Your emotions are a strength, not a weakness. Here’s why.

If you’re a woman, and if you’ve ever shown what society claims to be too much emotion, you’ve probably been called unstable at one point or another in your life. I know I have.

For the biggest part of my life, I felt that my emotional life was one of my biggest weaknesses. The burden of this belief has weight heavily on me, for a long time, until I understood what a strength it actually is.

Early on, I realized that crying or expressing feelings wasn’t going to cut it at home, where emotions were something that didn’t belong. Later, I was led to believe the same thing when I started my professional career. The corporate world I was venturing into hardly had room for women, let alone for their emotions. I learned to do without, to hide my emotions most of the time. Only to show them sporadically, mostly to my romantic partners – who weren’t equipped at all to deal with them – which further reinforced my belief that emotions were a problem. That I had a problem.

That’s how I came to believe that hiding my emotions was a good thing, and that the palette of colourful feelings I was gifted with (hello highly sensitive empath!) had no place in the left-brain macho world I was living in. Although, I didn’t understand the world like that at the time. The only thing I could make of it back then was that it felt as if I didn’t belong.

From feeling like I didn’t belong, I took the next logical step and convinced myself that my emotions were a weakness. One that I should hide, and do everything I could to try, and correct. From there, it was easy to include my womanhood and femininity into the mix. I started to see those qualities as weaknesses too, and secretly wished I was born differently. For that would have made my life much easier.

We live in a world that has been dominated for centuries by left-brained thinking, science and technology. There is no room for emotions, intuition, or anything other than measurable quantities in that world. In such a world – that is, in the one we actually live in – we’re all being conditioned to be like that as well. To see emotions as a weakness, something that is not quantifiable. That must be hidden.

Now, after many years of trying to live up to this programming, I know emotions are not a weakness but a strength. I got curious, and questioned my beliefs. In the process, I realized that those beliefs didn’t work for me – and that I had the ability to choose something different for myself. My inner life, in all its beautiful, bright colours, emotions, feelings was waiting for me, ready to be born again.

By embracing my emotions, magical things happened…

First, I’ve been able to make deeper and more personal connections with people from around the world. Once I stopped being ashamed of my emotions, I stepped into my power full-force and learned a new way to connect with others, especially women. Instead of competing, I learned to collaborate. Instead of comparing, I learned to help and be happy for others. Instead of thinking I was all alone and needed to be strong all the time, I learned the power of community by allowing myself to receive friendship, love, compassion, and care.

Then, letting my emotions flow allowed me to start living a more meaningful life. When you’re separated from your emotions, there are no exceptions to which emotions get silenced. Even happiness and joy don’t come easily. By opening myself up to what I was feeling, I was able to experience these emotions more profoundly, which in turn makes my life so much more worth living.

On top of that, I’ve been able to infuse my businesses with new and better values. Although I’ve always been conscious of the good that I wanted to do through my work, I once approached building and running my businesses from a very left-brain perspective. There was no real heart in my work, and not enough love for the people doing the work with me. Things are different now. I consider my businesses to be extensions of myself and, as such, they’re now flowing with emotion. My businesses have hearts now.

Finally, allowing myself to express my emotions has made me know myself so much better. I love all the feelings that I have now, even the not-so-good ones. Because they’re the proof of how infinite life is and how much potential lies in every moment.

Having all of the above in my life doesn’t make me unstable. On the contrary – it grounds me. Gives me perspective and makes me care. For others, and for myself, too. But most of all, it allows me to love and feel… which, in the end, is the most important of all.

I invite you to embrace your emotions for the strengths that they are. The world needs them. It needs you. Desperately.

The Power of Limitless Thinking: Manifesting for Beginners

I love the word limitless. It speaks to me; it talks to my soul. It makes me believe that I can be and do anything I want and that there are no limits to what I can achieve. And I honestly believe that. I think it’s true. That there is nothing in this world that I couldn’t handle or achieve if I wanted to. And that’s why I love this word so much. It reminds me of the possibilities, even when all odds are against me.

I gave a talk once, explaining how I believed I could marry Brad Pitt – if I wanted to. I remember the girls and women in the audience looking at me and going, “Yeah, right,” but when I said it, I really believed it, and I still do now. To me, the possibilities that life offers are like the laws of physics. I don’t understand them all, and I don’t know them all either, but I do know they work and believe them to be true. Whenever an apple falls from a tree, or we launch a rocket into the sky, I’m reminded of those laws.

With limitless thinking, it’s the same thing.

To me, it’s a law just like the ones from Newton. The only difference is that this one is about us and not the world we live in. And what it says to me is pretty simple: believing in limitless thoughts makes you achieve limitless things.

I love that. So simple, yet so powerful. But I didn’t always use to think this, and nor did I always like the concept. For a long time, I believed that the world was small and that my place in it needed to be even smaller. I thought of all the things I wanted to do and say and be, yet I never believed I could achieve any of them. My thinking was not limitless; on the contrary, there were boundaries everywhere. I would dream about being me, living a life where I felt happy, fulfilled, and content to be who I was, yet I thought those goals were totally out of reach. My daily life was filled with beliefs about the world that limited me not only in my actions but also in the way I looked at myself and loved myself.

I was blocked and unable to move forward. In all honesty, I was miserable, too.

But, back to Brad Pitt. There I am, in an auditorium, speaking to college students and young women with opportunities ahead of them, and none of them believe me. They all immediately limit the thought I put into that room: you’re too short, you’re too old, you’re not Angelina, so he could never marry you. All of them are fair comments (it’s true, I’m not Angelina), yet only speculation. And that’s the problem. Who in that auditorium called Brad and asked him directly what he thought of the idea? And even if someone would have done that, marrying someone requires love (I hope), and that doesn’t happen overnight (well, it could, but it’s rare). So, this goal would need to be put in motion with many different actions, and if it were a real goal, I should keep at it for a while to reach it. But that’s okay, no issues there. I’m all up for that, and it might be worth it, too.

The problem is the limits we immediately put on our thinking. And the results that that impulse has on the size and horizon of our universe. I cannot say for sure that Brad wouldn’t marry me, except if I try.

Yet, when our dreams become big, we all immediately jump to conclusions and deny ourselves the opportunity. This makes our world small - very small.

Think of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Austrian bodybuilder who became one of the best action heroes of our time and the governor of California. But okay, enough with the guys. What about women like Amelia Earhart, who made history as an amazing adventurer and flyer, or Coco Chanel, to this day, one of the icons of style and fashion? What these women and all the other women and men who wrote history before us have in common is –  I believe – a muscle for limitless thinking. The biographies, movies, documentaries, and books about all these great people tell tales of thoughts that were greater than themselves that they couldn’t shake, and that kept them going forward, even when everyone was against them.

That is the power of limitless thinking. The limits we believe are all around us are not really there. 

Of course, there is order to be kept, and it’s important to respect and protect everyone’s freedom and life, but apart from those provisions, there are no limits to what you can achieve.

This realization came to me very slowly, and it took me a long time to grasp its whole meaning and potential. One day, I wondered if, instead of continuing to listen to beliefs that were keeping me and my life small, I could change my future and decide to live a life I really wanted to live instead. So, I pressed against the invisible boundaries I had set for myself and pushed through.

Once on the other side, after a lot of pushing and pressing and breaking through my own beliefs, I realized that, in fact, there are no limits at all, apart from the ones we create for ourselves. 

And so I developed my muscle for unlimited thinking. As a result, I have achieved amazing things, been to amazing places, met amazing people, and am living the most fantastic life, which I’m sure is so much better than being married to Brad Pitt.

Because that, too, is the power of limitless thinking. What we want changes over time, and the more we use the muscle, the more what looks impossible now will become part of our normal thought patterns in the future.

Never forget: everything you think is easy today, you once found hard to do. So think as big as you can. It’s only up to you to decide how limitless you want to live.

How to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset

You are a multi-passion woman. You have many interests, and you want to achieve and learn so many things. It sometimes seems as if you have too many interests. And you feel you need to choose. But you don’t know what to choose, let alone how to do it. So you do nothing. You contemplate all that you want to be and do, but you do nothing. You procrastinate. Sound familiar?

I’ve been there, and I’ve looked at that mountain of things I wanted to achieve for many, many years.

Languages I wanted to learn, courses I wanted to take, things I wanted to build with my hands, creative endeavors I wanted to start, books I wanted to write, places I wanted to visit, experiences I wanted to have….  All the while, I was doing nothing, or at least not enough. And I kept putting things off based on small and insignificant excuses that I kept on telling myself to make myself feel better.

It was as if I was living two lives. The one I was in, where not a lot was happening and I felt I was out of place. And the life I was dreaming about in my mind – the one where I was doing all the things I knew I wanted to do, and where I was living all these amazing adventures and being who I really wanted to be. Until one day I decided that I could no longer just think about what it was I wanted, but needed to actually go get it, too.

And what a paradox that was. On the outside, I was very successful. I was an accomplished business woman, running large projects and esteemed by my peers. But on the inside I was called to do so many others things, always telling myself later, one day, when I grow up. But then one day I grew up. I was 35, and I realized I could keep waiting like this forever, or I could actually go out and start living. But to do that, I had to learn to beat the procrastination habit. Because that habit had been with me for so long that I didn’t know any other way.

Every time I looked at what I wanted to achieve and become, that mountain became bigger and bigger. And every time I gave it even only a tiny little glimpse, I feared climbing it more and more. But that was before. That was when I hadn’t taken any action yet. Once I did that, once I decided just to do one thing – anything, really – I set something in motion that led me to where I am today. For me, it was the day I decided to stop doing things the way I knew wasn’t working. I woke up, and that day for the first time I told someone that I wasn’t happy and that I was going to stir things up. That little step, just expressing that thought, was enough of an action to propel me towards change.

The day I did that, I started to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset. And although it seemed like an almost impossible task then, now that I’m here, it sounds so easy. To cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset you have to do things and express thoughts. Because expressing a thought is as much doing something as lifting a box, writing in your journal or cooking dinner. You have to stop thinking about things too much, you have to avoid putting too many things on top of each other in your mind, and instead, you have to act out and express. Action drives change. Yes. But it kills procrastination too.

And yes, I hear you. You’re thinking: “Now, that sounds easy; if I knew how to get into action, I wouldn’t be procrastinating all the time”. And you are right. But you see, the secret to taking and being in action is simply, well… to start. And the secret to starting anything is to do it. And what I have found to be the secret of doing things – and I promise this is the last secret I’ll share today – is to take it one small step at a time. Because when you take enough of those steps, you go really, really far.

So the easiest way to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset is to choose the tiniest of things to do on your dream to-do list, and to take action on that immediately.Procrastination hates it when you don’t wait to do things, but tackle them right away instead.

Another way to look at this is to tell yourself that whatever it is you’re going to do, you only have to do 5 minutes of it at a time. That’s all. After 5 minutes, you’re free to do whatever it is your procrastinating self wants to do. I guarantee you there is no better way to get you into action and working towards your dreams.

Now, of course there is much more to staying in action and keeping procrastination at bay. What do you do, for instance, when you feel paralyzed by too many choices? Or when there isn’t a small step to take, but only what looks like giant steps instead? I have developed techniques and systems to help with that and much more and I’m sharing all of it in my 3-week self-paced Dream Bigger Course. Feel free to check it out!

Why you should consider hiring a coach

The internet is full of articles and top lists about all the things that you must try at least once in your life. Some of those things are beautiful, like walking a pristine white beach at sunset or going on holidays to the most amazing places of this Earth. Other things are more everyday, like making out, eating scones by a campfire, or singing Karaoke.

The list goes on and on. And although it seems endless, all the options have one thing in common: your experience. Everything you have to do at least once, according to those lists, involves you feeling something, and that feeling in turn serves as an enrichment in your life.

And what I want to argue below is that hiring a life coach, precisely for the same reasons and more, is something that everyone should consider doing at least once in their lifetime.

When we get onto this Earth we are nurtured by our parents (if we’re lucky), we get a formal education (again, if we’re lucky), we are taught how to keep ourselves alive with food, clothes, and housing, and we learn how to live with others in society. We learn the values of sharing, of giving (hopefully), and of participating. But in all of this learning and growing and becoming a person, there seems to be no room for learning about our unlimited potential, incredible powers, or our amazing ability to achieve things, to love, to be compassionate, to explore what it is that we are, and to create the life we want for ourselves. And to me, that’s precisely what life coaching makes possible.

How incredible would it be if our schools would teach our children how to live fulfilling and self-actualized lives? And be places that would encourage them to explore how amazing and limitless they are?

Alas, things tend to go the other way. We teach our children to believe in structures and systems that cut right through the flow of their creative power, engraining in them concepts such as scarcity, fear, guilt, and responsibility. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we taught our children how to live unapologetically warm, wholehearted, loving, and real lives instead?

Maybe that will never happen, or maybe it will. But in the meantime, our lives – in the West, at least – are very often a product of pre-existing structures and belief systems that keep us from achieving our full potential. And we suffer. In some cases, very clearly: we are unhappy, sad even, waiting for life to really happen. Or we are lost, insecure, and unable to handle what life throws at us. In other cases, it’s subtler: our lives are quiet and okay, but there is something missing. We feel we are meant for something more, something different.

And that is where life coaching comes in. Life coaching is basically a means of being coached about life. Unlike psychotherapists or other medical professionals, life coaches are trained to help you engage with your life in an active and goal-oriented way, to get you from where you are to where you really want and can be. As such, they focus less on how you got to where you are, and more on how to get you where you want to go.

Life coaches usually have a particular field of expertise they coach in. My field, for instance, is helping high-achieving, perfectionist women to be more self-loving and to let go of having to be in control all the time. As a coach, I help women in a number of life areas, such as:

• How to stop sabotaging their success in life and business

• How to overcome the mental blocks that keep them from taking action

• How to learn to love, nurture, and nourish their bodies

• How to take care of their self through practices of self-love and self-care

• How to use the power of unlimited thinking to succeed in their life and business

• How to move past self-doubt and achieve their goals

• How to find the confidence to express themselves creatively

• How to cultivate loving relationships and move away from toxic ones

As you can see from the list above, life coaching can be very helpful to get you unstuck, to help you to see things from a different perspective, and to help you achieve what it is you want for yourself in your life. But even if you already are at a happy place, life coaching is still helpful. Because sometimes we just want change, or we have a bit of a project we know is in us, but which we are afraid to tackle on our own. Life coaches are great to help with that, too.

The reason why everyone should consider hiring a life coach is because it’s truly transformational. After a successful life coaching series, you are a different person. Not only have you achieved some tangible things, like a career change, better relationships, less stress, and more self-love…

Your life will never be the same again. You have grown and changed, and so has your life. And that is precisely the point. A life coach will help you to uncover what it is you need, want, and really are, and will guide you and help you to achieve exactly that.

Life coaches don’t have all the answers, but they do have very powerful and deep questions in their bags of tricks. And they know how to listen, very carefully, to every word you say. That’s why having a life coach in your life can be so powerful. She will help you to reach that next level in your life, to achieve the dreams you thought you couldn’t even dream of, and she will let you hear yourself and see yourself through her, so that you can grow and become a better version of yourself.

The school of life is the most important school of all. That’s why everyone should experience the transformation and power that comes from working with a life coach.

Interested enough to learn more? And feel we might be a great fit for each other? Why not start with a free 30-minute session with me?

How to deal with unsolicited advice about your life

Last week, I was talking to a friend about her enrolling in an expensive 7-year Chinese language course. She’s a really smart woman with a passion for travel, adventure, and foreign cultures. When she told me she wanted to start this course, I was immediately certain that this was a great decision for her. But she didn’t seem happy about her decision to enroll, and although I knew this was really what she wanted, she told me she wasn’t sure what to do.

A bit further into the conversation, she told me she had been having quite a few discussions with her parents about the Chinese course. And they hadn’t been very encouraging. On the contrary, they had been all over her with old-fashioned, well-intentioned advice about the cost, the length and the difficulty of the project, and it had cluttered her judgment. As a result, she didn’t know what to do anymore, and had not only started doubting her decisions, but also her ability to actually achieve her dreams. Sound familiar?

Having been there many times myself, I knew exactly what was going on. She was the victim of unsolicited advice about her life. One of the deadliest attacks you can imagine, a surefire way to kill ideas, ideals, and dreams, and often performed by the most well-intentioned friends and family members… in many cases, the parents.

And oh dear, how ironic. There I was and here I am with a few tips to survive the free-throw of unsolicited advice. To my defense, she asked for my advice. But obviously, you didn’t. So please feel free to treat what follows with a dash of my own medicine below.

Unsolicited advice is nothing more than someone else’s opinion. So, treat it like that. The big difference here is that the opinion is about you and expressed by someone who you love or care about. That makes the opinion look like much more than it really is, and makes it much harder for you to move past it. Always try to remember: it’s nothing more than any other opinion out there. And if you’re able to pass on those, you’re able to pass on these ones, too. Like when your Mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat, because you’ll be all alone. If it was a stranger who didn’t know you, you would have no issue explaining that – on the contrary – you wouldn’t be alone at all, but rather surrounded by so many amazing and like-minded people. But since it’s your mom, things are different. When she tells you that you’ll be alone, you get scared. Because she was there every time you felt alone in the past, and because she taught you everything. So when she says you’ll be alone, there is a part of you that believes her. But she’s wrong. It’s only her opinion.

Unsolicited advice is anchored in beliefs. And, therefore, most of the time, well-intentioned unsolicited advice will not work for you at all. What I find most interesting about advice is that it’s a beautiful expression of someone’s entire belief system. Like when your mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat, because it’s too expensive. What your mom forgets to mention when she says that is that the yoga retreat is too expensive for her. And those two little words are crucial. The yoga retreat is not expensive on its own. Actually, without anything to compare it to, can it really be quantified at all? It’s only when a belief system is put next to it – with ideas about what something should cost, how much one has to work to gather a particular amount of money, and so on – that the yoga retreat can really be quantified as expensive or not. And inherently, that will always be personal and subjective, something for you to decide. Remember this when advice makes you doubt yourself, and measure things as being based on your beliefs, and nobody else’s.

Unsolicited advice is often fueled by fear. Although, it usually seems as if it’s fueled by love. Most people have fears, and are quite unaware of how those fears give direction to their thoughts and their actions on a daily basis. And this is certainly true of them giving you unsolicited advice. Like when your Mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat because it’s just a waste of your valuable time. This advice might be anchored in a belief that time is precious – which it most certainly is – yet that only certain activities are worthy of it. When people warn you with unsolicited advice like this, look for the fear that speaks behind the words. It will usually be uncalled for, and finding it will help you to realize the advice as a whole probably is, too.

Eventually, my friend signed up for her Chinese course, and she feels great about it. But she had to push through with a decision that was hers and hers alone to make. That’s what unsolicited advice can keep you from. Eventually, what she remembered, and what I hope you and I can remember, too, is that we only have one life… and despite all the unsolicited advice we might receive, nobody is going to live it for us. So we might as well do what we love and be who we want to be. And to do that, ignoring unsolicited advice is key.

Real Magic: How Thoughts Become Things And Why it Matters

I believe thoughts are REAL things. As real as physical things, and even people. I also believe that thoughts shape our reality and our life. What we think manifests in our life. That’s why having a strong mindset, aka being in control of your thoughts is so important. Because if you are, you also become the master of your life. The thing that makes thoughts so intangible is – obviously – that we can’t see them, at least not just like that. But thoughts are all around us, constantly shaping the world. Although they seem invisible, you can do many things with thoughts, and thoughts become many things, too.

• Thoughts can be smelled. Perfume is a beautiful example of thoughts that manifest into real life. The creator behind the perfume had an idea once, and started playing with flowers and oils. Eventually, that thought manifested into a (hopefully) delicious scent.

• Thoughts can be shared. Ideas is probably one of the things we share most with each other. In fact, pretty much everything we do online comes down to sharing our thoughts.

• Thoughts can be bought or sold. Lobby groups know this all too well. But they’re not the only ones. Silicon Valley is full of idea buyers. But so are book stores and theaters.

• Thoughts create your reality. Look around you. Everything you see as been called into your life by you. You’ve manifested it by first thinking about it. Thoughts are powerful beyond belief…

Almost everything that is man-made in this world started – at some point or another – as a single thought. Think about that for a minute (pun totally intended).

When I was a little girl one Christmas I received a magic box as a present. In the box was a black wand that I spent the entire day of Christmas swaying around, at everyone and everything, casting spells and trying to make my wishes come true. But nothing happened. So, that night I went to bed absolutely disillusioned, and in a last attempt to draw magic into my life, I invoked a prayer, asking the Universe to give my magic wand real magic. I don’t remember what happened after that, only that the next morning the magic wand still wasn’t of much use. It took me almost 30 years to understand that the magic is not in the wand, but rather in the thoughts of the one holding it.

When I understood that thoughts are *real things* I became much more mindful of what I was thinking and saying. I felt like a real magician, able to create my own reality by shaping my thoughts to what I wanted my life to be like.

It is my sincere conviction that the thoughts we have ultimately manifest into the physical world – all of them, with no exception. And I’m not the only one to think so. There’s a long tradition of thinkers and spiritual leaders who’ve come to the same conclusion as me (with much more gusto). Among them is Gandhi, who put this priceless and magical wisdom into words beautifully when he said:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
– Gandhi

How do you manifest the life you want?

Maybe you’re familiar with the concepts of abundance and the law of attraction. In a way, what I’m explaining has to do with all of that, too. But it’s not entirely the same. Yes, you can attract what you think about and wish for, but – and this is the key – by doing so, you can actively participate in shaping your reality. Everything you ever thought has brought you to where you are right now. This means that everything you’re still to think up in the future will bring you somewhere too.

That’s why I am extremely cautious of my mindset, beliefs, and thoughts. I understand their power and the magic that words hold. Although I’m not in control of the world, and I don’t know what the future holds, my thoughts allow me to create my own reality.

• I decide how to react to what happens to me.

• I choose my thoughts carefully.

• I make sure I think nourishing thoughts.

• When a negative thinking spiral starts, I know it’s only temporary.

6 steps to start manifesting your dream life now:

1. Understand that your thoughts create your reality.
   Every thought you have is creating your reality. If you want to manifest your dream life, you need to be aware of the power of your thoughts and focus on positive thinking.

2. Vibrate at the frequency of your dreams, not your fears.
   Change your negative thoughts into positive ones - If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, consciously change them into positive ones. For example, if you're thinking, "I'll never be able to afford that," change it to "I can achieve anything I set my mind to."

3. Let go of the outcome.
   If you cling too hard to something, you're sending a message to the Universe that you desperately need it, aka that you don't have it. Trust that the Universe will take care of the details - Don't worry about how your dreams will come to fruition, trust that the Universe will take care of the details.

4. Be grateful for what you have.
   Gratitude is one of the most powerful manifesting tools available. When you focus on being thankful for what you already have, it opens up the possibility of more good coming into your life.

5. Visualize what you want.
   Another powerful manifesting tool is visualization. When you close your eyes and picture exactly what you want in your mind, you're sending a strong message to the Universe that this is what you're looking for.

6. Take action towards your goals.
   For your manifestation to become a reality, you need to take action steps towards your goal. For example, if you want to manifest a new job, start by updating your resume and sending out applications.

By following these tips, you can begin manifesting the life of your dreams! Just remember, thoughts become things, so focus on thinking positive thoughts and watch as your life transforms before your eyes.

The magic is within you.

Think thoughts of love, success and joy for those around you, for yourself and the world. Love, success and joy is what you’ll get. Because thoughts become things, and they ALWAYS manifest.

Feeling like you're stuck and don't know what to do next?

A growth mindset is key for success. You have to be willing to learn, grow, and change in order to achieve anything great in life. With the help of a private coach, you can develop the skills you need to succeed.

As a coach I can help you break through your barriers and achieve your goals. You will get personalized attention and guidance so you can reach your full potential. Working with me is an investment in yourself – and it’s one that will pay off big time.

Schedule your free session!

Don’t punish food with exercise

I’ve had a terrible relationship with my body and my self-image for almost 20 years. Since I was 15 years old, I’ve been on a diet. Starving myself, then letting myself go and gaining it all back, yo-yoing between having and lacking the willpower to do that to myself. It all began with a broken heart over a boy, a difficult relationship with my father, and a lack of (self-)love that I believed could be fixed only if I restricted myself.

As a result, I know the calorie count of almost everything that’s edible. I know a ton about fats, proteins, and carbs. I know about sugar and what it’ll do to you, and I know why processed foods are so addictive and so difficult to resist. But what I know most about, and what has been with me ever since I started my first diet, is guilt.

I don’t remember a time before dieting. It doesn’t matter how many times I try – I cannot remember a time where food was just that: food.

A time when eating didn’t make me think of the consequences and didn’t immediately make me question my worth by making me feel bad about my weight, the tightness of my jeans, or the circumference of my waste. Looking back, I realize how bad it was. But that was only the beginning. A few years into the all-consuming dieting practice, I discovered exercise. Not for the obvious benefits of living a fit and healthy life, but for the guilt relief it provided after eating.

From that point on, daily exercise became mandatory, especially after meals where I had let myself slip and had enjoyed something on the no-no list. And although exercising to stay in shape can certainly be a healthy choice, for me it wasn’t. I was not moving my body to keep it healthy, I was moving it to get rid of the food I had just eaten. It took me years to understand the difference. For the longest time, I was oblivious to what I was doing, and honestly believed that I was taking good care of myself, both with exercise and my diet!

Since then, by focusing on other benefits besides weight loss that exercise brings to my body, I’ve learned not to punish myself with exercise, but to enjoy it for the benefits it brings me. But then again, since then, I’ve also learned a totally new way to relate to food – one that isn’t filled with guilt and doesn’t require me to count every single calorie that I take in. It was a slow process, and it took me a long time to get where I am now. And it all started with me treating myself and talking to myself as I would treat and talk to someone I really loved – someone I would only wish the best for, and who I would want to care for, always.

Once I started to see myself and my body through a lens of love, things slowly shifted and moved into place.

I stopped counting calories and started listening to my body instead, focusing on feeling hungry. A feeling that I had suppressed so much in the past, that it took me close to a year to get in touch with it again. Now, when I’m hungry, I listen to my body and I eat!

I stopped punishing myself with exercise, and started enjoying it instead. Instead of doing one after the other, eating and then exercising, I separated both activities in order to allow them to exist and be good for me on their own. And every time I felt I had to exercise, I forced myself not to, and chose a self-care activity instead.

I stopped buying clothes that were too small, and had everything fitted instead. When I was on my perpetual diet, I was always aiming for smaller. As a result, I never bought anything that actually fit me. I never tried anything on either, so I usually never got around to wearing the new clothes I bought at all. The only thing those clothes ever did for me, was help me to be harder on myself. Now, I have a closet full of beautiful things that fit me and make me feel wonderful. There is simply no better feeling in the world.

I stopped comparing myself to others, and learned to love my body instead. For years, I let myself be brainwashed by the media, believing all the paint-brushed pictures telling me there was still a lot to improve upon with my body. When I started to love myself more, I realized I had a wonderful body of my own that had been with me for forty years, and that I hoped would be with me for at least another forty. I found a deep sense of love for the physical me, and have been cherishing and taking the best possible care of it ever since.

I still am not there 100% of the time, but most days, I’m doing fine. I eat when I’m hungry, I exercise a few times a week (but only when I feel like it), I wear what fits me, and I like my body. That’s what loving myself has done for me. And I think that’s pretty fantastic!