How Yamille used art therapy to recover from burnout and decided to create spaces for other women to make art

When I met Yamille, she had just gone through severe burnout from her corporate role. She had realized she wanted a different professional life filled with creativity, but wasn’t sure how to make it happen and was paralyzed by a fear of failure. Together, we worked through those blocks and Yamille learned that even if she stumbled on the path to the life she really wanted, she was still learning and getting one step closer to her goals. Since then, she’s started her own business in a field she loves, became a certified art therapy coach, healed her burnout, and squashed her fear of failure. Here’s how she did it.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

My big dream was to be an artist who facilitates and promotes the use of creative expression (art making) as a well-being tool for women to prevent burnout and live a life full of energy and enthusiasm. I would love to have several "ateliers" where women can make art on a regular basis and are helped by a community of experts in the field of art therapy.

I got inspired to go after this dream when I experienced firsthand the well-being power of art, especially to recover from burnout.

Did you always have this dream?

Not always, but I've certainly been thinking about it for a long time but I never dared to change until my burn-out kind of forced me to.

I never thought I was good enough at painting, drawing, dancing, ... or that I could make a living out of it. Moreover, I didn't find it that meaningful to create something "pretty" to be liked and judged by others. These paradigms made me give up on my artistic talents until I discovered and experienced doing art in a completely different way following a Swedish painting methodology that helped me let go of my "logic brain" and let my "artist child" express itself. I learned to enjoy the creative process and not become fixated on my performance or the result.

Over the years I have experienced the many benefits of art, especially during my recovery from burn-out, I was amazed by how much it helped me. This further convinced me to go for my big dream!

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

I looked for guidance to "put the pieces of the puzzle" together that is how I started the coaching sessions with Murielle, to get clarity, gain confidence and have a sparring partner that could understand and guide a creative person like me in my situation.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

The fear of failing was my biggest challenge. I grew up in a culture where failing is not well received, I was afraid of being a "loser", and on top of that my confidence was severely undermined by my burn-out where my body "failed" and I just couldn't perform anymore. I realized that this fear was pulling me back, that things that I wanted to do or test would take longer or won't happen, it was auto-sabotage. It was a process to learn again to trust myself and gain confidence in my abilities, and the coaching sessions with Murielle helped me to acknowledge this and other paradigms I had to overcome to move forward.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I could have wished to start earlier, but I wasn't ready. So I wouldn't have done anything differently, because every experience thought me something and helped me in a certain way, it was a growth process (it is still).

I will warn people about rushing things up, and about not taking the proper time to build their vision and learn from each step of their journey. Of course, dreams only come true when we act, so this is not an excuse for procrastination.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

I'm living my life dream during this journey towards my vision. My "Energy-boosting painting workshop for moms" is a big milestone! I'm so proud of myself, I will be doing many more milestones, trying, succeeding, failing, and learning, all worth it because it's all part of my big dream.

What do you think helped you achieve it?

My burnout experience actually helped to make big changes in my life, including my profession. It drove me to ask for guidance to get clarity about my dream and gain confidence that I could make it happen, this was one of the biggest gifts I received during my coaching sessions with Murielle.

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

An inspiring vision is crucial to clarify the meaning and purpose of our lives and give us the energy and motivation to follow our dreams and persist. Articulating your big dream (your vision) is the first step in your journey!

More about Yamille and her Energy Boosting Painting for Workshop for Moms  –www.yamillemelendez.art

“I kindly invite all moms that feel frequently tired, stressed, and/or overwhelmed to my energy-boosting painting workshop where they will learn tools based on proven creative methodologies to help them tap into their vast inner energy and avoid burn-out.” - Yamille

Yamille Melendez is a multi-passionate artist, creative, and coach. She helps moms unlock the well-being power of art so they can live a life full of energy, creativity, and enthusiasm. 

She made the decision to transition from a life that was full of burnout and overwhelm to one filled with art, which she uses to process her emotions and thoughts so she can better understand herself. While recovering from burnout, Yamille tried, tested, and studied several different creative tools and methodologies that not only helped her get her energy back, but also helped her discover a better, stronger version of herself. Healing herslef with art made her see how much she wanted to help other tired moms gain energy and avoid burnout using art. Now she is living her dream while continuing to pursue it and hopes to share her message with the world.

Yamille’s favourite quote is:

“Creativity is intelligence having fun!” 

- Albert Einstein

Yamille’s big dream for the world is:

A world where love, creativity, well-being, and happiness are more sought after than performance, prizes, or money.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

How Deirdre overcame burnout and started the wellness magazine Self.ly

Deirdre and I initially connected after she signed up for my Free Smart Work™ Challenge. When she did, she was in big career transition, and wanted to start a business to help professionals prevent burnout through self-care. What inspires me most about Deirdre is her never-ending enthusiasm, her incredible creativity, and the passion she has for her project. It’s been a joy working with her, and supporting her in achieving her dream. Here’s how she did it.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

I want to end burnout in the workplace and make workplaces more human so people can be at their creative best. My own experience of burnout, after working myself to exhaustion in my previous fast-paced job, inspired me to understand what had happened to me. 

I wanted to know how I went from energetic, positive, and creative to overwhelmed, and stressed out. This made me understand the need for self-care and wellness in the workplace, and what ultimately led me to create Self.ly – a platform dedicated to the wellbeing of professionals.

Did you always have this dream?

No. It arose out of my own burnout experience, which illustrated to me that the current workplace is not fit for purpose. What happened to me is not an isolated event. Our work environments are not equipped to take the “person” into account, and the needs we have. 

Stress reduction, a sense of purpose, inspiring work… it’s not often there. When it is, it’s not always readily available or it gets counterbalanced by even more pressure to perform. Something has to change. 

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

I enlisted as coach. I wanted an accountability partner, sounding board and support mechanism as setting up a business is a daunting proposition when you’re emerging from burnout and you’ve lost confidence somewhat.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

Mindset – having the positivity, focus and self-belief to translate a wish into a website, an online magazine and an online community. Entrepreneurship is a journey. You start out with passion, and a desire to create change. Even though you “know” things might get tough at times, you’re never fully prepared for when doubt hits, or when the results you’re hoping for are taking longer to manifest. 

That’s why mindset is so important. Staying optimistic and believing in your project, adjusting expectations along the way. 

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I underestimated the amount of time things really take. It’s also all-consuming so I had to start practicing what I preach and look at pace and build in regular recovery time; something that’s particularly important when you’re engaged in creative tasks like writing or planning. It’s easy to get sucked into the “work longer, harder, faster” fallacy and burnout. So building in regular breaks and making sure to build connections and talk to like-minded entrepreneurs who are going through the same frustrations and trials has been vital to maintaining momentum.

This notion of overnight success is an urban legend, and very misleading. If you’re starting something new, expect a long and challenging journey. I’ve had to revise my expectations around monetary growth. You have to believe in yourself – believe in your ideas, your abilities, your will and perseverance, and dedication. And that makes you want to live your life your way and not anyone else’s way.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

I’ve done what I set out to do, which is to get my magazine established. I would say I’ll have achieved my goal when I see active change as a result of the magazine and online programs. 

Self.ly was created to really help move the needle when it comes to self-care and burnout prevention in the workplace. I know there’s still a lot of work to do, and for the dream to be complete a paradigm shift needs to happen. We have to redefine work, and make the worker center stage. 

What do you think helped you achieve it?

You were instrumental in allowing me to see a feasible path forward and establishing a framework and milestones for achievable growth. It’s important to speak to someone who has gone through the process and is familiar with it.

The fact that I wanted to create real change also helped. When you’re passionate about something, you can put all your talents and creativity into building it. 

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Stick with your gut – you have to go at your own pace and listen to your own instincts.

Don’t underestimate the importance of incremental improvements – Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t compare yourself with business owners who have been at this for 10 years. You’ll get there at your own pace, in your own time.

More about Deirdre and Self-ly  – https://www.self-ly.com/

Deirdre is the Founder and CEO of Self.ly. The platform is a lifestyle media brand and supportive community dedicated to making self-care simple and accessible for busy executives, entrepreneurs, business leaders and healthcare professionals. An antidote to hustle culture, Self.ly provides the information, tips, latest trends and advice to show you how to avoid burnout and overwhelm and raise your energy, performance and mental health and wellbeing.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Deirdre! She loves connecting with people from around the world. You can do so through her website at  https://www.self-ly.com/

Deirdre’s favourite quote is:

Build yourself brick by brick

– Tom Bilieu

Deirdre’s big dream for the world is:

I want to help create mentally and emotionally healthy and human workplaces where individuals can flourish and organisations can prosper.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

How to take care of yourself without neglecting your priorities

Back in 2010, when my journey toward dreaming bigger started, one of the first things I learned was how important it is to take care of ourselves. Whatever you want to achieve; making sure the body, mind, and soul achieving it are nourished in a meaningful way is essential to succeed.

As women we’re conditioned to put everyone else first. Many of us are taught to be good, quiet, not too demanding, and certainly not selfish.

We’re expected to do all things without complaining. To bring children into the world, to care for our families, to look gorgeous, to be exemplary daughters, sisters, mothers, wives, and mistresses. In recent times to be wildly successful at our careers and businesses too.

The result is an epidemic of over-extension and overwork. Of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and dieting. Of trying to live big lives while keeping ourselves small, exhausted, trying to do it all.

It doesn’t work.

You cannot dream big while trying to please everyone. You cannot see the possibility in everything when the only way you believe you can be is perfect (read white, thin, and young). In order to achieve your goals you need to nurture yourself, and put yourself first.

Because pursuing big dreams is a marathon, not a sprint. So you need to be in optimal physical and emotional condition to keep at it over time, and to get to the finish line.

How to take care of yourself?

• Self-care is not selfish

One of the first things we need to unlearn as women is the belief that taking care of ourselves is selfish. It’s not. Putting ourselves first is smart. It’s necessary. Even taking care of others works better when we take care of ourselves first. There’s no need to feel guilty, ashamed, or not good enough.

• Self-care can be anything

The media easily associated self-care with spa days, and massages. Or time off in the Sun on a tropical island. Sure, those are great ways to take care of yourself but not the only ones. They’re also costly, and time-consuming which makes it harder to fit them into your life.

If we look passed this limiting picture of self-care a whole world opens up. Self-care can be anything. It can fit into any amount of time on any day of the week. It doesn’t need to cost anything. It can be a phone call to a friend, going to bed early, a babysitter on a Wednesday afternoon, five minutes of stretching in the morning, clothes that fit you perfectly. Self-care is about filling your cup, doing what you need to be nourished, strong, happy.

• Self-care is a practice

Giving yourself some me-time when you’re about to give up or break down is always a good idea. It will help recharge your batteries, and pick you up so you can keep going. But to reap the long-term benefits of self-care, so it can help you achieve your biggest dreams, it needs to be a practice. Something you do regularly, if possible every day.

Over time, five minutes of self-care every day will be life-changing. It will bring you closer to yourself, help you identify your needs, figure out how you operate from the inside out. You’ll learn to recognize when it’s time to focus on yourself, and have plenty of options to choose from.

If you want more Dream Bigger Tips, I’ve got great news for you! This tip is part of a series, you can find all entries here.

Self-care tips for when you’re working hard to build your dream

Self-care didn’t always come naturally to me. In fact, I’d say that for the biggest part of my life I didn’t care much for my body. Or myself. I was too preoccupied with endless to-do lists, multi-tasking to make sure everything got done, and that everyone around me was happy first. Taking care of myself was something I’d do in the future, after all the other stuff I had going on. Of course I never got to that point. How could I make myself a priority when I kept on adding other things to my list first?

When I think back on that time now, I realize I lived my life as if I had no body at all. Everything happened from the top of my head up to my neck. Anything below that was a necessity, not a gift. At least, that’s how I used to look at it.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t exercise, or wasn’t aware of what I was putting into my body. Only I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I slept because I had to, I ate – most days much later than I should have and at my desk – not because I wanted to nourish my body but because I was so hungry I couldn’t ignore my poor body anymore. When I went to the gym it was because I felt I needed to look a certain way to fit in, not because I wanted a strong, healthy body. The thing is, our bodies are amazing machines that can cope with a lot of things, but in order to live a joyful, fulfilling, healthy life we need to do more than just keep ourselves physically alive.

My own decade-long habit of ignoring my body’s needs resulted in heaps of stress, aches and pains, headaches. I wasn’t the nicest person to be around either, especially early in the afternoon when I hadn’t eaten yet and was in full-blown hangry agony. Because of the prolonged hours I spent at my desk behind my laptop I always had cold hands and feet, and a sore neck and shoulders.

But the biggest issue was that I wasn’t nearly as productive as I could have been. Doing almost nothing to work toward my goals. During my work day I was easily distracted, stressed out, unhappy. At night I was exhausted. By not allowing myself to take a break or care for myself I was miserable.

So, what is self-care?

The World Health Organization restricts the meaning of self-care to the practices that keep you safe from disease, boost and restore your health, but in a more general sense, self-care could be defined as taking time to focus on yourself and your physical and psychological needs. It’s about reconnecting with your body to listen to its messages, quieting your mind and dealing with your emotions and feelings.

Is self-care another name for pampering?

Only if your idea of pampering is to give your body (and mind) what it needs to thrive and continue to serve you well in your mission to achieve your dreams.

In recent years, self-care started becoming more popular thanks to the work of self-care activists like poet Audre Lorde.

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.
– Audre Lorde

The idea is quite simple: if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to keep fighting for the causes I believe in. If I don’t take care of my own needs, I’m not going to be able to help others get what they need either.

You’re a human being, not a robot

Something the South African writer Malebo Sephodi set out to remind people during a TEDx talk was that we need to allow ourselves to feel things. We’re human. We’re not robots designed to work or process information non-stop, and we need to take the time to reflect on who we are, who society expects us to be, and who we feel we should be – what we know is our true calling.

Self-care is an act of love and a tool for strengthening your body and mind. The bigger your dreams or goals, the bigger the risk of becoming overwhelmed, disengaged, or even sick while working hard to achieve them. Because you know that the reward will be so great, you risk pushing yourself too hard.

To help you work toward your big dreams in a meaningful way I’ve put together a list of self-care tips that I invite you to try, and (if you like them) integrate into your daily life. These tips have helped me to finally make friends with my body, and learn to treat myself well.

• Learn to release the tension in your body

You can do this through yoga, getting a massage (or giving yourself one), going to the gym, or even doing breathing exercises. For example, you can install the BreatheWell app on your phone (iOS, Android) and go through a breathing cycle any time you feel tense. You can start with a 4-second inhale, a 16-second hold, and an 8-second exhale.

• Sit on a bench in the park

Or step outside, or to your balcony for a few minutes. Just watch the people and the cars passing by, what’s unfolding around you without thinking about all the things you have to do. This will give your mind and body a relaxing break.

• Take a meditation break

Some people meditate for 2 hours a day, or more. It’s OK if you don’t have that long, 15 minutes or even less will be just as good. If you don’t know how to meditate, open a guided meditation on YouTube and listen to the indications or just focus on your breathing. [If you’re a member of the Big Dreamers Club, simply go through the meditation module Maja Savic created for us.] Meditation can help you live in the present and expand your consciousness, thus freeing you from the shackles of your own thoughts and emotions.

• Clean your desk or your room

Decluttering will make you feel more productive and will also help calm your mind. It’s really worth it to invest 15-20 minutes on cleaning up your workspace or personal space every day.

• Play a simple, mindless game

The awesome thing about games is that they capture your attention, so you can use them to give yourself a break, especially during stressful times. You can play a game on your phone or in your browser. A quick Google search will give you lots of options to choose from. So will asking children or teenagers!

• Make yourself a nourishing meal

It should be something you really want to eat and that’s also good for you. Usually, your body craves what it needs. So listen to it, and don’t postpone eating when you’re hungry, or eat less than your body needs. Remember that food is your body’s (and mind’s) fuel, and that you need it to be happy – and work on your dreams!

• Binge on some Netflix

Or watch a series or fun TV show. It doesn’t matter what you pick, as long as it’s not work in disguise. Don’t go to YouTube to learn more about subjects that matter to you at work, instead make sure to pick something that will amuse you, and will help you get your mind off things.

• Take a nap

Sometimes our bodies and minds need rest. Babies and young children do it often, and it’s easy to see the difference in mood before and after. The same is true for us. Whether it’s 10 minutes or half an hour, laying down to rest and closing your eyes for a little while can truly do wonders. Especially if you live a busy life with little time for yourself.

• Reach out to a friend

You’re not in this alone. Even though when you’re working your way through your to-do list you might feel you are. That’s why taking a break, and reaching out to a friend can do so much good. It doesn’t need to be a long conversation, or even a phone call. You can message a friend on Facebook, or exchange a few text messages through your phone. The point is to connect, and remember that a whole world is out there.

• Close the curtains and dance to your favorite song

Moving your body is one of the best ways to release tension, get some blood flowing through your body, and to remember you’re alive. If you feel up to it, try singing while you’re at it. Expressing yourself through your body can be a great way to get yourself out of the confines of your comfort zone, which in turn will not only boost your health but your creativity too!

• Put your thoughts on paper

Having dealt with anxiety for a big part of my life, I know all too well what it feels like to have too many things swirling in my mind. One trick that I’ve found to be helpful to release some of the mental stress that comes from having too many things in my head, is to write them down on a piece of paper. When I do it – and I’ve made it a habit to do this regularly – I can literally feel space freeing up inside my mind. The result? I’m calmer, less stressed, and I can focus better on what really matters.

If you like any of the tips, I invite you to put them into action. And in the comments below, let me know about it. But whatever you do, remember that you’re not a robot but a soul traveling through this world in a vessel made of flesh and bones. Take care of yourself!

The greatest love of all to love yourself

I watched the Whitney Houston documentary on Netflix yesterday. I cried. A couple of times. Her story is sad, and tragic. Obviously I shed some tears for that. Witnessing the rise and fall of one of the most beautiful voices of our time will not leave you undisturbed.

But to be honest, mostly, I cried for me.

Over the years I’ve honed the craft to become inconsolably melancholic in a split second, especially when I’m reminded of my life through my senses: the gentle smell of coffee filling the kitchen from my childhood home, a return visit to the neighborhood I grew up in, or in this case songs I used to play over and over on my Walkman as a 15 year old.

It’s hard to imagine, knowing how much I played those songs, that I’d forgotten about the huge Whitney Houston fan I used to be. And maybe less so about the huge mistake perm I convinced my mom I needed to get in order to fit in at school. Biggest lesson of 1990: hair grows very slowly.

It’s incredible what the mind remembers. It never stops to amaze me. Given the right cues drawers of memories open up to us, giving us a chance to poke our noses into the many moments that make up our pasts. The best part is, we never know what we’re going to get. Or when it’s going to happen!

Like yesterday. As I was settling into the documentary a strange feeling of déjà vu came over me.

I couldn’t quite place it at first, but halfway through the thing it hit me: I’d seen this footage before! Not in another documentary or randomly. No, what I realized was that I was recognizing  what I was seeing.

I always get a bit weird when that happens. I also like it a lot because it brings me into a somewhat altered state of being. Perhaps it happens to you to sometimes too. You’re looking at, reading, or listening to something then all of a sudden you realize you were a witness to it before. You were present during the actual moment of creation of that thing. In other words: you were there!

Coming to this conclusion always brings me back to the limits of my own existence. Which in and of itself is a spiritual experience. That’s why I like it so much. It reminds me of what’s important.

Through the old footage, the inevitable clip from The Bodyguard – I was 17 when that movie came out and totally smitten with Kevin Costner (sadly the romance ended when he grew gills and decided to go live in the ocean) – and the many, many songs…

I remembered.

Who I used to be. My teenage years. The dreams, and goals of a 15 year old. The heartbreak that followed my first love.

The things I stood for, cared about, and believed in before I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough. That I needed to be someone else. I’m not sure it’s a coincidence that the Whitney Houston documentary is called “Can I be me?”. Is there even such a thing as coincidences?

Being taken down memory lane like that has a different effect on me depending on how I stand in my life when it happens.

Often though it will make me wonder: Where have all the years gone? Yesterday was no exception. I asked myself that question. To be honest, I’m not sure. I spent so many of those years trying to please everyone around me, trying to not have the anxious thoughts I had, trying so hard to mold myself into a perfect version of who I thought I needed to be… It’s all a little blurry.

There’s one thing I do know.

When I was 15 I was awake, in love with life.

Then at 35 I woke up again, when I finally remembered that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself. 

Want to be good to yourself? Try disappointing a few people

I’ve spent a big part of my life trying not to disappoint anyone. I’ve also spent a big part of my life not living up to my full potential, and not being really happy. During those years, I’ve had my share of disappointments. I’ve had hard times come my way, decisions gone bad, toxic people in my life, situations I wasn’t sure I would get out of in one piece. And looking back, there’s one thing that connects all of those experiences: me not being authentic, real, and honest with myself, in an effort to avoid disappointing others. And what I’ve learned since, is that if you want to be good with yourself, disappointing a few people is inevitable.

I’ve wrote in the past about how I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and how I’ve spent a big part of my time trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me – or at least the expectations I mirrored about the kind of person I though I needed to be in order to be loved. As a people-pleaser I was very sensitive to disappointing others, trying to avoid it at all costs, all the time. As a result, I was never truly myself. And because it started at such a young age, it silenced my needs and desires to a pretty scary degree.

When I started my journey of self-discovery in 2010, one of the biggest challenges I faced, was to listen to my desires and figure out what I really wanted. This may sound trivial, but for a people-pleaser like me, or anyone with low self-esteem, or low self-confidence, having lived from a place of trying to not disappoint anyone – ever, rather than a place of self-fulfillment and self-love, messes with your sense of self and intuitive knowing about your innermost dreams and cravings.

In my case, on the proverbial day that I woke up from this pretend life, I was shocked by how little I knew about who I was or why I did the things I did. It dawned on me that avoiding disappointing others had played a major role in alienating me from myself, and who I was really meant to be.

Because you see, there’s two sides to this story.

The more you try to avoid others from being disappointed by you, the more likely you’ll be disappointing yourself. You might not be conscious of it, or you might not realize the effects it has on you for a long time, but eventually – I promise you – trying to meticulously avoid others from being disappointed by you will leave you unhappy, unfulfilled, and disappointed in yourself. At least it was for me.

When I started my self-love journey, the biggest part of the work I did focused on trying to figure out what I really wanted, and what would really serve me, and make me happy. It’s only later, and in time, that I realized that I could not become who I really longed to be, without disappointing others along the way.

The mind is funny like that, I know.

For a while I thought I could keep up the people pleasing and be self-loving at the same time. Until one day, when being true to me, and loving me made me realize I was going to break some eggs doing it. Often. Repeatedly.

That’s when I knew I had to come to terms with it, if I ever wanted to be happy. And that’s why I want to encourage you today to look at disappointment not as something to avoid at all costs, but rather as something to embrace as part of your self-loving practice, and personal growth. I have come to learn that choosing you, and wanting to be good to yourself, and treating yourself well will often collide with what others want from you. And you know what? That’s perfectly OK.

We’re not put on this earth to satisfy the needs of others, or to put those needs before our own, or to feel guilty all the time, or not good enough. We’re here to fulfill our destiny, to become the best versions of ourselves, to find happiness and joy in this existence. And that’s impossible to do, if you’re not willing to accept a few unhappy faces along the way.

Here are a few things that helped me accept disappointment in my own life, and that might help you do the same in yours:

#1: Figure out what you really want – and be true to yourself!

When I realized I wasn’t being true to my own desires, a big question mark popped up. What did I really want? I understood that in order to be happy, I needed to figure out what mattered to me. To do that, I needed to analyze my behavior, and strip it from all the people-pleasing first. Whenever I would be asked something, whether it was to do something, go somewhere, or my opinion on a particular subject, I asked myself just one question: “What would I do, if I were the only only person in the world?”. From there, I started adjusting my behavior, and my responses.

#2: Learn to say no gracefully.

By asking myself the question above, it became clear to me that I needed to say “no” much more. But I had no clue how. Not only was I afraid to disappoint, but when it came to formulating a “no” response, I was terrible at it. Often, this caused even more disappointment. My advice is, if you’re going to say “no” – and I strongly encourage you to! – it’s wise to do so gracefully. It will ease the process, and make things easier for you and the person you’re saying “no” to.

#3: See disappointment as possibility, and learn from it.

The people who know me will tell you, I never shy away from learning something new. So when I started to embrace disappointment, and see it as a useful, and even natural part of living a fulfilling life, I also started to embrace all of its possibilities. The thing is, working your way through disappointing others, and accepting to be disappointed, can have many benefits.

It helped me to see things differently, to get to know myself better, to remember what really matters to me or why I do something, and it also pushed me into places well beyond my comfort zone.

But what about you? Are you afraid of disappointing others? And are you finding that you’re turning “no” into “yes” way too often for your own good? If so, perhaps it’s time to let go, and embrace those unhappy, frowning faces.

Let me know how you’re dealing with disappointment in the comments below, I’d love to know.

On the importance of a holistic approach to health

Traditional medicine – and to a larger extent traditional science, too – come from a very masculine place of measuring and testing, where the body – the medical subject – is regarded as something that can exist in perfect health, whatever the state of existence of the subject inhabiting it. What I mean by this is that traditional medicine looks at people and their health in a very narrow way, with regards for the physical aspects only, and without taking into consideration the mental, emotional, or spiritual state of a person.

From this approach, curing someone or maintaining a healthy body is purely a matter of applying scientific knowledge to the physical body. But, I hear you say, what about all the research that shows how body and mind are undeniably connected, how our emotions influence our physical state, how our mindset can have a positive or negative impact on curing disease, and so on?

Indeed, what about all that? What about Dr. Lissa Rankin’s “bold” statement that caring for your body is actually the least important part of your health?

I had the pleasure of attending a talk by Dr. Rankin last year in Portland, and I have to say that, ever since, my understanding of health and wellbeing has really expanded. I’ve come to understand that health is a global concept, with an infinite number of parts working together or against one another. Trying to stay healthy by looking after your physical body only is just addressing a part of the story, and will never allow you to be truly healthy.

According to Dr. Rankin (and many others in her field of holistic medicine and health), besides a well-functioning body, to be healthy, among other things, we need a positive and resilient mindset, more positive than negative emotions, and a sense of purpose and belonging to something which is greater than ourselves. Without this – and more – our physical bodies can suffer, and sustainable and profound health is much harder, if not impossible, to attain.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and of course I’m not making any medical claims with this post, but as a human being concerned about her health and that of others, I believe that there is more to health than just the body. That’s why, in this post, I want to address what are commonly known as five distinct, yet intertwined, aspects of holistic health: the mental, emotional, physical, environmental, and spiritual elements.

So, let’s take a slightly closer look at these five aspects, and see how they can influence our wellbeing.

1. Mental wellbeing

The way you think about things, the way you look at life and at yourself, at your achievements, and at your potential, is not only essential for your growth and happiness, but it also influences your health, in every aspect, all the way down to your physical body. And that is what your mental wellbeing is all about. To become more resilient, you can work on having a positive – and growth – mindset, as we’ve explored in The Boho Loft.

1. Emotional wellbeing

Your emotional wellbeing is everything that has to do with you feeling good about yourself and your life. Feeling good about themselves and their lives enables people to be part of society in a meaningful way, and to deal with all that they have to do in their everyday lives. Things that can influence your emotional wellbeing include: self-esteem and self-confidence, your relationships, your work/life balance, and even your financial security.

1. Physical wellbeing

Traditionally, talking about health would be more or less all talk about the body. In this case, however, following the bold statement from Dr. Rankin above, we’ve decided to take a holistic approach to health, and to see our physical wellbeing as one of the five main aspects of our health, and not the primary one.

When we talk about physical wellbeing, the first thing that comes to mind is, of course, taking good care of your body. This is what many of us know most about, simply because this is what we traditionally have been taught by our doctors and the medical profession, in general. More and more, however, the importance of nutrition – what we put into our bodies every day – is being recognized as an essential part of not only physical, but also mental and even emotional, wellbeing.

Then there is movement, and rest. The sleep revolution, started by Arianna Huffington, who made it her mission to get the world more sleep, even claims that if you want to succeed in your life and your career or business, guess what? You need more sleep! What a beautiful example of how health is being redefined.

1. Environmental wellbeing

An aspect of health that is very often undervalued is the environment that we live and work in. This environment should be peaceful, the air should be clean, and the surroundings should exist in accordance with Nature and should invite you to want to be a part of it, and to want to live there and work there.

There are two aspects to every environment we find ourselves in: an internal aspect and an external aspect. What I mean by this is that you have the spaces you live in and then you have the external environments which those spaces are built on. What you want is to have a healthy indoor environment, and a healthy outdoor one, too. If one of these two (or both) is not positive and healthy, this can be harmful to your health.

And ‘healthy’ here again must be looked at holistically, so it doesn’t mean just the air you breath, or what your walls are made of (although that’s important, too). But more important than these elements are things such as: whether your home or work environment is inviting, and safe, or whether it has enough light or is quiet enough, and etc.…

1. Spiritual wellbeing

I’ve mentioned this before, and I’ll surely mention it again. When you feel you’re part of something greater than yourself, you’re happier, and you feel good and grounded. Thanks to these feelings and that connection, you know you have a purpose in life, and each morning you wake up with a reason, and hopefully also with awareness of your own uniqueness as part of the bigger mystery.

Feeling spiritually connected like this is important to being healthy, and there are many ways to gain a greater spiritual awareness and connection to the divine mystery: meditation, mindfulness, stillness, creativity, and so much more. But what my spiritual mentors have really taught me in recent years” is that a spiritual practice requires discipline. You need to do the work in order to reap the benefits.

This is only an overview of the different aspects that matter for us to be healthy. In The Boho Loft, we go into much greater detail about each aspect, with an audio lecture, additional resources, reading material, and so on. As part of that, there are downloadable worksheets to help you learn more about yourself, and your health, too.

And here’s a link for you to a bonus download from the resources section of the membership site: natural remedies to lift you up – whatever mood you’re in!

Make sure to comment and let me know how you approach your health, and what you think is the most important part of being and staying healthy.