How to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset

You are a multi-passion woman. You have many interests, and you want to achieve and learn so many things. It sometimes seems as if you have too many interests. And you feel you need to choose. But you don’t know what to choose, let alone how to do it. So you do nothing. You contemplate all that you want to be and do, but you do nothing. You procrastinate. Sound familiar?

I’ve been there, and I’ve looked at that mountain of things I wanted to achieve for many, many years.

Languages I wanted to learn, courses I wanted to take, things I wanted to build with my hands, creative endeavors I wanted to start, books I wanted to write, places I wanted to visit, experiences I wanted to have….  All the while, I was doing nothing, or at least not enough. And I kept putting things off based on small and insignificant excuses that I kept on telling myself to make myself feel better.

It was as if I was living two lives. The one I was in, where not a lot was happening and I felt I was out of place. And the life I was dreaming about in my mind – the one where I was doing all the things I knew I wanted to do, and where I was living all these amazing adventures and being who I really wanted to be. Until one day I decided that I could no longer just think about what it was I wanted, but needed to actually go get it, too.

And what a paradox that was. On the outside, I was very successful. I was an accomplished business woman, running large projects and esteemed by my peers. But on the inside I was called to do so many others things, always telling myself later, one day, when I grow up. But then one day I grew up. I was 35, and I realized I could keep waiting like this forever, or I could actually go out and start living. But to do that, I had to learn to beat the procrastination habit. Because that habit had been with me for so long that I didn’t know any other way.

Every time I looked at what I wanted to achieve and become, that mountain became bigger and bigger. And every time I gave it even only a tiny little glimpse, I feared climbing it more and more. But that was before. That was when I hadn’t taken any action yet. Once I did that, once I decided just to do one thing – anything, really – I set something in motion that led me to where I am today. For me, it was the day I decided to stop doing things the way I knew wasn’t working. I woke up, and that day for the first time I told someone that I wasn’t happy and that I was going to stir things up. That little step, just expressing that thought, was enough of an action to propel me towards change.

The day I did that, I started to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset. And although it seemed like an almost impossible task then, now that I’m here, it sounds so easy. To cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset you have to do things and express thoughts. Because expressing a thought is as much doing something as lifting a box, writing in your journal or cooking dinner. You have to stop thinking about things too much, you have to avoid putting too many things on top of each other in your mind, and instead, you have to act out and express. Action drives change. Yes. But it kills procrastination too.

And yes, I hear you. You’re thinking: “Now, that sounds easy; if I knew how to get into action, I wouldn’t be procrastinating all the time”. And you are right. But you see, the secret to taking and being in action is simply, well… to start. And the secret to starting anything is to do it. And what I have found to be the secret of doing things – and I promise this is the last secret I’ll share today – is to take it one small step at a time. Because when you take enough of those steps, you go really, really far.

So the easiest way to cultivate a procrastination-busting mindset is to choose the tiniest of things to do on your dream to-do list, and to take action on that immediately.Procrastination hates it when you don’t wait to do things, but tackle them right away instead.

Another way to look at this is to tell yourself that whatever it is you’re going to do, you only have to do 5 minutes of it at a time. That’s all. After 5 minutes, you’re free to do whatever it is your procrastinating self wants to do. I guarantee you there is no better way to get you into action and working towards your dreams.

Now, of course there is much more to staying in action and keeping procrastination at bay. What do you do, for instance, when you feel paralyzed by too many choices? Or when there isn’t a small step to take, but only what looks like giant steps instead? I have developed techniques and systems to help with that and much more and I’m sharing all of it in my 3-week self-paced Dream Bigger Course. Feel free to check it out!

Why you should consider hiring a coach

The internet is full of articles and top lists about all the things that you must try at least once in your life. Some of those things are beautiful, like walking a pristine white beach at sunset or going on holidays to the most amazing places of this Earth. Other things are more everyday, like making out, eating scones by a campfire, or singing Karaoke.

The list goes on and on. And although it seems endless, all the options have one thing in common: your experience. Everything you have to do at least once, according to those lists, involves you feeling something, and that feeling in turn serves as an enrichment in your life.

And what I want to argue below is that hiring a life coach, precisely for the same reasons and more, is something that everyone should consider doing at least once in their lifetime.

When we get onto this Earth we are nurtured by our parents (if we’re lucky), we get a formal education (again, if we’re lucky), we are taught how to keep ourselves alive with food, clothes, and housing, and we learn how to live with others in society. We learn the values of sharing, of giving (hopefully), and of participating. But in all of this learning and growing and becoming a person, there seems to be no room for learning about our unlimited potential, incredible powers, or our amazing ability to achieve things, to love, to be compassionate, to explore what it is that we are, and to create the life we want for ourselves. And to me, that’s precisely what life coaching makes possible.

How incredible would it be if our schools would teach our children how to live fulfilling and self-actualized lives? And be places that would encourage them to explore how amazing and limitless they are?

Alas, things tend to go the other way. We teach our children to believe in structures and systems that cut right through the flow of their creative power, engraining in them concepts such as scarcity, fear, guilt, and responsibility. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we taught our children how to live unapologetically warm, wholehearted, loving, and real lives instead?

Maybe that will never happen, or maybe it will. But in the meantime, our lives – in the West, at least – are very often a product of pre-existing structures and belief systems that keep us from achieving our full potential. And we suffer. In some cases, very clearly: we are unhappy, sad even, waiting for life to really happen. Or we are lost, insecure, and unable to handle what life throws at us. In other cases, it’s subtler: our lives are quiet and okay, but there is something missing. We feel we are meant for something more, something different.

And that is where life coaching comes in. Life coaching is basically a means of being coached about life. Unlike psychotherapists or other medical professionals, life coaches are trained to help you engage with your life in an active and goal-oriented way, to get you from where you are to where you really want and can be. As such, they focus less on how you got to where you are, and more on how to get you where you want to go.

Life coaches usually have a particular field of expertise they coach in. My field, for instance, is helping high-achieving, perfectionist women to be more self-loving and to let go of having to be in control all the time. As a coach, I help women in a number of life areas, such as:

• How to stop sabotaging their success in life and business

• How to overcome the mental blocks that keep them from taking action

• How to learn to love, nurture, and nourish their bodies

• How to take care of their self through practices of self-love and self-care

• How to use the power of unlimited thinking to succeed in their life and business

• How to move past self-doubt and achieve their goals

• How to find the confidence to express themselves creatively

• How to cultivate loving relationships and move away from toxic ones

As you can see from the list above, life coaching can be very helpful to get you unstuck, to help you to see things from a different perspective, and to help you achieve what it is you want for yourself in your life. But even if you already are at a happy place, life coaching is still helpful. Because sometimes we just want change, or we have a bit of a project we know is in us, but which we are afraid to tackle on our own. Life coaches are great to help with that, too.

The reason why everyone should consider hiring a life coach is because it’s truly transformational. After a successful life coaching series, you are a different person. Not only have you achieved some tangible things, like a career change, better relationships, less stress, and more self-love…

Your life will never be the same again. You have grown and changed, and so has your life. And that is precisely the point. A life coach will help you to uncover what it is you need, want, and really are, and will guide you and help you to achieve exactly that.

Life coaches don’t have all the answers, but they do have very powerful and deep questions in their bags of tricks. And they know how to listen, very carefully, to every word you say. That’s why having a life coach in your life can be so powerful. She will help you to reach that next level in your life, to achieve the dreams you thought you couldn’t even dream of, and she will let you hear yourself and see yourself through her, so that you can grow and become a better version of yourself.

The school of life is the most important school of all. That’s why everyone should experience the transformation and power that comes from working with a life coach.

Interested enough to learn more? And feel we might be a great fit for each other? Why not start with a free 30-minute session with me?

How to deal with unsolicited advice about your life

Last week, I was talking to a friend about her enrolling in an expensive 7-year Chinese language course. She’s a really smart woman with a passion for travel, adventure, and foreign cultures. When she told me she wanted to start this course, I was immediately certain that this was a great decision for her. But she didn’t seem happy about her decision to enroll, and although I knew this was really what she wanted, she told me she wasn’t sure what to do.

A bit further into the conversation, she told me she had been having quite a few discussions with her parents about the Chinese course. And they hadn’t been very encouraging. On the contrary, they had been all over her with old-fashioned, well-intentioned advice about the cost, the length and the difficulty of the project, and it had cluttered her judgment. As a result, she didn’t know what to do anymore, and had not only started doubting her decisions, but also her ability to actually achieve her dreams. Sound familiar?

Having been there many times myself, I knew exactly what was going on. She was the victim of unsolicited advice about her life. One of the deadliest attacks you can imagine, a surefire way to kill ideas, ideals, and dreams, and often performed by the most well-intentioned friends and family members… in many cases, the parents.

And oh dear, how ironic. There I was and here I am with a few tips to survive the free-throw of unsolicited advice. To my defense, she asked for my advice. But obviously, you didn’t. So please feel free to treat what follows with a dash of my own medicine below.

Unsolicited advice is nothing more than someone else’s opinion. So, treat it like that. The big difference here is that the opinion is about you and expressed by someone who you love or care about. That makes the opinion look like much more than it really is, and makes it much harder for you to move past it. Always try to remember: it’s nothing more than any other opinion out there. And if you’re able to pass on those, you’re able to pass on these ones, too. Like when your Mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat, because you’ll be all alone. If it was a stranger who didn’t know you, you would have no issue explaining that – on the contrary – you wouldn’t be alone at all, but rather surrounded by so many amazing and like-minded people. But since it’s your mom, things are different. When she tells you that you’ll be alone, you get scared. Because she was there every time you felt alone in the past, and because she taught you everything. So when she says you’ll be alone, there is a part of you that believes her. But she’s wrong. It’s only her opinion.

Unsolicited advice is anchored in beliefs. And, therefore, most of the time, well-intentioned unsolicited advice will not work for you at all. What I find most interesting about advice is that it’s a beautiful expression of someone’s entire belief system. Like when your mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat, because it’s too expensive. What your mom forgets to mention when she says that is that the yoga retreat is too expensive for her. And those two little words are crucial. The yoga retreat is not expensive on its own. Actually, without anything to compare it to, can it really be quantified at all? It’s only when a belief system is put next to it – with ideas about what something should cost, how much one has to work to gather a particular amount of money, and so on – that the yoga retreat can really be quantified as expensive or not. And inherently, that will always be personal and subjective, something for you to decide. Remember this when advice makes you doubt yourself, and measure things as being based on your beliefs, and nobody else’s.

Unsolicited advice is often fueled by fear. Although, it usually seems as if it’s fueled by love. Most people have fears, and are quite unaware of how those fears give direction to their thoughts and their actions on a daily basis. And this is certainly true of them giving you unsolicited advice. Like when your Mom tells you not to go on that yoga retreat because it’s just a waste of your valuable time. This advice might be anchored in a belief that time is precious – which it most certainly is – yet that only certain activities are worthy of it. When people warn you with unsolicited advice like this, look for the fear that speaks behind the words. It will usually be uncalled for, and finding it will help you to realize the advice as a whole probably is, too.

Eventually, my friend signed up for her Chinese course, and she feels great about it. But she had to push through with a decision that was hers and hers alone to make. That’s what unsolicited advice can keep you from. Eventually, what she remembered, and what I hope you and I can remember, too, is that we only have one life… and despite all the unsolicited advice we might receive, nobody is going to live it for us. So we might as well do what we love and be who we want to be. And to do that, ignoring unsolicited advice is key.

Real Magic: How Thoughts Become Things And Why it Matters

I believe thoughts are REAL things. As real as physical things, and even people. I also believe that thoughts shape our reality and our life. What we think manifests in our life. That’s why having a strong mindset, aka being in control of your thoughts is so important. Because if you are, you also become the master of your life. The thing that makes thoughts so intangible is – obviously – that we can’t see them, at least not just like that. But thoughts are all around us, constantly shaping the world. Although they seem invisible, you can do many things with thoughts, and thoughts become many things, too.

• Thoughts can be smelled. Perfume is a beautiful example of thoughts that manifest into real life. The creator behind the perfume had an idea once, and started playing with flowers and oils. Eventually, that thought manifested into a (hopefully) delicious scent.

• Thoughts can be shared. Ideas is probably one of the things we share most with each other. In fact, pretty much everything we do online comes down to sharing our thoughts.

• Thoughts can be bought or sold. Lobby groups know this all too well. But they’re not the only ones. Silicon Valley is full of idea buyers. But so are book stores and theaters.

• Thoughts create your reality. Look around you. Everything you see as been called into your life by you. You’ve manifested it by first thinking about it. Thoughts are powerful beyond belief…

Almost everything that is man-made in this world started – at some point or another – as a single thought. Think about that for a minute (pun totally intended).

When I was a little girl one Christmas I received a magic box as a present. In the box was a black wand that I spent the entire day of Christmas swaying around, at everyone and everything, casting spells and trying to make my wishes come true. But nothing happened. So, that night I went to bed absolutely disillusioned, and in a last attempt to draw magic into my life, I invoked a prayer, asking the Universe to give my magic wand real magic. I don’t remember what happened after that, only that the next morning the magic wand still wasn’t of much use. It took me almost 30 years to understand that the magic is not in the wand, but rather in the thoughts of the one holding it.

When I understood that thoughts are *real things* I became much more mindful of what I was thinking and saying. I felt like a real magician, able to create my own reality by shaping my thoughts to what I wanted my life to be like.

It is my sincere conviction that the thoughts we have ultimately manifest into the physical world – all of them, with no exception. And I’m not the only one to think so. There’s a long tradition of thinkers and spiritual leaders who’ve come to the same conclusion as me (with much more gusto). Among them is Gandhi, who put this priceless and magical wisdom into words beautifully when he said:

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
– Gandhi

How do you manifest the life you want?

Maybe you’re familiar with the concepts of abundance and the law of attraction. In a way, what I’m explaining has to do with all of that, too. But it’s not entirely the same. Yes, you can attract what you think about and wish for, but – and this is the key – by doing so, you can actively participate in shaping your reality. Everything you ever thought has brought you to where you are right now. This means that everything you’re still to think up in the future will bring you somewhere too.

That’s why I am extremely cautious of my mindset, beliefs, and thoughts. I understand their power and the magic that words hold. Although I’m not in control of the world, and I don’t know what the future holds, my thoughts allow me to create my own reality.

• I decide how to react to what happens to me.

• I choose my thoughts carefully.

• I make sure I think nourishing thoughts.

• When a negative thinking spiral starts, I know it’s only temporary.

6 steps to start manifesting your dream life now:

1. Understand that your thoughts create your reality.
   Every thought you have is creating your reality. If you want to manifest your dream life, you need to be aware of the power of your thoughts and focus on positive thinking.

2. Vibrate at the frequency of your dreams, not your fears.
   Change your negative thoughts into positive ones - If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, consciously change them into positive ones. For example, if you're thinking, "I'll never be able to afford that," change it to "I can achieve anything I set my mind to."

3. Let go of the outcome.
   If you cling too hard to something, you're sending a message to the Universe that you desperately need it, aka that you don't have it. Trust that the Universe will take care of the details - Don't worry about how your dreams will come to fruition, trust that the Universe will take care of the details.

4. Be grateful for what you have.
   Gratitude is one of the most powerful manifesting tools available. When you focus on being thankful for what you already have, it opens up the possibility of more good coming into your life.

5. Visualize what you want.
   Another powerful manifesting tool is visualization. When you close your eyes and picture exactly what you want in your mind, you're sending a strong message to the Universe that this is what you're looking for.

6. Take action towards your goals.
   For your manifestation to become a reality, you need to take action steps towards your goal. For example, if you want to manifest a new job, start by updating your resume and sending out applications.

By following these tips, you can begin manifesting the life of your dreams! Just remember, thoughts become things, so focus on thinking positive thoughts and watch as your life transforms before your eyes.

The magic is within you.

Think thoughts of love, success and joy for those around you, for yourself and the world. Love, success and joy is what you’ll get. Because thoughts become things, and they ALWAYS manifest.

Feeling like you're stuck and don't know what to do next?

A growth mindset is key for success. You have to be willing to learn, grow, and change in order to achieve anything great in life. With the help of a private coach, you can develop the skills you need to succeed.

As a coach I can help you break through your barriers and achieve your goals. You will get personalized attention and guidance so you can reach your full potential. Working with me is an investment in yourself – and it’s one that will pay off big time.

Schedule your free session!

Don’t punish food with exercise

I’ve had a terrible relationship with my body and my self-image for almost 20 years. Since I was 15 years old, I’ve been on a diet. Starving myself, then letting myself go and gaining it all back, yo-yoing between having and lacking the willpower to do that to myself. It all began with a broken heart over a boy, a difficult relationship with my father, and a lack of (self-)love that I believed could be fixed only if I restricted myself.

As a result, I know the calorie count of almost everything that’s edible. I know a ton about fats, proteins, and carbs. I know about sugar and what it’ll do to you, and I know why processed foods are so addictive and so difficult to resist. But what I know most about, and what has been with me ever since I started my first diet, is guilt.

I don’t remember a time before dieting. It doesn’t matter how many times I try – I cannot remember a time where food was just that: food.

A time when eating didn’t make me think of the consequences and didn’t immediately make me question my worth by making me feel bad about my weight, the tightness of my jeans, or the circumference of my waste. Looking back, I realize how bad it was. But that was only the beginning. A few years into the all-consuming dieting practice, I discovered exercise. Not for the obvious benefits of living a fit and healthy life, but for the guilt relief it provided after eating.

From that point on, daily exercise became mandatory, especially after meals where I had let myself slip and had enjoyed something on the no-no list. And although exercising to stay in shape can certainly be a healthy choice, for me it wasn’t. I was not moving my body to keep it healthy, I was moving it to get rid of the food I had just eaten. It took me years to understand the difference. For the longest time, I was oblivious to what I was doing, and honestly believed that I was taking good care of myself, both with exercise and my diet!

Since then, by focusing on other benefits besides weight loss that exercise brings to my body, I’ve learned not to punish myself with exercise, but to enjoy it for the benefits it brings me. But then again, since then, I’ve also learned a totally new way to relate to food – one that isn’t filled with guilt and doesn’t require me to count every single calorie that I take in. It was a slow process, and it took me a long time to get where I am now. And it all started with me treating myself and talking to myself as I would treat and talk to someone I really loved – someone I would only wish the best for, and who I would want to care for, always.

Once I started to see myself and my body through a lens of love, things slowly shifted and moved into place.

I stopped counting calories and started listening to my body instead, focusing on feeling hungry. A feeling that I had suppressed so much in the past, that it took me close to a year to get in touch with it again. Now, when I’m hungry, I listen to my body and I eat!

I stopped punishing myself with exercise, and started enjoying it instead. Instead of doing one after the other, eating and then exercising, I separated both activities in order to allow them to exist and be good for me on their own. And every time I felt I had to exercise, I forced myself not to, and chose a self-care activity instead.

I stopped buying clothes that were too small, and had everything fitted instead. When I was on my perpetual diet, I was always aiming for smaller. As a result, I never bought anything that actually fit me. I never tried anything on either, so I usually never got around to wearing the new clothes I bought at all. The only thing those clothes ever did for me, was help me to be harder on myself. Now, I have a closet full of beautiful things that fit me and make me feel wonderful. There is simply no better feeling in the world.

I stopped comparing myself to others, and learned to love my body instead. For years, I let myself be brainwashed by the media, believing all the paint-brushed pictures telling me there was still a lot to improve upon with my body. When I started to love myself more, I realized I had a wonderful body of my own that had been with me for forty years, and that I hoped would be with me for at least another forty. I found a deep sense of love for the physical me, and have been cherishing and taking the best possible care of it ever since.

I still am not there 100% of the time, but most days, I’m doing fine. I eat when I’m hungry, I exercise a few times a week (but only when I feel like it), I wear what fits me, and I like my body. That’s what loving myself has done for me. And I think that’s pretty fantastic!

How to boost your confidence as a creative perfectionist

High-achieving perfectionists are often multi-passionate creatives. Believe me, I know. I've always believed that creating requires you to disclose, and show a secret part of your yourself, of your soul. That this part is forever connected with anything that you've created.

Wouldn’t you say that putting a secret part of yourself out into the world, for everyone to see, might make even the most confident person a little insecure? Not to mention high-achieving perfectionists who'd rather not show anything at all, then present something less than perfect to the world?

Perfectionists or not, we all carry with us the weight of what we think others expect of us.

We all carry a heavy suitcase of beliefs, everywhere we go. We hold beliefs about everything and everyone, including ourselves. When it comes to those beliefs, we have an endless list of how we think we’re supposed to be. Often, though, those beliefs are not true. But that’s difficult to grasp, because we hardly ever question what we believe in. Beliefs that aren’t true are often called limiting beliefs, and perhaps you have heard of them before. They are so called because they limit you, either in your doing, your thinking, or even in your being.

A classical example of a limiting belief is when we hold onto a way of doing something simply because that’s the way we’ve always done it or were taught how to do it, like the belief that you need formal training or innate talent to call yourself an artist.

If we start questioning that kind of beliefs, most of them will not survive. In a larger setting, this is also called questioning the status quo. I have found this to be one of the ways to find more confidence in many areas of my life - as a writer, coach, woman, and also as an entrepreneur.

1. Question everything

So my first advice is to question everything. That’s the best way to uncover your limiting beliefs and to let go of them. When it comes to confidence, we have a lot of them. A prime example for creative people is the “I’ll never be good enough” belief.

But there are many others. All of them helping to lower your self esteem and keep you from fully expressing yourself. Whenever your inner critic talks you down, or whenever a thought about you not being good enough or creative enough pops into your mind, question that thought.

Why wouldn’t you be good enough?
Is what that voice is saying to you really true?
What is the truth here?

2. Surround yourself with like-mined people

A confidence booster that always does it for me is to surround myself with like-minded people.

If I don’t feel confident about my writing, I’ll surround myself with writers who know my pains and insecurities, and who share them with me. If I’m not sure about any aspect of my life (not just the creative parts of me), I’ll try to surround myself with people who I share that aspect of my life with. Guaranteed confidence booster, especially if followed by the mantra: If they can to it, so can I.

3. Show your talent

Another option, albeit a more daring one, is to show your talents to others.

As a writer, that means publishing your words, or sharing them aloud or in a writer’s group, as a painter or another visual creative, that might be to exhibit your work or try to sell it.

Whatever your creative field is, there's something tangible that you can create and that others can see. Show it to them. In most cases, you’ll understand that things are really much better than you think they are, and that your creative work is worth it.

4. Realise that nothing is ever perfect

A big one for me was to realise that nothing is ever perfect. As a high-achieving perfectionist who loved to always be in control, being creative – although it was my calling and inner nature – was difficult for a long time.

Being creative requires that you let go of control, that you surrender to your creativity. Not an easy task for me! But I was able to slowly let go of having everything the way I thought I needed it to be by:

• putting myself out there,

• surrounding myself with like-minded people,

• and questioning my beliefs about myself and my creative skills.

As a result, I accepted that things were what they were, that creativity is magickal and, although uncontrollable, that we can cultivate it, that what I created, as long as I did my best, was good just the way it was.

5. The person you need to convince is you

This brings me to my final and most important point. In most cases, boosting your confidence when it comes to your creative skills only requires you to convince yourself that you are a creative person.

Everyone else around you already knows, and doesn’t question what you are capable of doing or what you're creating. In most cases, you're the one that doesn’t believe:

• start by introducing yourself as the artist that you are,

• write a bio of yourself, or an elevator pitch, and test it out on people,

• see how they react,

• use those reactions to convince yourself that yes, indeed, you are creating beautiful and worthy things!

The more you practice, the more it will become real to you.

The more you'll realize that being an artist is a mindset, way of life in which you decide to show a little part of your soul – however imperfect – to the world.

A morning ritual for self-love in 5 easy steps

I love morning rituals. I like how they help me to structure and organize my life, and how they are an anchor I can always go back to, whatever life throws at me.

Over the years, I have found that what you do early in the morning, during that tiny moment where you wake up and become aware of your existence, can make or break your entire day. So, to me, having a good morning routine is essential to being happy.

When I first started to work on loving myself more, I started to add more elements of self-love into my morning routine. Where the routine was rather practical and pragmatic at first – writing down top to-dos, reading out my weekly intentions, and focusing on my vision board – once I started working on love and compassion, I needed more love and compassion in the morning. By engaging in those goals, I not only set myself up for a productive and successful day, but a happy one and loving one, too.

So, here is my morning routine of awakening into self-love:

Step 1: Upon waking up, have a positive and loving thought

Every day, when I wake up, once I’m aware of who and where I am, I bring a loving thought into my mind. This can be anything. In my case, I’ll usually think about the love I have for my husband or my friends, the happiness that I get from my dog Flex, or the delicious coffee that I’ll be tasting soon. Whatever it is for you, make sure it is something that you love and look forward to. This simple step will help you create a positive mindset – a key ingredient for self-love and happiness.

Step 2: There are no “have-to’s” early in the morning

As a morning practice, I have learned to allow myself to do and feel anything that I want for the first moments I’m awake. In the first moments of my day, I have no to-do list and I listen to nobody but myself. Usually, I’ll look outside the window, take a few deep breaths, sit at the kitchen table, and simply let myself wake up into my day. Most days, I’ll close my eyes and it will feel like a meditation. But again, without any obligations. I just do what I feel like. This is my sacred space and it allows me to ground myself for what’s to come.

Step 3: Make sure to take your coffee or tea in the now

After I have given myself the time to peacefully awaken, I make myself some coffee or tea, depending on my mood and feelings. When it’s ready and I drink it, I make sure I’m not doing anything else other than savoring the taste, warmth, and aromas. This brings me from wherever I am back into the now, close to the experience. So often, we drink our coffee without even noticing how good it tastes or how fresh it smells. A missed opportunity to enjoy what life has to offer us. That’s why I’ve made it a habit to really be aware of it when I drink it. It’s a little gift I give myself every day.

Step 4: Write down your intentions for the day

A very important part of my morning ritual is writing down my intentions for the day. By the time I am doing this, I have had a look at my schedule and know what my day will look like. Depending on who I’m going to meet, what I have to do, and what feelings I associate all that with, I think of an intention. If I know I have some difficult meetings ahead of me, I’ll write an intention to keep me grounded and calm, and if I am looking forward to seeing a friend, I will write an intention for us to have the best of times. Throughout the day, I go back to my intention a few times, making sure I remember what’s important for me and how I want to feel.

Step 5: Don’t forget to say “I love you”

The final – and most important step – of my morning ritual is saying “I love you” to myself. I do this every day, when I’m looking at myself in the mirror. Usually, it’s when I’m in the bathroom brushing my teeth, or when I’m getting dressed in my bedroom and looking in the big wall mirror I have by my closet. I’ll pause, take a few breaths, and really look at my reflection in the mirror. Then I will simply say “I love you”. I say it out loud or in silence, whatever I feel like. Sometimes I say it softly, sometimes I say it loudly. Sometimes I smile when I say it, sometimes I make a face. But because it’s so important to remember, I always say it.

This list might look like a lot, but it really isn’t. You can integrate it in any morning routine or in the habits you already have. You don’t have to do all of it either; you can choose what feels right for you and start from there. But whatever you do, I would invite you to try and start your day with thoughts of love for yourself. It will change your life.