Career & Business Coaching Blog.
Inspiration and tips for multi-passionate creatives & entrepreneurs.
The Paralysis of Perfectionism: Why "Good Enough" is Actually Perfect
Many people find themselves stuck, unable to move forward in their personal or professional lives. I know because I see a lot of them in my coaching practice. They feel held back not by a lack of ability or opportunity, but by an internal struggle: perfectionism. While seemingly a virtue and a very helpful quality to achieve your goals, the quest for perfection and flawlessness often becomes an obstacle to your goal, leading to procrastination, self-doubt, and, ultimately, getting and staying stuck.
After a decade of supporting creative generalists and entrepreneurs to get unstuck, I know how perfectionism impacts our drive and productivity. So before even trying once again to "just do the thing," look inward. Are you setting yourself up for failure by creating unrealistic expectations? Are you holding yourself back through negative and destructive inner chatter? If that is the case, trying harder won't make you finally move forward. Instead, you must shift your mindset and mentally recalibrate: you must transform how you see perfection and understand it's an illusion created by fear to keep you safe.
What is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism is often misunderstood as simply striving for excellence or having high standards. However, again, after doing this work for a decade, I can tell you it goes way beyond that. At its core, perfectionism is an all-or-nothing approach to life. It's the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable and dangerous. This mindset is paralyzing, as it sets an unattainable standard - a mountain, as I often tell my clients, that we expect to climb in one step!
The High Cost of Chasing Perfection
Perfectionism may manifest differently in different people, but it always comes with a heavy cost:
Procrastination: The fear of not meeting impossibly high standards leads to delaying tasks. First, you create the mountain in your mind. Then, you procrastinate because it's too big of a task to climb it all at once.
Analysis Paralysis: Relentless overthinking and analysis prevent taking action. You're always thinking, trying to figure out how to reach the top of the mountain, but never actually taking the first step.
Self-Sabotage: The inner critic undermines confidence, fostering a belief that you are simply not good enough. If you were, you'd be on that mountain top already!
Lack of Creativity: The pressure to create something perfect will damage your capacity for innovation and experimentation. Instead of figuring out how to make it to the top, you'll be stuck in a rut, coming up with underwhelming ideas, not knowing how to begin.
Burnout: Always creating mountains for yourself, aka unattainable goals, leads to exhaustion and a loss of passion. How could you not get tired, always giving yourself impossibly high climbing levels?
These are only a few of the many negative effects or causes of perfectionism. One that is particularly powerful in keeping us stuck is what we say to ourselves. Let's take a closer look at that inner voice and how it keeps us from achieving our goals.
The Inner Critic's Sabotage
A common theme among my clients is the destructive voice of the inner critic. This voice whispers nothing but doubts, focuses on flaws, and convinces us that our efforts will invariably fail. Some examples of how this inner critic keeps us stuck include:
"No one will buy that; don't waste your time."
"This has been done before. It’s not original."
"There is nothing special about this."
"I don’t deserve that because I am not good enough."
"I will fail, lose money, and everyone will hate me."
"Making it is hard, and I will suffer."
One of my clients described his inner critic as saying, "Look, the mountain is beautiful but too high for you to climb it." Another client's inner voice was even more brutal, declaring, "You’re not going to be good at expressing your ideas...nothing you do will ever matter." This relentless negativity chips away at self-worth and destroys the courage to pursue a life worth living.
The Antidote: Embracing "Good Enough"
The key to breaking free from the paralysis of perfectionism lies in embracing the concept of "good enough." This doesn't mean settling for mediocrity. Instead, it's about recognizing that striving for excellence is valuable, but demanding perfection is self-defeating. "Good enough" acknowledges that limitations exist - of course they do! But it allows you to progress, learn, and grow without the crippling weight of impossible expectations (and imaginary mountains to climb).
Here are some strategies to help shift your perfectionist mindset to one that embraces "good enough:"
Challenge the Inner Critic: Actively question the negative thoughts and beliefs that cause your perfectionism. Are these thoughts realistic and helpful? Are they really true? Or are they based on fear and unrealistic expectations?
Set Realistic Goals: Break down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Make them so small that you can't even make a mountain out of them anymore. Celebrate small victories along the way to build momentum and confidence.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Shift the focus from the end result (the top of the mountain) to the process of learning and growing (climbing your way up slowly). Accept that mistakes are part of the journey and valuable growth opportunities.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. If you wouldn't wish this pressure on someone else, don't put it on yourself.
Embrace Imperfection: Actively look for opportunities to be imperfect. Share your work even if it's not flawless, leave things unfinished (by your standards), and let others see the process rather than the result. It will be freeing, I promise!
Set Time Limits: Instead of striving for endless improvement, set a realistic deadline and commit to finishing the task within that timeframe (hello, I see you; I know it's hard!). This prevents projects from dragging on indefinitely and allows you to move forward.
Celebrate "Done": Acknowledge and celebrate the completion of a task, regardless of whether it meets every expectation. With your high standards, things will never be "done," so you might as well just let them be what they are.
Redefine Success: Change your definition of success from doing everything perfectly and at the highest level to your personal growth journey, finding meaning in your work, and focusing on your well-being first.
Some Case Studies in "Good Enough"
The Entrepreneur: Savannah started and stopped many entrepreneurial projects because they "didn’t quite feel right." After having her daughter, she realized she was working on interesting things, but they "didn’t truly come from my heart." She found her purpose by shifting her focus to postpartum care and wellness and coaching for new mothers.
The Creative: Connie feels she has "the soul of an artist, even if I don’t have the skill (yet)." Rather than waiting until she has the perfect skills, Connie can embrace her creativity by experimenting, learning, and sharing her work. By cultivating a growth mindset, she knows growth comes through practice, not innate talent.
The Career Changer: Kathryn wants personalized, results-oriented help with a career transition. By making the most of her existing skills and experience, she can create a solid plan that focuses on progress today rather than an unattainable ideal in the future.
Conclusion
As I have witnessed in my life and through working with many gifted and talented people, you think being perfect will be gratifying, but it only causes frustration and stagnation: you get stuck and stay stuck.
By aiming for "good enough" instead, you can free yourself from unattainable expectations, move closer to your innate potential, and experience the joy of progress, creativity, and meaningful achievement instead of the pain of never reaching the top of the mountain. You can Get Unstuck!
Take the first step toward progress and Getting Unstuck
Perfectionism can keep you trapped in a cycle of frustration and inaction. Constantly striving for an unattainable goal leads to self-doubt, procrastination, and a sense of failure, preventing you from reaching your goals and experiencing true fulfillment.
Are you ready to break free from the chains of perfectionism and start achieving your goals? Are you ready to finally get unstuck? Take the first step now - sign up for a free coaching session with me today!
7 Tips for Successful Career Change for People with Creative Brains who Feel Stuck
Feeling stuck in your career is a common experience, especially for creatives and entrepreneurs. The unique wiring of your creative brain, with its hunger for novelty, variety, and self-expression, can actually make career stagnation even more frustrating. Boredom, burnout, underutilization of your skills, and lack of diverse challenges can quickly kill your creative spark. If you're a creative feeling stuck and yearning for a career change, read on.
Have you been daydreaming about a different path? Questioning whether you should leave your current role altogether? Perhaps you've considered taking on a new role in that other department, but you hesitate. You've heard the manager there is stiff and very structured, and you're afraid the work will be boring, and you'll quickly tire of it. Or maybe you want more and crave a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in your work.
These are common dilemmas for creatives. I know because I've been supporting creatives in getting unstuck from unfulfilling careers for the past decade, and this guide will help you navigate these questions and create a fulfilling career change for yourself.
1. Understand Why You Feel Stuck:
Acknowledge the unique challenges: It's important to recognize that the needs of your creative brain might not be met in a traditional work environment. Repetitive tasks, rigid structures, and limited opportunities for innovation can lead to feelings of frustration and underwhelm – what I call the "creative bore-out." This is particularly true for creative generalists who thrive on variety and the ability to apply their diverse skills.
Ask yourself:
Am I experiencing burnout from overwork or bore-out from under-stimulation?
Is my broad skillset fully utilized, or am I pigeonholed into a narrow role?
Do I have enough autonomy and flexibility to express my creativity?
Take my client Sarah. A talented graphic designer with a wide range of creative interests who felt stuck in her role at a large agency. The work was repetitive: even though she has a masters in graphic design, the only thing she was asked to do was typesetting commercial brochures and posting about them on social media. She wasn't given the autonomy to truly express her creative vision. Through self-reflection, she realized she needed more variety and ownership over her projects to be happy. This led her to launch a successful freelance design business, where she now enjoys the freedom and flexibility to pursue projects inspiring projects she can be passionate about.
2. Envision Your Creative Career Ideal:
Clarify your creative vision: Go beyond simply identifying your passions and interests and how they could serve you at work. Imagine your ideal creative ecosystem. What kind of projects excite you? What impact do you want to make? What level of autonomy and flexibility do you need to thrive? For creative generalists, this might involve a portfolio career or a role that allows cross-disciplinary collaboration, which, luckily, is more and more in demand today!
Consider Mark, an entrepreneur who felt trapped in his own business. While he had built a successful company, the day-to-day operations had become monotonous and sucked up all of his time, and he longed to return to his true passion: computers and bringing knowledge about them to the world. By clarifying his creative vision, he was able to restructure his business, delegate routine tasks, and reclaim his time to work on the new chapter in his entrepreneurial life. Watch out, world, something incredible is coming!
3. Explore Paths to a Fulfilling Career Change:
Sometimes, career change means staying in your job but redefining it or transitioning to a different role within the same company or structure. If you're feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your current job, consider talking to your manager about taking on new projects or responsibilities that align with the needs of your creative brain. You could also look for courses and training opportunities to expand your skillset and open new career paths.
Reimagine your current role: Can you be more creative in your current job? Explore opportunities to craft a new job, propose new initiatives, or look for projects that align with your passions.
Embrace the entrepreneurial spirit: If your current environment can't accommodate your creative needs, consider alternative paths. Freelancing, consulting, or launching your own business might offer the freedom and flexibility you crave. This can be especially appealing for creative generalists like many of my clients, who thrive on variety and autonomy.
Ask yourself:
Can I negotiate more autonomy or variety within my current role?
Is it time to explore alternative career paths or entrepreneurial ideas?
4. Cultivate Your Creative Community:
Connect with other creatives: Surround yourself with a supportive network of creatives who understand the unique challenges and joys of the creative journey and living with a creative brain. Share ideas, collaborate on projects, and find inspiration in each other's work.
5. Invest in Creative Growth:
I've witnessed the power of creative investment many times. My client Maria, a writer and poet, felt stuck in her career as a communications manager for a big soda brand. She decided to invest in a writing workshop focused on a new genre and to attend slam poetry contests. This changed everything for her. Her passion for writing led to a successful career change as a full-time freelance writer and published poet.
6. Take Action to Get Unstuck:
Break free from fear, worry, and "just thinking about it": Creatives often struggle with self-doubt and perfectionism, which create difficult-to-escape cycles of overthinking and worry. Don't let these fears hold you back. Take the leap, experiment, and embrace the messy, imperfect uniqueness of the creative process.
Ask yourself:
What small step can I take to move closer to my creative goals today? Once you have it, DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn and let me know!
How can I overcome my fear of failure and embrace creative risk-taking?
7. Embrace Unconventional (Creative!) Strategies for Career Change:
Side Hustle Exploration: A side hustle can be a playground for your creativity, allowing you to experiment with new ideas and build a portfolio while maintaining financial stability from your day job. Nothing is set in stone, so as long as you keep costs low and have fun while developing your idea, you have nothing to lose. And remember, you can always change your mind!
Creative Sabbatical: Take a break from your routine to recharge your creative batteries, travel, explore new interests, and return to work with a fresh perspective. It doesn't need to be a month or a year. Even a few hours or a long walk can be enough! I've had one-day sabbaticals that gave me the best ideas for my business.
For creatives, entrepreneurs, and creative generalists in particular, feeling stuck in your career can be exactly what you need to finally get up and change.
By understanding and focusing on the unique needs of your creative brain, embracing self-reflection, and taking bold action, you can get unstuck and unlock new levels of fulfillment, purpose, and creative expression. Now, get off the couch and take that first step!
Ready to get unstuck and create a career that will keep your creative brain happy and engaged?
I can help. As a career and business coach for creatives, I am dedicated to helping you bring more joy, purpose, and success into your career while giving you the tools to understand your creative brain better.
You deserve fulfilling and sustainable work that allows you to thrive creatively and financially. Are you ready?
Everything in Life is an Invitation to Grow: Everything is a Grindstone
For many clients and myself, life often feels like a rollercoaster ride, filled with unexpected challenges and overwhelming experiences. More than any other, recent years have been one of perseverance and growth in ways I never thought possible. And there's a reason for that...
Reflecting on the past can be overwhelming, but instead of focusing on the negatives, I want to challenge you to think about everything that happened to you, all your experiences, and the difficult path you may have walked as a grindstone. This is how I've looked at life for the past few years; it has been so empowering.
A grindstone is a tool used to sharpen blades and tools. It's made up of rough surfaces that rub against each other, slowly but surely creating a sharp edge.
Similarly, if we decide to see it that way, every challenge we face is like a rough surface on our journey, constantly rubbing against us and pushing us to grow and become stronger. And just like a blade that becomes sharper with each pass on the grindstone, we, too, become sharper and more resilient through our struggles.
This may sound cliche, but I believe everything happens for a reason. Every setback, obstacle, and disappointment in your life is an opportunity to sharpen yourself and become stronger.
Everything is an invitation to grow, learn, and become a more resilient, stronger, and more capable human being.
When an obstacle shows up, when someone is shitty towards you, when you are being misunderstood or mistreated, instead of getting angry and defensive, say "thank you" and go to work learning and growing from it.
Your ex decided to be a jerk during divorce proceedings? Say "thank you," and use this setback to become a stronger person with better boundaries and communication skills, and leave this experience with more grace, empathy, and power.
Your boss is micromanaging you? Say "thank you" because now you can see how not to manage people, how to stand up for yourself, and communicate your needs effectively.
You made a bad financial decision? Say "thank you" and use that experience to become a better money manager, to be more mindful of your spending habits, and to prioritize your financial goals.
Every challenge can be an opportunity for growth if we choose to look at it that way. And the best part? No one can take away what you've learned and who you've become through these challenges. They are yours forever and will continue to serve you in the future.
How to see your grindstones as gifts
I know, I know. Looking at challenges as "gifts" and saying "thank you" when someone is a jerk to you might sound... annoying, to say the least, especially when you're in the middle of a challenging situation. But here’s the truth - it’s all about mindset. You have the power to turn any trial into triumph. You really do.
Here are five steps to get started with your grindstones:
Acknowledge the trigger.
Notice when something or someone gets under your skin. That discomfort? That’s your grindstone saying, “Hey, there’s something here for you to learn. Here's your chance to grow.”Ask, “What’s the lesson?”
What skill, habit, or strength is this moment trying to teach you? Is it patience? Assertiveness? Boundaries? Courage? Self-Esteem?Flip the script
Instead of thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “How can this help me grow? What can I get out of this?” Reframing challenges as opportunities will completely shift your perspective and help you achieve happiness and success much faster!Seek the gift
This might not come right away, and that’s okay. Reflect on what you’ve learned once the dust settles. Write it down and own that growth. You've earned it!Say "thank you"
Gratitude is powerful - even for the hard stuff. It’s how you take control of your story and become the knife that needs sharpening, not the victim who wants pity.
What’s your grindstone?
I invite you to embrace this grindstone concept as you reflect on how far you've come (and perhaps how stuck you feel). From this day forward, let's welcome every obstacle with open arms and see them as opportunities to sharpen ourselves, grow, and become stronger.
Trust me; this mindset shift will change your life.
Are you ready to embrace the grindstones in your life?
Imagine a life where you fully embrace your inner strength, where challenges are no longer roadblocks but stepping stones to success. It's time to let go, grow and finally get unstuck.
Don't let your grindstones go to waste. Take the first step towards freedom and potential and sign up for a free coaching session today. Your transformation awaits!
Five Ways to Manifest More Money in Your Life as a Creative Entrepreneur
As I do at the end of every year, I’m changing the prices of my coaching packages, so last week, I ran a few numbers with one of my mentors. (Hint: If you’ve been thinking about working with me, now might be the time to do so… prices go up at the end of the month!).
The conversation went great until I explained why I was increasing my prices. He looked at me, sighed (as if we’d been there before), and said: “No need to explain your worth to me.”
I knew right away he’d caught me in the middle of a desire-guilt-excuse trip so many creatives and entrepreneurs go on when it comes to money.
This made me think about money, my relationship to it (yes, life’s a journey, and we’re all on it), and everything I used to tell myself about money.
Many of us have a complicated relationship with money, right? Especially creatives and entrepreneurs. With statistics showing that small businesses and freelancers drive a significant portion of the economy (small businesses make up 90% of the economy), you’d think we’d be savvy, educated, and confident when it comes to finances. But… not always.
Unlike some people who seem to have a “natural” knack for money (read: grow up in systems that encourage financial literacy and ambition), creatives and entrepreneurs – often driven by passion over profit – can end up with a more “I love you, no I don’t” type of relationship with it.
This mindset can start us off with a financial disadvantage that’s hard to overcome. But it’s not impossible.
I believe creatives and entrepreneurs can be amazing with money. We just need better financial education and empowering beliefs to match our ambitions.
So here are five practical ways to help you manifest more money in your life right now (and maybe even improve your relationship with it, too):
Go on a scavenger hunt
My stomach twitches whenever a client tells me they can’t afford something or have no money. Of course, many people in the world have to come by with too little (and I believe it is our duty to help eradicate that inequality), but that is not the case for most of us writing or reading these words.
Often, a deeper issue is at play when we think we have no money or can’t afford something. Most of us have homes full of stuff, don’t we? In fact, most of us have too many things in the Western world.
So where’s this idea of lack of money coming from? It’s the result of a magic trick called consumerism. But the thing is, the money is not gone. It’s just transformed into something else and can return to being money.
So, my first tip is to go on a scavenger hunt around your house, office, and any other spaces you keep your stuff in. Look at your belongings (and I mean – really look at them, in a Marie Kondo way if you need to), and pick all the things you can do without, don’t like, don’t need, or didn’t even know you had. Now turn them back into money: sell them, exchange them for labor, give them away in exchange for a donation…
Understand what money really is
One of the turning points in my own money story was when I discovered what money really is: energy. This is HUGE. Because energy is everywhere, in everything, always. We are energy. The whole Universe is energy. Through what we call “work,” we transfer that energy from one thing to another. As I've explained above, we transform that energy into stuff when we buy things. What we call money, then, is the currency with which we give different types of energy (read: products or services) a specific value.
So, my second tip is for you to start thinking of money in terms of physical, emotional, and mental energy. Your energy goes in; money comes out. That money then goes into something you have wanted for a long time. And so on… it’s one big exchange of energy. Remember this: when you think about money, your relationship with it will forever be transformed: you are money (wink wink).
Learn to love money
Many of us grow up having all these mixed feelings about money: it’s icky, I shouldn’t like it, it’s not for me, I don’t need it… But worse, we grow up not fully trusting our ability to make money. So we give our power away and don’t control our finances, maybe to our partner, by getting in and out of debt or failing to put ourselves first. There are so many ways our twisted relationship with money shows up. But one way to fix it is learning to love money.
I’ve come to believe that learning to love money means learning to love yourself. You cannot fully separate your feelings of self-worth from what you think about money. Loving money is accepting that you have desires and being ready to give them to yourself. In my book, there’s (almost) no greater act of self-love than learning to love money.
Become a finance expert
It’s all good and well to learn to love money, figure out what it really is, and find you have more of it than you think. But how about making sure that what you have and earn is well taken care of? This is one area where many people lack, and for a very good reason.
We’re simply not taught how to take care of our money – and that’s if we’re taught to be financially independent in the first place (uneasy cough).
We believe so many stories about money (see next point for more on that), but believing that we’re capable of managing it well and prospering doesn’t seem to be one of them. That’s why we need to educate ourselves. Because knowledge is power, and in this case, with that power comes the ability to manifest more money for ourselves and make good decisions about it. And good decisions about money mean more money!
Update your beliefs about money
We’re raised hearing so much crap about money that it’s hardly a surprise we don’t know how to deal with it. Of course, money doesn’t grow on trees, and no, you cannot eat money, and I’m pretty sure pennies, dollars, or euros on their own won’t make you happy. But that’s not the point now, is it?
Almost all those beliefs are trying to make the point that we live in a world of lack. A world where you have to suffer to make money, where you’re supposed to be scared someone’s going to come and take all of it away from you (that was my father’s favorite and thus a belief I suffered with for a long time). One where it’s not OK to ask for money or to receive it without a lot of effort.
But what’s the validity of any of these claims?
We live in a hyper-connected world with instant access to information. Not in a village outside of London in the 1600s. Life must have been much harder back then, access to knowledge and education probably almost inexistent, and money… well, certainly not as available as it is today. Absolutely. But that was then, and this is now.
In a world where you have instant access to all the knowledge you need and a direct connection to almost everyone you could ever cater to, where’s the lack? It's pretty much gone and replaced by a world of possibilities.
That’s why my final tip is that it’s time for an major belief system upgrade. Give your money story the same care as your smartphone, laptop, or any other hardware you use for work, a.k.a. to make money (duh!). Because the same rule applies: the older the system you’re running, the worse it will perform. Precisely what an outdated belief system will do to your ability to make money.
I hope these tips will help you manifest a lot of money. You deserve it! :)
Are you ready to manifest more money in your life?
Discover the power of financial empowerment and take the first step towards a richer future.
Don't let your money story hold you back any longer. Schedule your free coaching session today and start a transformative journey towards financial independence.
Your #1 Mindset Hack for a Badass Life: Every Negative Thought is Wrong
Overthinking, worry, and anxious thoughts plagued my every day - my every minute and even my every second on some days. I couldn't escape them, no matter how hard I tried. The noise in my head, paired with the discomfort in my body from the perpetual stress, made it difficult to focus on anything else. It was like a constant battle that, for years, I couldn't win.
Those anxious days are long gone, thank goodness, but it was a journey to get to where I am now. And it's a journey that I continue on every day because let's be honest - anxiety isn't something that entirely disappears forever. Yes, you can make it smaller and smaller, but it is a daily practice and reprieve. Anxiety and worry are things that we learn to manage and cope with.
I used to think my constant worrying was just a part of who I was - it was just my personality, and I could do nothing about it. But I learned that wasn't true through therapy, self-reflection, cultivating many calming and grounding rituals, and a lot of trial-and-error. Anxiety is not our identity - it's simply an aspect of thinking and the nervous system that has gone into overdrive. And just like any other part of ourselves that isn't serving us, we can work on changing it.
The problem with anxiety and worry is that it keeps us stuck in a state of fear and doubt. We become so consumed with what could go wrong and what might happen that we forget to live in the present moment. In my practice, I support many people who suffer from anxiety, worry, and overthinking.
Often, the way it manifests in their life is as follows:
Difficulty concentrating on tasks and making decisions
Procrastination due to fear of failure
Loss of performance and productivity
Strained relationships at work and with loved ones
Increased physical discomfort like headaches or fatigue
Disrupted sleep patterns
Constant self-doubt and negative self-talk
It's a never-ending cycle that can leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and hopeless. But the good news is we have the power to break this cycle and take control of our thoughts and emotions. It starts with acknowledging that we have anxiety and understanding how it affects us. From there, we can begin implementing healthy coping strategies and seeking professional help if needed.
So, where do you start in this process of rewiring your brain so you can be freed from this crippling anxiety? How do you begin to quiet the noise and calm the storm inside your head? You can do many things, from therapy and medication to self-care practices like mindfulness, exercise, and journaling. It's about finding what works for you and creating a personalized plan to help you manage your anxiety.
One thing that has helped me tremendously in managing my anxiety is changing my mindset, aka the way I think about things.
Instead of constantly worrying and catastrophizing, I learned to challenge my thoughts, question their validity, and focus on the present moment. This shift in thinking has allowed me to let go of unnecessary stress and find peace within myself.
Life constantly changes and evolves, and people's reactions are beyond our control. Every day, something new, potentially stressful, and uncertain could happen. Instead of continually worrying about what might go wrong or trying to control everything, I have learned to focus on what I can control - my thoughts and my reactions.
I have done so much work learning to control my thinking this year, and this mindset thing is like magic! There are no two ways about it:
Our thoughts - our mindset - shape our reality; they are the lens through which we interpret the world.
Someone I consider very wise once told me, "We are what we focus on." This means that if our thoughts are consumed with worry and anxiety, then that is what we will manifest in our lives. But, if we focus on positivity, gratitude, and peace of mind, that is what we will attract.
So why not choose the latter? We can rewire our brains by changing our thought patterns and creating a more positive mindset. It's a challenging task but possible with practice and perseverance.
I used to believe that my anxiety was something I would always have to live with - it was just part of who I am. But now I know that I can manage it and even overcome it. It takes work every day, but the rewards are endless.
Since then, those words have become my truth. When we focus on positivity and possibility, we open ourselves to a world of opportunities and growth. When we pay attention to negative and limiting thoughts, we trap ourselves in a cycle of self-doubt and fear, often creating unnecessary anxiety and stress.
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought," said the Buddha.
With that in mind, I've been training myself to focus on thoughts that empower me rather than those that keep me small and stressed out. And let me tell you, it's like magic! It can be confusing to believe one negative thought but not another, as if some are true and we should listen to them! That's why I've created a simple rule for myself and my clients:
Every negative thought is wrong!
As soon as one pops into my mind (as they will, thousands of times a day if you let them!), I choose to divert my focus to a positive thought instead. It takes practice (and a handy list of positive things to focus on helps), but the easier I do it, the easier it becomes.
Before I knew it, my mindset had shifted from one of limitation to one with ONLY possibility. I have also seen amazing results in the creatives and entrepreneurs I support.
I'm constantly amazed at how much this simple shift in thinking has affected every aspect of my life - from relationships to my sense of well-being and happiness, overwork to personal growth. It's not about ignoring reality or pretending everything is perfect; it's about choosing to see things in a way that serves us and empowers us to live in the reality we dream about.
So, next time you feel overwhelmed or stuck, remember that you have control over how you think and perceive the world around you. Choose thoughts that empower you and open yourself up to the endless possibilities that await.
Are you ready to rewire your brain and let go of anxiety for good?
Transforming your mindset is a powerful way to create the life you want. None of your thoughts are fixed or part of who you are - they are just thoughts, and as such they can be changed.
I help my clients transform their mindsetso they can become the badass humans and professionals they know they are meant to be. Discover the power of coaching with me. Click below and let's chat!
How to Think Yourself Into a Brand New and Magnificent Life
Sometimes, when life is going just right, the only thing we do is wait for it to go wrong. We anticipate and wait for that so-called other shoe to drop. Right now, so many great things are happening in my life and at work, and the fruits of seeds I planted many months or years ago are finally coming out. This reminded me of how accustomed we are to expecting bad things - not good ones - to happen; at least, I know I used to be like that. And honestly, sometimes I still am.
Just last week, with everything feeling right - the sun shining, my new start-up off to a great start, friends and family all in reasonably good health and happy - there it was: the undeniable and oh-so-familiar feeling of doom looming. Something had to go wrong! Everything was going too well, and I was simply feeling too good!
Feeling like doom is coming has been my experience for the biggest part of my life. I know it's the same for many of my clients. Before starting my journey of transformation and anxiety-free living, I was so used to it that even when things were going well, my brain would actively search for something to be worried or unhappy about.
But here's the thing: life is not meant to be lived in fear and worry. We are not meant to expect the worst constantly.
We're meant to live in joy and abundance, regardless of our circumstances. It took me a long time to truly understand this. Still, I'm now at a place where I can confidently say that we have the power to choose how we experience life and that we are manifesting our existence and everything in it every moment of every day.
We may not be able to control what happens around us, but we can control how we react. Even more so, we have a say in what we attract into our lives and how we shape our reality. I shared a lot about this in my book "Get Unstuck!" because it's so important: our thoughts create our reality.
Think about it for a minute.
People who don't have the negative thoughts you or I have don't have the fears either! Can you imagine?
I heard a lawyer share his story recently. When asked how he chose law as his field, he shared how he had always loved conflict. It felt like a game to him, how good he was at it, and how when someone disagreed with him, he enjoyed going into the conversation to get them to see he was right. As someone who has always dreaded conflict, I lost my breath there for a second. I NEVER imagined anyone could enjoy conflict, let alone be good at it. But when I thought about it a bit more, I realized that - of course - to be a good lawyer, not being afraid of conflict is sort of an asset :)
Again, it's all about our thoughts. So, I imagined what my life would be like if I didn't have any negative thoughts about conflict but looked at it from the perspective of a conflict-loving lawyer.
And, you know what, it changes EVERYTHING!
It was a profound moment of realization for me. Of course, I already knew that changing my thoughts changed my life, but this thing called growth is like an onion. It keeps on giving! When you think you've reached the last layer, it turns out there's another one underneath. So, I continue peeling my onion every day - in a positive way, of course!
I've also learned that the power of our thoughts affects our lives and radiates outward to those around us. Have you ever noticed how being around someone who is constantly negative and complaining can bring your mood down? On the other hand, being around someone positive and uplifting can instantly boost your energy and mindset.
So why not choose to be that person? Why not channel the thoughts of the person you want to be in this world? Changing your thoughts can transform your experiences profoundly.
Fear, doubt, and self-limiting beliefs are the number one blocks for many creatives and entrepreneurs. But what if we approached challenges with curiosity and excitement instead, just like lawyers approach conflict? What if we could see difficulties not as insurmountable obstacles but as opportunities for growth and learning?
What if, when everything is going well, we invite more good vibes into our lives and believe even better things are coming rather than waiting for the other shoe to drop?
For me, this shift in mindset was empowering. It felt like a door opening to a world where I had control over my life. I began to see that my thoughts were like seeds - when I planted positive, empowering beliefs, they blossomed into actions aligned with my goals and dreams. My current life is a testament to this. When I realized how powerful my thoughts were, I started to manifest a reality where fear didn’t dictate my decisions, and possibilities were endless.
You possess this power, too. It's within each of us to reshape our thoughts and, consequently, our lives. By consciously choosing to cultivate thoughts that are good for you and not entertaining the ones that are keeping you small, anxious, or fearful, you can unlock your true potential and create a life that not only meets but exceeds your wildest dreams.
Imagine the freedom and joy of a life unburdened by unnecessary fears and doubts. Imagine being like that lawyer. You have the power to make this your reality.
Here are five tips to help you shift your mindset toward one that is empowering and limitless:
Challenge your negative thoughts. The first and most crucial part of changing your negative thinking patterns is noticing and challenging your negative thoughts. When a negative thought pops into your mind, ask yourself if it is based on fact or fear. In 99% of the cases, it will be, so consciously choose to replace it with a more positive and empowering belief.
An example from my little mantra flashcards (see point two below) is the recurring belief that I held for the longest part of my life (which caused me to choose horrible partners to be with) that I must work to deserve attention or love. I have successfully changed that belief, and it has transformed my life. On my mantra cards (which I still read at least three times a day while listening to a manifestation playlist from Spotify), it says about this belief:
"I deserve attention and love just because I am. I am enough just as I am. I don't need to work for attention or love. Love is not equal to work. I am lovable just as I am. I don't need to do anything to deserve love." Repeating these mantras every day for years now has totally changed what I believe about myself and how lovable I am.Create mantra flashcards and read them multiple times every day. Mantra flashcards are small notes you write to yourself with positive affirmations and empowering beliefs. These could be simple phrases like "I am enough," "I am worthy," or "I am capable." You can add personal mantras that speak to your specific fears or doubts. The key is to read these cards multiple times a day, especially when you're in a negative headspace. This will help to reprogram your subconscious mind and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.
I have cards for all aspects of my life and thoughts I want to change: my life, my relationships, my work, my goals... I take them with me everywhere and truly enjoy reading them; it's like a tiny meditation multiple times a day that reminds me who I really am and where I'm going. Powerful stuff!Surround yourself with positivity. This can include the people you spend time with, the media you consume, and even your living space. Make an effort to surround yourself with positive and uplifting people who support and encourage you. Follow social media accounts that promote self-love and acceptance, and unfollow those that make you feel like crap. Surround yourself with items that bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself, whether it's a favorite quote or a piece of art that speaks to your soul.
By creating a positive environment and having an eye for what I find beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, I am now constantly reminded of my worth and value as a person and the great way I know I can show up for myself and care for my well-being. I surround myself with the life I want to live. And you know what? That's how I create it!Practice gratitude daily. Take a few moments each day (early morning and late night for me) to reflect on what you are grateful for. This can help shift your focus from lack and negativity to abundance and positivity. Repeated daily, it will change your mindset!
Make sure these are not just little trivial things (although they can be); add in the real stuff too, like, in my case, "I'm grateful that my friend Lena, who is a badass feminist, teaches me how to be a badass woman myself" or "I'm so grateful for the freedom I created for myself to be able to work from anywhere" or "I'm so grateful for that new pink bikini that fits me so well." Yes, I hear you. What if there's nothing for which to be grateful? Well, sorry to break it to you, but that's just a load of BS. There is always, ALWAYS, something to be thankful for. You should write it down even more diligently if you find it hard to find.Visualize your desired outcome. It's essential to bring as many of your dreams and desires into your life now, even if not everything has manifested yet.
I take time every day to visualize myself living the life of my dreams. It's such an enjoyable experience, and it almost feels real. I go into a lot of details about where I am, what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, who I'm with, and even what I'm wearing. This practice helps me stay focused on my goals and motivates me to take action toward making them a reality. It's like creating a roadmap for your life; the best part is that you have complete control over it.
Bonus tip: REMEMBER TO TAKE ACTION! Ultimately, it's all well and good to bathe in the feel-good hormones from imagining your dream life, but you must take action to create a mindset that empowers you and a life that fills you with joy and gratitude. Eventually, you have to go out and do something to materialize it!
Shifting your mindset takes time and effort, but the results are well worth it. Your life will be completely transformed, and you will experience things beyond your wildest dreams. Trust me, it works!
Feeling stuck in your current situation?
You're not alone. Many professionals have the same feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt.
Imagine waking up every day excited about your future, no longer paralyzed by fear or self-sabotaging thoughts. It's time to break free and start living the life you've always dreamed of.
If You Give Yourself Time to Overthink, You Will. Here’s How to Stop and Get Unstuck
It’s a busy season for me. I’ve been working on my new project, nuumani.com, with the help of some great product developers and coaches while still having the pleasure of helping clients one-on-one. I've also aced two courses at Harvard Extension School, where I'm working my way to a Master's in Management. But let me tell you, this was a ton of work that I did not anticipate! While all of this was happening, and I was celebrating my birthday in Porto and visiting friends in Italy, I felt I was kicking it, and being in action, unhelpful procrastination started making it harder for me to focus on the right things.
I'm sure this is as familiar to you as it is to me. It's a direct result of the pressure, combined with the creative high of new projects: I just get so many additional ideas that I start to focus on the wrong thing. Worse, my focus gets so scattered that I start to overthink everything, so eventually, I end up doing nothing.
The truth is: if you give yourself time to overthink, you will. And it won't be good for your productivity.
The good news is that there are things you can do to stop yourself from going there, even when ideas pop up like fireflies on a hot summer night in the Midwest.
Here are a few tips to help you stay on track and avoid that mind trap:
Recognize when you're overthinking
The first step in overcoming overthinking is to recognize when it's happening. Pay attention to your thoughts and notice any patterns of excessive rumination or indecisiveness that keep you from getting work done.
Create a clear roadmap
One of the main reasons we tend to overthink is that we could be doing so many different things. Especially as creative entrepreneurs, we have a million ideas floating around in our heads. To combat this, create a clear roadmap or plan for your work that you can chop up into clear tasks for your day or week.
Set deadline
I’m such a victim of this. I’m so flexible with deadlines that I have become immune to moving them. To be clear, a little flexibility is good but too much is deadly for your work. Setting deadlines for yourself is another way to avoid overthinking. It creates a sense of urgency and helps you focus on completing tasks instead of juggling between them.
Let go of what isn't a priority
Because I became so stretched in time, I had to make some difficult decisions about how I spend it and say goodbye to some volunteering work I enjoyed and some projects I just don't have the time to work on right now. It can be challenging to let go of things we enjoy or have invested time in, but sometimes, it's necessary to prioritize and stay focused on what matters.
Know what success means to you
It's great to have many opportunities, and we often fear what will happen when we don't say "yes" to what shows up. But what about the risk if you do it? Would that help your business or project, or is it more of a distraction? Don't feel bad if something doesn't align with your goals or definition of success.
Remember, you’re in control of your journey and the decisions you make along the way. I have had to remind myself of this in the past few weeks, and as I'm writing this, I am still digesting a potent conversation I had with one of my business mentors this morning. He pointed out that I was overwhelming myself with overthinking and a lack of oversight or priorities. And you know what? He was right.
Being an entrepreneur is a fantastic journey I wouldn't trade for the world. But what a learning curve it is as well! And a humbling experience. The most important thing is to know what success means to you and prioritize accordingly. Don't let the fear of missing out or the pressure of others push you into overthinking and spreading yourself thin.
Saying "no" to ideas and staying focused is hard, but I know you've got this!
Feeling overwhelmed by endless decisions and mental clutter?
I understand how paralyzing overthinking can be. My private career and business coaching sessions are designed to help you break free from these mental traps and gain clarity.
Imagine a life where you make confident decisions with ease, achieve your career or business goals, and enjoy the process. With expert guidance and personalized strategies, you can turn your biggest vision into reality.