7 ways to simplify your business for success

When asked about the type of business my clients want, most of them tell me they would love a sustainable business that makes money but that also flows and feels easy. Yet most of them, just like many other entrepreneurs and business owners I know, never seem to get it quite right. The majority are often overwhelmed, stressed out, and chronically overworked. With only a percentage of them actually achieving the financial success they’re working so hard for.

For a long time, I used to be like that too.

I would work 12-hour days for weeks on end and not see the needle move an inch. Every time someone would ask me how business was, I’d reply with the all to familiar “busy”. In the end, I can’t say business was bad. I made money, and my business grew. But – and this is a big one – the way I was doing it was unsustainable, and if I consider all the hours, efforts, and energy I put in I have to admit the ugly truth: I did it for peanuts.

When we’re starting out on our own, it’s difficult to resist the urge to try out things, to build as we go, to want to do a million things at once. In a way, and to a certain extend, we absolutely have to. After all, we’re learning how to build our business. The problem is that, as we’re learning, we’re also adding layer upon layer of things we think we need to do. If we’re not careful – and this is what happens in most cases – soon enough we’ll end up overwhelmed by all those to-dos, of which we usually don’t even question the validity.

Finally, because of the inherited dreams of hard work and relentless productivity that our culture has so generously passed down to us, we think being tired from always being “busy” is a sign we’re doing well, and moving forward in the right direction.

I used to believe this. I don’t believe it anymore. A successful business shouldn’t be hard, it should flow and feel easy.

One way to achieve this (perhaps the single most important way) is to simplify as much as you can. This means looking at all those layers of to-dos you’ve piled up over time and for each of them decide if you actually need to do it, and if you do how you can do it better.

In what follows I share 7 ways you can simplify your business for success. I’ve added success in there on purpose because I believe that simplification will bring you more flow and ease but will also keep you energized and happy. This in turn will keep you focused on the important stuff which will bring in more money. See where I’m getting at here?

#1 Focus on the essential

In every business there are a few key things that yield the most results. In order to make your business work it’s important to focus on these essential components. Basically it comes down to identifying what works well in your business, and doing more of that! What follows is that everything that isn’t essential should come second, or be eliminated altogether.

This idea is grounded in the concepts of Essentialism and the 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto principle.

Essentialism is the disciplined pursuit of less, based on the core question: “Will this activity or effort make the highest possible contribution towards my goal?”. The Pareto principle states that, for many events, about 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. Translated into business speak: 20% of the things we do in our business produce about 80% of our results. So the trick is to figure out what those 20% are and do as much if it as we can.

#2 Automate as much as possible

Business automation is one of the areas in my business I was most reluctant to look at. If you’re in business today, especially online business, chances are you use a multitude of apps on a daily basis.

The problem here again, at least for me, is the stockpiling of apps. Before you know it, one app has led you to another, and another, and so on. My reluctance to look at what I was using for my business, and the way I was using it came from the fact that I knew there would be a learning curve. I needed to first check all the apps I was using to make sure I actually needed them, then figure out how I could use them better.

Once I did the work I realized I was spending more than €5000 a year on apps, most of which I hardly used. My first step was to cancel everything I didn’t need. This left me with about €1000 a year worth of app subscriptions.

Here’s a list of the ones I use most, and the time saved by using them effectively (affiliate links):

Acuity Scheduling
For appointment scheduling. When someone signs up for a free coaching session they’re automatically redirected to my online calendar through Acuity. This saves me and the client time by avoiding the back and forth to find a moment that works for both of us.

Time saved letting acuity deal with my calendar: 2 hours a week

Zoom
I use zoom for video conferencing with my coaching clients. The one tweak I did that saves me massive amounts of time is a build-in integration with Acuity Scheduling mentioned above. Acuity lets you connect with Zoom so that every time a new appointment is created, it included a link to a zoom video conference room. Before this I used to create and send out zoom links to my clients before every session. I know, right!

Time saved letting zoom create its own links: 2 hours a week

Zapier
I’m not sure how to define Zapier. A workflow or task manager? A way to connect apps? In any case what I do know is that I think of Zapier when I imagine how great it would be if new tasks could magically appear in Asana (see point #3) when I create new Google Calendar events for instance, or how awesome it would be that WordPress post drafts would be created automatically from all the newsletters I send out. In fact, that – and so much more – is exactly what Zapier does for me.

Time saved letting Zapier prep content for me: 4 hours a week

Waveapps
I believe in the power of the “important admin stuff” you have to do for your business. I know many entrepreneurs see this as a necessary evil but I’m convinced the success of any business is in part due to the way administration tasks are done. There are a gazillion apps out there that can help you streamline your admin processes. For invoicing I love using Wave Accounting. It’s easy to use and offers great features like recurring billing via email and automatic payment notifications.

Time saved letting Wave Accounting worry about my invoices and payments: 2 hours a week

#3 Structure and create routines

Structure is another one of those things that can save you a bucket load of time. Working without a plan is never a good idea, I’m sure you’ll agree. Why then are so many entrepreneurs working without a defined and thought out structure or set of routines? It’s exactly the same thing!

I have routines for how I write, how I work with clients, how I plan out my goals. Routine is part of almost everything I do in my business.

When it comes to structure, I have a lot of that too. I plan things on specific days, do them in a specific way, and have a lot of templates and workflows (see below point #6 and #7) that I’ve created over the years. To help me stay on track I use a project management tool called Asana. All the essential tasks I have to do are organized in projects, with repeat times for recurring tasks. I give every task an “energy value” of low, medium, high or epic. When I plan my days I use a fixed set of each type of task. This way I don’t plan too many things in a day, while I still move towards my goals quickly, and with ease.

#4 Get organized and schedule ahead of time

To have a business that flows and feels easy it’s important to be proactive instead of reactive. Unfortunately a lot of entrepreneurs I know are part of the latter group rather of the former. Every day they fight with their business, and react to what comes at them. It’s not their fault. They’re entangled in this way of working because it’s the most common way there is. One way to escape it is to get organized and schedule work ahead of time.

I make sure I schedule in enough time every week to write blog posts and newsletters, and even to work on new products and launches well head of time.

For social media I love to use Smarterqueue. This intuitive social media scheduling tool is easy to use, and let’s you put a schedule for your social media together! Once you’ve done this once the only thing you need to do is add content regularly, and the app does the rest.

#5 Set boundaries and say “no” more often

When I first started out in business my boundaries where non-existent. “Yes” was the only thing I knew how to say. In fact, I even put a tagline on my business cards and website that reflected this belief. I’d seen it on the name tag of a hotel manager and found it so on point that I decided to use it for my business. It read: “The answer is YES. What is the question?” I still think it’s a great tagline. Unfortunately what works for hospitality management doesn’t automatically work for other businesses.

By adopting this attitude of “yes” I quickly found myself overworked, overwhelmed, and incredibly unhappy. Saying yes to anything that came my way resulted in a portfolio of not so fun clients, big projects that I wasn’t being paid nearly enough for, and late night and weekend phone calls from clients who wanted to share “one more important thing” with me.

It was unsustainable. Eventually I had to grow up, and shift gears. That’s when I learned the power of boundaries, and saying “no”.

Today I assess every request I get based on the list of things that contribute most to my business. If the request is in line with my long-term goals I might say yes – if I have the time to do it – if not it’s a “no”.

#6 Create templates

One day I was typing an email to a client when I realized I had typed that same email at least 10 times before. I’m sure you know the feeling 🙂 That’s when I decided to create a vault with templates for emails and other communication I deal with in my business.

It wasn’t a difficult process at all. I didn’t sit down with myself and force myself to come up with a list of emails I needed templates for (although this could have worked). I simply decided that whenever I wrote an email from then on I would save it as a template first. By being consistent at this for a few months I put together a rich and extensive library of templates that now save me time and effort daily.

#7 Map out workflows (SOPs) for the different parts of your business

When I realized how easy it was to create a library of email templates I decided to do the same with my business workflows. I mapped out the entire process of the different parts of my business from start to finish, with an overview of all the steps that it takes to complete something.

When I create a new product, put together a new coaching package, or start out with a new client I have a workflow that I can follow. The processes are streamlined in an almost done-for-me way. In Asana I have project templates that I can copy easily. Once created the new project already holds all the tasks I need to do for a particular project. How awesome!

 I set out to write a small post about simplifying your business for success and it turned out to be more than 2000 words long. I guess I’m not a true minimalist yet 🙂 If you’ve still here though, kudos to you! While you’re add it, why not drop a line in the comments below and tell me how you simplify your business. I’d really love to know.

How to stay motivated when you don’t see results

One of the main issues that big dreamers encounter almost on a daily basis is the lack of big dreamers around them. A question I get asked often is how to dream bigger when everyone around you isn’t.

It’s true that the path to bigger, better dreams is often paved with the advice of well-intentioned people stuck in inherited dreams. I know them all too well. In my own life, and that of my clients, they often cause more harm than good. Of course, you can’t blame anyone for wanting to warn you about the “dangers” of going after your passion, and doing your own thing. The problem is not with them but with the world we’re born into. It simply isn’t made for big dreamers.

That’s why it’s important to get the juicy stuff elsewhere, to go in search of big dreamers and their stories.

One of the places I’ve found a lot of support and inspiration like that is biographies. Reading the biography of someone who has done it, who – against all odds – persevered, believed in herself and showed everybody wrong is one of my favorite ways to challenge my own inherited dreams, and that of the naysayers around me.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of overnight success, and believe that the people we look up to today were just lucky, or that their success came out of nowhere. The truth is, no matter where they are today, everyone starts somewhere (probably at the bottom). By reading their stories we’re reminded that it’s possible, and we’re inspired to open our mind to new possibilities for ourselves.

How to read inspiring biographies?

Not all biographies are created equal. Some of them might be great stories but if you can’t identify with the person who went through it, you won’t be inspired. There’s a science to this madness! Here are my three tips on how to pick and read inspiring biographies.

• Make sure the story resonates with you

I love reading biographies of women. Being a woman myself, this is one of the easiest ways for me to resonate with someone else’s story. But it’s not the only one.

Reading about the success stories of people who started where I started, who went through similar struggles as I did, who had the same inherited dreams or social background… it all helps to make sense of their story and see how it could apply to me. For if they could do it, why couldn’t I?

• Find a common interest

Sometimes it’s not the person but the achievement or that person’s interests or focus that inspires most. I love reading stories from people who’ve made it in finance for instance, because money love is something I care about. I also love to read biographies of entrepreneurs, and people who’ve spent their life fighting for a good cause.

When there’s a common interest, it doesn’t matter so much what that person’s background is, or where they started. It’s why and how they did what they did that interests me, and that I learn from the most.

• Identify with the person you’re reading about

Here’s a third and final tip about reading biographies. When you’ve picked one up that resonates with you or that is interesting to you my advice is to read it actively. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t just read it as a spectator. Put yourself in the shoes of the person going through the story. Imagine it was you. Feel into what that would be like, what your life would look like if that story was yours.

Visualizing is a powerful tool to dream bigger. Biographies are a great way to practice those skills! It will help you to be inspired and to take action on your own dreams.

If you don’t know where to start, here are a couple of inspiring biographies to get started with.

All Things at Once by Mika Brzezinski
Chanel: A Woman of her Own by Axel Madsen
Never Tell Me Never by Janine Shepherd
The Road to Someplace Better by Lillian Lincoln Lambert
Suits: A Woman on Wall Street by Nina Godiwalla

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

Is your money mindset affecting your dreams?

We all think we know what money is, and we all feel confident that what we think we know is true. We hardly ever question the beliefs that we have around money or the money mindset that comes with it – even though we don’t know where they come from. A perfect example of this is the belief that many of us have – me included – that making money is a hard thing to do. We start out in life believing this to be true, even before we experience it for ourselves.

My story and mindset about money began with that exact belief. For many years it rippled into everything I did, including how I approached my dreams and tried to achieve them. Because I believed making money was hard, I also believed achieving my dreams had to be.

And it was. Our mindset can be our worst enemy as much as it can be our best friend.

We don’t always think about our mindset this way. In fact, many people go through life without ever questioning what their beliefs are. As the student of my own mindset for many years now, and the witness of the amazing, positive changes that occur in my clients when they change their mindset about money, I’ve come to realize that understanding the true power of your beliefs is one of the most fundamental ways to find more flow, happiness, and courage in your life – and to achieve your dreams!

Our beliefs influence the way we think, but also the way we feel, and the way we act. In a way, you might say that everything comes down to your mindset:

• How you perceive the world

• Your level of self-confidence and self-esteem

• How much you think you’re worth

• Whether or not you believe you can do something

• …

All of these thoughts, feelings, and characteristics are guided by your mindset. If you believe that making money is hard, it will have an effect on your dreams.

You might think building your dreams is expensive, and since you believe making money is hard you’ll never get there. Or as you’re building the career or business of your dreams you might fall into the trap of relentless productivity and overwork like I did. Because way you think about money has a direct influence on the way you think about all the activities that produce money.

The good news is that, even though our beliefs control us, we can take control over what we believe. This means that you are in control, and that no matter what your situation may be today, you have the power to change the world you live in simply by changing how you think about it.

You start this process by asking questions.

• What do you think about when you think about money?

• When you think about money, how do you really feel? Calm, excited, happy, afraid, stressed out?

• What was the relationship your parents had with money? Were they savers, spenders? Were they relaxed about money or always worrying?

• In what financial situation did you grow up? How much money was available to you then? Was there enough to go around, or was making ends meet a challenge every month?

• Who do you think you need to be in order to make money?

• How much do you think you’re really worth? How about your time? And your work?

Exploring these questions will help you to find out more about your relationship with money, and what your money mindset is.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, beliefs about money were all around you when you were growing up. And they are still all around you today. Everybody has them, and often they’re rooted in the culture that you’ve been brought up into. For instance, do any of these money stories sound familiar to you?

• You have to suffer to make money.

• People want to steal your money away from you.

• You have to work hard to make money.

• The best things in life are free.

• Money is the root of evil.

• Money needs to be saved.

• It’s selfish to want a lot of money.

• People with money are greedy, evil, bad.

• Money doesn’t grow on trees… (although this statement is true, what it implies is still a belief about money)

All of these statements were part of my inherited beliefs about money. As long as I kept on to them they worked like self-fulfilling prophecies. Even though making money was never the issue, the way I felt about it and how I spent it were.

The stories I believed about money shaped the way I felt about it, how I looked at it, and what I believed it to be. Essentially, I was afraid of money. I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough of it in my life (since it doesn’t grow on trees, you see!), I was afraid I would have to work really hard all my life to have even a little (well, because you’ve got to work hard for money), I hated wanting money (because it’s selfish), and when I had money, I often felt bad about it (because it’s the root of all evil). What a mess!

I don’t believe any of these statements anymore. Money is not good or bad, doesn’t require hard work, doesn’t make you evil, and it’s certainly not selfish to keep the money that you’ve worked for for yourself. It’s just an instrument that is required in life to get a lot of the things we want.

The thing is nobody teaches us this stuff. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. The tyranny of our inherited dreams keeps us locked up in these suffocating beliefs about money. They have been passed down from generation to generation, transformed on the way down by the experiences of those who end up giving them to us.

Wherever they come from, what most of your beliefs about money are is – simply – beliefs. Yes, many of them probably find their origin in some truth, but not the kind that you need to live by today.

Unconsciously or consciously, we all live by many of the money beliefs that we’ve inherited and are surrounded with. And that limits us. Sometimes in a good way, like when we realize money doesn’t grow on trees and so we don’t spend it all. But most of the time our money stories aren’t that helpful. Like when we’re afraid to invest in our dreams because, well… money doesn’t grow on trees.

In order to achieve your dreams – and to live a life aligned with your soul – you need to create your own beliefs about money. And guess what, you have the power to do just that!

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back

In my coaching practice I meet women when they’re at a crossroads in their lives. When the life they’ve been living for a long time – and the goals they’ve pursuit – don’t work for them any more. When I ask these women what their big dreams are I’m often met with silence. Many of them simply don’t know. Or if they do, their big dreams often come with a big list of why they’ll never achieve them.

From personal experience, and listening to what these women tell me over and over again, I’ve learned that one of the main blocks to overcome in order to dream bigger are the beliefs we hold true for ourselves.

We live in a world full of rules and regulations about who we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to want. This is especially true as women. We’re expected to be a lot of things. Most of them in service of others. These unwritten rules or social expectations are often disguised as internalized beliefs. It’s simply the way culture works.

Being a good daughter for instance might mean you believe you need to listen to your parents when they give you advice about your career choices. Perhaps they want you secure your future by staying in a job you dislike, or earn a degree in a field that doesn’t interest you. The belief that you need to listen to them might make it hard for you to follow your own path, and choose your own career.

The good news is, once we identify the beliefs that hold us back, we can let go of them. We do this by replacing them with new beliefs based on who we are, what we really want, and what we actually belief about the world.

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back?

• Reflect

The best way I’ve found to identify internalized beliefs is to reflect on them. You can do this by journaling about them. Writing down what you believe in can be difficult. What’s internalized isn’t always visible on the surface or conscious. Here are a few prompts that can help you get started.

Pick a dream you’d like to achieve but have trouble getting started or following through with. Start writing down all the associations that come to you about this dream. Don’t edit or limit yourself.

Ask yourself:

• Do I think I deserve this dream?

• What will happen if I achieve this dream?

• Why do I think I won’t make it?

• What don’t I want about this dream?

• Why am I having trouble achieving this dream?

Go over your list and make a note of all the negative things you wrote down. What do they have in common? What do they say about how you see yourself in the world? What beliefs do they bring forward?

If your dream is to become a freelance writer you might think that pursuing this dream is risky, or that you can’t because you don’t have the right degree. Both of those things – risk and degree – are beliefs you have about who can, and can’t start a business.

The question is: is this really true? Do you really need a degree to become a freelancer writer and is it really that risky to work for yourself? Spoiler alert: it’s not! You only believe it is because you’ve been conditioned to.

• Listen to your inner voice

We all have a mean inner voice. It’s the one that tells us we can’t do something, or that we shouldn’t. She’s always there with an opinion about everything. Guess what? That opinion are your internalized beliefs.

By listening to your inner voice, especially when she’s being critical, you’ll be able to identify the beliefs that hold you back.

My inner critic has a tendency to tell me that I’m not good enough, that I don’t have what it takes to succeed at my dreams. For a long time this held me back from doing what I really wanted to do, and forced me to stay small. Once I realised she wasn’t telling the truth I was able to let go and make decisions without listening to her or my internalized beliefs.

• Question your inherited beliefs

Inherited beliefs are the beliefs that are passed down to us in childhood. A lot of them come from our parents, the school we went to, the social circles we grew up in. They’re closely related to our inherited dreams, something I resist and fight against in the work I do with my clients.

We have inherited beliefs about everything. Most of them came from the people that had the most influence on us, that we cared the most for or that we looked up to the most.

Questioning your inherited beliefs is an exercise in reflection like the first tip above. The difference is the focus of the question. Instead of asking yourself what you believe about something, you focus on someone else: your mom or dad, your siblings, a school teacher maybe. Anyone that had an influence on you growing up.

Ask yourself:

• What did my mom teach me about money?

• What did my dad teach me about work ethics?

• What did my fifth grade teacher think about creativity?

• How were my parents raised?

• What did my parents believe in?

These questions will help you to identify the beliefs that you’ve inherited. Once you have I invite you to ask yourself if they’re true and relevant to you. If not, don’t be afraid to change them to alternatives that work better for you. Your big dreams will thank you.

How Michelle started her own freelance copywriting business

I met Michelle at the end of 2016, when she was settling into her new apartment in Paris. Michelle had read one of my posts about multi-passionate creative women and could see herself in what I was describing. What followed were some powerful months where Michelle got clear on what she wanted, and finally admitted her secret dreams to herself. Today – through Michelle’s hard work and dedication – those dreams are becoming reality. Here’s how she did it.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

To be honest, for a long time I felt sort of lost. I didn’t have just one dream. Instead, I had a thousand thoughts consisting of… “It would be awesome if…”. But one of the biggest ‘thoughts’ was to be able to travel the world and try new experiences. To be able to document these wonderful places forever, and sharing them with the world. That’s why I decided to move from North America to Paris with my husband. It was a dream we both shared so it made sense.

Did you always have this dream?

I always had many things I loved to do. I never thought there was a position that could encompass them all! Let alone creating a writing/copywriting business. It was never on my list. And then I read about this thing about “multi-passionate woman”. That’s how I met you. Through one of your blog posts. What caught my attention was your multi-passionate coaching series. I didn’t realize it till I read your blog. Wanting to be and do many things… was normal!

What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?

It seems so long ago. The first thing to get me started? Opening up to you. Trusting you and becoming more aware of myself. That freedom to become completely honest with myself opened so many doors for us… allowing us to dissect and explore.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

There were a few. The biggest? The challenge of putting yourself out there, being vulnerable to failure or defeat. Those “villains” in the back of your head questioning your motives and moves. The 2nd biggest, starting your career over and having to learn new things. At my age, most people think, ” You’re too old.” or “It’s too late.” Let me tell you, I feel so young right now. Everything is fresh and new. Sometimes I feel like I’m turning “ageless”. It’s quite exhilarating.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

To not have been so stubborn to learn things on my own. I would suggest to save time and sanity, look at the areas you need improvement in or struggle with. Look into a mentor or get help from a person specialized in that area. With their expertise you’ll be able to weave your way to your goals a lot faster, and perhaps be introduced to other people or tools to help you with your goal.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

Yes and no. I’ve actually turned this dream into a step in order to achieve a final goal… much grander in scale. So yes, I’ve hit my milestones – creating a business, obtaining new experiences and sharing them. But as you develop, so do your dreams. This business has become the first step to a vision I imagined only a few years ago! A vision I never thought could be possible. Today I see it. The final destination. With all the lovely little branches of goals (soon to be turned into milestones)… that include all the things I’ve ever wanted to do.

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Your and your coaching series was the supporting force to this grand plan. Previous to working with you, I never believed I had a big dream. I just wanted to be happy. I felt lost on where to go or what to do to get to that place. But through your contagiously amazing aura, I broke free from a life with no direction.

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

As Nike says, “Just do it”.

More about Michelle – michellemedia.ca

Michelle is a Canadian writer, explorer, believer and inspirer, design thinker, design lover, and designer of her life. She currently lives in Paris but who knows where her big dream will take her next?

If you’re looking for a writer/copywriter you can contact Michelle at michellemedia.ca or I can put you in touch directly.

You can follow Michelle’s new adventures on instagram @michellenouvelle and on her blog michellenouvelle.com.

Michelle’s favourite quote:

Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.
– C. Joybell C.

Michelle’s big dream for the world:

To have the courage to go after their dreams. Every single one of them.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

The tyranny of inherited dreams and how to get free from them

We’re all dreamers. Every single one of us. We have hopes, and wishes for ourselves, our loved ones and the future. Ask any person what they’d like to own or be and you’ll hear whispers of desire, stories of how things should be or could have been.

As a mentor to the unconventional I know a thing or two about dreams. I dive deep with my clients every day to help them figure out what they really want, and how to get it. Together we define a new path for their dream career or business.

Women come to me when they’re at a crossroad in their lives. They’ve been feeling that something’s off – sometimes for a really long time – and can’t ignore it any more.

They’re stuck in unfulfilling careers.
They’re tired of the endless and exhausting cycle of overwork and perfection.
They’re torn between their personal ambitions and the needs of others.
They yearn to grasp why – while doing everything right – they still aren’t happy.
They wonder what happened to them, and how they got where they are.
They’re weary of the guilt and shame for wanting what they want.
They’re tired of their self-doubt and lack of self-confidence.
They’re afraid of never being who they know they’re supposed to be.
They lack a sense of meaning, purpose, and direction in their life.

When I started working with these women I noticed something else about them.

They have many talents and passions.
They’re creative.
Hard-working.
Wholehearted.
Compassionate.
Ambitious.
Not afraid to get their hands dirty.
Smart.
Insatiable for knowledge.
And quick learners.

With all these amazing qualities, why is it so hard for them to figure out what they really want?

It’s the tyranny of inherited dreams.

Inherited dreams are the dreams we pursue but that we didn’t choose for ourselves. They’re a product of the world we’re born into. A mix of social expectations, false (limiting) beliefs about ourselves and the world, pressure to conform, and unwritten rules we believe we have to live by, passed down to us in childhood.

More often than not, we’re not aware those dreams aren’t really our own. But whether we know it or not, it’s incredibly hard to resist them. If we give in to them entirely (which, really, we’re all doing when we’re not asking questions), we turn into docile, sleepwalking robots producing what the system needs us to in order to sustain itself. While the system gets every need met, we estrange from our true nature, or deepest desires, and our authentic dreams.

I was a robot like that, from the day I started working as a freelancer to the day my parents passed away, almost two decades later.

• I wanted to be successful. Dressed in the nicest clothes, wearing expensive watches, carrying luxury bags, traveling the world, making tons of money. As a result I worked relentlessly – burned myself out – for years, trying to build the career I thought I needed to achieve that dream. I never got there…

• I wanted to be beautiful. Thin, youthful, tanned, smiling, hair and nails perfectly done, always put together. As a result I was on a diet from the age of 15, exercised excessively for the bigger part of my life. In the end I was never satisfied with my body or how I looked.

• I wanted to be liked. Catering to everyone’s needs, always aiming for perfection, as pleasing as I could be. As a result I was a push-over, had no boundaries, attracted the wrong partners, stayed in toxic relationships for years, had draining friendships, didn’t take care of myself, and was never really me.

Don’t misunderstand me. Wanting to be successful, beautiful or liked is all part of the bigger needs we have as humans: to be loved, to be fulfilled, to have purpose.

Love, fulfilment, purpose are NOT inherited dreams. They are our soulful connection to ourselves, and each other. They are our life breath. Without them we can never be truly happy.

What I mean by inherited dreams are the things we think we want in order to be loved, fulfilled, purposeful.

The culture we live in has made us belief that we can only achieve those things by being a certain way. Moreover, society also tells us that to be a certain way we need to have a specific and narrow set of material things and qualities.

• Success means money, status, power and all the “perks” that go with it. The clothes, the travels, the sandy beaches, the private jets. It also means being ready to do “everything it takes”, the glorification of busy, the relentless pursuit of productivity.

• Beauty means youth, thinness, whiteness. It also means being ready to starve yourself, to exercise beyond injury, to accept the dangers of surgery, and to reject and see as less than anything that doesn’t meet the beauty standard.

• Likability means politeness, not speaking too loud, being a good girl, and saying “yes”. It also means accepting others crossing your boundaries, putting yourself last on your list, bottling up your emotions, and not being your true self.

The issue with inherited dreams is that we don’t know they’re someone else’s. We’re so used to seeing others chase them that we believe we want to chase them too. No wonder we are. They’re EVERYWHERE. We read about them online or in magazines, we see them in movies, our friends have them…

I believe it is our right, as well as our responsibility, to look within ourselves. To examine, question and identify what we stand for so that we can live fulfilling, happy, courageous lives and pursue our own dreams.

The thing about inherited dreams is that they’re a construct. Just like all the rules that exist in the world, we – as a society – created them. Historical events, beliefs about the world, value systems upheld and shared by those in power all contributed to the inherited dreams we have today. But it wasn’t always this way, and it doesn’t need to be.

There’s something else buried deep beneath our inherited dreams.

Our truest, most authentic dreams. Our secret dreams.

Just like inherited dreams, I believe we all have secret dreams. The problem is that most of us have lost the map to find them in the pile of maps that lead us to other people’s dreams, a.k.a. nowhere.

To me, finding your way back to your secret dreams means dreaming bigger.

Dream Alchemy is a process of unraveling, imagination, and transformation. It’s not about having bigger or better versions of our inherited dreams. It’s about dismantling them. About admitting our most authentic, truest dreams to ourselves. About coming home to who we are.

Today I define success in terms of sustainability, self-care, and overall well-being both in my life and in my business. I define beauty through art, wonder, and curiosity. Inviting all that is unknown to me in, fighting for equality and justice. I define likability by how much of my true self I’m able to bring into my relationships, how much love I have to go through authenticity and respect for myself and others.

Does this mean I make no money any more or that I stopped shopping for clothes? No. What it means is that I now have a business that feels right to me, Smart Work™ systems that don’t exhaust me, marketing practices that are aligned with my values. I also still have a closet full of clothes. But I don’t need them to be happy.

My invitation to you is to question your dreams.

Ask yourself what really matters to you. Wonder about what you’d do if you knew you were loved unconditionally. Define what purpose means to you. Figure out what you really want. Question the rules you live by. Ask yourself where all those beliefs come from…

In other words: I want you to transform reality to finally fit your dreams.

Because yes, you have permission to dream differently – to dream YOU.

How to enjoy the journey as you move closer to your goals

When working on big dreams it’s easy to get caught up in them. We get so focused on the end result that we lose sight of all that we already have. I know this is something I used to deal with a lot, and that I still need to be careful of.

It’s great to want things, and work toward them. But not to the extend that you’re unable to enjoy where you are right now, or what you’ve already accomplished. In fact, I believe you’ll have a better chance at achieving your goals if you find joy on the road that leads to them.

There are a few reasons for this, but the most important one is that the happier you are, the better you’ll be able to work on your goals.

You’ll have more energy, greater creativity and problem-solving skills, less stress, and more resilience. It will be easier for you to stay on track, focused, and to see things through when they don’t turn out as you’d planned.

How do you enjoy the journey?

There are many ways to enjoy the present moment, big and small. Here are three that I’ve found to be most helpful to me. They might be helpful for you too.

• Meditate

Having a daily meditation practice has changed my life. When I signed up for a transcendental meditation initiation I had no idea I needed it so badly. I remember the teacher talk about the benefits of TM to ground yourself in the now, to find more inner peace, to reach a state of bliss. I believed in the benefits of meditation, but I was still skeptical.

After about a month of daily practice (two sessions of 20 minutes each, one in the morning and one late afternoon) things started shifting. I became more aware of myself, and my surrounding. My perception of time changed. Where I was always in a rush before, I suddenly had more than enough time for work and play. I started looking at productivity in a different way. The relentless pursuit of productivity, a byproduct of the dominant economic system based on never-ending growth, didn’t work for me anymore. I wanted – and needed – a system where work was fun, sustainable, soulful. One that would take me into account, without being only focused on the end result.

If you never meditated before, I want to invite you to try. There are plenty of apps and websites out there that will help you get started. Even five minutes a day will make a difference. If you do have a meditation practice, or if you’ve tried it before I want to encourage you not to give up. It took awhile for meditation to become a daily practice that I enjoy, but the benefits absolutely outweighed the effort.

• Take a break

Sometimes what we need to find our way back to the present moment is a break from our dreams. Yes, I know how this sounds 🙂 But I’ve done it a few times over the years, and it works.

Especially as multi-passionate creative women it’s so easy to fall in the trap of busyness, to ambitiously and relentlessly keep working towards what we want to achieve. The more we work on something, the more new ideas we have about all the other things we want to do. Soon enough it feels like we have no time left, the urgency sets in, we get overwhelmed.

When this happens, take a break. In the end, you don’t need to do anything. I repeat: you don’t need to do anything. There is no outside force pushing you to achieve the goals you set for yourself. The pressure you’re feeling comes from within. So give yourself a breather. Drop everything. Convince yourself that you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to (which is true by the way). Take some time to relax, have fun, enjoy the present moment. Soon enough you’ll be back on the saddle (you can’t help yourself) and slaying at those dreams again – in a more mindful way. I promise.

• Count your blessings

There’s no better way to enjoy the journey than to be grateful for what you already have. So much has been written and said about gratitude. There’s a good reason for that. Having a gratitude practice shifts your mindset over time. By giving yourself a few minutes to feel grateful every day you’re allowing positivity into your life. These few minutes add up over time, and ripple into every other aspect of your life.

There’s plenty of ways to be grateful. A popular one is to reflect on three things that made you happy at the end of the day. I’ve had that practice for a long time, but eventually found myself repeating the same things a bit too often. My gratitude practice now includes a few minutes of deep breathing, smiling, and thinking about one thing that makes me happy in my life or my business. Sometimes I’ll pause and do it a few times a day (the endorphin release is addictive!), other times I’ll pause when I’m walking down the street and feel the warmth of the Sun on my face. It doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you make it a conscious and consistent choice.

If you want more tips to get unstuck, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.