Shift Shock and How to Avoid It

Have you ever had this experience: you work so hard to get a new job, maybe even shift careers, and then the minute you’re in your new role, you regret it so completely that you want to run away? Or throw up right where you are… Whatever you feel, it’s so intense that you are left in this catatonic state.

Well, that’s “shift shock.”

According to this article by The Muse, 72% of workers have experienced shift shock. Part of the issue is that we have built up this idea that the grass is greener on the other side of this role or career, and then we feel either a wee bit let down once we get there, or overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of it. 

There is a lot to be said about the comfort of our old roles. While we may have not enjoyed them so much and there was a reason we wanted to switch careers, we were comfortable in them - both the everyday tasks and the complaining about how we wanted more or something different. Then suddenly you have the role you wanted and everything is new. We don’t know what tasks to get done first, how to navigate the new social scenarios, and what kind of clothes to wear to work every day (especially true if you work from home). 

The darker side of shift shock is when you start a new job and realize your employers have lied about, or didn’t explain, the expectations they have for your role, which leads you to accept the position under the wrong precepts. This is even harder when you are switching to a remote role where conveying expectations is entirely dependent on an interviewer who is not used to the virtual reality you’re entering into. Company culture is also difficult to discern prior to starting when the role is completely online, making shift shock even more apparent and uncomfortable.  

So now that we know what shift shock is - and how common it is - the question becomes, how the heck do we avoid it?

1. State your expectations. When you go for your interview, or start your first day, it is important that you are very clear about your expectations of this role. That means you lay out the exact responsibilities you believe you will have, what your working hours will be like, and describe your work-from-home policy (yes, that’s right, you’re allowed to define how you want to work!) to the interviewer/onboarder so that they can clarify if it fits with theirs. If everyone is starting on the same page, there will be less shift shock.

2. Ask about employee retention. A lot of what creates a great company culture is how the company tries to retain its employees. What do they do that helps their employees? How do they build trust with their employees? Ask those questions and make sure you like the answers. If you don’t, it’s probably going to be harder to adjust to the role. 

3. Meet other employees on LinkedIn. Whether you’re in the interview process or it's your first week, getting information from fellow employees is incredibly important. Networking and reaching out to them on LinkedIn is one way to learn about the company culture and what the company expects of them. If you find out that you are salaried for a 40-hour week, but they expect you to work before and after work, and on the weekends, without overtime, and that doesn’t align with what you want out of the role (or with how life should be), you can jump ship right there.

Don’t be afraid to leave. If you find out that the company misled you about their expectations, it’s okay to leave. While you might have left your prior job, you can still create an exit strategy for this one. I know we are all used to the notion that we must keep a job for at least a year to make our resumes look better, but the reality is, having good mental health is more important. 

Moreover, if you think the shift shock is simply a byproduct of your own expectations not being met, but you know in your gut it will get better as soon as you're comfortable, then just work on getting comfortable. The steps above will still be beneficial - especially if you are trying to meet your co-workers and get to know them. 

Remember, it’s totally normal to feel shift shock. You’ve just campaigned your way out of something you’re familiar with for something new. It’s like being a kindergartner on their first day. You’ve heard so much about this cool place called school and all the things you will experience. You’re excited and ready to start, but then on the first day, you cry at the classroom door because it’s all so overwhelming. Within two weeks, you’re feeling better and love your teacher and classmates. 

Give it some time, but then again, don’t be afraid to switch again if you really know in your heart of hearts you’re not where you want to be. Because you know what, you’re allowed to do that.

Worried about shift shock?

The idea of shift shock can be intimidating - probably more intimidating than actually shifting roles is to you. But not only is it a completely normal feeling, there are things you can do to avoid it.

I help my clients identify the roles they would like to try out to build the lives they want. Part of this is getting clear on the type of company they want to work for. When they enter the interviewing stage, we walk through all the questions they should ask so that they can avoid shift shock when they get the role. If you’re ready to start, I can help!

Schedule your free session!

Self-trust: a Way to Overcome Impostor Syndrome

Are you a multi-talented, creative person suffering from anxious, incessant mind chatter? Doubting yourself by saying, ‘you’re going to mess up!’, ‘are you *sure* that’s right?’ or (my favorite) ‘one day you’ll get caught, and everyone will know you’re just a mess!’

That inner voice isn’t an alien phenomenon, but a side effect of being unable to internalize your achievements, aka ‘Impostor Syndrome’.

Do you easily dismiss your intelligence as luck or fraud? Here’s why you shouldn’t…

Impostor syndrome isn’t unique to women, though we experience it more. We’re also not the only ones who experience it. In fact, about 70% of humans do. But we, the creative, multi-talented, high-achievers experience heightened ‘intellectual phoniness’ more often. We find ways to downplay our talents, or struggle with getting caught as imposters, despite proof of our achievements. This internalized fear leads to a cycle – the slightest criticism is *proof* of our incompetence despite our capabilities, and undeniable evidence of our successes.

How many degrees do you have? Distinctions? Praises? Professional recognition? Courses and trainings you’ve undertaken? *Not enough* would be my guess, at least not according to you!

Having imposter syndrome means trying to work with crippling perfectionism, over-preparation, and a tendency to keep yourself small or people-please, while lacking self-esteem to freely share your opinions and safeguard your boundaries.

The truth is – in Tanya Geisler’s words (expert on the Impostor Complex): actual impostors don’t feel like impostors.

From Tanya (who I’ve had the pleasure to attend a talk by on this very subject a few years ago) I also learned that all these traits – perfectionism, people-pleasing, keeping yourself small, etc… – are not always bad. They’re part of our evolution as humans. We want, and need to belong. So depending on the environment we live in they can be life savers.

Issues arise, though, when these behaviors show up to *avoid* feeling like an impostor. When that happens, feeling like a fraud actually gets amplified.   

What are the elements of impostor syndrome?

In my life, the impostor syndrome manifested most (and still does sometimes) by telling me I’m a fraud, that I have nothing interesting to say or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This, paired with the fear of saying something wrong, is the perfect cocktail to keep myself small, take on the opinion of others, people-please and procrastinate. I mean, why would I even try? If I do they’ll find out I’m worthless… The problem is, deep inside I know I have something to contribute.

The impostor syndrome shows up when things matter.

Have you ever feared being found out for how you do the dishes, put on your shoes in the morning, read a book? I haven’t. The impostor syndrome shows up when the opinion of others about your abilities becomes important to you. If you don’t care, *it* doesn’t care.

The way the impostor syndrome manifests in your life will be different to how it manifests in mine, but there are a number of situations in which it’s almost certain to show up:

• Change – Change is constant. It’s the foundation of all things, what allows us to create our own reality, and evolve as humans. It’s also one of the triggers of the impostor syndrome. When trying something new – often at work – or going after our dreams in general, when facing a difficult situation, especially in a higher position, we’re bound to encounter change in how things are done. The impostor syndrome doesn’t like that. At all. That’s why it makes us believe that anyone else who is successful *doesn’t* experience the feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, uncertainty that we’re plagued with when facing change.

• Fear – Achievement always makes us visible. This makes it impossible to protect ourselves from the judgement of others. (Even if we’d love to do that more than anything else.) The potential of being *found out* feels catastrophic to anyone dealing with the impostor syndrome. This translates into fear. The biggest issue – again – is that we believe we’re not good enough. That we’re not ready or don’t have what it takes. “What if I take this job, and I can’t do it?” or “What if I start this project, and I get stuck?” are some of the questions my clients deal with on a daily basis.

• Failure – The conditional nature of society, that credits worth and success to high-achievement, also creates anxiety and doubt. Not achieving exemplary results is associated with incompetence and failure, even when this isn’t the case. You might find it difficult to try new things because of fear of failure, especially if you struggle with the impostor syndrome.

Can we overcome impostor syndrome? If so, how do we get started?

The good news is that, yes, there are ways to learn to recognize, and move passed the impostor syndrome. I’ll get into that in a minute. First, I want to address an important aspect of our culture that I believe influences women (more than men) when it comes to feeling like a fraud: patriarchy and the role we’re meant to play in it.

The patriarchal, white, capitalist culture we live in makes women perform a gender role that is vulnerable to the impostor syndrome. Conditioning primes us for not taking credit for our successes, for being sweet and humble, not too proud of who we are, for staying small, not being too loud, and certainly not wanting too much. Far from the best conditions to teach us how to internalize our achievements, it actually feeds the impostor syndrome the nutrients it needs to grow.

In a way, the impostor syndrome is a symptom of the systemic oppression that patriarchy imposes on us. It’s predominance in work environments where highly qualified women are driven to achieve doesn’t come as a surprise. That’s where the capitalist, patriarchal ethos of endless growth, and success without failure is most present.

Overcoming impostor syndrome can therefore never be achieved without liberation from our cultural programming: we must stop trying to be what we’re not, and instead get absolutely clear about who we are, and what we believe in.

We must cultivate self-trust.

Acceptance of what is, allowing mistakes, trusting that everything will be OK are all part of the awakening process we must go through.

Being a high-achiever, you might not always embrace imperfection. In fact, if you’re anything like me, chances are you passionately hate it. What I’ve learned is that making mistakes, falling, getting back up, and dusting yourself off, learning and moving forward is all there is.

Perfection.
The moment you’ll finally be good enough.
Waiting until you’re ready.
Succeeding without years of practice, perseverance and shit happening while you’re trying.

None of it is real.

In order to be approved of, and loved, you don’t need to achieve anything. What you need is waking up to the fact that you’re good enough right here, right now. Nobody’s going to find you out, because there’s NOTHING to find out.

If you step into the fullness of who you are, what the world will see is more of your greatness.

It all starts with cultivating self-trust by questioning what you believe about the world, and your place in it. Is what you’re telling yourself *really* true? Are you really the fraud you think you are? Once you’ve come to the inevitable conclusion that, no, you’re not a fraud, and, yes, you’re very capable, a world of endless possibilities will open up for you.

Trust yourself. You’ve got this.

5 ways to cultivate a mindset of good enough (and beat perfectionism)

If I’d beam back in time to have a coaching session with my former self, let’s say from ten years ago, and I’d ask her what she wanted most out of coaching with me (I know this intro sounds super strange, but there’s a point to this madness I promise) I’m positive she’d say something like “finish the stuff I start” or “stop procrastinating all the time”. If I’d then ask her what she thought about herself she’d probably mention how she often didn’t feel confident, that life and work were overwhelming, she didn’t fit in, and simply wasn’t good enough.

(See, I told you :))

A lot has changed since then. The overwhelm and awkwardness I felt growing up and building my first business have thankfully made room for a more fulfilling state of sort-of balance and flow.

For the past ten years I’ve been my own (sometimes uber shitty) coaching client. I’ve used myself as a guinea pig to try and understand what this life and work thing is all about. I’ve tested uncountable ways to be a better, more productive and successful human. To learn, grow, and figure out what actually works.

The short conclusion – drumroll included:

Everything you thought you knew about happiness is wrong.

It’s not about being the best, having the most money, buying the Chanel bag, being *super* busy all the time. It’s not about having the seven figure business (although I’m all about money love, but that’s another story). If you hadn’t caught on yet, what I mean is, happiness has nothing to do with being PERFECT.

In fact, is has everything to do with NOT being perfect.

Happiness appears when we stop the “shoulds” and “musts”, and see ourselves for what we are – and always have been: good enough just the way we are (if a romantic scene from Bridget Jones is popping into your mind right now you’re definitely my kind of human).

Jumping back to my younger self for a minute. Ten years ago I was an utter and absolute perfectionist. Nothing I did was ever good enough. The result? I didn’t do much at all. I was also a helpless people-pleaser who lacked the confidence to make herself a sandwich before asking for permission. What I knew best was how to follow rules, to adapt to whatever I thought was expected of me. By the time I was 30 there was little room left for freedom, play, curiosity or creativity. Life and work felt like burdens. All I had were “have tos”.

The state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion I was in was the result of excessive and prolonged stress. To be clear: that I’D PUT ON MYSELF. Yes, work was hectic. Yes, building a business is hard BUT I was never the helpless little chicken I made myself out to be. I didn’t know it at the time but the truth is, I had the power all along (clicks shoes together three times).

That power is called CONFIDENCE. And it’s the result of (many things including) cultivating a mindset of good enough. That mindset will help you:

• Focus on what’s really important for you

• Find and do work that feeds you instead of drains you

• Actually create the freaking thing instead of just thinking about it

• Get off your time machine and discover where the fun’s really at (spoiler alert: it’s called now)

• Start living your own dreams instead of trying to build everyone else’s

But Murielle, I hear you ask, how does one cultivate such a seemingly magical mindset?

The truth? It’s super easy AND palm sweat complicated at the same time.

You change the way you think.

Simple enough, right? There’s just one little tiny thing though… All the years you’ve been gobbling up and repeating so many other thoughts about yourself and the world. They left a mark on you. They’re the reason you think the way you do. So to get to the good stuff you’ll need to get passed those first.

It’s a process that takes dedication, time, and discipline. This pink-loving guinea pig knows because she’s been there. So here are 5 ways that work(ed) for me and hopefully will get this life-changing process of *finally feeling good enough like the star that you are* going for you too.

#1 Stop comparing your awesome self to others

Comparisitis is the disease of our time. The rise of social media – a process that’s been going on for about 15 years now – marked the beginning of an exponential cycle of out-of-control expectations and judgments about ourselves. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve always glanced at the neighbors to see what they were up to, but it was never in our face the way it’s now. We could still escape it, because we were in control of the information stream. Today things are different. Everywhere we look we see what looks like awesome people doing what looks like amazing stuff. Online nobody has a bad hair day or doubts about their life. And that’s a shitty problem. Having those perfect humans pop into our feeds so many times a day (about every 18 minutes studies find) is making us sick, unhappy about our lives, forced to hide the *real* struggles we all have to deal with.

My recipe to stop comparing your awesome self to others includes:

• Limit your time on social media (15 minutes a day will do – yes I mean one five)

• Unfollow accounts that make you feel blah

• Avoid being sucked into the research hole that inevitably leads to “she’s awesome and I suck”

• Remember that all humans are unique. A valid comparison would need both of you to be equal in EVERYTHING except the one thing you’re comparing. Identical twins wouldn’t even meet those criteria, so how could you? Ever?

#2 Accept that perfection is bullshit

As long as you think there’s an absolute state of perfection to be attained, you’ll never be happy with what you have or who you are. The truth about perfection is that it doesn’t exist. Plato (and a heap of other philosophers) believed life on Earth was a poor imitation of the *real* world. Surely, he thought, if we can imagine something to be perfect it must BE perfect somewhere. Since it clearly wasn’t in the physical world (clears throat to hide discomfort) he concluded it must be in the world of ideas.

Yes, there’s something to say for Plato’s ideas. There are many flowers in the world, but none of them compare to the idea of THE flower we have in our mind. We’ve never seen this perfect flower with our own eyes, we’ve only IMAGINED it. The point is, we’re great at conceptualizing. According to Yuval Noah Harari one of the indispensable qualities we needed in order to rule the world. But there’s a difference between ideas and reality, just like there’s a difference between being perfect and being human.   

#3 Be a fearless scaredy cat

I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. Every single freakin’ day. But that doesn’t stop me from taking action (anymore). Fearless is what I call feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Because mmm… the fear never goes away. So we might as well learn to live with it, right? My advice is to be a fearless scaredy cat. To do your thing, even if you feel like you’ve got a giant sign on your back saying “I have no clue, please rescue me”.

#4 Don’t believe everything you think

Seven years ago I enrolled in a 10-week mindfulness training program. Before that I’d never meditated, never considered the power of my breath or body, and certainly never thought about the things I told myself every single day. In session one of the training our teacher, in response to a question about that subject, *casually* mentioned that we – humans – are not our thoughts.

Say what?! I’d never considered that the voice in my head could be different from who I was. This was such a revelation that it took me weeks to grasp the full power of what she’d said. Especially with the negative tune that was playing in my head at the time, realising I had CONTROL over what I was thinking gave me back my power. The thing is, you have that power too. You’re not your thoughts either, so don’t believe everything you think just because you well.. think it.

#5 Focus on smarter, not flawless

Know that you can grow, learn and improve. A mistake isn’t a problem until you get stuck in making it over and over again. Instead is trying to be flawless, learn how to learn from your mistakes, to integrate what happened so you can do a better job next time. That’s the only thing anyone could ask of you, and the only thing you should ask of yourself.

Flawless, we’ve seen above, doesn’t exist. So it would be mighty silly to put any effort into trying to achieve it. Focus on what you CAN change, on the stuff you do have control over. Meaning: just be smarter next time. Because you’ve got this!

7 easy things you can do to release anxiety (immediately)

In the past years, I’ve worked really hard to overcome my anxieties, to stop the worry chatter in my head. Along the way, through my coaching practice, I’ve also helped a lot of women overcome their anxieties, fears, worries.

Through this work, I’ve learned that anxiety can be lessened, sometimes even cured entirely, but that to do so you need to change one or more aspects of your life.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a terribly unpleasant feeling of fear, worry or even panic. When we’re anxious we feel stressed out, our heart pounds in our chest, our breathing changes, our mind goes into overdrive, with what seems like millions of thoughts per second. Or we’re so focused on one fearful thought or experience, that we can’t get it out of our head, as if it was haunting us! We get up with it in the morning, we go to bed with it at night. This can last for hours, days, weeks on end. Believe me, I know, I’ve been there many times.

The thing is, everyone experiences anxiety sometimes. We all inevitably worry about ordinary, day-to-day issues, such as health, family, work, money. That’s perfectly OK.

When Fear Or Worry Won’t Let Go

The problem starts when you can’t seem to shake a fearful, negative thought or when – even after a particular experience has ended – it remains in your mind, and you still worry about it. Another expression of anxiety, one that I struggled with for a long time (still do sometimes) is worrying about all possible, negative scenarios concerning an experience (past or present), a person, or a thing.

Most of the excessive worry is irrational, yet the fear or worry won’t let go. Unpleasant to say the least, often difficult to live with, anxiety can be mild or strong depending on a number of factors, ranging from higher emotional awareness, sensitivity to stress, family history, trauma, or even genes.

Your environment, what you eat, the amount of sleep you get, the people you surround yourself with… all of these things can also have an impact on your level of anxiety.

7 Easy Things You Can Do To Release Anxiety (Immediately)

Throughout the years I’ve learned how to deal with my anxiety, and worry much more efficiently. The good news is, there are simple and effective ways to get rid of big chunks of anxiety, calm the brain, relax the body, get back on track with your life. Some start working right away, while others need more practice, may help lessen anxiety over time.

1. Get Enough Sleep

Women often don’t get as much sleep as they need or don’t sleep well. But sleep is designed specifically to help control stress. It’s something you should never skip on purpose.

Go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning (even on the weekends). Try to schedule a full seven to nine hours of snooze time every day.

When I don’t get my eight hours of sleep I’m not just tired, I’m more anxious too, I even get a tat depressed (another symptom of anxiety to some people).

2. Eat Well-Balanced Meals

Give the body the support it needs. You should limit your intake of rich, fatty, or spicy food, especially during your evening meal.

Try to eat more products that contain vitamin B, omega-3s, healthy whole-grain carbohydrates.

A morning glass of green juice can get you on the right side of calm. You can try this recipe (which is one of my favorites) for a guaranteed mood-booster: combine one banana or green apple, sliced ginger, a bunch of kale, one lime, cucumber slices, a few ice cubes, a cup of water to a blender or juicer. For more protein add an egg, yogurt, nuts, or protein powder.

3. Get Rid of Clutter

A messy workspace or home can make it difficult to relax. Make a habit of keeping things clean and anxiety-free. Take 10 minutes to tidy up your living space or work area every day. I don’t do this nearly enough, but when I do the feeling of bliss that comes over me when things are neat and tidy is incredible.

If you have too much stuff cluttering up your living or work space, try this quick hack for instant clean-up madness:

• Choose just one drawer, cabinet or closet to clean out

• Take everything out

• Categorize the stuff you don’t use (I usually get rid of anything I haven’t used for four consecutive seasons) by making three piles for items to throw away, to donate, to sell

• Only put back the stuff you use

• Get rid of the throw-aways immediately, mark your calendar for the ones to donate or to sell

4. Meditate

Meditation or mindfulness training can help you learn how to better cope with stress. One aspect of anxiety is racing thoughts that won’t go away. Meditation helps with this part of the problem by quieting the overactive mind. Or it will teach you how to not let yourself be affected by your thoughts, which is my case.

Give yourself the gift of serenity, start the day with 10 to 20 minutes of solitude and positive energy.

I’m a big fan of transcendental meditation. It has helped with my anxiety tremendously, amazing results from a practice of two times 20 minutes a day.

5. Hold Your Breath

Yoga breathing has been shown to be effective in lowering stress and anxiety. There is a classic yoga breathing technique “The 4-7-8 Breathing Exercise”, also called “The Relaxing Breath”. This was one of the first breathing techniques I was every introduced too, long before I was practicing transcendental meditation, or any other effective anxiety-relieving method, I was using this technique successfully.

One reason it works is that you can’t breathe deeply and be anxious at the same time. How great, right? To do the 4-7-8 breath:

• Sit comfortably in a straight up position.

• Exhale through your mouth, making a ‘whoosh’ sound.

• Close your mouth, inhale quietly through your nose for 4 seconds.

• Hold your breath for 7 seconds.

• Exhale through your mouth, making a whoosh sound for 8 seconds.

• This is one breath. Now inhale again, repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

6. Get Hot

Heating up your body reduces muscle tension, anxiety. One of the symptoms of my anxiety has always been muscle stiffness. When I get stressed, my muscles contract without me realizing it. This puts a lot of pressure on my body.

Take a long bath or hot shower, you may find that your anxiety decreases right away (it does with me).

Warming up may be one of the ways that exercise – not to mention curling up by a fire with a cozy cup of tea – boosts your mood.

7. Create a Vision Board for Your Anxiety-Free Life

If you believe that positive things are going to happen, they usually do! I’m a big believer in visualization. One way to enjoy the benefits of visualization is to create a vision board. This is a type of blueprint for the kind of life you’d like to create for yourself.

It’s important to make sure that your vision board not only holds the vision you have for your life, but also reflects the feelings you want to see come forward when you’re actually enjoying that life, looking at the board.

When it comes to anxiety, your vision board should be about things that calm you down. Sounds crazy, I know, but it really does work!

You can also try to make an e-vision board using Pinterest for some Pinspiration. Keep this vision board within your reach. Look at it with love, know that each time you see it, you’ll feel grounded, happy, calm.

Remember, life isn’t something to take too seriously. Often when we worry, that’s all we do. Everything is so serious, so scary, so fearful. When I’m working my way through anxiety, I try to remember to make time to do something I truly enjoy: read a book, talk to a friend, craft, learn something new.

Especially when your anxious, it’s important to find balance in your life focus on the good things that surround you.

Looking forward to hearing from you below. So do tell me, what works to reduce your anxiety? How do you deal with worry?

FREE MEMBERS: DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE ANXIETY WORKSHEET

Did you know that free members of The Sisterhood Collective get access to my free resources library? To become a member, and download your free anxiety worksheet, simply click on the picture below.

What would you do if you weren't afraid to fail?

I’ve been spending a lot of time creating content for my popular Dream Bigger Goal Setting Program. While I was working on a unique daily planner yesterday (something special I’m putting together for the incredible humans enrolled in the program), I added a question in the introduction section of the planner that I love asking my clients and students.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid to fail?

The answers to that question are often out of the ordinary. When asked, some clients or students tell me they would simply aim for small changes in their lives, while others would go after big dreams. Although everyone has their own personal focus, and most answers are different, there are some things that are true for almost everyone. If they weren’t afraid to fail…

They would all gain confidence and believe in themselves

Knowing that you cannot fail takes away the fear, full-stop. It’s that simple. And, the consequences are pretty amazing. All of a sudden, things that look daring and big and unattainable become normal and totally doable, and you have no doubt that they are meant for you — and that you can and will indeed have what it is that you want.

Their goals wouldn’t really change, but they would jump more easily to achieve them

Almost none of my students or clients ever decide to go for other goals and dreams, rather than the ones they had already set for themselves. The big difference is that they believe that, if they cannot fail, they can go for them faster, without being so careful and without weighing all the options so much. And why not, right? When something is a sure thing, there’s no point in waiting – or being cautious for that matter!

They are all at least a little afraid

And who wouldn’t be, when working on their goals and designing the life they want? It would be so great to know that we cannot fail, but unfortunately we cannot escape uncertainty. And because the outcomes of our efforts is uncertain, and sometimes what we undertake asks so much of us (time, energy, commitment, effort, sacrifice… to name a few), it’s absolutely normal to have fears and moments of doubt.

I’ve become an avid goal-setting and dream pursuer, and I’ve been in business for more than 20 years. Still, I have doubts and fears, and moments when I’m not sure anymore, or times when uncertainty creeps up on me when I expect it the least. And I’m sure you do, too.

But, my guess is that when it comes to your big goals and dreams, most of all you’re afraid to fail. You’re looking at that big mountain in front of you, and you wonder: what if I don’t make it? What if I don’t succeed?

1. Learn to live your life fearlessly

If you know my personal story, you know I’ve had my share of fears over the years, but at some point I decided I wouldn’t let them rule my life anymore.

Now, I’m not here to say you need to live your life without fear, but I am saying you need to live it fearlessly! Fear is an ancient and primal emotion that has allowed the human race to survive. As such, it’s a powerful emotion. It has protected us from the unsafe and the unpredictable for centuries, and it has allowed us to thrive.

2. Take note of your flight reflex

But while we’ve evolved, this raw protective instinct of fight or flight did not. And while there might have been a lot of fighting in earlier times, when fear shows up today, we mostly want to run away.

• Like when we know we need to have “the conversation” with someone we care about, but we would rather do anything but.

• Or when we’re undertaking a big dream and things are not going the way we want them to. We expect a certain result (maybe some sales numbers in your business, or validation for your expertise, or recognition as an artist), but something else happens. With a lot of us — I’m no exception, believe me — when that happens, we would love nothing more than to run away from it all. There’s that flight instinct again!

And yes, you’ve got it right, this flight reflex is very present in our lives. More than you’re aware of, I’m sure. Take note of your reactions to situations for a few days, and you’ll get what I mean. It’s everywhere.

But what’s important to understand is that your fear is not against you. It’s just terribly overprotective (and really loves to run too).

3. Embrace your fears, and do it anyway

Elizabeth Gilbert calls this emotion “Grandfather Fear”. She says to it: “I know you’re scared because I’m going to expansively do something with an uncertain outcome, but we’re going to do it anyway.“

So when fear shows up, don’t take flight. But instead, think about what you would do if you weren’t afraid to fail. Then use that knowledge and confidence to do it anyway.

And when things get tough, remind yourself that being courageous is not being without fear, but rather believing deeply that your happiness lies on the other – fearless side – of life.