How to Stay Focused on Your Goals When Life Gets Busy

As I'm in the midst of launching nuumani.com, my new platform for coaches, I'm reminded about how life is nothing short of a whirlwind. As I juggle coaching clients, virtual book event preparations, relocation, and launching a new venture, I regularly find myself overwhelmed and wondering why I decided to do these things again.

In the busyness of pursuing my goals - the ones that shape my dreams and aspirations - meaning gets lost in the shuffle, and with it, the focus I need to stay on track. I'm not the only one experiencing this. Most of my clients share with me how they set out to do something, get excited and determined, and then life happens, and it quickly erodes their focus and drive.

The challenge then becomes to set goals and stay on track to achieve them - easier said than done.

For most professionals today, whether entrepreneurs, career professionals, creatives, or artists, the quest for balance and sustained motivation is not just an abstract concept but a practical need for personal and professional growth. In this article, we'll explore strategies for maintaining focus on our goals, even when times get too busy to take a breath.

The role of accountability in achieving your goals

As a coach with a decade of experience helping people get unstuck, I know accountability often plays an important part in helping someone achieve their goals. When we're held responsible for our actions, whether through a mentor, coach, or peer, we tend to perform better. But accountability is not just a tool for performance or productivity – it's a support system, a structure that helps to anchor our goals within the framework of our daily lives.

However, successful accountability structures are not one-size-fits-all. It's important to create an accountability system that will work for you by finding the methods and people that motivate you without adding undue stress or pressure to your already busy schedule. Regular check-ins, shared milestones, and even social commitments tied to our goals can all help us stay on track and turn our dreams into concrete, actionable plans.

The importance of clarity

One of the central pieces of my work is about helping clients gain clarity about what they really want. When we're stuck, we can only arrive at unclear or overly vague goals. A lack of specificity leaves room for ambiguity and excuses. When life gets busy, having a clear direction allows you to adapt and prioritize, ensuring that no matter what's blocking you, you're always trying to move forward.

The first step to figuring out what you really want is to consider both your long-term vision and short-term goals. This exercise encourages you to be honest about what truly matters to you, allowing for a better understanding of how different aspects of your life fit together. With this mindset, you can then set specific, achievable objectives that align with your purpose – and use them as markers on the road to achieving success. A tip I share with all my clients - and something I do regularly - is to document your goals and progress, whether in a journal, vision board, or digital tool. This allows you to track your growth and stay accountable to yourself.

Sometimes, the most significant step towards achieving our dreams is simply taking the time to figure out what those dreams truly are. So take a moment to reflect on your values, passions and purpose, then set clear goals that align with them.

Finding balance and prioritizing self-care

In our fast-paced world, balance and self-care often take a backseat to professional and personal demands. Paradoxically, these elements are critical to sustained focus and high productivity and performance. Neglecting our well-being can lead to many things, including burnout, which in turn can derail or halt even the most well-thought-out and planned goals.

Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it is strategic. It means setting boundaries, saying no when necessary, and making time for the activities that recharge our batteries and inspire us. Finding balance is about recognizing that our goals are a part of our lives, not the entirety and that a holistic approach leads to greater long-term fulfillment. Especially when things get busy, blocking time in my calendar to do things just for myself has been a game-changer in maintaining balance and keeping momentum toward my goals.

The art of doing enough

The belief that every action must produce monumental results is a pervasive and destructive fallacy. In reality, daily, consistent effort often outweighs sporadic, intensive bursts. It's the art of doing enough - enough to push the needle forward, enough to maintain progress, and enough to remain engaged in the pursuit of your goals - that will ultimately make the difference.

This is the compound effect, where small actions, repeated over time, lead to significant results. Often, we underestimate the power of consistency and overlook the progress we make in our daily efforts. It also feels boring to many of us or not challenging enough to actually do. But herein lies the magic of it: you don't need to rush or do everything today; what you need is to build the habit of doing things steadily every day.

Trusting this process means letting go of perfectionism and celebrating each step forward, no matter how small. This mindset shift helps you stay motivated and committed to your goals for the long run. It's also a reminder that balance is not about doing everything at once but rather finding what works for you and sticking with it consistently.

So take a deep breath and let go of the pressure to constantly strive for more. Instead, focus on being present in your journey, embracing each stage as it comes, and taking small steps towards your goals every day.

Deadlines and urgency

I hate deadlines, and I love them. They're like a double-edged sword - on the one hand, they push me to get things done and give me a sense of urgency, but on the other hand, they can also cause me immense stress and anxiety.

Deadlines provide structure and motivation but can also induce unhealthy amounts of pressure. Let's not forget all deadlines are man-made! So, somewhere, someday, someone decided that this specific date and time was the deadline. Achieving this thing by then is not set in stone or predetermined by fate.

It's important to remember that your goals are yours, and there is no "right" or "wrong" timeline to achieve them. Instead of letting deadlines dictate your progress, focus on creating a routine and committing to consistent actions toward your goals. It's important to regularly review the urgency of our goals and align deadlines accordingly. Not everything we want to do needs to be done now, and setting unrealistic timelines based on external pressures can lead to missed opportunities, failed attempts at creating something great, and a massive amount of frustration.

The problem of all-or-nothing thinking

I used to be such an all-or-nothing person. If I couldn't do it or have it all right now, I wasn't interested in having or doing it at all! This mindset is a common theme in my clients that often leads to paralysis and inaction. It certainly was for me. When we perceive any imperfection from our ideal path as a failure, we set ourselves up for disappointment and, ultimately, a failure because we give up on our goals. Recognizing this false idea is the first step toward a healthier, more pragmatic approach to goal-setting.

To combat all-or-nothing thinking, it's important to reframe our accomplishments and mistakes as lessons and opportunities for growth. Small setbacks should not overshadow the progress we've made or the resilience we've shown. Additionally, not being able to do everything "right now" does not mean we can't still move forward and make progress. Whether it's taking small steps, adjusting deadlines, or seeking support from others, there are always options to do something productive toward our goals without falling into the trap of perfectionism.

At the end of the day, achieving your goals is a journey rather than a destination. You'll face obstacles and setbacks along the way, but that does not diminish the value of your efforts. Just keep going!

Transitioning from goals to actionable tasks

One of the biggest mistakes I see clients make is putting goals on their to-do lists instead of actionable tasks. Goals are great, but they can often feel too daunting and nebulous to tackle when you're sitting down to work. That's why it's important to break them down into specific, achievable tasks.

For example, instead of putting "write a book" or "website" on our to-do list, we can break it down into smaller tasks such as "write 500 words per day," "edit one chapter per week," or "get my about page done and publish it online."

Goals and tasks are not the same, and the distinction between the two is crucial. While a goal is an endpoint, a task is a step - a concrete and often immediate action that moves us toward that end.

I do this on a weekly basis on Sunday afternoon when I plan out the week ahead. I look at my goals and write out small, clearly defined tasks that I'm capable of doing in two hours or less. It's through the completion of these tasks that I've achieved all my goals - all my goals, no exception.

Remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint

In my eagerness to achieve, I often took a sprinter's approach at the start of a marathon project. What I've learned is that long-term success requires pacing myself and working in a sustainable way. It's about understanding that the pursuit of my goals is not a race to be won but a continuous effort to be enjoyed and maintained while I'm working at it.

By adopting a marathon mindset, it's easier to work with consistent effort and patient progress. You can recognize that each step, no matter how small, is a victory in itself and an integral part of the larger narrative of your personal and professional development and success.

In conclusion, the pursuit of our goals is an ongoing practice that requires adaptability, resilience, and a diligent commitment to personal growth. By nurturing a supportive environment, maintaining a clear vision, and sustaining a balanced approach, we can overcome life's busyness and achieve what we set out to do.

Remember, the secret to success lies not in doing it all at once but in doing enough consistently and with purpose. I believe in you!

Is life sidetracking your goals?

Don't worry, you're not alone. And I can help! Together, we'll build a personalized strategy to keep you on track toward achieving your goals while also taking care of yourself. Let's get started today!

Schedule a free coaching session to get started. Keep going. Keep growing. You got this!

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I’ve outgrown my career. What should I do next?

Most high-achieving (and creative) employees end up outgrowing their jobs and careers rather quickly. Part of the problem is that we pick up tasks easily and once we find ourselves bored with the work, it can be hard to motivate ourselves to stick with it. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. When you outgrow your work, it just means it’s time for something new.

Think about it! When you were little, you wanted to do so many different things with your life. At one point, I wanted to be a sea witch, a librarian, and an astronaut all at once. I dreamt of wearing a voluminous black dress, with giant black rimmed glasses, holding a copy of a Tale of Two Cities, while floating in the International Space Station’s anti-gravity. If you ask any five-year old, they don’t think of one job they want to do forever. They come up with six or seven and those six or seven change from day to day - sometimes minute to minute. 

We only think we want one career for our entire lives because that’s what society tells us. You go to school for a dozen years, get pressured into picking a major in college for a life you kind-of-sort-of want, and then come out of college and immediately start climbing a corporate ladder. At some point, you get so bored with it all that you start thinking about what life would look like if you’d made different choices - or perhaps if you had actually *made* a choice.. 

Many people will live their entire lives wondering what if, but I’m willing to wager that if you’re here reading this blog, you might be ready to make the shift. And you can and are allowed to make the shift. It’s okay to have two - or even ten - different careers in your lifetime. According to this article, the average person has twelve different jobs and almost 30% of people have changed their careers post college. 

Now that you know you can make a career transition, you’re probably wondering how. (It always comes down to “how” doesn’t it?) Here’s how:

1. Why? Start by thinking about why you want to change your current career. Maybe you aren’t being challenged enough. Or maybe the industry is dying out. Whatever your feelings are, they’re valid. My first career was in the web industry, and while that is not a dying industry by any means, I felt like I was choking on the corporate ladder. I came out of college and climbed and climbed, never letting myself think about what I actually wanted and why I wanted it. When I finally sat down and asked myself why I wanted to transition, the answer was simple: I wanted to be happier. I wanted to live my life on my rules and my terms and no longer worry about what everyone else wanted for me. 

2. What other careers are you interested in? Think about what your end goal is. If you were to change careers, how would you achieve that end goal? If you don’t change your career now, will 80 year-old-you have regrets about your choices? Once you’ve thought this through, write down the steps you think you will need to accomplish to make future you proud. When I was trying to figure out how to transition from my web agency into my coaching career, I was so scared to take the first step, but I knew if I didn’t shake things up, I would forever regret it.

3. When can you make the change? Career transitions usually don’t happen overnight. Especially if you value the company you work for. A good thing to think about is when you can transition out of your role and into your new career. What life events, or career events, will inhibit that change? How can you address those so they don’t affect you? 

4. How can your current skills help you in the career you want? Your ability to get a job, or start a business, in a new industry or role, will rely a lot on your past experience and current knowledge base. Figuring out how to use those skills, whether they are hard or soft skills, in a new arena is half the battle to convince your mind that this transition is possible. For instance, if you are a trained cosmetologist who would like to move into remote bookkeeping for hair salons, you can use your knowledge of how hair salons work to help them manage their finances. If you aren’t super secure in your bookkeeping abilities, you can always take a short certification course to get up to speed and support your resume. 

5. Start networking. Networking is a great way to connect with people in the industry or roles you are hoping to transition into. They can offer advice and guidance to help you move along that new path more easily. Also, they might know of job openings and be able to vouch for your abilities when you apply. A lot of the people I first met when I transitioned to coaching had made similar changes earlier in their lives. Some of them have even become my mentors and helped me feel empowered by my transition. 

It can be super scary to transition careers, but the reality is, if your gut is telling you it’s time, it’s definitely time. Think about what your future self would be proud of you for doing, how this transition will positively impact their life, and then go for it! And if you need a little help, book one of my free 30-minute chats. You never know what we might come up with! 

Scared to change your career?

Changing careers can be a scary prospect, but it can also be an empowering one. You are making the choice to leave behind what you are comfortable doing, for a career that is more challenging and fulfilling.

I help my clients discover their passions and find work that aligns with those passions. Together we will discover what it is you really want to be doing with this next part of your life and how to achieve those goals in a sustainable way. If you're ready to change your career, I can help you get there!

Schedule your free session!

10 Rules You Need to Break in Business to be Successful

"Rules are made to be broken." It's a famous quote from the movie Scarface, and after being an entrepreneur for more than two decades, I've come to believe it couldn't be more accurate. Imagine for one second if Steve Jobs never had any rules about what he should or shouldn't do, Apple would have never been born. The same could be said for Bill Gates with Microsoft, Richard Branson with Virgin Airlines, and even Walt Disney when he started his empire. These are not just business success stories; they're inspirational tales of how these people found their way in life by doing things differently than everyone else.

So you want to start your own business? That's great! You're about to embark on a life-changing journey that will undoubtedly shape the way you think, see and experience everything. But before you get started, there are some rules (or should I say "beliefs") that you need to break to succeed.

Just because something's been done one way for years or even decades doesn't mean you have to do it the same way. The next time someone says "you can't," challenge them and think of a better idea than what they just proposed. They'll be so surprised at your creativity that they might change their mind and let you do it anyway.

Breaking rules is all about doing things differently.

In business, you will face obstacles and challenges designed to stop you from succeeding. It's a rule of thumb in life: the bigger your dreams get, the more people who want to see you fail. So don't give up on yourself just because something didn't work out right this time. If you can't break one rule, then break two instead (but not all of them - just the ones that are getting in your way).

After more than 20 years in business, here are 10 rules I've had to learn to break to up-level, breakthrough, and achieve lasting success:

• Rule 1: Follow the rules.
  No, there is no rule book; that's the thing! It's all up to you. You can do whatever you want in your business (it's yours) and still be wildly successful. It's great to have a few rules to get you started, but once you get the hang of them, use your creativity to play with them, bend or even break them.

• Rule 2: Choose a strategy and stick with it.
  No, strategies are great, but choosing the wrong one can lead straight to bankruptcy and failure in business. You're always one choice away from an entirely new business. Remember that, especially when things get tough. It's not because you decided on a strategy that you have to stick with. Examining, assessing, and pivoting to a better approach is an essential quality to be successful in business.

• Rule 3: The customer is always right.
  No, this couldn't be further from the truth. The customer is usually wrong. It's your job to figure out what they need, not what they want, which are two very different things. Also, the time is gone that customers could treat you like sh*t just because they spent some money on your business. Money doesn't buy your customer a wildcard to be an asshole; it only buys them your products or services.

• Rule 4: Hire for knowledge.
  No, this is not a great rule because people can always learn new things, but you can't change someone's (shitty) character or mindset. Don't hire for knowledge; hire for attitude, value system, and how someone stands in the world. Hiring for attitude will benefit you, your company, and your team in the long run.

• Rule 5: Protect your ideas.
  No, if you never speak about your ideas to anyone, you'll never know if they'll work or get support to work them out. I believe the more you talk about your ideas, the more they're shaped and the easier it becomes to turn them into a business or project. Also, do you realize how hard it is to turn an idea into a business? This quote says that "5% is inspiration and 95% is perspiration". Remember this next time you're questioning whether or not to share what you've been thinking about starting. Of course, if you need to, have them sign an NDA first. But do share.

• Rule 6: You need a business degree.
  No, as a multi-passionate creative, you have everything you need inside of yourself already, so let's get started! An MBA or business degree might kill your creativity and make you less innovative. There are so many great books, courses, and even YouTube mentors around these days. Everything you need to know to become a successful entrepreneur is just a mouse click away. Don't spend your precious money (that you could invest in your idea) and years of your life stuck in a classroom before starting. You go out there and do it.

• Rule 7: Always ask yourself: "What would a successful business person do?"
  Again, no, clearly, this is a rule that needs breaking. Don't ask yourself what someone else with an entirely different business would do. Instead, always ask yourself: "What would a rebel do?" What would someone do that breaks the rules and does business their way? That is the right question to ask - and act upon. Also, I wrote a book for multi-passionate creatives where I talk more about how to be a rebel. You can preorder the Dutch copy here.

• Rule 8: Don't follow your heart; follow the plan.
  This is a tricky one. There may be many reasons not to follow your heart or speak up about what you're doing, but you should still do it. Your heart knows what is good for you. At the same time, I'm sorry to break it to you; you need a plan. Without one, you're navigating blind on your entrepreneurial journey. Never a good idea.

• Rule 9: There's a right way to do business and a wrong way.
  No, there's no right and wrong way of doing things anymore. Of course, there are good decisions and bad ones, like good ideas and not-so-great ones. But there isn't "the only way" of doing things. As you've seen from the rules we broke above, you can (and should) do business in your way and be the rebel.

• Rule 10: There are no rules in business.
  After everything I shared with you above, I want to debunk this rule. Indeed, there aren't that many rules in business, but you shouldn't take that as a wild pass to do whatever it takes to win. Yes, you'll never be able to achieve greatness if you're not willing to break some rules, but never forget that you're in business to serve people, have a great life and hopefully make the world around you a little bit better too.

Breaking rules is a habit for success, so allow yourself to be creative and free-thinking with every step you take. Just because it's been done before doesn't mean you have to do it the same way, so break those rules and be a rebel! Follow your path, and don't let anyone tell you what to do.

Are you looking for a business coach?

My signature 3-month private coaching series is designed to get results, and I have the track record to prove it. When you work with me, I will provide personalized support and guidance that helps you take your business where it needs to go! I'm here to help you achieve your goals.

I know how hard running a business can be, but my clients love working with me because they see their businesses grow in ways they never thought possible. So if this sounds like something that could benefit you, let's talk today! It only takes one conversation before we start getting results together.

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7 Common Stumbling Blocks for Creative Entrepreneurs That Might Keep You Stuck

It's no secret that creative entrepreneurs can be their own worst enemy. As someone who identifies as one, I know how hard it can be to make progress on what you're working on when you're getting in your way. In this article, we'll explore seven common stumbling blocks for multi-passionate creative entrepreneurs and discuss what keeps you stuck or unable to move forward on your projects, careers, or businesses.

You're not flaky, you lack focus

How to focus on different things simultaneously and make progress on all of them without losing our mind? That's the question we need to answer to be happy multi-passionate entrepreneurs or creative generalists.

In Western society particularly, our worth is tied to our productivity. If we're not getting things done and getting them done quickly before the deadline is up, then we feel like a failure. A hurdle to this feeling of worthlessness comes from our mental blocks, often tied to limiting beliefs, negative thinking, or stress.

Creative entrepreneurs often struggle with productivity because they're not sure where their focus should be at any given time - or how to juggle with all the things on their plate at the same time.

The key is not in getting more focused but getting less unfocused, moving between different tasks without getting stuck or feeling like we're getting nothing done.

7 common stumbling blocks that might keep you stuck

#1 Not knowing what to get started with.
Aka having to make a choice. If I might change my mind later, why am I even starting? This is classic multi-passionate creative thinking, especially when you've experienced a change of heart before.

It would help if you remembered that choices are rarely forever, and you can always change your mind. Also, you don't know where a choice can lead, which is exciting! So instead of overthinking every choice and doing nothing, choose something! You can always change your mind later!

#2 Specialist schedules. 
Even when you allow yourself to focus on multiple projects simultaneously, you can still fall into the trap of specialist schedules: a rigidity to concentrate on one particular project and nothing else. If you're anything like me, this will feel like you're still trapped.

As creative generalists, we need to know that we're allowed to let our minds wander and play with whatever interest comes up, even if only for a while. Of course, make sure you keep progress in mind and don't go down too many rabbit holes at once or for too long. But do allow yourself some time for flexibility to be curious and to explore. 

#3 Poor time management. 
It's an energetic thing; it's a boundaries thing; it's even a freedom thing. Time management, in essence, is self-management.

To improve how you use your time, you want to know how you work best first. To do this, you can keep track of what you're spending your time on for a week, and I have a handy PDF you can download to help you do that here. Once you have a better grasp of what works for you, apply that to your schedule.

#4 Internalized beliefs. 
What you believe to be true could be keeping you stuck. We all have limiting beliefs about ourselves that hold us back from making progress or reaching our full potential. You might recognize them as things like not being good enough, always getting lucky with every project you work on, no one will ever take me seriously.

What's important is to become aware of your self-limiting thoughts and replace them with positive truths about yourself. For example, you might believe you're not good at writing because your brother always got better grades than you or that getting any job is hard if our school results weren't so great. But the truth could be that getting a job is hard for everyone, and you need to work on getting yourself out there.

#5 Fears and worries. 
Besides limiting beliefs, our fears and worries are probably the biggest reason we stay stuck. Fears are the things that hold us back from getting started, getting out there, or showing ourselves and our work. We're afraid of failing, not getting it right, and being judged for it.

What's important to remember is that fears never go away - but they can be faced! You have to take little steps forward towards what you want to achieve, getting a little bit out there each time. Just by doing so, you will get more confident and fearless in the process!

#6 Lack of self-confidence and impostor syndrome. 
Low self-confidence or feeling like someone is eventually going to find out about you will always keep you stuck. This is especially true if you're a creative generalist. You want to be the best at everything, and that's not possible!

The best thing to do to get rid of those feelings is to get clear on your strengths, how they can help you achieve what you want, and, most importantly, learn to trust yourself 100%. Because knowing that you always have your back is the most powerful feeling in the world! 

#7 Not knowing when to quit. 
On the other end of the spectrum, not knowing when to quit can be as problematic as not knowing when to start. For multi-passionate creatives especially quitting can be challenging. 

Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect time to quit. But getting clear on what you want and especially what makes you happy can help you know when it's time for you to move on. Also, remember that your definition of "done" is different than that of other people. Once you've learned everything there is to know about a subject, job, or even business, chances are you'll be ready to move on.

I've been a creative entrepreneur for the past 20+ years and a coach for them for almost 8. In that time, I've seen many other creatives get stuck. I hope the common stumbling blocks and tips to overcome them that I shared with you today will help you move forward.

Before I go, I'd love to leave you with a question to ponder: what's one thing you could do this week to challenge yourself creatively?

Are you stuck in your career or life?

I can help with private coaching for creatives and entrepreneurs. You don't have to have all the answers, but you need to be ready to take the next step and get unstuck. If that's you, let's talk about how we can work together.

You deserve more than just another day at work or another night on Netflix. You deserve more than just going through the motions every single day without ever really feeling alive. It's time for something different – it's time for a change! If this sounds like something that resonates with you, then let's schedule a free 30-minute coaching session today! We'll talk about where you are right now, where you want to go next, and how coaching could help make those dreams come true.

Schedule your free session!

The Trust Issue That's Keeping You Stuck in Your Career or Business: Attachment Theory and Healing

We all know lack of trust is a huge hurdle in our relationships. But did you know it can have equally detrimental consequences for your career or business? 

If you have trust issues, this article will help explain how attachment theory and lack of trust might be keeping your business or career stuck! 

Are you able to trust the people you work with quickly? Do you believe a co-worker when she tells you she's got it? Do you trust her to do a good job, or are you micromanaging everything and everyone around you? 

Your lack of trust in business might be because you're anxious and don't want to be hurt (again). What has probably been a great, life-saving defense mechanism at some point in your (early) life could be keeping you stuck in a career you don't like or unable to move forward with your business. It might even stop others from entering into business relationships with you.

On the surface, it doesn't seem like trust issues have anything to do with our careers or businesses, but when we dig a little deeper, it's easy to see how this can affect success and why it deserves attention and might even require healing.

Trust issues are often linked to anxious attachment, one of four types of attachment styles. People who have developed an anxious attachment often have a hard time feeling secure in relationships. They lack trust in almost everything, which usually leaves them feeling anxious, scared, or worried.

What is attachment theory?

Psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby was the first to talk about attachment and formalize its theory in the 1950s and 1960s.

Bowlby theorized that attachment is an inbuilt survival instinct that ensures infants seek proximity to their mothers or primary caregivers. If they cannot do so, infants might fall into a state of "distress," determined by a lack of comfort and satisfaction when confronted with anything other than what they need.

Attachment theory, therefore, examines how the caregiver-child bond develops and its impact on significant development. In Bowlby's words: "Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another person across time and space."

According to Bowlby, there are four attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganized, and avoidant. 

Secure Attachment Style

Securely attached children feel safe and comfortable with their primary caregivers. They explore the world around them but return to a secure base when needed. Securely attached people tend to have healthier relationships in adulthood because they feel more confident in their interactions with others and don't experience fear of abandonment.

In their career or as business owners, securely attached adults are more likely to rely on others for help and support because they have a more vital trust. They are also less anxious about their lack of control in work-related situations. Securely attached individuals will have an easier time sticking to a job or business idea, trusting co-workers or business partners and making decisions based on opportunity rather than fear. Especially compared to the avoidant and disorganized attachment types, who often have a more challenging time making decisions, and suffer lasting ambivalent feelings about the choices they eventually make.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment Style

Anxious-ambivalent children are more clingy, needy, and lack self-confidence. They get anxious when away from their caregivers and distrust them, leading them to explore their environment with fear rather than excitement. 

They constantly seek approval from their caregivers and continuously observe their surroundings out of fear of being abandoned or in danger. This can translate into less ease and more perfectionistic tendencies at work in adulthood because they're constantly dwelling on what could go wrong. The strategic decisions they make can reflect their focus on fear, in which case the results might be missed business opportunities or promotions they want but don't take.   

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant children lack the attachment bond with their caregivers and show very little interest in exploring or trying new things. They seem uninterested, detached, and lack empathy for others. When they explore the world, it's usually to get away from adults rather than meet them; when faced with a challenge that requires help, they avoid seeking support.

They often struggle with expressing their feelings and find it hard to understand emotions - especially their own. As a result, avoidant adults tend to lack trust in people, reflected in their career or business as difficulty to delegate, trying to do it all themselves, failing to ask for support when needed, and often struggling to work with team members or business partners.

Disorganized Attachment Style

Disorganized attachment is a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment caused by various reasons, such as a lack of bonding with the caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers.

Children with a disorganized attachment style often display intense anger and rage, a difficulty to control their emotions that will affect their relationships later on in life. As adults, they avoid trusting others and have little to no self-confidence when facing challenges. This often leads to accepting less than what they are worth at work, doing other people's jobs, accepting without a fight not to be recognized for their accomplishments. In business, it leaves them prey to their customers and service providers and aiming for smaller goals than they could achieve.

Do you lack secure attachment?

Those with an anxious or ambivalent attachment style (well, hello there!) have had this lack of trust ingrained in us since our developmental years. A lack of secure attachments with caretakers during those times affects how your brain develops and responds to interpersonal relationships later in life. The problem is, we're often unaware of how this influences the way we interact with others as adults, let alone the impact it has on our business or at work.

If you're not sure of your attachment style, click here for an assessment that may help.

Lack of trust in your career or business can express itself in various ways, such as:

• You're exhausted because you feel you need to do all the things, and the help you're getting is (according to your perfectionistic standards) never up to par.

• You're micromanaging everyone's tasks (including your colleagues, business partners, and service providers) because you're not confident they can do the job.

• You never ask for help or accept it because whenever someone offers, it makes you suspicious. You wonder what the ulterior motives are, so you say no, even when you need it most.

• You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop because you're anxious things won't work out. Everything might look good now, but you don't believe it will stay that way.

• You have a hard time making decisions, especially about a career change or new business venture. One day you're ecstatic about the idea; the next, not so much.

To heal your lack of trust, you need to work on healing your attachment wounds. I suggest starting with finding a therapist or coach who knows about attachment theory so they can help guide you through this process. 

You may also want to read or research this critical topic to understand it better. Here are a few resources to get started with:

• Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find - and keep - love by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.

• The Psych Up Podcast.

• Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

• The work of Diane Poole Heller, who devoted her life to helping people find secure attachment.

Is your attachment style keeping you stuck at work or in business?

Anxiously (and ambivalently) attached people are generally preoccupied with thoughts about relationships - whether personal or professional ones. They can be cautious to the point of being fearful and may withdraw from a relationship if they have an uneasy feeling that it's going downhill.

This, of course, is bad for business. A successful career or business requires networking and successfully reaching out and connecting with others.

If you lack trust in your business or work relationships, try the following:

• Make sure you're not micromanaging everything and everyone around you. Be a supportive team player instead of always telling others what to do or how they should be doing it. You don't want them feeling like their work is never good enough because this might further complicate your collaboration.

• Trust others by giving them more responsibility and let go of the reins a little bit. Your lack of trust will show if you don't delegate some tasks out, so try trusting someone with something small at first and see how they do before handing over more significant projects or responsibilities.

• Have a candid conversation with your team, business partner, or service providers and tell them that your attachment style has held you back from trusting them. You don't need to give them the reasons why, but it helps to develop solutions together.

• Keep working on developing a more secure attachment. You might never get where someone who naturally trusts others is, but you can get pretty close. It all starts with understanding your style and being willing to work at it.

As people who lack trust in others (or maybe lack it when it comes to the next business or career step to take!), we can't let it hold us back anymore. We have to start healing our lack of trust and release the painful memories from our past and change some thinking patterns. I know because I've been there. And the transformation I've gone through has been magnificent. 

If lack of trust has been an issue for you, I hope this article helped you see there's a way out of it. It's going to take some time and work, but it is possible.

You can do this. 

Do you have attachment wounds?

If so, I'm here to help. You need to work on healing your lack of trust before you can move forward in your career or with your business. The first step is to find someone who understands attachment therapy and getting the guidance you need. Let me know if I can be that person for you!

It's time to start feeling safe again in relationships and stop being afraid of getting hurt all the time. Let me show you how we can do this together! We'll work on healing what's keeping you stuck so you can reach the next level in your work!

Schedule your free session!

Is low self-esteem sabotaging your business?

CONFIDENCE. A ten-letter word that holds so much power. The most important sales tool you’ll ever have or need. Precisely why it’s so important to cultivate, and be aware of it. And why so many creative and passionate entrepreneurs struggle financially.

The reason is, anyone can feel when you don’t *really* believe in yourself – I mean when you feel like an awkward little duckling in a big pond of voracious alligators – and that often puts people off.

I’ve always known this to be true. In fact, when I first started out as a freelance project manager in 1998, confidence (and a pair of heels) was all I had. I call it confidence now, but looking back I’d say it was mostly naiveté. Not knowing what I was getting myself into (building a business is freakin’ hard) and with absolutely no clue about the MOUNTAIN of things I actually didn’t know anything about. Add a dash of ambition, and a cup of perfectionism and people-pleasing into the mix and you’ve got yourself a workable mix – at least when it comes to landing projects.

Clients responded well to that initial enthusiasm. I was just slightly ahead of the curve with my knowledge of the emerging Internet and my self-taught web development skills. So they hired me. For one project at first, then repeatedly. Projects and business was coming in.

As time went on my knowledge of the work I was doing improved. I gained more and better skills (bye bye Dreamweaver!) and was in charge of increasingly complex projects. After a few years spent trying things out (read: getting totally lost in business land after a few wrong turns) I eventually started my own web agency. I approached it with that same passion, and enthusiasm.

Quickly a list of repeat clients was born.

I’m not going into the details of the type of clients I was attracting, or the promises I was making them – I wasn’t the best judge of budget versus scope back then. That’s for another post (said while writing potential jaw dropping title down in editorial blog planner).

What I want to talk about today is how exhaling confidence was the only tool I had when I started out, and how it allowed me to make money and start a business.

In those early days, whenever I wasn’t confident (didn’t believe in the idea, didn’t understand it, or wasn’t sure I wanted to work with the client) I usually wouldn’t sell. Afterwards I had this nagging feeling that I’d somehow “sabotaged” myself, that I’d not given it my best shot. I was right.

I wouldn’t sell because I wouldn’t fully engage. I wouldn’t show the extend of my capabilities because I wasn’t passionate, because I wouldn’t take the lead during the meeting. Potential clients would doubt my skills, and whether or not I could handle their project. The important lesson here is: it was ME doing it. I was playing the wrong cards unconsciously – but on purpose.

When I became a career coach and business consultant the same principle still held true (well duh!).

In the beginning I didn’t feel confident calling myself a coach. I didn’t have a lot of experience, and the coaching sphere felt really overwhelming. So when I did speak of it, the words that came out of my mouth sounded more like an apology than an enthusiastic claim to greatness. In every single one of those cases I got back what I was sending out: a lack of enthusiasm to work with me, aka absolutely nothing. A few months in, and many failed attempts at trying to land a client this way I decided something had to change. I’d made a commitment to become a coach, I’d studied hard for it, had done all the work. I might as well be PROUD of it.

The next time I spoke to a potential client, I didn’t try to sell her anything. Instead I told her about all the changes my pro bono clients had achieved, the new careers they had transitioned into, the projects they had started. I spoke honestly and with passion, and started dreaming with her about the things she could do and that I could help her achieve. She signed up ON THE SPOT.

Moral of the story? Sales require confidence.

If you don’t believe in yourself and the products or services you offer, you can still make a buck or two, but sell consistently and in a way that feels good? I sincerely doubt it.

The solution? (wouldn’t wanna leave you hanging on a cliff :))

• Practice – as often as you can. With all the enthusiasm you’ve got to offer. Fake it till you make it if you have to.

• Investigate your self-worth: perhaps you need a little confidence boost (there’s plenty of books out there that can help with that like this one, and this one, and this one).

• Don’t sell what you don’t believe in (it doesn’t work anyway). If you’re not sure what you believe in, get clear on your values.

• Take a (free) sales course (again plenty of good options available, but I particularly like this 25 Days to 100K one – thanks Ash for being such a star!)

• Learn from your mistakes. Keep a “lessons learned” list by your bedside.

• Learn from you wins. Keep those on the same list.

• Never stop growing: try something different every day, join a mastermind, go to a sales seminar, or just talk to people.

• Hire a coach

But most importantly: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

You’ve got this, I promise! Selling doesn’t need to be all eek and yikes. The more confident you’ll get that you have THE solution for a client, the better the process will feel (to both of you). So don’t sell yourself short – pun totally intended – but instead grow that confidence muscle, relax, have a drink and watch as your sales finally take off.

How to streamline your business for growth (before hiring a team)

Whether you’re just starting out or have been in business for a while, I’m sure you heard the phrase “don’t work in your business, work on your business.” I always found this to be such an eye-opening perspective on what building a business actually is.

At first, many entrepreneurs are the only ones working for the business so it’s hard not to work “in” the business, that is it’s impossible not to address all the mundane tasks that are required to keep the business going. This isn’t the same as from working “on” the business, which refers to taking steps to grow the business. It’s the difference between focusing on keeping the soup warm rather than making a bigger soup.

Once the foundations are in place it’s important to think about growth. There are different ways growth can manifest in your business. More and more customers might come knocking at your door wanting your products or services, forcing you to work longer hours. Or the profits your business is making might raise the question of investments and where to take your business next. Perhaps it’s your business goals driving growth, or the vision you have as an entrepreneur.  

Whatever the situation, some level of change in how you operate your business will be required to push the business forward. You’ll need to make the switch from working in your business to somehow working on it.

It’s tempting to think that this is the moment you need to hire a team. If you’re a Silicon Valley startup, chances are it is. If you’re a self-employed (online) entrepreneur however, it probably is not.

I know, because I’ve been there. I’d love to tell you I learned the lesson fast and straightened up my act. I didn’t. It took me many years and a lot of money, time, and stress to understand the difference between working in and on my business. But finally I got it. And it changed everything for me.

Before hiring a team there’s one important thing to do first: streamline your business.

The truth is, without systems you don’t have a business – you are the business. It will be almost impossible to delegate effectively, and to let other people work for you. Hiring a team without a plan and clear, documented business systems will do nothing for you except give you more work, more frustrations, and less sleep. Because now you’re not only slaving away for hours on end to keep the business going, you need to find extra time to keep your team at work too.

How to streamline your business for growth?

The magic is in the systems.

Although you cannot automate every aspect of your business, many tasks can be structured, systematized, and put on autopilot. A streamlined business gives you the time and freedom you need to focus on growth instead of maintenance, and allows you to delegate the tasks that can’t be automated in an effective way.

#1 Plan out your business

The first step in streamlining your business is to get clear on what you ultimately want your business to become.

Do you want to keep your business small?
Are you looking to expand and eventually sell your business?
What are your financial goals for your business?
How many employees do you see yourself working with?
By when would you like to achieve your business goals?  

Having a long-term business vision will allow you to get clear on your short and medium term goals. It will help you create a sales and marketing strategy, decide on what products or services to develop, the amount of new customers you need to acquire and so on.

#2 Structure, systematize and automate your business

Once the plan is in place you can start looking at how your business operates. For each business department (sales, marketing, administration, accounting, production, research and development, …) create systems by mapping out how things are done.

For instance, how are clients onboarded in your business?

Every business owner should know the answer to this question. To figure it out, map out all the steps you’re currently taking when a new client signs up with you. This is your client onboarding system.

Now that you have the system you can structure it. Make the steps repeatable so someone else can do this task instead of you. Where needed make sure to finetune the system. If you’re sending out the same email to all your new clients but you’re still typing it from memory every single time, that email needs to be stored as easily accessible template.

By looking at your business tasks as systems you’ll be able to do something else that will make your life so much easier as well: automate. I talked about automation last week when I listed 7 ways to simplify your business for success. There are so many apps that can take over parts of our business systems, and if set-up correctly, do an amazing job for us. Look at your business systems with automation in mind. What parts of the system can apps take over for you?

Once the above is done, you’re ready to hire a team. But not sooner. If you’re in a hurry to build a team, make sure to have at least your most important business systems mapped out and structured before you take anyone on board.

Your team will be grateful for the clarity, and you’ll have so much more time to focus on what really matters to you and makes a difference for your business.