Career & Business Coaching Blog.
Inspiration and tips for multi-passionate creatives & entrepreneurs.
3 easy steps to help you change careers
Hitting that metaphorical 9-to-5 wall, Groundhog Day, running on a hamster wheel of mindless work – choose a career cliché for how you’re feeling right now. Ok, so now what?
You’re ready for a more dramatic change this year, and not just something small or incremental. It’s a new decade, and the pressure of a new decade living the same ten years all over again is not unusual for a perfectionist and overachiever – we do love to hold onto things.
Did you forget all of your accomplishments? Your efforts and achievements?
You might be letting the inner critic ring it’s a bell on the hour every hour, and you might even be feeling confused about what your next step is, you’ve stopped dead – I get this all the time from my clients. You’re stuck, but you notice you really don’t want to feel that way anymore. Going through another year of the same thing is no longer an option, too much anxiety and overwhelm live there.
How do you reclaim your power and take the next step mentally?
Guidance
Chances are you have some inclination towards change – you feel a tug, an itch or a pull. This emotional or internal guidance is there and it’s getting louder. You might worry about leaving where you are now will open the floodgates of new challenges, discomforts, or pessimism. However, from my experience, living in the past does that, but so does keeping the same routine on autopilot. Which do you prefer? Not nourishing your desires allows fear to grow instead.
There’s no “perfect” way to break through fear. There’s only taking one step at a time. It can be messy. Fear never really goes away, but it can be channelled into action.
Human emotions are important messengers. Resistance is one tell-all sign that growth is necessary and the universe will eventually kick you out of your seat if you delay. That or you might be feeling the downside in your health, relationships, or stress levels.
This is certainly true for me – and so many of my clients. One way fear keeps showing up for me is in disguise: perfectionism, procrastination, too much research, waiting for that moment when I’ll finally be *ready*.
The problem is, that day usually NEVER comes.
That’s why those difficult emotions require reframing; you might not have the answers, but on the flip side to those emotions are opportunity, discovery, and change. You just need to hop over that fence (even in those fabulous new heels you’re wearing).
Does my Dream Job Really Exist?
Ultimately, it’s important to accept the fact there will never be the “perfect” job out there for you that will meet 100% of your needs, 100% of the time. And that’s okay! A lot of my clients get pretty darn close. One left her office job to train and become a trailguide around the world.
How do you know you’re ready for your career breakthrough this year? Here are 3 tell-tale signs:
#1 Acknowledge and investigate that itch.
Recognize there is a better job (or lifestyle) than the one you’re currently in, which you have yet to discover. Acknowledge that overwhelm, stress, and frustration of being undervalued and unappreciated where you are, is no way to live.
A lot of people are unsatisfied where there are more than are willing to admit. The difference between you and most people is you want to do something about the itch. You can’t clock watch and go home to slump on your couch watching Netflix forever. You know you want to feel different – more energy, joy, laughter, perhaps even working outdoors.
You have to be open to admitting your needs, to follow that “what-if” so that you can discover what you truly want to do, plan for it, and eventually take that leap!
#2 Reunite with what you enjoy.
what do you enjoy doing and what legacy do you want to leave behind? Who are you and where did you come from? What makes you laugh and what brought you true joy as a child? What do you enjoy doing most where the time goes by unnoticed? These are the deeper self-reflective questions you want to answer as you come to terms with the idea that yes, you will be acting on a change sometime in the near future.
When we’ve become accustomed to something for so long it’s easy to mistake it as comfortable. Detachment becomes confused with familiar. You might be on autopilot and bored, but fall back on the justification that this is just the way it is. It shouldn’t be!
If you don’t feel joy, you have to ask yourself why you’re allowing it? Perhaps you need to work through feelings of worthiness and give yourself permission to plan and change your life trajectory. You too can make a #Megxit from the dysfunctional royal family.
#3 You’re open to change
You’re determined, curious, and open-minded. You want (and maybe have) to try something new. What you’re currently in is definitely a “no”, a temporary blip in your important larger journey towards a more meaningful life. You desire something, perhaps you know or perhaps you want to find it, and that something is not waiting for you at the desk you currently loiter at or the meeting room you constantly yawn through.
You have achievements, networks, and support; you also have ideas and dreams that have been ignored. Understanding how action can turn those ideas is the next step – and it’s closer than you think.
If you feel like you’re going through a breakthrough then you’re ready to get your hands dirty. Don’t fight it, embrace it and acknowledge the feelings behind it, not just mentally and emotionally but also physically through action, even if a small step forward. You can no longer waste time resisting the message. Or else, experience eternal déjà vu as you watch others live the life you want to be living, and that’s no way to live at all! You have so much to offer the world. Stop dimming your inner light.
In the end, you can’t break through without letting go. You have to make space to embrace the new. Your future life is waiting for you, one that’s more soulful, enjoyable and true to the real you, and not the one you feel you have to be for others.
You know you are an overachiever who’s multi-talented and creative – that genius in you is sitting dormant. If you’re ready, I’d love to hear about your dreams.
Fear or not, you can’t say “no” to that inner voice any longer.
How Ruslana became Rome’s go-to make-up artist
Ruslana is a professional make-up artist and hair stylist, currently based in Rome, Italy. I met Ruslana when I was in Rome in 2015 for a branding photoshoot (my first one!) with the incredibly talented Wendy Yalom. Ruslana and I connected right away. Her positive attitude, and enthusiasm were contagious! Not to mention her incredible talent! Since that first photoshoot, Ruslana has been my go-to make-up artist for my signature retreats in Paris. Ruslana is a dream to work with, and is starting to make her mark as the bridal expert of Italy.
What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?
When I was a child, I wanted to become an artist. I always felt inspired by colour and use different techniques to create something beautiful. When I grew up, I chose a career as a makeup artist so I could make brides-to-be beautiful. It’s such a wonderful feeling, to be able to just do what I love every day.
I’ve always wanted to work for myself. I never wanted to work for someone else, or have a boss telling me what to do. That’s why I love my job and why I’m so happy to be my own boss. I love the freedom I have from working as a freelancer.
Did you always have this dream?
I’ve always wanted to create things. I loved having “projects” and making things. In primary school I was always the one who wanted to organize work for the whole class, I was always creating. So yes, frankly speaking, I had entrepreneurship and leadership in me from childhood.
What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?
When I decided to turn my passion for make-up and hair styling into a business, the first thing I did was to invest in a website so I could show my skills to actual customers, not only to friends or my family. It was a big thing for me because at the beginning, I was a little shy, uneasy about showing myself to the world like that.
I think my talent pushed me to start. I was never scared to touch the face of a woman with my brushes. It felt so natural to me. Along the way, with all the support I’ve received from people that I didn’t even know, I understood this was what I should do with my life.
What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?
My biggest challenge was definitely breaking the language barrier. As all my clients are foreigners or mostly English speaking couples, I needed to learn English enough so I could explain my concepts, makeup ideas, hair styling vision and so… That was a huge issue for me at the beginning. But I knew that I could do it, and that it was necessary to achieve my dream. I believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. This interview, alongside my growing business, are proof that it’s true.
What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?
I’m happy about my life and about all the opportunities I’ve had. I wouldn’t change anything. I just wish I started sooner. I wish I could go back to my ”younger” self and tell her: “Just do what you really love!”
Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?
No. There is always something bigger, right there behind the corner… so why stop here?
What do you think helped you achieve it?
Having a supportive husband and family.
Without support, entrepreneurship can be really lonely, not to mention hard. Having someone to talk to when things don’t go as planned, or simply be able to share ideas and get a different perspective can be so valuable. I’m really blessed to have people in my life who care, and that I can always go to.
What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?
Not to be scared, to do what they want and just to follow their dreams. It seems banal but self-esteem is still very important. Women need to know their value. To believe in themselves. Because once they do they become unstoppable.
Start doing something and never quit!
More about Ruslana – ruslanaregi.com
Ruslana offers luxury bridal services, and travels around the country (and the world) for destination weddings. She loves her job so much that it never feels like a real job, it’s her personal mission to know your wedding vision inside and out and give you the bridal look you’ve always dreamed about.
Ruslana participated in various small and big projects (one of them was for Lamborghini). Currently Ruslana collaborates with many world-famous brands and celebrities like Alana Masterson, Bijou Philips, Anfisa Chekhova, Anna Sedokova. Her work was published in international magazines such as Elle Bulgaria, L’officiel Latvia, Muaclub, wedding blogs, and Paris fashion week.
Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Ruslana! She loves connecting with women from around the world. You can do so through her website at ruslanaregi.com or on Instagram @ruslanaregi.
Ruslana’s favourite quote is:
Always remember: Life is for enjoying.
– Abraham Lincoln
Ruslana’s dream for the world is:
To make this world much happier and open-minded. Let’s stop judging and let people live their lives.
If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.
Self-trust: a Way to Overcome Impostor Syndrome
Are you a multi-talented, creative person suffering from anxious, incessant mind chatter? Doubting yourself by saying, ‘you’re going to mess up!’, ‘are you *sure* that’s right?’ or (my favorite) ‘one day you’ll get caught, and everyone will know you’re just a mess!’
That inner voice isn’t an alien phenomenon, but a side effect of being unable to internalize your achievements, aka ‘Impostor Syndrome’.
Do you easily dismiss your intelligence as luck or fraud? Here’s why you shouldn’t…
Impostor syndrome isn’t unique to women, though we experience it more. We’re also not the only ones who experience it. In fact, about 70% of humans do. But we, the creative, multi-talented, high-achievers experience heightened ‘intellectual phoniness’ more often. We find ways to downplay our talents, or struggle with getting caught as imposters, despite proof of our achievements. This internalized fear leads to a cycle – the slightest criticism is *proof* of our incompetence despite our capabilities, and undeniable evidence of our successes.
How many degrees do you have? Distinctions? Praises? Professional recognition? Courses and trainings you’ve undertaken? *Not enough* would be my guess, at least not according to you!
Having imposter syndrome means trying to work with crippling perfectionism, over-preparation, and a tendency to keep yourself small or people-please, while lacking self-esteem to freely share your opinions and safeguard your boundaries.
The truth is – in Tanya Geisler’s words (expert on the Impostor Complex): actual impostors don’t feel like impostors.
From Tanya (who I’ve had the pleasure to attend a talk by on this very subject a few years ago) I also learned that all these traits – perfectionism, people-pleasing, keeping yourself small, etc… – are not always bad. They’re part of our evolution as humans. We want, and need to belong. So depending on the environment we live in they can be life savers.
Issues arise, though, when these behaviors show up to *avoid* feeling like an impostor. When that happens, feeling like a fraud actually gets amplified.
What are the elements of impostor syndrome?
In my life, the impostor syndrome manifested most (and still does sometimes) by telling me I’m a fraud, that I have nothing interesting to say or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This, paired with the fear of saying something wrong, is the perfect cocktail to keep myself small, take on the opinion of others, people-please and procrastinate. I mean, why would I even try? If I do they’ll find out I’m worthless… The problem is, deep inside I know I have something to contribute.
The impostor syndrome shows up when things matter.
Have you ever feared being found out for how you do the dishes, put on your shoes in the morning, read a book? I haven’t. The impostor syndrome shows up when the opinion of others about your abilities becomes important to you. If you don’t care, *it* doesn’t care.
The way the impostor syndrome manifests in your life will be different to how it manifests in mine, but there are a number of situations in which it’s almost certain to show up:
Change – Change is constant. It’s the foundation of all things, what allows us to create our own reality, and evolve as humans. It’s also one of the triggers of the impostor syndrome. When trying something new – often at work – or going after our dreams in general, when facing a difficult situation, especially in a higher position, we’re bound to encounter change in how things are done. The impostor syndrome doesn’t like that. At all. That’s why it makes us believe that anyone else who is successful *doesn’t* experience the feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, uncertainty that we’re plagued with when facing change.
Fear – Achievement always makes us visible. This makes it impossible to protect ourselves from the judgement of others. (Even if we’d love to do that more than anything else.) The potential of being *found out* feels catastrophic to anyone dealing with the impostor syndrome. This translates into fear. The biggest issue – again – is that we believe we’re not good enough. That we’re not ready or don’t have what it takes. “What if I take this job, and I can’t do it?” or “What if I start this project, and I get stuck?” are some of the questions my clients deal with on a daily basis.
Failure – The conditional nature of society, that credits worth and success to high-achievement, also creates anxiety and doubt. Not achieving exemplary results is associated with incompetence and failure, even when this isn’t the case. You might find it difficult to try new things because of fear of failure, especially if you struggle with the impostor syndrome.
Can we overcome impostor syndrome? If so, how do we get started?
The good news is that, yes, there are ways to learn to recognize, and move passed the impostor syndrome. I’ll get into that in a minute. First, I want to address an important aspect of our culture that I believe influences women (more than men) when it comes to feeling like a fraud: patriarchy and the role we’re meant to play in it.
The patriarchal, white, capitalist culture we live in makes women perform a gender role that is vulnerable to the impostor syndrome. Conditioning primes us for not taking credit for our successes, for being sweet and humble, not too proud of who we are, for staying small, not being too loud, and certainly not wanting too much. Far from the best conditions to teach us how to internalize our achievements, it actually feeds the impostor syndrome the nutrients it needs to grow.
In a way, the impostor syndrome is a symptom of the systemic oppression that patriarchy imposes on us. It’s predominance in work environments where highly qualified women are driven to achieve doesn’t come as a surprise. That’s where the capitalist, patriarchal ethos of endless growth, and success without failure is most present.
Overcoming impostor syndrome can therefore never be achieved without liberation from our cultural programming: we must stop trying to be what we’re not, and instead get absolutely clear about who we are, and what we believe in.
We must cultivate self-trust.
Acceptance of what is, allowing mistakes, trusting that everything will be OK are all part of the awakening process we must go through.
Being a high-achiever, you might not always embrace imperfection. In fact, if you’re anything like me, chances are you passionately hate it. What I’ve learned is that making mistakes, falling, getting back up, and dusting yourself off, learning and moving forward is all there is.
Perfection.
The moment you’ll finally be good enough.
Waiting until you’re ready.
Succeeding without years of practice, perseverance and shit happening while you’re trying.
None of it is real.
In order to be approved of, and loved, you don’t need to achieve anything. What you need is waking up to the fact that you’re good enough right here, right now. Nobody’s going to find you out, because there’s NOTHING to find out.
If you step into the fullness of who you are, what the world will see is more of your greatness.
It all starts with cultivating self-trust by questioning what you believe about the world, and your place in it. Is what you’re telling yourself *really* true? Are you really the fraud you think you are? Once you’ve come to the inevitable conclusion that, no, you’re not a fraud, and, yes, you’re very capable, a world of endless possibilities will open up for you.
Trust yourself. You’ve got this.
Other people’s feelings are not your problem
I recently reflected on why it’s important for women to stop feeling guilty for choosing ourselves. Throughout a big part of my life, that guilt (often doubled with shame, anxiety, or fear) stood in the way of what I really wanted.
It kept me small. Silent. Like it does with so many other women. And for good reason.
We’ve been conditioned to think that we must bear the weight of the world on our shoulder, and do so with a smile, simply because it comes with the territory of being a woman. However – as I reflected in my previous article, incorporating values, and nurturing healthy boundaries will call on you to take responsibility for your own life, to demand more for yourself, to have more self-respect, and ensure that others do not trample on it.
These rituals will lead you to realize that while it’s your responsibility to control your emotions and direct your life down the path you want it to go, it’s not your responsibility to do the same for anyone else. This will be a hard concept for many women to grasp, but as you grow into self-love and self-trust it will become easier.
When you enforce your boundaries, you take your power back.
You’re not Superwoman. Your duty isn’t to save the world. It’s not even to save your loved ones. Your duty – if ever there was one – is to be a caring and loving human. That’s all anyone could ask for. Even so, in the past, I often felt it was my responsibility to be the everything of the people in my private, and professional life. Perhaps you do to…
Making sure everyone around you is happy – at all times
Show the world how capable, reliable, always willing to help you are.
Never come across as too busy, or too tired
Especially not when you are – in fact – exhausted, stressed out, ready for a really long nap.
As you commit yourself to living your truths – making your own decisions, pursuing your dreams, creating your own path – you’re going to upset some people. In fact, you’re going to upset A LOT of people, especially if what you’re going for is bold and unimaginable to them. That’s precisely when you have to remind yourself: how others feel about who you are, the way you live your life, or what your dreams are is not your business.
You are not in charge of other people’s feelings.
Like me, you may have been socialized to believe that as a woman you exist to bring some kind of joy, support, care (insert expectation of choice here) to others, based on the roles society has tried to box you into. Understanding that you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own is a liberating experience. Often we don’t realize how the people around us suck the joy out of us when you overextend ourselves for them, breaking our back to be at their every beck and call. Living this way will drain you. I know, because I’ve been there.
It may take some time for people to come around to the fact they’re not somebody else’s problem but their own. In some cases they never will, and you’ll have to walk away, or see them leave when you no longer *make them happy* (in my experience often used as code speak to say you’re no longer able or willing to cater to their every need). Again, believe me, I know.
How to stop making other people’s feelings your responsibility?
When people start demanding that you do things their way or blame you for how they feel or how their lives are, you don’t need to respond to them. This is a hard one for any people-pleaser, isn’t it? So if you feel the urge to go there, the conversation should be about boundaries, personal responsibility, and freedom. Not about what they need from you, or how you’re lacking in giving it to them. Because, well, it’s NOT your responsibility.
Sometimes when people ask unreasonable things of you and have grandiose expectations, you may become so overwhelmed that you simple react instead of respond. It can help to ask yourself some questions: is what they’re asking something you would expect them to do for you? Is it fair to yourself to say yes when you know you should (and totally could) say no?
When you’re being tested, remember to breathe and allow your emotions to flow through you. Oftentimes you’ll feel guilt, shame, or fear when you’re being put on the spot for someone else’s feelings. Don’t fixate on any thought. Instead, give yourself time to process what’s happening, and simply *pause*. It’s important to guard your heart and protect your soul. After all, you are YOUR OWN responsibility.
Not making other people’s feelings your responsibility requires courage, dedication, and discipline. I’ve been practicing this kind of detachment for a long time, yet I still fall back into my old ways so easily. Affirming my boundaries and being true to myself helps me to bounce back quickly, and recognize the signs when guilt or shame show up.
In the end, what works best is to remind ourselves that we’re responsible for how we’re feeling. Nothing more. But always.
Making that your priority will be so liberating. I promise
I’d love to what your experience has been with other people’s feelings. Let me know in the comments below.
How to stop feeling guilty for choosing yourself
Setting personal boundaries is unfortunately something a lot of women struggle with. I know I do. As women, we grow up with the idea that in order to be valuable we have to be *of* value and service to others. This belief has become so ingrained in us, that setting boundaries and learning to put ourselves first not only seems like a scary task, but one that comes laden with guilt.
It’s not that it’s bad to give of ourselves to our families, friends, communities and work. It’s that if we over-extend ourselves to others, we put ourselves on the back burner of our own lives.
We end up being lived, instead of being fully alive.
That’s why we need healthy boundaries. They set the standard on how we want to be treated, and help us regain control over our existence.
Why We Fail to Set Boundaries
Societies all over the world teach girls that we must be good, quiet, polite and obedient. Women grow up (I’m one of them) learning that showing *too much* emotion will be frowned upon. We learn to be understanding, say “Yes” even (especially) when we want to say “No”.
When we say yes to everyone’s dream instead of our own, we experience a slow death of the soul. My bet is, if you can relate to any of these good girl symptoms you probably can relate to this soul-death as well.
As women, we have learnt how to settle in and with our lives for far too long. We have been trained to give our power away. Expected to let others make decisions for, and about us.
No wonder so many of us never learned how to set healthy boundaries.
Guilt
What happens when we do decide to put ourselves first? Guilt sets in. We get worried and anxious about what everyone will think of us:
Will they be upset?
Will they like me less
Will they still love me?
Standing up for yourself is hard work. It’s uncomfortable. It requires discipline, perseverance and devotion. It took me YEARS to be able to speak my truth, express what I needed, and stand up for myself. Even today, when I enforce a personal boundary, I immediately feel the pull to make things right. Guilt, shame, fear never fail to show up. As if I’d done something terrible wrong.
Does this sound familiar?
If it does, I want you to know that none of this is real. It’s all programming.
To liberate ourselves from guilt we need to understand that the only validation we truly need is our own. When we constantly look outside of ourselves for it, our boundaries are ALWAYS at risk. In fact, some of us put off making big life decisions and wait until they’re made for us, simply because we think we’re not allowed to.
That’s been me a few too many times in my life: selling a house a loved because my partner didn’t like it, chasing material success to gain my parents’ approval, accepting bullying and gossip from in-laws because I was expected to become part of the family, …
This sensitivity to the opinions of others and the need to do the right thing – and be the right woman – comes from the many centuries women lived under the rule and control of good old patriarchy. Again, it’s all learned beliefs and behavior.
In order to stop feeling guilty about choosing myself I had to reprogram my mind with new beliefs, and leave consensus reality behind for the real world: the one in which there’s nothing wrong with me to begin with (whatever the media and society are telling me), the one where I’m the leader of my own life.
If you want to stop feeling guilty for choosing yourself you have to reset your beliefs about yourself and the world too.
You have to free yourself.
Patriarchy: What it is?
Patriarchy refers to the social construct in which it’s the accepted norm that men have more authority, power and privilege than women. This bias towards men permeate all levels of society – from conventional religious and political roles to family structures, where men are viewed as the head: the decision maker and the one who has the final say.
Patriarchal societies (the oppressive power of which is still present in the world today) are often patrilineal: properties, titles and other forms of wealth are passed down male lines only. An example of this is the Salic Law, excluding women from royal succession. Such laws – although ancient – are still very much alive. Belgium, for instance, home to yours truly and – incidentally – a monarchy, only allowed women to inherit the royal title in 1991. Not a time before time, but right when R.E.M. were losing their religion.
Another example of patriarchy are the earliest memories I have of my mother and money. She took care of it, made ends meet, but wasn’t allowed to open a bank account without my father’s consent.
The same is true for being allowed to work, own property, get a divorce without losing everything – including your children, and the right to vote (to name just a few things). American women weren’t allowed to vote until 1920 and British women were allowed to vote in 1918, given they were over 30.
But it doesn’t stop there. Bias, stereotypes, and discrimination towards women can be found throughout history. In fact, it’s been built into it. Women have had to fight every step of the way to achieve the same basic rights as men. For many, this is still an ongoing struggle today.
How could anyone NOT feel guilty for choosing themselves in such a context.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty
Letting go of over-giving and the fear that comes from standing up for yourself takes time, commitment and effort. It requires a complete paradigm shift to reprogram your thoughts, change your beliefs and eventually reclaim your life. Saying “No”, taking up the space you deserve, and protecting your time are all part of the process. They’re all steps towards putting yourself first.
This paradigm shift will get you to see that your needs are just as important – you are just as important – as everyone else.
Choosing yourself is a life-long practice, but the more you practice it, the better you’ll get at it. As you become aware of your default thoughts and actions when you’re called to put yourself first, change will happen. Eventually your practice will be rewarded. Choosing yourself will become natural.
You’ll be (guilt) free.
What has your experience with setting boundaries and choosing yourself been like? Let me know in the comments below.
Is destination addiction keeping you from achieving your goals?
Many of us – especially multi-passionate, talented, creative makers and doers – feel we can only allow ourselves to be happy after we’ve ticked off our major goals, bucket and to-do lists. We think that we’ll only be truly happy when we reach that important milestone, get recognized for our work or finally achieve every goal on our list. The problem with this *after* thinking is that it leaves us perpetually aiming for more. Even if we achieve a big goal, the feelings of pride and accomplishment last only for a little while before they fade. Afterwards, we’re right back where we started: dissatisfied until we’ve achieved the next goal.
As a coach to multi-passionate, creative women I know the idea of happiness for many of my clients is always in the future. Never in the present moment. Throughout their lives they’ve accumulated many interests and projects, most of which they started but didn’t finish or never even got to in the first place. Someday is what I hear most often when asking about their dreams.
The truth is: us multi-passionates have a peculiar relationship with time.
Although the present moment is all we think we have, we often forget that *now* is all the time there is. (I know, but bare with me for a minute.)
We all have big goals and plans, right? Often we start a project or decide to go after one of our dreams. Before we know it, the enthusiasm that made us so passionate in the beginning is gone. Why?
It all just seems too far away.
That’s when many goals and dreams. We resign ourselves to the status quo, our responsibilities and the whimsy hope that things will (magically) work out later. This all-or-nothing thinking is what keeps us moving forward. We don’t see how every single day we could pull our dreams into our present moment, little by little. How *now* is all the time we really have.
But that’s when we actually start something. Oftentimes we don’t even get to that point. We may have many creative ideas and paths we want to take but because of fear of failing, aversion to criticism or worry of making the wrong choice, we sit on our ideas and plans, never getting around to do anything about them. This now-or-nothing thinking is an obstacle to achieving our dreams. We fail to see the sea of time we have to accomplish what we want.
“Destination Addiction” was first coined by Dr. Robert Holden, a British psychologist. He referred to it as a state of mind that holds the idea that happiness and success are destinations we arrive at, instead of experiences we have along the journey of accomplishing our goals. Because of the high expectations we have of when we’ll get there, we often fail to enjoy the journey. Society has programmed many of us to think in a linear way, where we expect one major milestone to occur after the other. We go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire then die, living as though happiness was to be found at the arrival of each one of these stages of our lives.
This is often not the case.
There is no inherent happiness in arriving at these milestones or achieving our goals. The feelings we believe these achievements will bring us are ones we can feel right here and now.
As multi-passionate women, we have to constantly remind ourselves of this, that joy and happiness are not rewards for a job well done but a state of mind we can bring into our lives right now. The more we do this, the faster we’ll feel whole, accomplished, and in the presence of our goals.
All we have for sure is how we decide to feel today. The late Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “Life’s what’s happening to you, when you’re busy making other plans.” In other words, it’s good to plan for the future and have goals to work towards (I mean, duh!), but it’s important to remember that life is not put on hold until you achieve these things. Or that you can have some of those things in your life right now, before you believe you’ve accomplished them!
If you suffer from destination addiction, here’s three things I’ve found to help:
#1 Keep a list of your daily accomplishments
Break up with destination addiction by celebrating yourself everyday. Acknowledge the effort you’re making. When we’re on a journey towards change, a part of what keeps us motivated is remembering the steps we’ve already taken. Instead of beating yourself up over not being *there* yet, acknowledge how far you’ve come instead.
Click here to download your free copy
#2 Remind yourself of the goals you’ve already achieved
It’s great to hold steadfast to our vision and goals, but we must also take the time to be grateful for where we are in life and how far we’ve come from. It’s easy to get so tied up in what we’ve not accomplished yet or what we don’t have, that we lose sight of all our past goals and dreams that are now part of our reality. With destination addiction it’s easy to dismiss those dreams as “oh, well, that’s nothing. Yes, sure, I did that. But that was easy, this here – the new goal – is what matters”. If that’s you, imagine what will happen when you’ve reached that new goal? Exactly. If you’re not careful, you’ll brush it off just as fast as all your other accomplishments. Leaving you dissatisfied and aiming for the next one. And the next one. And the… you get the point.
#3 Live as if
On the journey towards your dream life (aka the creative lifestyle to fit your many ideas and interests) it’s important to experience as much of that life in the present as you can. In fact, this is the real *secret* to achieving your dreams. You may wonder how, but consider this: by being too focused on the end result, many people never take steps to actually incorporate the activities associated with their goals into their daily lives. Take a woman who dreams of being a bestselling novelist but never finds the time to actually write. She believes that she will write everyday once she’s an author. That is, someone who has the time to write, who’s read all the books about writing, and who feels ready. Only then will she write. The problem is, with this kind of thinking she’ll never feel (or even be) ready. All she needs is available to her right now: just write already!
It’s the same if you’re dreaming about being a photographer, actress or dancer! Want to be a great photographer one day? Take photos everyday, even if it’s just with your phone! The same with dancing; if you want to enjoy being a dancer, start moving. Now.
It really is that simple. So tell me, what are you waiting for?
9 best planners to achieve your goals
As creative, multi-talented, curious, ambitious doers we have many interests and projects to keep track of. Every day is a fresh page in our planner with different work obligations, goals to aim for and a life to take care of. But that’s not all. We also have a mission – to make a difference, change the world… leave our mark. Right!?
Balancing our obligations with our personal interests and aspirations is often the biggest struggle we face. Making sense of the ideas, goals, and to-dos that constantly roll around our heads isn’t easy. Often it’s as if they’re all pulling at us for our attention. When that happens (which is, well, almost every day) it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Without a systemized approach to our daily work, scheduled events and projects we might feel in control of our goals but we aren’t. That’s why we need planners!
As a coach for multi-talented, creative women I’m lucky to work with amazing humans who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. The problem is, due to their multi-passionate nature, they’re often juggling a lot of balls in the air at the same time. Making sure they stay there, and don’t come crashing down is a fulltime job – and not an easy one at that. Again, it’s a process that requires an organized plan. But also actions and the soulful productivity practices to go along with them. Regardless of how hardworking we are, neglecting to plan how we’ll achieve a goal will lead to disappointments & frustrations.
With the end of the year in sight, what better time to put together a list of my favorite planners to help you get clear on your goals, stay on track and finally achieve your dreams!
Here’s my pick of 9 best planners to achieve your goals.
The Clever Fox Planner made it to #1 on this best planner list again this year. From all the planners I have (and I have many, believe me) this is the one I use on a daily basis. I love the daily undated version. Yes, you can start using it anytime, isn’t that awesome? Even more cool is the space you have to record your weekly objectives, routines and habits.
Some other useful features include:
Comes in pink, black or orange.
Contains pages for gratitude and self-awareness.
Features pages to record your top goals for the year, daily rituals, a mind mind, vision board, and more.
Comes in both weekly and daily versions, with monthly overviews.
Anyone looking for a planner that will also serve as a goal-setting tool and habit tracker will enjoy the Clever Fox Planner. With space to record month to month and week by week objectives, wins, and habits I find it very useful, and a perfect addition to other tools to help me stay on track to accomplish the goals that really matter to me.
#2 Day Designer
As a creative, multi-passionate entrepreneur, the Day Designer is one of my all-time favorite planners. An instinctive planner that’s not only spacious but also extremely beautiful! Designed with the wisdom in mind that a well-structured day leads to a well-lived life, the Day Designer offers an ingenious, yet simple framework to help you find balance, focus, and increase productivity, by focusing on what’s important.
The Day Designer is a blend of worksheets, prompts, planning tools, and note sections. I love how its initial pages offer a variety of worksheets, each intended to enable you to discover your qualities, values, individual abilities, vision, and interests.
Inside the Day Designer you’ll find:
A separate page for each day of the week, with the exception of the weekend, where Saturday and Sunday share a page.
Weekly spreads that start on Monday and run daily from 5 am to 9 pm.
Within the day by day pages you’ll also discover prompts for your top 3 to-dos, inspirational quotes, space for dinner planning, a gratitude section, and more.
The Day Designer comes with a notes section, a monthly calendar, and space for project planning with due dates.
The Day Designer is a perfect planner for anyone looking to define objectives, create plans and take action.
#3 The Planner
This planner, created by Carrie Green from the Female Entrepreneur Association, is another great business planner to keep you inspired, focused & dreaming big.
The Planner is a limited-edition daily planner that covers an entire year of planning, and goal setting. When you’re flipping through the soft pages of this planner, you can’t help but think it was created by someone who knows A LOT about effective goal setting, and has a great sense of style.
The Planner has a luxurious powder pink & gold foiled cover, gold accented corners, and gold wire binding. The first pages of the planner are for yearly planning, and asking yourself powerful questions about what you want to achieve.
I absolutely love the monthly calendar spread, weekly planner pages and daily pages of this planner. On the daily pages you have space to list your 3 top goals of the day, a schedule from 7am until 10pm, and a section for notes. At the bottom of each page is an inspiration quote.
All of this, together with the free online course and monthly bonuses that come with The Planner, make it one of my top picks of the year!
The Daily greatness collection is probably the most in-depth planner collection out there. If you’re looking for a blend of goal-setting workbooks, tools for focus and productivity, to-do lists, and daily or weekly planners, Daily Greatness is for you.
For my business I swear by the Daily Greatness Business Planner – one of the most comprehensive and complete business planners available on the market today. Designed for optimal focus, personal growth and organization, the week-to-a-view pages will guide you in forming excellent thinking habits while taking action on your most important priorities. The weekly check-ins, challenges, planners and inspiration keep you firmly on track, while the 90-Day high-level check-ins and challenges keep you committed, accountable and motivated to achieve your goals. Each stage lays the foundation for staying true to your purpose as an entrepreneur, reaching your goals, expanding your mind and exploding your business.
Daily Greatness also offers other collections worth checking out in case you’re searching for more structure to continue making progress in other areas of your life or business.
#5 Inkwell Press LiveWell Planner
What I love most about the Inkwell Planner are it’s build-in tools to help you deal with overwhelm. Especially useful when you’re a multi-talented, creative woman with a gazillion ideas and interests!
The Inkwell Press Planner comes with proven productivity tools and reflective prompts to help you feel inspired, relaxed and in control while working on your goals. The planner is also fully customizable and comes in different planner formats including daily planning, week after week planning, goal-setting and more. With the new liveWELL 360° disc planning system, pages can be added or removed depending on your needs.
The focus of the Inkwell Planner differs from most other planners in that it’s more than just setting goals and productivity. This planner’s main goal is to help you create a life full of happiness and purpose. It’s about bringing balance, self-care and meaningful creative pursuits into you life. How inspiring, right?
#6 Simplified Planner by Emily Lay
The Simplified Planner is intended to help you put that which matters most first in your life. Whatever it might be, whether starting a creative project, a new exercise routine or a healthy change in eating habits – the Simplified Planner will help you get there. Within the planner you’ll find events and memories sections, space for dinner plans, and more.
I’m especially fond of all the inspirational quotes added throughout the planner.
The Simplified Planner is a perfect option if you’re looking for a lovely, compact, well-organized planner. Oh, and it comes in two versions: luxurious Mohawk and gold wire-o binding. Both so beautiful it’s hard to choose!
The Erin Condren Life Planner is one of my most loved planners. It has everything you could ever want in a planner. Besides keeping track of your daily appointments and to-dos, it helps you define objectives, get a clear vision of exactly what you want, and take charge of your life.
What makes the Erin Condren Life Planner so exceptional is how much of it you can customize. Different planning layouts, color schemes, cover & coil options; you can build your planner the way you want – and need it.
MY PA Planner is a newcomer in my planner selections. As I’ve mentioned above, for my business I’ve sworn by the Daily Greatness Business Planner a few years now. The MY PA Planner might well be its biggest competition!
If you’re looking for a planner that doubles as a personal business assistant, this planner might be exactly what you’re looking for. MY PA is a goal-setting tool as much as it is a daily planner. It comes with an extensive section of reflective questions about your personal and business goals, review prompts, financial overviews, and more. It even tracks your social media and content activities. What I really love about this planner is that it gives more space to write down daily goals, actions, and to-dos than it does for appointments. For someone like me – and keeps track of appointments digitally – having enough space to jot down ideas and to-dos is a must.
My PA Planner key features that I love include:
Yearly Life, Business & Marketing Planner.
Yearly, Monthly and Daily goal Setting Planner.
Social media & content planner.
Weekly Review and Gratitude Journal.
Idea and Inspiration Vault for all your amazing ideas and doodles.
Daily Health & wellness checker where you can track your daily water intake and record exercise.
Space for your notes and reminders.
Space to draw, mind map & be creative.
With all these benefits and features, I’ve decided to give the MY PA planner a spin as my business planner this year. That’s how impressed I am by it!
#3 PowerSheets Intentional Goal Planner
I’m ending this year’s list with my all-time favorite goal planner. Although some of the planners above come with goal planning sections, many of them don’t. And when they do they often don’t go into enough depth or don’t ask the right questions.
Not the PowerSheets. This intentional goal and action planner is a step by step system created to help you define who you want to be in the big picture and how to get there. It brings together a lot of the golden nuggets I’ve seen in other planners: ideas for the new year, prompts to dig deep into who you really are, evaluation tools to get clear on where you are right now, a section for your big picture dreams and even your word of the year.
That’s for the first part of the PowerSheets. The goals section that follows guides you through the process of turning your ideas and big picture dreams into goals and action plans that you can actually achieve. What’s really great about the PowerSheets is that it comes with monthly pages designed to help you keep on track with your action plans, as well as review them.
It doesn’t hurt that it’s one of the prettiest planners out there, too. Just seeing its bright colors and holding it in my hands makes me happy!
If you’re looking for a tool to help you make sense of all your ideas and turn them into actionable items, I’d give the PowerSheets a try. Lara Casey – the creator of the goal planner – and her team have been perfecting this planner for many years, and it shows. The PowerSheets is a must-have for any avid goal-setters out there!
That’s it for this year’s list of 9 Best Planners to Achieve Your Goals. In the comments below, let me know which planner you’re going for this year, and why. I’d love to know!