act on it. I bought into the status quo. Thought I had to do things “by the rules”. Add a dash of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and lack of self-worth to the mix and you’ve got a beautiful recipe of unhappy compliance. Along the way I healed myself. Worked my way through limiting beliefs, re-framed things for myself. But looking back one of the main reasons I didn’t go after my big dreams sooner is because I wasn’t surrounded with the support I needed.

Everyone in my life followed the same rules. We were all oblivious. To the status quo, the unwritten rules, the expectations. All of us expressed the same wishes for material things, the same ideas about how the world should be and our place in it. Whenever I strayed off the path and expressed my deepest desires I was met with worry, disbelief or – my all time favorite – the friendly advice not to think so much.

When I realized it’s wasn’t me, and that my big dreams weren’t crazy, I went out to find the support I was craving for. It felt like I was born again. This time my big dreams were born with me.

How do you surround yourself with support?

• Read biographies

With so many naysayers around me I had to convince myself I wasn’t crazy for wanting what I wanted. One way I did this was by reading the biographies of people I looked up to that went after their big dreams.

Reading biographies helped me believe in myself, and my dreams by realizing that everyone struggles with well intentioned people who simply don’t get it. That there’s no overnight success. That all roads are paved with challenges. If you’re looking for some inspiration, here’s a couple of juicy ones that will fire up your dream brain:

All Things at Once by Mika Brzezinski
Chanel: A Woman of her Own by Axel Madsen
Never Tell Me Never by Janine Shepherd
The Road to Someplace Better by Lillian Lincoln Lambert
Suits: A Woman on Wall Street by Nina Godiwalla

• Create your own support network

It’s great to have role models but it’s certainly not enough. Big dreams can’t be built alone. We all need a support network to help us achieve our goals.

The good news is, you can create one for yourself.

Surrounding myself with like-minded people, mentors, coaches, friends who support me, and believe in me is one of my priorities. The more of these positive influences I have in my life, the better I do. With my goals. But with myself too. Go out in search of the support you need, and ask for help. To keep you accountable, to learn, to grow or simply to be heard, and loved. It works!

• Remember you get to choose

When we’re stuck in the status quo it’s easy to believe there’s no other way. That the people we’re surrounded by are it for us, and that we’ll simply have to make it work. The truth is: you get to choose. Who you allow into your life. What your boundaries are. The kind of help you want and need.

Remember you’re free to choose – and chase – your big dreams. Whatever anyone tells you.

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.