How to unleash your full potential for success and overcome self-sabotage
The three biggest things holding you back from reaching your full potential for success are excuses, procrastination, and yes-buts. That’s it.
Everyone gets overwhelmed at some point in their lives and work. We have responsibilities that rely on our work but also tend to get in the way of it. When we use those responsibilities as ways to explain why we haven’t gotten something done or haven’t allowed ourselves to change in some way, we are just keeping ourselves stuck.
Instead of finding reasons why we can’t do something we want to do, we have to realize that we are in control of our destiny. We can make whatever choices we want. In fact, in coming up with excuses or procrastinating, we are making a choice. We are actively inhibiting our ability to reach our full potential for success.
We are self-sabotaging our dreams.
Think about the attorney who dreams of being an author. Every time they feel the urge to write their novel, they get distracted by their family, legal work, or and their inbox or develop the urge to clean the house. Every day they miss their dreams or taking a step in its direction. You might look at the attorney and say, “Hey! Just write!” And it is that simple, but when did you last listen that advice?
Two of the most common ways we make excuses and self-sabotage are procrastination and yes, but-ing. When I talk about procrastination in sessions, the first thing my clients tell me is how disappointed they are with themselves for procrastinating. They feel ashamed and guilty and can’t seem to understand why they can’t just do the thing - why they keep getting in their own way.
The truth is we self-sabotage because we have a lack of motivation, a fear of failure or criticism, and difficulty defining our goals and tasks. It’s not that we have a lack of vision; it's almost as if we have too much vision, too much energy. Also, for those of us who are neurodivergent, procrastination tends to make work more interesting. We get a thrill from waiting until the last minute and pulling a project out of nowhere. But, while that might work one or two times, it’s not sustainable and will ultimately lead to burnout.
The other type of excuse is yes, but-ing. This is where you agree with someone while simultaneously making an excuse as to why you can’t do something.
“Yes, you’re right, I could do that, but…”
“Yes, I know, but…”
“Well, normally I’d say yes, but…”
Yes, buts are statements that chop off your dominant hand before you even get going. They limit you from your true potential, block your path to success, and create space for doubt - in your mind and the mind of others.
For instance, let’s say you had always dreamed of being an astronaut, but when you were in college, you failed physics. Now, you’d had a severe case of mono and were extremely sick. You should have dropped the course, but you were determined to pass. So even though you had a 102 fever for three weeks leading up to the final, and even though your teacher told you to retake the course because of all your absences from being sick, you took the final anyway and failed terribly.
Someone who doesn’t make excuses would look at this experience and say, “This sucks.” But they would take it over because they wanted to be an astronaut. But you decided that you failed physics because you were terrible at physics. When people said, “You failed because you were sick,” you responded, “Yes, I see what you are saying, but I failed because I am terrible at physics. I couldn’t be an astronaut because I couldn’t pass physics.” You limited yourself. You stopped yourself from reaching your full potential and doing something cool! - because you saw your failing grade as an excuse.
You self-sabotaged.
So how do we stop? One of the ways to stop making excuses for ourselves is to recognize that we are making an excuse and address it.
Is the excuse valid? Would I believe it if someone else said it to me?
Why am I afraid of moving forward? What is that fear trying to tell me?
What’s the worst that can happen?
If I listen to this excuse and do nothing, what will happen?
What will happen if I don’t listen to this excuse and take action instead?
Do I really want to change?
What is my next step here?
Other ways to shake up your thoughts and stop self-sabotaging include:
Flip your “yes, buts” to “yes, ands.”
Get organized and clear your work and living space.
Limit distractions as much as possible.
Celebrate small wins along the way.
You know that saying, “everything you want is just outside your comfort zone,” is true. When you leave your comfort zone of cushy excuses and sweet self-sabotage, you start getting what you are working for. You stop feeling like the world is working against you and instead begin seeing how it works with you.
The end of self-sabotage is the beginning of success. Don’t forget that!
Ready to stop self-sabotaging?
Sabotaging ourselves can sometimes feel like it is ingrained in our bones. So how can you be expected to break free?
With my help, of course. In our sessions, we will work together to figure out the root cause of your self-sabotaging tendencies and create behavioral tools to help you flip those automatic responses so you can finally achieve your full potential for success.
