How to overcome the mental blocks that keep you from taking action

Through my work as a coach, I come across many women who want to achieve great things, but who fail to see things through, get stuck in a rut, or simply lack the motivation to keep at it until their goals are achieved. In many cases, the reason that these women don’t achieve what they set themselves out to do is based in their fear and limiting beliefs.

There are all kinds of fears and beliefs like this which can prevent women of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures from doing what they are passionate about.

And today I want to address the subject of fear, as I believe this is the number one mental block that keeps many women from achieving their dreams.

Before we take a good look at fear, I want to say up front that, to me, overcoming fear does not mean being totally absent of fear. Being fearless is not the absence of fear; rather, it’s having moved through fear, or past fear, based on the assumption that the result of taking action outweighs the uneasiness involved in doing so. So being fearless does not mean that you live without fear. Instead, it means you’re able to live with your fears – to really look at them and get to know them, and then befriend them on your journey towards accomplishing your goals.

Being afraid of something is human and, in many situations, a necessary and life-saving reflex. In the evolution of humankind, fear has helped our species stay alive and evolve into the intelligent and advanced societies and cultures we live in today. Unfortunately, although we don’t need all of those “fight or flight” reflexes anymore, fear is still a part of who we are.

Fear has evolved with us, provoking psychological, emotional, and even physical reactions that are separate from our surroundings. That is where the problem lies. We can be lying in bed or on the couch – protected, warm, having nothing to fear – and yet, in our heads, we are afraid and anxious. As a consequence, our bodies experience the stress reactions caused by fear. And, in turn, that causes mental blocks that keep us from taking action.

In order to recognize these fears for what they really are and learn how to overcome your mental blocks, I invite you to try the following exercise. Whenever fear is holding you back, I want you to…

1. Review your fears

A powerful question that has helped me and many of my clients is: What’s the worst that can happen? Whenever you experience fear, ask yourself this question and write down everything you can possibly think of. When your list is ready, review the items and try to identify the worst outcome. Now compare that worst outcome with the life you’ll have if you don’t pursue your passion, goals, or dreams.

2. Embrace your fears

After you realize that your worst outcome is probably still much better than the unhappiness and unfulfilled life that might lie ahead of you if you don’t follow your passions, it is important to accept the fact that answering your calling will be scary sometimes, both now and in the future. But that is perfectly OK, and something we all experience. This is why befriending your fears and accepting them is really powerful, especially when you’re undertaking new and exciting things.

3. Transform your fears

A great way to live with your fears and make them work for you is to channel them into something empowering. Transform your negative, limiting beliefs into positive mantras that you repeat to yourself daily and your fears will change in your favor. This might be something as simple as starting to say “I can” instead of “I can’t”, or “yes, why not?” instead of “no, not me”.

Avoid letting fear shut you down
Whatever you do when you experience fear, I want you to take action and do whatever it takes to avoid shutting down. The simplest way to accomplish this, and get going again when fear hits you, is to sit with your fears and “do it anyway”. There’s no really easy way to do this, except through practice. Yet, by using fear as a trigger for this practice, you’ll diffuse it from the start and it will get easier.

4. Don’t let fear guide you

I’ll be the first to admit that fear is very powerful. If left alone and free to play games with your mind, fear will eventually lead you away from your dreams and desires, cloud your judgment, and drag you down. The first step to avoid this happening is recognizing your fears and knowing when they try to lead you. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions will help you to stand against fear, and not let it guide you.

5. Prevent fear from deciding for you

Fear is not only powerful, but it’s also very deceiving. If a fear stays with you for too long and you don’t challenge it enough, it will become part of your belief system. When that happens, fear starts to dictate your decisions and even give direction to your life, career, and business. Prevent fears from becoming familiar by habitually questioning your belief system and turning inwards. Doing this is essential to knowing what really makes you happy, and to giving your life the direction you really want.

By befriending fear and accepting it as a part of my life, I became a happier, more fulfilled, and also a much more productive person. And I believe that by befriending fear and overcoming the mental blocks which stop you from taking action, so can you.

And so, tell me, what is the number one thing that keeps you from taking action or seeing things through?

The multi-passionate struggle: when quitting simply means you’re done

Being a multi-passionate person in today’s world can be difficult.  Multi-passionate creative entrepreneurs are often told that they need to pick a thing and stick to it. But as multi-passionate people know, there’s no real way to do that. At least, not without feeling like you’re leaving out so much of your personality, so many of your passions and dreams. If this need to choose wasn’t enough, there’s something else that is equally annoying, or even worse. That’s the guilt accumulated from not seeing things through or finishing what you started.

But before I dive further into this…

What Is a Multi-Passionate Person Really?

The way I see it (I’m not alone in this), being multi-passionate is simply a personality denominator – not unlike being an introvert or an extrovert. It’s something that you need to be aware of and accept as part of who you are in order to be happy.

Just like introverts and extroverts, multi-passionate people have a number of common personality traits that define them. Especially when it comes to the passion part, where attention and distraction will often form a cycle of various stages that the multi-passionate woman goes through. Here’s a 5-stage example:

1. Beginning a Cycle

You’re at the beginning of a cycle, you’ve just found a new passion.

You’re interested, you start doing research, you learn and enjoy this process just for the sake of acquiring new knowledge.

2. Digging Deeper

You dig deeper and become more aware of the subject you’re interested in. 

You might even get a little obsessed. This new subject is all that you can think or care about, you want to know everything there is to know about it.

3. Telling People

You’re starting to tell people about it. 

You’ve mastered enough information, you want to spread the love and passion all around. Whatever it is, you’re talking about it – a lot.

4. Formalizing Knowledge

You want to formalize this knowledge and pass it on. 

You feel the urge to teach others, so you start a project or put something into place that formalizes the way you share information about your new passion.

5. Starting to Lose Interest

People want what you’ve got – you’ve hooked them – but now you’re starting to lose interest. 

You’re not at the end of your learning curve. You’re just at the beginning or in the middle of sharing your knowledge. But here comes something else into your path, you know it’s time to move on. This coming usually at a point where the outside world will call your work unfinished.

Although the entire process is usually amazing, that last stage often comes with a good dose of guilt and negative feelings. Because, for many multi-passionate people, the journey matters more than the outcome. So, things are left unfinished, or interests change and projects are left for later.

To the multi-passionate person herself, this is not a problem. She’s usually happy with the choices that she makes, with where her passion takes her. It’s for those around her that leaving things the way she does is difficult. In turn, this makes things difficult for her.

We Are Raised to Do, to Achieve

A big part of that is finishing things. Projects and other things we creatively undertake. Even the things we want to learn and master, usually have beginnings, middles, ends. Yet, for multi-passionate women, it’s not finishing that matters. It’s cultivating knowledge, learning something new, mastering a new skill…

Many multi-passionate women are often done with that long before their projects are finished. That’s where the issue lies. Although, as a multi-passionate woman, you might feel satisfied and ready to move on, the world around you tells you you’re a failure, or lazy, or that you can never see anything through. You feel guilty.

But I’m here to tell you that there is no reason for you to feel this way!

You Must Finish What You Start

“You must finish what you start” is a common belief that is certainly true for many things, very helpful to getting things done, I have no doubt. When it comes to multi-passionate creatives, in many cases, this is nothing more than a limiting belief holding them back from being who they are.

Don’t understand me wrong here. I’m not saying that nothing ever needs to be finished, or that systematically leaving things undone is always OK. That’s not what I’m after here. What I am saying is that it’s part of the personality of multi-passionate people to have changing interests once the learning is done, or once a skill is acquired. That is perfectly OK, too.

You might find yourself at a crossroads in your life right now. Maybe a hobby doesn’t serve you well anymore, or maybe you’ve learned all that you could from a particular interest. It might also be that you’re contemplating a much more drastic change, like walking away from a PhD program after investing six years of your life in it, or deciding that your online business isn’t cutting it for you anymore.

Those Are Big Moments, Big Decisions

I want to encourage you to think about yourself and your happiness when you make them. Feel through the guilt and the shame, to what lies ahead on the other side of that: freedom to do what you want to do. Don’t listen to the naysayers, accept that very few people will encourage you at this point. Simply because only a few see the world the way you do.

If that’s your case, if you’re at that point right now, I want you to know that I’ve been there, that I know. I’m so very proud of you. I promise you that quitting is not giving up, or giving in, or lacking willpower.

Quitting, at this point, simply means you’re done.

Do let me know below what crossroads you’re on, or have been on in the past. Where your decisions ultimately led you. I would love to know.

Do you have multiple passions?

We are all born with multiple passions, but many of us lose touch with them as we grow up. We start to think that it’s not possible to have more than one passion at a time. But the truth is, if you want to be successful in business and life, you need to embrace your multi-passions. It will help you become happier and more fulfilled in every aspect of your life.

But what if you're not sure what your passions are? Or if you're afraid of pursuing them because you don't want to fail? That's where private coaching can help. I can help you figure out what your passions are and how to use them to create a successful business.

Click here to schedule your free coaching session today!

Is your money story keeping you broke?

Money is a subject that can be difficult for anyone, and not just multi-passionate, creative women. We’re all born into money stories, and along the way we create our own money stories, too. Our money stories are the things we tell ourselves about money – the beliefs we have about it that make us deal with money in a particular way, feel certain things when we come into contact with money or are in need of it or spending it, and more. Based on the culture and religion that we’re brought up in, we share a number of common money stories, such as our beliefs that:

• You have to work hard to make money.

• There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

• Money is the root of evil.

• It’s selfish to want a lot of money.

• Money doesn’t grow on trees. (Now, although this statement is true, what it implies is still a false belief.)

I don’t believe that any of the statements above are true, really. In my mind, money is not good or bad. It’s just an instrument that is required in life to get a lot of the things we want.

But I was raised with those money stories – and so, for the longest time, they shaped the way I felt about money, how I looked at money, and what I believed money to be. Essentially, I was afraid of money. I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough of it in my life (since it doesn’t grow on trees, you see!), I was afraid I would have to work really hard all my life to have a little (well, because you’ve got to work hard for money), I hated wanting money (because it’s selfish), and, when I had money, I often felt bad about it (because it’s the root of all evil). What a mess!

The thing is, nobody really teaches you about money. The only things that your parents and everyone else has to offer you are their own money stories. And those stories have been passed down from generation to generation, and transformed along the way, based on what those who give them to you have experienced themselves, all the way on until they made their way to you.

Some money stories find their origins in ancient beliefs, and others in more social or cultural norms. But wherever they come from, what most of them are is simply stories. They are not based on facts, or at least not on the cause-effect kind of relationship that proves their statements to be true in the here and now. Yes, they find their source in some sort of truth, but not in the kind that you need to live by. They are more like urban legends that can be traced back to an actual event – at least sometimes – but that, in most cases, are nothing more than fantasy gone wild.

Yet, unconsciously or consciously, we believe and live by many of the money stories that we’re surrounded with. And this limits us. Sometimes in a good way, like when we realize money doesn’t grow on trees, and so we don’t spend it all. But most of the time, our money stories are not that helpful. Like when we’re afraid to invest in ourselves because, well… money doesn’t grow on trees.

To find out if your money story is keeping you broke, I’ve got a few questions lined up for you.

Answering these questions truthfully, and really figuring out what money means to you, will help you to uncover your own money story and to rewrite it. So take out your journal or some paper and a pen, and answer the following questions:

• When you think about money, how do you really feel? Happy, excited, afraid, stressed?

• What was the relationship your parents had with money? Were they savers, spenders? Were they relaxed about money or always worrying?

• In what financial situation did you grow up? How much money was available to you then?

• How do you think you need to be in order to make money?

• How much do you think you’re really worth? How about your time? And your work?

Answering these questions will help you to get a grip on what your money story looks like. But figuring all this out is only half the journey towards a better understanding of your money story.

Now write down your top 5 beliefs about money, based on what you’ve uncovered above, or simply the stories that shape your perception of money the most. And, for each, think about where the story comes from and understand the relativity of it’s truth. Then, rewrite it in a positive and uplifting way that will serve you. Because what I really want you to get out of this is that money can and is anything that you want it to be. If you’re afraid of it, it will not come easy to you; if you think it’s evil, you’ll feel bad about making it; and if you think it’s hard to make, chances are that you’ll wear yourself out at work without enjoying the benefits of that hard labor.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can choose what money is to you, and what your money story looks like. And if you make it a beautiful and uplifting story, making money will come easier, and feeling good about having it and spending it will become second nature.

So, go ahead and give it a try!

PS: To help you along a little bit more, I’ve created a free money affirmation poster for you. Click here to download your copy now and start enjoying the benefits of your new money story.

10 happiness secrets of highly creative people

I find that there’s a lot to learn from the creatives and artists among us. And although it’s certainly true that the creative life is not always an easy life, because making a living can be hard, or staying true to your heart might not always be that easy, I find that living a creative life and being a creative person offers ways to happiness that are often unique and worth exploring.

So, here’s a list of 10 things that I have found to be uplifting, and which help make me happy, and that highly creative people often do, too.

1. Daydream.

As a child, I used to daydream a lot. I was a wandering child, always asking questions and looking up at the sky in awe, overwhelmed and intrigued by all the mysteries of the world. Back then, really, I used to daydream a lot. And in that world, surrounded by my stories, I was not only happy, but my imagination was fed and my emotions were expressed. As adults, we don’t daydream nearly enough for our own good. By starting what I call a “daydream practice” – that is, by allowing yourself to daydream regularly and to let your mind wander off for no other purpose than to do so, I’ve become better at thinking things up, putting things into perspective, and even contemplating alternate solutions to problems. And this has helped me to be happier.

2. Write it down.

Creative people have a way to nurture and harvest their creativity, and it often looks nothing like what you think it does. Creativity requires work – hard work, sometimes. It might well be that some of us are born with a more creative mark-up than others, but that doesn’t mean that creativity doesn’t need to be practiced. And, in fact, it really does. A first and important step for me has been to start writing all of my ideas down, whatever they are. This has not only helped me to see clearer inside my creative mind, but also to get a lot of noise out of my head and onto paper. And that has quieted my mind, which in turn has made me happier.

3. Express yourself.

We all want to be seen. In fact, I believe that this is one of the most important things for us in this world. We want to be acknowledged for who we are. And, as creatives, we want to offer the world what is uniquely us. We have a creative fever that never really goes away, and which is eased only by the creative process. That process is mostly about expressing ourselves, our ideas, our feelings, and our emotions, but also our torments, and even our darkest hours, and letting all of this be seen. And as terribly difficult sometimes to really show and express yourself authentically, if you don’t – and I think this goes for anyone, creative or not – you’ll always feel like something is missing from your life, and you’ll never be truly fulfilled.

4. Enjoy solitude.

It’s so uncommon to be really alone these days. And I’m not only talking about the physical aspects of not being surrounded by others. Of course, it’s fairly easy to separate yourself from others and look for a quiet spot, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone or even enjoying a moment of solitude. With the media at our fingertips and in our pockets, all the time these days, it’s extremely rare to be absolutely alone. And that’s a shame. Because solitude can be very beneficial to your well-being, and it offers so many beautiful things. Solitude, for instance, allows you to simply sit with yourself, to get to know yourself better, to calm down from your hectic life, to reflect upon your actions, and even to hear and listen to your own voice much better. And I believe that all of these things are ingredients for a happy and fulfilled life.

5. Follow your passion.

Highly creative people have a tendency to follow their hearts more than the less creative among us. Because creativity defines them so much, many will have much stronger opinions about what it is they are willing to do to sustain themselves. And very often, doing what they love will be at the heart of that.
At our core, I believe that we are creative beings with a need to express ourselves, and, as a result of this, our happiness greatly depends on it, too. And it might be that you don’t have the opportunity to quit everything and start your passion project full-time, but whatever it is that you’re passionate about, my point is: Do it as much as you can, infuse as many hours of your day with it, and always try to move closer to it. Even an hour a week spent on your passion project will make you happier.

6. Explore and observe.

Creative people have a different way to look at the world. Simply by looking around and observing what goes on, new ideas and projects can emerge. And this capacity to create by looking and exploring is something that I was able to develop within myself, too – a work in progress – and this makes me happy. And my bet is, it can make you happy also, whatever your level of creativity. Because, when we make new things or think up new ideas, we tap into the essence of what we are: creative beings. And doing that feels good.

7. See beauty everywhere.

The world is a magical place. Life is a magical thing. The mere fact that we’re given the opportunity to experience it and live through it is a mystery that I can’t stop wondering about. And, lately, I’ve been more aware than ever before about how beautiful the world is. Beauty is everywhere. And looking at the world like this – with the eyes of an artist, almost – lifts me up. Everywhere I look, I notice little signs of beauty, of love and compassion, of what the world has to offer. It can be as simple as a flower blossoming, or the love of a cat for her little kittens. Other times, I’m witness to courageous acts by women who decide to finally follow their hearts or to engage in acts of compassion towards themselves when they accept the challenge of loving themselves for who they are. All of that is beautiful, and by looking at the world this way, I become more optimistic and, in turn, happier.

8. Don’t just do – be.

I’m an ambitious woman; I have been for most of my adult life. And until about five years ago, my biggest ambition was to be perfect and be worthy of love. That translated into me wanting to always be in control, to accept all that came my way, to never question the workload others were giving me, or that I was giving myself, and to always be doing. I’ve spent many years like this – disconnected from myself, my body, and the world around me. Until I couldn’t anymore, and I realized that all these years I had just be doing, without being. And by returning to my body, and allowing myself to be instead of always needing to do, I found a new sense of calm and peace that I hadn’t known existed.

9. Take a break.

Creative people know that it takes time to create. And that taking a breather once in a while, or taking a break by changing activities during their work day, is very beneficial to the work they’re doing. And taking breaks like this is not only good for the work itself, but also for you. Moments like this can ground you, and bring you back to yourself. They can help you to feel nourished throughout the day by the activities that you undertake, and they can make you feel more alive, more useful, and even more joyful.

10. Play.

Enjoy yourself. Discover what you love. Then do more of it. Don’t take things too seriously, and explore yourself and the world around you. This is what creative people do. They need it to express themselves fully, and to enjoy their lives. And you know what? They’re not alone. We all need it. We start our lives as playful children, and along the way we lose this part of ourselves and become so serious sometimes. And with that, we lose a bit of happiness. When you see creative people play, you see how good it makes them feel. It’s essential for many to be happy. And I believe this is true for all of us. So, play!

I hope this list inspires you to find creative ways to find more happiness in your life. And, tell me, what habits do you know of that make you happy?

How to become a happy, confident, and successful coach

I’ve recently been nominated as a finalist for an international life coaching award by the Beautiful You Coaching Academy. What an honor! And an amazing icing on an already delicious cake, as in 2015, I also became a Certified Beautiful You Life Coach. Another honor, and one that I wear with a lot of love and pride. Little did I know, when I first started wondering about how to become a successful life coach, that the journey I was embarking on would be so amazing.

When I decided to enroll in the BYCA, I really didn’t know what to expect…. Well, that’s not entirely true. I had an idea of what the course was going to be like, based on all the previous online courses I had taken, and the many I had consulted prior to making my decision to enroll in this one. And that idea involved some kind of online classes, lectures probably, and some interaction – perhaps with a teacher or trainer. But nothing of what I had known and experienced before prepared me for what I was going to receive.

Being part of the BYCA has changed my life…

Participating in the course, and being one of Julie’s trainees, has been one of the most beautiful and transformative journeys I have ever undertaken. And from where I’m standing, that’s not a small feat.

I’ve been in business for almost 20 years, I’ve started projects and businesses, I’ve managed and employed people, and I’ve brought hundreds of my clients’ ideas to life throughout the years. So when I started studying through the BYCA, I felt pretty confident that I was already an experienced business coach, at least. And I expected to learn how to become a good life coach, too.

But BYCA gave me much more than that…

By joining the BYCA family, I made friends for life. Never in a million years had I dreamed of making so many new and supportive friendships as I did while studying at the academy.

By joining the BYCA family, I received warm love and profound support from Julie and my other trainers. I had never felt so encouraged to undertake, follow through, and succeed at anything so much as I did while studying at the academy.

By joining the BYCA family, I gained incredible tools and extensive training to be the best coach that I can be. And yes, I did expect some course material, duh! But not to the extent of what I was given. What Julie teaches really works, and it’s based on her own years of experience in working as a life coach.

By joining the BYCA family, I got gently pushed to take a good look at myself and to grow, both as a person and as a coach. Being a trainee at the BYCA doesn’t only teach you how to be a life coach – you go through it and you have to dig deep to become the best and most serving version of yourself. This alone makes the investment worth it.

And these are only the highlights of what I gained from joining the Beautiful You Coaching Academy. Besides offering a life coaching course, the BYCA also gives you a full-blown business course. At the end of it, you’re not only a coach, you’re also absolutely and totally prepped for business.

If you’re wondering about how to become a life coach…

Don’t think for a second that this course is a one-way, take it at your own pace kind of thing. Julie and the other trainers are so accessible to you during your time as a trainee, and the weekly and then fortnightly calls are so supportive and personal that, once it ends, you really miss it. At least I know I do.

So if you’re considering becoming a life coach, I can only recommend you enroll in the Beautiful You Coaching Academy. It has made me a very happy, confident, and successful coach, and I’m confident it can do the same for you, too.

But that’s not all…

I’ll be supporting you along the way, too. If you mention my name upon sign-up (field “code”), you’ll get this bonus package from me (with a total value of +€2000 / +$2200):

• A 3-month / 6-session coaching series with me to help you work towards your life coaching certification.

• Free access to all my courses, and programs for the entire duration of your life coaching studies at the Beautiful You Academy.

Check out the Beautiful You Coaching Academy website now

Important Note: If you enter my name in any other area than the one instructed, (which is the code field at your enrolment stage – please see graphic below), or not at all at the exact time of your enrolment, you will not be able to receive my affiliate offerings. This is not something that can be amended at a later time and so please be careful at your sign up stage to do this as I want to be able to support you on your coaching journey!

If you have questions about how to become a life coach or the Beautiful You Coaching Academy, why don’t you sign up for a free 30-minute complimentary session, during which I’ll be happy to answer all your questions and tell you more about my time at the academy and what the BYCA has done for me.

And tell me, why do you want to become a life coach?

How to learn from criticism without letting it take you down

I’m a recovering people-pleaser. For years, I’ve dreaded criticism more than anything else. Because every time someone criticized me, it was a reminder that I was not perfect – something that was really hard for me to bare – and a painful reminder that I wasn’t pleasing someone else.

The funny thing is, for all those years, I actually thought I could handle criticism pretty well. I prided myself on it. When someone would criticize me, I’d think I was handling it in the best way possible, listening and engaging in a conversation about it, and giving space to the opinion of those who criticized me, pretending it was for my own good. But I was wrong.

Constructive criticism was having the opposite effect on me. It wasn’t making me become a better person at all, it was just hurting me to listen to what someone had to say about me.

For many years, constructive criticism was something I really couldn’t handle, and it was totally wasted on me or, worse, it would take me down and I would need time to recover.

And that’s how it is with many people-pleasers. The need to please is so strong that anything that gets in the way of that – like criticism, even the good kind – will be devastating.

So how do you benefit from constructive criticism without letting it take you down?

#1: What people say about you – even if it’s useful to you – does not define you.

You are much more, immensely more, than the comments that someone makes about you. So don’t give those words more meaning than they have, or more power. It’s good to have an open mind and listen to other people’s opinions, even if it’s about you, and even if it’s not all that positive, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or not a nice person, or not worthy of love. People criticizing you has nothing to do with any of that, and should never define you. You define you; nobody else does.

#2: You are not here to please others, you’re here to love yourself first.

It’s good to listen to constructive criticism, because depending on what it’s about, it can really help you: to be a better version of yourself, to have more meaningful relationships, or to improve on pretty much any area of your life and business or career. But, you’re not here to please others. That’s not your purpose on this planet. So it’s not because someone criticizes you that your world should end, or that you even have an obligation to listen. I believe that you’re here to love yourself first and foremost, and that means that you only need to listen if you feel it will help you, and that that in turn will make you a happier person.

#3: Keep your ego out of it.

My ego has been one of the biggest struggles for me to overcome in order to move past people-pleasing (and many other things, believe me). That little voice, the everlasting critic that really makes your life difficult and unpleasant, does not come from the outside, but from within. And when someone gives you constructive comments about yourself, that little thing is going to kick and scream. The best way to really profit from what is being told to you is to let your ego out of it. It’s a hard thing to do, I know; it is a constant struggle for me. But it really is the best way, and it really will make you happier and more fulfilled in the end.

#4: Don’t confuse plain old cheap critique with constructive criticism.

Never forget that constructive criticism is meant to create, not to destroy. As a people-pleaser, it’s difficult to understand the difference, and to know what to listen to and what not to. My rule of thumb is to always try and see things from the other person’s perspective. I ask myself: What would I think if I was in her shoes? And that helps me to listen with an open mind and see the experience as a way for me to grow.

In the end, it’s up to you what you do with constructive criticism. You can choose not to listen to it. But, ever since I’ve started listening better, I’ve been able to “handle it” better, and I’ve profited from it. It’s helped me to get to know myself better, and to explore parts of me that were more challenging to get in touch with. And overall, it made me happier.

How about you? How are you dealing with constructive criticism?

How to listen to your intuition, especially when it’s saying “no”

Intuition is something beautiful. It’s a mix of intrinsic knowledge, past experiences, and picking up on the energies that are all around us. And I’m not saying this in a woo woo way. I mean situations like when a particular person enters a room, and the entire room is lit up. Or, quite to the contrary, when a person enters the party, and all of a sudden the mood is busted – for good. That’s energy, and it’s the kind I’m talking about here. We’ve all experienced this at least once in our lives. So have you. And, when you come to think of it, when you were in the presence of the person that busted the party, you probably just knew that something was off with them. And that, dear girlfriend, was your intuition talking.

But maybe you didn’t notice your intuition, or maybe you didn’t hear it at all. Because although we’re all born with intuition and strong instincts, as we grow older, a lot of us lose touch with it. And I was no exception to this.

Although I was a very intuitive child, and a small girl that looked at the world with my feelings more than my eyes, I lost that connection to the deeper part of me almost entirely as I grew up. So for the biggest part of my adult life, I didn’t know I had intuition, nor did I hear it calling out to me.

When I stepped into my adult self, I tried so hard to silence my intuition in favour of what I thought was expected of me – or worse – what I thought I needed to think or be like in order to be loved, accepted, and ultimately be successful in my life and my businesses. And I played a very good trick on myself by becoming very good at it, to the point that I lost my intuition almost entirely.

As one of my main goals of these past few years, I vowed to reconnect with myself on a deeper level, and listening to my intuition has been a major part of that.

What started as a little voice inside of me, after a few months, became a strong sense of knowing what to do in a lot of situations. Like when you meet someone and you instinctively know something is off or that this person is not made for you. Well, by silencing my intuition, I had come to neglect those thoughts and feelings, and to allow too many people into my life and businesses, even while somehow knowing that that was wrong. Leaving very little room for those who actually mattered. And leaving me drained of mental and emotional energy on too many occasions.

Throughout the past years, I’ve started to rely on my intuition more and more. In my private life, it made me decide to let go of friendships that weren’t really meant for me and to allow new kinships to flourish – ones that I never would have thought of before, but that turned out to be amongst the best connections I’ve ever made. In my businesses, it has helped to guide me and decide what routes to take and what not to do, by really thinking about what I wanted most for myself and for my team.

But more than that, I learned to say no. Because so often your intuition will tell you to. And that was a big one for me. Both in my private life and in my businesses. Privately, listening to the urge to say no and create boundaries for myself allowed me to choose better who I give all of my love to and for whom there is no room in my life. But more than that, I learned to accept my deeper needs and to listen to them more. Like deciding that I need some time alone sometimes to nourish my soul.

Now, when it comes to business, our intuition will speak to us very often, too.

I was raised believing that yes was the only word that mattered in business, and that any customer or client was a good one who you needed to cherish. Over the years, this belief has caused me quite a lot of trouble, stress, and heartache. By listening to my intuition more, especially when it told me not to engage with a particular client or project, I’ve realised how powerful and important ‘No’ is in business.

So, there too, I learned to say ‘no’ more often than ‘yes’.

The result? A better bottom line, happier clients, and a more productive team. Because when you get to pick who you work with, business simply becomes better.

But now, how to listen to your intuition? And how to say no?

#1 Be open to listening to what your intuition is trying to tell you

Try to schedule time with yourself and listen. And when you have a decision to make, or you feel that something bothers you, or even in any other situation in your life… before acting, try to really feel into the moment. And ask yourself: What do I really want? How do I really feel about this? I promise, if you keep at it, your intuition will speak to you.

#2 Practice on the small things first

Rekindling your intuition, and following its lead, is not something that happens overnight. You must practice and be willing to keep listening to the deeper parts of you and what they need to tell you. And when your intuition first shows up after a long time, it can be scary, and you might not be sure you can trust yourself. So it’s okay to start small. Maybe you told yourself you needed to do something today, but in listening to your intuition, you know you should actually be doing something else instead. So do that. And once you feel comfortable and trust your intuition more, you can follow it more and more.

#3 Let me get back to you on that

Saying no is not easy. It requires a lot of strength and courage sometimes, and asks us to confront instead of comply. And that is difficult for everyone, but especially for us women, who were raised to be good girls. But your intuition will become very loud and very clear about your boundaries at some point, and when that happens, you’ll need to learn to say no. To ease you into it, here’s a trick that works miracles almost every time. When someone asks something of you, or in any other situation where you know you should say no, start by saying: “let me get back to you on that”. You’ll win precious time to prepare your ‘no’, and in many cases that will be enough to let the request vanish on its own.

I used to long for the days of my childhood when intuition and instinct came naturally to me, and for the ease of living this allowed. But I don’t long for it anymore, because I know that I still have both inside of me. I just needed to listen more closely to them, and to trust my intuition and my instincts more again. And by doing this, I’ve transformed my life. And given myself a sense of freedom in the world, and connected to it, in a way that I hadn’t felt in decades.

And so can you.