The Paralysis of Perfectionism: Why "Good Enough" is Actually Perfect

Many people find themselves stuck, unable to move forward in their personal or professional lives. I know because I see a lot of them in my coaching practice. They feel held back not by a lack of ability or opportunity, but by an internal struggle: perfectionism. While seemingly a virtue and a very helpful quality to achieve your goals, the quest for perfection and flawlessness often becomes an obstacle to your goal, leading to procrastination, self-doubt, and, ultimately, getting and staying stuck.

After a decade of supporting creative generalists and entrepreneurs to get unstuck, I know how perfectionism impacts our drive and productivity. So before even trying once again to "just do the thing," look inward. Are you setting yourself up for failure by creating unrealistic expectations? Are you holding yourself back through negative and destructive inner chatter? If that is the case, trying harder won't make you finally move forward. Instead, you must shift your mindset and mentally recalibrate: you must transform how you see perfection and understand it's an illusion created by fear to keep you safe.

What is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism is often misunderstood as simply striving for excellence or having high standards. However, again, after doing this work for a decade, I can tell you it goes way beyond that. At its core, perfectionism is an all-or-nothing approach to life. It's the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable and dangerous. This mindset is paralyzing, as it sets an unattainable standard - a mountain, as I often tell my clients, that we expect to climb in one step!

The High Cost of Chasing Perfection

Perfectionism may manifest differently in different people, but it always comes with a heavy cost:

• Procrastination: The fear of not meeting impossibly high standards leads to delaying tasks. First, you create the mountain in your mind. Then, you procrastinate because it's too big of a task to climb it all at once.

• Analysis Paralysis: Relentless overthinking and analysis prevent taking action. You're always thinking, trying to figure out how to reach the top of the mountain, but never actually taking the first step.

• Self-Sabotage: The inner critic undermines confidence, fostering a belief that you are simply not good enough. If you were, you'd be on that mountain top already!

• Lack of Creativity: The pressure to create something perfect will damage your capacity for innovation and experimentation. Instead of figuring out how to make it to the top, you'll be stuck in a rut, coming up with underwhelming ideas, not knowing how to begin.

• Burnout: Always creating mountains for yourself, aka unattainable goals, leads to exhaustion and a loss of passion. How could you not get tired, always giving yourself impossibly high climbing levels?

These are only a few of the many negative effects or causes of perfectionism. One that is particularly powerful in keeping us stuck is what we say to ourselves. Let's take a closer look at that inner voice and how it keeps us from achieving our goals.

The Inner Critic's Sabotage

A common theme among my clients is the destructive voice of the inner critic. This voice whispers nothing but doubts, focuses on flaws, and convinces us that our efforts will invariably fail. Some examples of how this inner critic keeps us stuck include:

• "No one will buy that; don't waste your time."

• "This has been done before. It’s not original."

• "There is nothing special about this."

• "I don’t deserve that because I am not good enough."

• "I will fail, lose money, and everyone will hate me."

• "Making it is hard, and I will suffer."

One of my clients described his inner critic as saying, "Look, the mountain is beautiful but too high for you to climb it." Another client's inner voice was even more brutal, declaring, "You’re not going to be good at expressing your ideas...nothing you do will ever matter." This relentless negativity chips away at self-worth and destroys the courage to pursue a life worth living.

The Antidote: Embracing "Good Enough"

The key to breaking free from the paralysis of perfectionism lies in embracing the concept of "good enough." This doesn't mean settling for mediocrity. Instead, it's about recognizing that striving for excellence is valuable, but demanding perfection is self-defeating. "Good enough" acknowledges that limitations exist - of course they do! But it allows you to progress, learn, and grow without the crippling weight of impossible expectations (and imaginary mountains to climb).

Here are some strategies to help shift your perfectionist mindset to one that embraces "good enough:"

• Challenge the Inner Critic: Actively question the negative thoughts and beliefs that cause your perfectionism. Are these thoughts realistic and helpful? Are they really true? Or are they based on fear and unrealistic expectations?

• Set Realistic Goals: Break down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Make them so small that you can't even make a mountain out of them anymore. Celebrate small victories along the way to build momentum and confidence.

• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Shift the focus from the end result (the top of the mountain) to the process of learning and growing (climbing your way up slowly). Accept that mistakes are part of the journey and valuable growth opportunities.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. If you wouldn't wish this pressure on someone else, don't put it on yourself.

• Embrace Imperfection: Actively look for opportunities to be imperfect. Share your work even if it's not flawless, leave things unfinished (by your standards), and let others see the process rather than the result. It will be freeing, I promise!

• Set Time Limits: Instead of striving for endless improvement, set a realistic deadline and commit to finishing the task within that timeframe (hello, I see you; I know it's hard!). This prevents projects from dragging on indefinitely and allows you to move forward.

• Celebrate "Done": Acknowledge and celebrate the completion of a task, regardless of whether it meets every expectation. With your high standards, things will never be "done," so you might as well just let them be what they are.

• Redefine Success: Change your definition of success from doing everything perfectly and at the highest level to your personal growth journey, finding meaning in your work, and focusing on your well-being first.

Some Case Studies in "Good Enough"

• The Entrepreneur: Savannah started and stopped many entrepreneurial projects because they "didn’t quite feel right." After having her daughter, she realized she was working on interesting things, but they "didn’t truly come from my heart." She found her purpose by shifting her focus to postpartum care and wellness and coaching for new mothers.

• The Creative: Connie feels she has "the soul of an artist, even if I don’t have the skill (yet)." Rather than waiting until she has the perfect skills, Connie can embrace her creativity by experimenting, learning, and sharing her work. By cultivating a growth mindset, she knows growth comes through practice, not innate talent.

• The Career Changer: Kathryn wants personalized, results-oriented help with a career transition. By making the most of her existing skills and experience, she can create a solid plan that focuses on progress today rather than an unattainable ideal in the future.

Conclusion

As I have witnessed in my life and through working with many gifted and talented people, you think being perfect will be gratifying, but it only causes frustration and stagnation: you get stuck and stay stuck.

By aiming for "good enough" instead, you can free yourself from unattainable expectations, move closer to your innate potential, and experience the joy of progress, creativity, and meaningful achievement instead of the pain of never reaching the top of the mountain. You can Get Unstuck!

Take the first step toward progress and Getting Unstuck

Perfectionism can keep you trapped in a cycle of frustration and inaction. Constantly striving for an unattainable goal leads to self-doubt, procrastination, and a sense of failure, preventing you from reaching your goals and experiencing true fulfillment.

Are you ready to break free from the chains of perfectionism and start achieving your goals? Are you ready to finally get unstuck? Take the first step now - sign up for a free coaching session with me today!

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How Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck, And How to Stop Letting it Hold You Back.

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. In small doses, it can be an inspiring and motivating force that pushes us to reach for the best. It can help us stay focused, work hard and remain committed to a goal. In most cases, unfortunately, perfectionism becomes a prison that keeps you from fulfilling your potential.

In this article, we'll discuss what perfectionism is, common signs of perfectionism, how it keeps you stuck, and finally, I'll offer some practical tips on how to stop letting it hold you back.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a thought pattern where one has an extreme need for everything they do to be perfect. Common signs of perfectionism include black-and-white thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, feeling overwhelmed by the task, procrastination due to fear of failure, and overthinking decisions.

It's important to understand that perfectionism isn't just about achieving high standards; instead, it's more of an emotional response to making mistakes or not meeting expectations. Perfectionists are often highly critical of themselves and others and have an unrealistic view of their abilities.

Perfectionism is not a healthy mindset.

Even though perfectionism is often worn as a badge of honor, most perfectionists don't experience it as a good thing. Instead, it can be a significant source of stress due to endless procrastination and feelings of never being good enough, worthlessness, and discontentment.

If you're a perfectionist, I'm sure you're familiar with the fear of failure or criticism and how they cause you to set impossible standards for yourself. Because you're afraid not to live up to those standards, you quickly become overwhelmed and don't take risks. You may also find yourself procrastinating and never getting started on tasks because you're trying to make everything perfect before even beginning.

When perfectionism gets out of control, rather than encouraging progress and growth, it keeps us stuck in an endless loop of thinking, overthinking, and analyzing every detail until we never reach the finish line. When we focus too much on ensuring everything is perfect—our work, our relationships, or ourselves—we cannot take risks or accept failure as part of the learning process. Instead of feeling motivated and energized by challenges, we feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by them.

Where does perfectionism come from?

Perfectionism can stem from several sources, including upbringing, cultural norms, and insecurities. I believe perfectionism is a defense mechanism or a success strategy we learned in childhood to be safe by gaining approval and acceptance from those around us. Recently, a student in my writing class who's also a teacher shared that the most gifted children in her class are often the ones who suffer the most from perfectionism. They say no to activities they might fail at because they've been conditioned to believe failure is unacceptable.

It's important to understand that perfectionism is not necessarily something you're born with—it's often an acquired behavior or way of thinking. We may have learned it from our parents, teachers, or peers who believed that only the best was good enough. Or, as in my case, it stems from a need for control I internalized very young to survive in an emotionally and physically chaotic home.

How is perfectionism keeping you stuck?

Perfectionism can manifest itself through various behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. It often shows up as procrastination, avoidance, ruminating over decisions or outcomes, and having unrealistic expectations of oneself. Taking a long time to do simple tasks or overthinking every detail so much that progress stalls or stops. You might also find that you're unable to let go of mistakes or failures, striving for an unrealistic level of excellence and never feeling satisfied with your work.

Perfectionism also manifests in negative self-talk—constantly criticizing yourself for not being good enough or beating yourself up for making mistakes. This type of thinking hinders progress by generating feelings of inadequacy and insecurity which keep us stuck in our comfort zone because we're too afraid to take risks and try something new.

In my practice, I see many creatives and entrepreneurs who suffer from perfectionism. Although incredibly gifted and talented, they get stuck because of their perfectionist tendencies. They feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear of failure and criticism so much that it prevents them from doing anything about their creative ideas or business dreams. Instead of taking any action, they prefer to do nothing. Like Margie, a talented writer who doesn't start her novel because she's convinced it won't be good enough, or Amir, who is too afraid to show his work and start selling it, so he keeps it to himself.

How to stop letting perfectionism hold you back?

Even though perfectionism can hold us back and prevent us from taking action, it doesn't have to be that way. Understanding what triggers our perfectionism and developing healthier expectations makes it possible to break free from the grip of perfectionism and learn how to take healthy risks. Here are a few tips that can help:

#1 Awareness

The first step towards overcoming perfectionism is becoming aware of it. We need to understand our perfectionist tendencies and the negative patterns that we've internalized to make a change. It was hard to see that I was a perfectionist until I noticed how expecting so much of myself and others affected my work and relationships. That's when I was finally able to make the shift. Once we become aware, we can challenge our perfectionist thinking and behavior. Perfectionism hides in many places: how we speak to ourselves, approach tasks and projects, or even the standards we set for ourselves. Once we become aware of the areas in which perfectionism is holding us back, it's easier to identify and break these patterns.

#2 Accept imperfection

Once you recognize it, challenge your thinking by asking questions like: Why do I need everything to be perfect? What will happen if I make mistakes? How can I use this situation as an opportunity for learning and growth? Accept imperfection. This might sound counterintuitive, but accepting your limitations and shortcomings is the key to freeing yourself from perfectionism. When I finally realized that I couldn't write perfectly on the first try, I stopped procrastinating and instead started writing. Recognizing that you're not perfect allows you to make mistakes without feeling guilty or ashamed.

#3 Aim for progress, not perfection

Aim for progress rather than obsessing over perfectionism. We should focus on making progress, no matter how small, rather than striving for perfection. This shift allowed me to finally start my podcast after thinking about it for more than seven years! Even if it was well-intentioned, perfectionism can make you feel like every single detail needs to be perfect. It's more important to focus on the progress that you're making. It's okay if things aren't perfect immediately; what matters is that you keep moving forward and learning from your mistakes. 1% better every episode; that's what I'm aiming for with my podcast now, instead of waiting for perfection to get started.

#4 Learn to accept your mistakes

The key is learning to let go of needing everything to be perfect for it to have value or worth. Accept that mistakes will happen; this will allow you the freedom and confidence to take risks without fear of failure. One thing I've done to help me to accept my mistakes is to learn to appreciate them. The first big one I enjoyed this way was the monologue I delivered on stage last year. It could have been better, but it was good enough. Instead of looking at the mistakes and getting frustrated, I chose to look at the experience as a learning opportunity and use it to improve my speaking skills and create something better next time.

#5 Practice self-compassion

Finally, practice self-compassion. Replace feelings of inadequacy and shame with acceptance and understanding. Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of life and doesn't make you any less amazing. Treat yourself like your best friend and be gentle with yourself when setting standards. If you can view mistakes as an opportunity for growth, they become much less intimidating. I had to show a lot of self-compassion for myself recently when I changed my marketing focus quite drastically without knowing how it would pan out. So far, I'm pleased with the results and confident I chose the right path.

If it wasn't clear yet, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I've already done a lot of work to break free from the shackles of perfectionism. However, I'm still learning and practicing to be an imperfectionist—to accept that done is better than perfect, that sometimes making a mistake is okay, and that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters most.

It takes time and practice to break the cycle of perfectionism, but it's absolutely possible; I see it in my work and life every day. Be patient and persistent, and you will create a life full of success, satisfaction, and joy!

Are you feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism?

As an ambitious person, it’s only natural that you want to produce top-notch results. But the constant quest for perfection can lead to procrastination and stagnation in your career or business. That’s why private coaching can be a powerful tool for breaking through these barriers.

With private coaching, you’ll get personalized attention and accountability from me. I'll help you identify areas of improvement and offer advice on how to reach your goals with greater confidence and efficiency. You'll also develop new strategies that empower you to move forward without dreading every mistake along the way.

Schedule your free session!

How to set healthy boundaries and stop being a pushover

If you’ve stopped by my blog before you might know I’m a highly sensitive recovering people-pleaser, topped as a recovering perfectionist. Yes, I know! A cocktail of traits that is now one of my biggest strengths though, even if it wasn’t always like that. In fact as a child, and quite a bit into my adult life too, these traits were a real pain, and turned me into a gigantic pushover.

Defining personal boundaries

Before taking you down pushover lane, I want to frame a few things. First, let’s look at what being a pushover really means. According to the online Cambridge dictionary it’s someone who is easily persuaded, influenced or defeated. Now let’s define boundaries. According to the same source a boundary is a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something. A personal boundary then becomes a guidelines, rule or limit that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. That’s according to Wikipedia.

What life looks like without personal boundaries

My personal history is full of pushover stories. In fact, before I realized how problematic my personal boundaries where – or that one could actually define them, it was the only way I knew how to be. It’s not that I didn’t have a meaning about things, or that I didn’t have desires, but something always made me go for someone else’s wish, I was always persuaded that someone else’s idea was better than mine, and practically everyone I encountered had influence on me.

When I talk about this pushover past with people today, most of them are surprised. If you’ve ever spent time with me, worked on a project with me, or been at one of my workshops, you might be surprised too.

I’m not really the pushover type… In fact, I’m sort of strong-willed, I definitely know what I want, and I pretty good at taking action towards it.

Why was I so easily influenced? What did I do to change? Those are the questions I want to answer with this post. Because working my way to healthy boundaries changed my life entirely.

Before… I would want to go see a romantic comedy with a friend, and end up in the cinema watching the latest Van Diesel shoot-em-up.
Before… I would plan a relaxing spa weekend with the boyfriend, and end up at adventure camp for 3 days.
Before… I would long for a delicious vegetarian meal, and end up at Buffalo Grill.

… yes, I know… that’s what life looks like without personal boundaries.

From the examples above you can clearly see that the problem wasn’t in the wished or desires. Deep down I’ve always known what I wanted – as I believe most pushovers do, and also sort of articulated it. The problem was with the boundaries. They were too weak to withstand other people. As soon as someone had a different idea they would bend or break.

I mentioned a few of the typical scenarios that were my life above, but there were others – far less pleasant ones. A lack of personal boundaries can get you into the most annoying, and frustrating situations (if not worse!). Believe me, I’ve been there:

• Doing things I didn’t really want to do just because someone asked me to.

• Spending time with someone I didn’t want to be with just because that person showed up at my doorstep.

• Pretending I agreed with others just because they had a different point of view.

• Doing someone else’s homework just because they’d asked me to.

• Letting someone kiss me that I didn’t really like just because that person wanted to.

• Not being able to leave the office late at night, when I was exhausted, just because someone asked me to stay.

• Not eating healthy just because everyone was else decided to order pizza.

• Not doing what I really wanted to do just because someone wanted to do something else instead.

How to set healthy boundaries for yourself

I’d love to tell you that all at once, one beautiful morning I woke up with healthy personal boundaries. But it didn’t go that way. In my case – and in the case of many of my clients – the first step is awareness (isn’t it always?). In order to be able to set healthy boundaries for yourself, you have to start by recognizing there’s a problem. And the way you do that is by asking yourself the right questions:

• Did I really want to do this?

• Am I really happy with my friends asking me to do that?

• What would I have done if I was the one in charge? (this is a big one, believe me!)

Then, when there’s awareness, you have to figure out what you really want (so this would be step two). A great question to ask yourself to get clear on your own desires is this one:

• If I could have it all my way, what would I really want?

When you’re aware, and you know what you want, it’s time to decide where you’ll draw the line. This is the step where you set your boundaries. Imagine you’re sick and tired of always ending up watching the wrong movie in the theatre. You could set a boundary that states that whatever happens you’ll stick to your choice of movie. Because why else would you go there in the first place?

Do this with every area of your life, based on your answers to the questions above, and you’ll have a set of very healthy, and beneficial boundaries to call your own. Before ending, there’s one last – pretty important – thing I want to address.

How to enforce your boundaries

It’s all good, and well to set boundaries, know what you want, and be aware of what you need. But there’s a whole world out there of people, of which the closest ones to you won’t be used to you being so clear, and firm about what you want.

At first specifically, your boundaries will be fragile, and the opinions of others (how well intended they may be) will make you doubt yourself, and falter. To help me enforce my boundaries, I’ve come to rely on three things:

• My values: I’ve become really clear about what I stand for, and believe in. As a result, I’m able to safeguard my boundaries much better than if I wasn’t quite sure what I believed in, or stood for. When someone tries to convince me to go for Buffalo Grill now instead of delicious vegetarian food. Well… no!

• Self-love: Nothing helps you safeguard your boundaries better than self-love. The biggest issue with being a pushover is often that you’ve become accustomed to coming last. What you want, need, or desire isn’t as important as what someone else is asking for. By focusing on self-love you’re essentially focusing on yourself, and making you your number one priority.

• Trusting myself: I saved the best for last. If you want healthy boundaries I believe you need to learn to trust yourself. At least that’s how it went for me. Whatever choice you’re faced with, there’s always the voice within, and the voice outside. Pushovers trust the voice outside, people with healthy boundaries trust the voice within. You know why? Because it always knows best.

Now tell me, how do you maintain healthy personal boundaries? Let me know in the comments below, I’d really love to know.