Career & Business Coaching Blog.
Inspiration and tips for multi-passionate creatives & entrepreneurs.
I’ve outgrown my career. What should I do next?
Most high-achieving (and creative) employees end up outgrowing their jobs and careers rather quickly. Part of the problem is that we pick up tasks easily and once we find ourselves bored with the work, it can be hard to motivate ourselves to stick with it. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. When you outgrow your work, it just means it’s time for something new.
Think about it! When you were little, you wanted to do so many different things with your life. At one point, I wanted to be a sea witch, a librarian, and an astronaut all at once. I dreamt of wearing a voluminous black dress, with giant black rimmed glasses, holding a copy of a Tale of Two Cities, while floating in the International Space Station’s anti-gravity. If you ask any five-year old, they don’t think of one job they want to do forever. They come up with six or seven and those six or seven change from day to day - sometimes minute to minute.
We only think we want one career for our entire lives because that’s what society tells us. You go to school for a dozen years, get pressured into picking a major in college for a life you kind-of-sort-of want, and then come out of college and immediately start climbing a corporate ladder. At some point, you get so bored with it all that you start thinking about what life would look like if you’d made different choices - or perhaps if you had actually *made* a choice..
Many people will live their entire lives wondering what if, but I’m willing to wager that if you’re here reading this blog, you might be ready to make the shift. And you can and are allowed to make the shift. It’s okay to have two - or even ten - different careers in your lifetime. According to this article, the average person has twelve different jobs and almost 30% of people have changed their careers post college.
Now that you know you can make a career transition, you’re probably wondering how. (It always comes down to “how” doesn’t it?) Here’s how:
Why? Start by thinking about why you want to change your current career. Maybe you aren’t being challenged enough. Or maybe the industry is dying out. Whatever your feelings are, they’re valid. My first career was in the web industry, and while that is not a dying industry by any means, I felt like I was choking on the corporate ladder. I came out of college and climbed and climbed, never letting myself think about what I actually wanted and why I wanted it. When I finally sat down and asked myself why I wanted to transition, the answer was simple: I wanted to be happier. I wanted to live my life on my rules and my terms and no longer worry about what everyone else wanted for me.
What other careers are you interested in? Think about what your end goal is. If you were to change careers, how would you achieve that end goal? If you don’t change your career now, will 80 year-old-you have regrets about your choices? Once you’ve thought this through, write down the steps you think you will need to accomplish to make future you proud. When I was trying to figure out how to transition from my web agency into my coaching career, I was so scared to take the first step, but I knew if I didn’t shake things up, I would forever regret it.
When can you make the change? Career transitions usually don’t happen overnight. Especially if you value the company you work for. A good thing to think about is when you can transition out of your role and into your new career. What life events, or career events, will inhibit that change? How can you address those so they don’t affect you?
How can your current skills help you in the career you want? Your ability to get a job, or start a business, in a new industry or role, will rely a lot on your past experience and current knowledge base. Figuring out how to use those skills, whether they are hard or soft skills, in a new arena is half the battle to convince your mind that this transition is possible. For instance, if you are a trained cosmetologist who would like to move into remote bookkeeping for hair salons, you can use your knowledge of how hair salons work to help them manage their finances. If you aren’t super secure in your bookkeeping abilities, you can always take a short certification course to get up to speed and support your resume.
Start networking. Networking is a great way to connect with people in the industry or roles you are hoping to transition into. They can offer advice and guidance to help you move along that new path more easily. Also, they might know of job openings and be able to vouch for your abilities when you apply. A lot of the people I first met when I transitioned to coaching had made similar changes earlier in their lives. Some of them have even become my mentors and helped me feel empowered by my transition.
It can be super scary to transition careers, but the reality is, if your gut is telling you it’s time, it’s definitely time. Think about what your future self would be proud of you for doing, how this transition will positively impact their life, and then go for it! And if you need a little help, book one of my free 30-minute chats. You never know what we might come up with!
Scared to change your career?
Changing careers can be a scary prospect, but it can also be an empowering one. You are making the choice to leave behind what you are comfortable doing, for a career that is more challenging and fulfilling.
I help my clients discover their passions and find work that aligns with those passions. Together we will discover what it is you really want to be doing with this next part of your life and how to achieve those goals in a sustainable way. If you're ready to change your career, I can help you get there!
The Four Agreements and How They Can Help You Succeed In Business
Each morning, I recite the Four Agreements (old Toltec Wisdom):
Be impeccable with your words.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
Now, I wish I had come up with these incredibly simple - but powerful - agreements, but I did not. Don Miguel Ruiz published The Four Agreements in 1997. Growing up in rural Mexico, Don Miguel was the son of a Toltec faith healer, and the grandson of a Toltec shaman - or nagual. Despite growing up in such a faith based culture, he went on to practice neurosurgery in Tijuana until he was involved in a near-fatal car crash. He left medicine and began to study life and humanity through the lens of the Toltec teachings.
According to The Four Agreements, when we are born, we learn all the rules and values our family and society have. They impose these rules and values onto us through a punishment and reward system - like how we train animals, for example dogs. Where our true nature is to love and explore life, we learn what others think we should be and are forced to change. If we do the “right” thing, we are rewarded. If we do the “wrong” thing, we are punished.
Over the course of our lifetimes, we are domesticated into who society and our family think we should be and we lose that ability to be truly happy.
In the years since first reading this book, I’ve started each day reciting The Four Agreements to remind myself of who I am - the real me. And to practice strong tools to stand in the world in an authentic and anchored way. While this has helped me in my personal life tremendously, it has also helped me in my professional life.
When we strive to be our authentic self in business, we are better capable of building businesses and having careers that fulfill us and the people around us. By practicing The Four Agreements in my business, I’ve been able to alter the way I do business. Instead of focusing on the outcome of my sales efforts, I focus on the outcome of my words and thoughts, and how they affect my clients in a positive way, which ends up affecting my sales.
1. Be impeccable with your words.
This first agreement is probably the hardest to do, but to complete the other agreements, you have to start with this one. It is the foundation of the four agreements. Your words are a reflection of who you are. If you speak rudely, if you cut people with your words, or don’t follow through with your promises, how will anyone be able to trust what you say? Clients, employees, and consultants will retreat from working with you.
If you say you’re going to do something, you better do it - even if it costs you. Prove your worth by proving your integrity.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
When you’re impeccable with your words, you don’t have to take anything personally. If you have a client, business partner, or family member that’s working against you, you might feel like giving up. But if you know that when you say something you’re going to do it, even if it costs you, and you don’t take what they’re saying personally, nothing can stop you from achieving what you dream of. People who don’t know they’ve been domesticated don’t know that their actions are a result of the rules and values placed on them. But you do know. You can see through those rules and values and identify what you want out of life.
You know the rules and values that govern you. Don’t let the words and actions of others take away from that.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
I don’t know about you, but this one is really hard - especially when you’re neurodivergent like me and don’t necessarily interpret situations correctly. It can be especially hard not to make assumptions when you’re close to that person - but those are the moments it’s even more important not to.
If someone in your life acts a certain way, take it for what it is. Don’t read into it. If your contract client asks for a rewrite of their social media posts, don’t assume you did it wrong. Maybe they just wanted it to reflect something that just happened. When someone has to cancel an important call with you, don’t assume they are trying to get out of it to be malicious.
Making assumptions about a certain situation generally just leads to further assumptions. Be assertive. Be impeccable with your words and ask the person outright what they mean if you need clarification (something neurodivergents often do).
4. Always do your best.
If you’re impeccable with your words, don’t take anything personally, and don’t make assumptions, you will be doing your best. As long as you’re always striving to do your best, you can’t fault yourself for where you land. If you’ve been working hard to launch a new business and it doesn’t take off on day one, you still did your best and that’s more important than the outcome of that day.
So how does this really relate to business? Business is all about making connections and promises. You’re trying to get someone to buy something from you, to work with you, to trust you and to enter into a relationship with you - coaching, courses, nail polish, etc. They have to trust you to buy something. For instance, let’s say you sell contract templates for small businesses. When you’re advertising your offering, your words better reflect exactly what you’re promising. The templates have to be useful for people in specific states or countries, or the customer will accuse you of lying. If someone buys your template package and there’s a problem, you have to show up and help, even if it costs you profits. It will save you money in the long run because your reputation will be intact.
Additionally, these four agreements will help you navigate your business, professional life, and personal life more easily. When you show up as someone who follows those principles, it will show. People will see it and your integrity and the quality of your work will have them come back for more.
Are you afraid to unlearn the rules?
Realizing that we are under a “spell” - as Don Miguel puts it - is the first step to realigning ourselves. But it can be hard to understand that while our parents and society want the best for us, the way they want us to get there isn’t the path we should be on.
I help my clients rationalize these polar opposite views, identifying what they actually want to be doing with their lives and what success looks like for them. Then we work together to uncover - and break - the rules and values placed upon them. You can achieve whatever you want out of life, no matter what your family and society has told you is acceptable. I can help you get there!
How to Improve Your Life and Business
Have you ever thought about how incredibly limiting the word “but” is? It’s like a stop sign, halting us on our journey. Even when we are agreeing with someone, the moment “but” comes out of our mouths, it negates everything we just said.
“You’re right, but…”
“Okay, I will, but…”
“Yes, I will clean that up, but…”
“But” is a fatalistic word. When you use it, you redirect the conversation from what could be to what cannot. Unconsciously, when we “yes, but”, we give into the fear and hesitation that are holding us back, without realizing it. When you throw a “but” at something, you’ve predetermined that some outcome is inevitable. You stop yourself from following through. “Yes, buts” are excuses wrapped up to look like agreements. That’s why they’re so important to spot.
“Yes, and” on the other hand is the key to infinite possibilities.
Every few years, I try to do something to get out of my comfort zone and push my limits. So a few years ago, I enrolled in an improv class. Anyone who knows me personally knows that this was VERY outside of my comfort zone. I’m an introvert and love my alone time, so the idea of taking this class was quite overwhelming, and it did, admittedly, take a while for me to get into it. But once I did, I was hooked!
During this class, I was taught the concept of “yes, and.” In improv, “yes, and” keeps the bit going, keeping the theater goers, and the cast members, on their toes, pushing the story along. By using this word, cast members are fostering cooperation and communication between one another, rather than shutting down, and, in turn, they’re able to build trust with one another quickly. Which is what makes the whole process fun for them and the theater goer.
Now, what if we take that model and apply it to business and life? In business, “yes, and” actually encourages you to listen and be receptive to the ideas of others. It creates trust between parties and encourages you to try out different strategies for success. Even if you’re a solo entrepreneur without a team, this method will inhibit you from making excuses for yourself and pushes you to stay open to the possibilities that surround you.
Think about it! When you’re trying to come up with a new client workflow, but you keep stopping yourself because of your fear of how long it will take to implement, you’re saying, “Yes, I agree I need a new workflow, but it will take too much time.” If you’re like me, you spiral and start thinking about all the things you will have to change, all the different systems you will have to implement, and how you are going to explain it to your clients. Doing so you create what I refer to as a “mountain”: an insurmountable melting pot of all the things that you believe need to happen before you can actually do the thing. That’s what “but” does to life, it creates mountains to climb instead of showing you a walkable path forward. But (pun intended) if we use the “yes, and” method, we are focusing on the end goal - having a streamlined workflow that will make our lives easier in the end.
Let me give you an example from my own business. In 2021, I decided to transfer my website over from one web host to another. This was a HUGE undertaking and one that I had been putting off for - literally - years. Instead of continuing to say, “yes I should do that, but the workload will be too much for me.” I thought, “yes I should do that, and I will start small.” It took me a while, but over the course of six months or so, I had moved everything over from Wordpress to Squarespace, including the manual transfer of 250 blog posts! - which has allowed me to improve my SEO and the performance of my website in such a way that allowed my coaching practice to grow exponentially - essentially improving my life and business.
Ready to trade your “buts” for “ands?” Here are my five best tips to start improv-ing your business and life, getting unstuck, and leaving yourself open for the possibilities that are just around the corner:
Commit to “yes, and.” from now on. It’s not enough to just say yes, you have to commit to it. Change your mindset for the long-term, make it a habit to avoid the word “but” as much as you can. .
Be part of the team. Listen to your teammates, whether they are your business partner, spouse, or children, with an open mind. You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but you need to respect their suggestions and consider how they might work for your particular issue.
Be part of the solution. Don’t just ask questions and point out obstacles, instead share ideas and work on the solution with your team. Keep adding creatively to what you are building, and let flow and inspiration guide you.
Recognize that there are no mistakes, only opportunities. Some of the best ideas will come from accidents. If you say “but” to everything, you won’t give yourself the chance to experience new things - and fail at them. Failure deserves to be celebrated, AND to be learned from 🙂
Make sure your team has your back. Your team should be made up of people who will push you into taking new opportunities and trying out new strategies, rather than sitting back and letting you call all the shots. Even the best employers or business owners need a gut check from someone they trust.
Remember, these tips will also work easily for a solo entrepreneur without a team. Instead of focusing on collaborating with others, you are focusing on dropping your internal guards and learning to acknowledge what you really want out of your life and business. Do you want to work 60 hour weeks? Do you want to build in monthly retreats for yourself? Are there days you want to keep your children home from daycare? The “yes, and” method will help you lead you to greater self-trust and confidence, which will, infinitely, enhance your life and business.
The point of the “yes, and” method is to allow you to become more adaptable to change. The businesses that do the best work are the ones that can encourage new ideas and perspectives, stay flexible, and stay open to new possibilities.
The key is to treat your life and business like an improv class. Keep your heart and mind open to the suggestions of others - even your inner child - and before you say “yes, but,” think about what opportunities saying “yes, and” could bring about.
What would change? How would your life and business improve if you said yes and then became a part of the collective intelligence, of the amazing experience that is your life?
Afraid to say, “yes, and?”
It can be overwhelming to try new things or to follow through on elaborate plans. Saying, “yes, and” can be scary, but the possibilities it opens you and your business up to are worth the fear. I tell my clients all the time to just take a leap! One step in front of the other until you are out in open air, soaring above the ground.
You are capable of scary things and I’m here to help! In our coaching sessions, I help my clients identify the cliff, assemble the parachute, and take that first - or tenth - step towards the edge. We will review your “yes, buts,” and see how your life and business can improve with a little “yes, and” flip!
Navigating Entrepreneurial Growing Pains
Have you ever experienced that phenomenon where you are in a really slow season of your business, begging the Universe to provide you with more opportunities to grow, and then all of a sudden every available opportunity hits at once? You’re so excited for the chance to do business and show off your skills, so you say yes to everything, working yourself to the bone trying to hit all your deadlines on time, but then you finish and need a month or two of rest to recover.
Me too.
Since starting my entrepreneurial journey, I’ve had a hard time enjoying the fruits of all my hard work. I’d spend so much time setting up trying to drum up business without seeing any results. Then all of a sudden, the business opportunities would fly in and I’d be completely overwhelmed. I often felt like a chicken with my head cut off, running around with no sustainable strategy for how to get all this work done without burning out.
In the years since, I’ve tried many tools to get through these busy seasons without burning out, but the ones that worked the best, that have continued to work for me, are the ones that seem counterintuitive. When I’m in my busiest season, the best thing I can do is slow down and take a breath. Even now, when I’m busier than ever, I struggle to manage my time without taking a moment to pause and reflect.
By pausing, I’m able to create a strategy for this particular busy season that allows me to thrive. Here are a few of the strategies that help me manage the growing pains, both personally and in my business:
Identify your vision and mission. All businesses start with a vision, whether it’s a vision of your personal future or the future of your company. When we’re in our busy seasons, we can lose focus of what it is we set out to do when we started our entrepreneurial endeavors. By setting aside time to refocus on the purpose behind our businesses or projects, and what we hope to get out of it, we’re better able to set boundaries and stave off overwhelm.
Create your ideal team. When your business is growing and you’re struggling to meet demand, building a solid team around you is one of the best things you can do to alleviate stress. But great teams are not created accidentally. It takes time, patience, and a want to surround yourself with people you can effectively manage and interact with. That’s why it’s important to work on this when things aren’t busy. But if you haven’t, don’t fall into the trap of not doing it when you need it most! Once your ideal team is assembled, fervent energy manifests and stress dissipates, leaving only creative approaches to handling your growing pains.
Learn to delegate. Entrepreneurs and small business owners usually strike out on their own because they want to be their own boss. And when you have spent time working for yourself, doing all the tasks, and only having to hold yourself accountable, you can forget to delegate when things get busy. Look for support based on individual skills and expertise. Take advantage of it, let go of trying to do everything yourself, and the growing pains will be easier to navigate (and you’ll *finally* learn to delegate!).
Build strategy and SOPs early on. It’s important to have strategy and standard operating procedures in place prior to, or at least at the beginning of, the busy season to help prevent growing pains from stalling your work. I hired Alex recently, a new and amazing Chief of Staff. It's been a good year since I knew I had to find support to be able to navigate my growing business. So I’d started recording weekly marketing and communications tasks using Loom. When Alex came on board a few weeks ago, she had a (albeit small) library of SOPs to get her going.
Letting go of growth and being okay with it. There’s this pressure in business that makes it seem like every idea, every project, needs to be striving for maximum growth. But what if you don’t want maximum growth? What if you’re content with where your business is and not enjoying the experience of growing pains? It’s okay to sit back and relax into the comfort of where you are right now. Also, a company can be a company of one and be very successful. There’s an amazing book by Paul Jarvis that speaks exactly to that. If staying lean and free of the burden of growth is your goal, I recommend you read it.
Life as an entrepreneur is always exciting. There’s always an opportunity for growth, both personally and professionally. They give you a chance to dig deep and push yourself to identify what systems are working for you, what isn’t necessary for success, and help you see what needs to evolve and what can be let go.
Overwhelmed by too many opportunities?
The five steps above sound easy to some entrepreneurs, but for most they might find it difficult to take that pause. In the past 25 years, I’ve experienced similar issues, both in my own work and in my client’s. This is why I became a certified career and business coach: I wanted my clients to navigate building and growing businesses and projects with ease and flow, and without the overwhelm.
You deserve an opportunity to see your company grow and not feel overwhelmed or stressed. In our coaching sessions, we will dive deep into how to grow your business successfully, your vision and mission for it, and how we can get you there feeling confident and fulfilled.
How to Beat Imposter Syndrome When Thinking About Changing Careers.
"Will I be able to do this?", "I think I need to study for it first," "I don't think I have the right cv." I often hear similar questions and concerns when talking to clients about their career dreams in my coaching practice. Even though they have years of experience, a natural capacity for problem-solving, a hunger for knowledge, and no problems with learning new things, these bright, creative souls feel like they're not good enough to pursue what they truly want in their careers.
It's not uncommon. I've suffered from impostor syndrome my entire life. I still do, even though it's much better than it used to be. Perhaps you've experienced this too. Many of us feel insecure when thinking about changing careers. We doubt our abilities and are scared of failing at something that we don't know how to do yet. Some of this fear is a natural part of the process of change. Stepping into the unknown is always a little scary. It gets tricky when fear becomes a more pervasive, debilitating feeling of insecurity and lack of confidence. That's when imposter syndrome can set in. When this happens, we need to take a step back and reassess the situation because what stops us from changing careers is not a real lack of capabilities but imagined shortcomings.
What is impostor syndrome?
Impostor Syndrome is a phenomenon where we feel like impostors or frauds despite having achieved success. It's an internal experience of intellectual phoniness, an incapacity to internalize our accomplishments and all the goals we have already achieved. We second-guess ourselves, worry that people will soon find out that we're not good at what we say we are, that we're just frauds waiting to be discovered. People with impostor syndrome often attribute their successes to luck rather than skill, talent, or hard work. Impostor syndrome is more prevalent among women, but men experience it too. Recent studies show that it hits minority groups harder.
Impostor syndrome can cause feelings of fear, anxiety, and even depression if left unchecked. In my practice, I see how it stops many talented creatives and entrepreneurs from going after what they truly want. Some will go to great length in order to avoid “being found out”, like saying no to interesting opportunities or promotions. Instead of allowing themselves to explore their dreams, they stick to what's safe and familiar. Even then, they feel it's only a matter of time before they'll be found out.
Where does impostor syndrome come from?
Impostor Syndrome has much to do with the messages we grew up with and our internalized beliefs about ourselves. When we make significant changes in our lives, these negative messages can resurface as fear, doubt, and insecurity. It's possible that somewhere in our past, someone made us feel like we weren't good enough or capable of succeeding at something new.
Another reason we suffer from impostor syndrome is that we compare ourselves to others and think their success is the result of innate talent rather than the hard work they've put in. This can lead to a feeling of inadequacy, especially if we believe that others have it all figured out and don't suffer from the same stress and anxiety that we suffer from. They do, and they struggle just as much with impostor syndrome and all the feelings of self-doubt that come along with it.
There's nothing wrong with feeling scared or insecure when taking on something new, but you don't have to believe those negative thoughts that come with it. Instead, focus on the skills and experience you have and the exciting opportunities available to you. The most important thing is to recognize it for what it is: a feeling, not necessarily reality.
Another thing that I heard about impostor syndrome recently comes from Shahroo Izadi. In an interview with Steven Bartlett for The Diary of a CEO podcast, she had an exciting idea about where impostor syndrome comes from.
Shahroo is an anti-diet advocate and someone who has overcome an eating disorder and works with people suffering from addictions. People with mental illness, addiction, or an eating disorder have a lot of shame and guilt about their behavior. Because of this, it's difficult for them to acknowledge their professional accomplishments because many feel ashamed about so many other things that they won't allow themselves to internalize their capacities.
I want to extrapolate that based on what I see in my practice and the many stories from my own life and that of my clients. We all have things we're ashamed of and feel guilty about; it might be something we're doing - or thinking (and this is important) when nobody's watching, we all have secrets about who we truly think we are. And we’re absolutely terrified of people finding out!
We carry these secrets with us everywhere, and sometimes even if on a superficial level, we've achieved a lot, and everything looks great. Inside, it's hard for us to accept our successes because of these inner feelings of guilt and shame.
What's the impact of impostor syndrome on your career?
Impostor Syndrome can significantly impact your career. It can make you doubt yourself and prevent you from taking risks or trying new things. You might feel like you're not qualified for the job, that someone else could do it better than you, or that people will soon find out that you're not good at what you do.
On the other end of that spectrum, impostor syndrome can also force you to uphold the highest standards for yourself, to suffer from perfectionism, and to deliver more than is expected of you consistently. This, too, will be detrimental to your career success because it's unsustainable in the long term and because by being so perfect, you're making yourself indispensable in the position you're in. If there's one thing I know about career advancement is that you have to make yourself replaceable to be promoted, not irreplaceable.
How to beat imposter syndrome when you want to change careers?
The first step is recognizing what impostor syndrome looks like in your life. Are you an overachiever? A perfectionist with impossible standards to achieve? Ask yourself: What thoughts am I having? Are they coming from a place of self-doubt or fear? What do I need to feel confident and empowered to make this transition?
Once you have identified the root problems, start challenging those thoughts. Acknowledge your accomplishments and successes, even if they seem minor. Take inventory of your skills and experience. Think about the past jobs or projects you've completed, and list what knowledge or skills were gained from them. You may have more transferable skills than you think! Focus on what makes you unique and different from others in the field - anything from foreign language proficiency to specialized technical expertise.
Talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or coach about what you're going through and get their perspective and advice. You don't need to doubt yourself alone; it's one of the reasons the impostor syndrome has so much power over us because we don't share about it enough! Be proactive and reach out for help; it could be the push you need to make the career transition.
Finally, take small steps toward your career goals. Try to do only a little at once - break it down into manageable tasks on which you can start taking action right away. Make sure you celebrate each milestone and reward yourself after completing each task. It's important to recognize and celebrate your progress; this will build your confidence and make it easier to take more risks and move forward with your career.
Start beating impostor syndrome right now.
One thing that I advise all my clients to keep is a "brag list." Since most of them suffer from impostor syndrome or feel like they're not good enough, this simple exercise isn't easy. It might be challenging for you too. On a piece of paper or a note on your computer or smartphone, make a list of all your accomplishments, big or small. Keep the list up to date by adding anything you achieve throughout your days and weeks, no matter how small.
You must list everything you've done. It could be anything from standing up for yourself, getting noticed during a meeting because you spoke up, talking about your business idea to someone, volunteering in the community, mastering a new skill or hobby, etc. Whenever impostor syndrome creeps in and doubts start to swirl around in your head, take a look at your list and remind yourself of all the success you've achieved. Celebrate these wins, and remember that you can keep achieving greatness!
Impostor Syndrome is a widespread experience. So many talented and capable people suffer from it, but it doesn't need to hold you back from changing careers or achieving your goals. You've got this! Good luck!
Tired of feeling like a fraud at work?
I understand the fear and anxiety you experience trying to figure out your career options. That’s why I offer private coaching specifically tailored to those who want to make a shift in their professional life. As a certified coach, I'm an expert in helping people beat imposter syndrome, build confidence and take control of their lives.
You deserve to pursue something that brings you satisfaction and happiness without feeling overwhelmed by self-doubt. Through this one-on-one coaching experience, gain access to tailored strategies and personalized advice that will give you the confidence needed to step into your dream job. No more second guessing yourself or comparing yourself to others!
How Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck, And How to Stop Letting it Hold You Back.
Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. In small doses, it can be an inspiring and motivating force that pushes us to reach for the best. It can help us stay focused, work hard and remain committed to a goal. In most cases, unfortunately, perfectionism becomes a prison that keeps you from fulfilling your potential.
In this article, we'll discuss what perfectionism is, common signs of perfectionism, how it keeps you stuck, and finally, I'll offer some practical tips on how to stop letting it hold you back.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a thought pattern where one has an extreme need for everything they do to be perfect. Common signs of perfectionism include black-and-white thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, feeling overwhelmed by the task, procrastination due to fear of failure, and overthinking decisions.
It's important to understand that perfectionism isn't just about achieving high standards; instead, it's more of an emotional response to making mistakes or not meeting expectations. Perfectionists are often highly critical of themselves and others and have an unrealistic view of their abilities.
Perfectionism is not a healthy mindset.
Even though perfectionism is often worn as a badge of honor, most perfectionists don't experience it as a good thing. Instead, it can be a significant source of stress due to endless procrastination and feelings of never being good enough, worthlessness, and discontentment.
If you're a perfectionist, I'm sure you're familiar with the fear of failure or criticism and how they cause you to set impossible standards for yourself. Because you're afraid not to live up to those standards, you quickly become overwhelmed and don't take risks. You may also find yourself procrastinating and never getting started on tasks because you're trying to make everything perfect before even beginning.
When perfectionism gets out of control, rather than encouraging progress and growth, it keeps us stuck in an endless loop of thinking, overthinking, and analyzing every detail until we never reach the finish line. When we focus too much on ensuring everything is perfect—our work, our relationships, or ourselves—we cannot take risks or accept failure as part of the learning process. Instead of feeling motivated and energized by challenges, we feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by them.
Where does perfectionism come from?
Perfectionism can stem from several sources, including upbringing, cultural norms, and insecurities. I believe perfectionism is a defense mechanism or a success strategy we learned in childhood to be safe by gaining approval and acceptance from those around us. Recently, a student in my writing class who's also a teacher shared that the most gifted children in her class are often the ones who suffer the most from perfectionism. They say no to activities they might fail at because they've been conditioned to believe failure is unacceptable.
It's important to understand that perfectionism is not necessarily something you're born with—it's often an acquired behavior or way of thinking. We may have learned it from our parents, teachers, or peers who believed that only the best was good enough. Or, as in my case, it stems from a need for control I internalized very young to survive in an emotionally and physically chaotic home.
How is perfectionism keeping you stuck?
Perfectionism can manifest itself through various behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. It often shows up as procrastination, avoidance, ruminating over decisions or outcomes, and having unrealistic expectations of oneself. Taking a long time to do simple tasks or overthinking every detail so much that progress stalls or stops. You might also find that you're unable to let go of mistakes or failures, striving for an unrealistic level of excellence and never feeling satisfied with your work.
Perfectionism also manifests in negative self-talk—constantly criticizing yourself for not being good enough or beating yourself up for making mistakes. This type of thinking hinders progress by generating feelings of inadequacy and insecurity which keep us stuck in our comfort zone because we're too afraid to take risks and try something new.
In my practice, I see many creatives and entrepreneurs who suffer from perfectionism. Although incredibly gifted and talented, they get stuck because of their perfectionist tendencies. They feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear of failure and criticism so much that it prevents them from doing anything about their creative ideas or business dreams. Instead of taking any action, they prefer to do nothing. Like Margie, a talented writer who doesn't start her novel because she's convinced it won't be good enough, or Amir, who is too afraid to show his work and start selling it, so he keeps it to himself.
How to stop letting perfectionism hold you back?
Even though perfectionism can hold us back and prevent us from taking action, it doesn't have to be that way. Understanding what triggers our perfectionism and developing healthier expectations makes it possible to break free from the grip of perfectionism and learn how to take healthy risks. Here are a few tips that can help:
#1 Awareness
The first step towards overcoming perfectionism is becoming aware of it. We need to understand our perfectionist tendencies and the negative patterns that we've internalized to make a change. It was hard to see that I was a perfectionist until I noticed how expecting so much of myself and others affected my work and relationships. That's when I was finally able to make the shift. Once we become aware, we can challenge our perfectionist thinking and behavior. Perfectionism hides in many places: how we speak to ourselves, approach tasks and projects, or even the standards we set for ourselves. Once we become aware of the areas in which perfectionism is holding us back, it's easier to identify and break these patterns.
#2 Accept imperfection
Once you recognize it, challenge your thinking by asking questions like: Why do I need everything to be perfect? What will happen if I make mistakes? How can I use this situation as an opportunity for learning and growth? Accept imperfection. This might sound counterintuitive, but accepting your limitations and shortcomings is the key to freeing yourself from perfectionism. When I finally realized that I couldn't write perfectly on the first try, I stopped procrastinating and instead started writing. Recognizing that you're not perfect allows you to make mistakes without feeling guilty or ashamed.
#3 Aim for progress, not perfection
Aim for progress rather than obsessing over perfectionism. We should focus on making progress, no matter how small, rather than striving for perfection. This shift allowed me to finally start my podcast after thinking about it for more than seven years! Even if it was well-intentioned, perfectionism can make you feel like every single detail needs to be perfect. It's more important to focus on the progress that you're making. It's okay if things aren't perfect immediately; what matters is that you keep moving forward and learning from your mistakes. 1% better every episode; that's what I'm aiming for with my podcast now, instead of waiting for perfection to get started.
#4 Learn to accept your mistakes
The key is learning to let go of needing everything to be perfect for it to have value or worth. Accept that mistakes will happen; this will allow you the freedom and confidence to take risks without fear of failure. One thing I've done to help me to accept my mistakes is to learn to appreciate them. The first big one I enjoyed this way was the monologue I delivered on stage last year. It could have been better, but it was good enough. Instead of looking at the mistakes and getting frustrated, I chose to look at the experience as a learning opportunity and use it to improve my speaking skills and create something better next time.
#5 Practice self-compassion
Finally, practice self-compassion. Replace feelings of inadequacy and shame with acceptance and understanding. Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of life and doesn't make you any less amazing. Treat yourself like your best friend and be gentle with yourself when setting standards. If you can view mistakes as an opportunity for growth, they become much less intimidating. I had to show a lot of self-compassion for myself recently when I changed my marketing focus quite drastically without knowing how it would pan out. So far, I'm pleased with the results and confident I chose the right path.
If it wasn't clear yet, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I've already done a lot of work to break free from the shackles of perfectionism. However, I'm still learning and practicing to be an imperfectionist—to accept that done is better than perfect, that sometimes making a mistake is okay, and that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters most.
It takes time and practice to break the cycle of perfectionism, but it's absolutely possible; I see it in my work and life every day. Be patient and persistent, and you will create a life full of success, satisfaction, and joy!
Are you feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism?
As an ambitious person, it’s only natural that you want to produce top-notch results. But the constant quest for perfection can lead to procrastination and stagnation in your career or business. That’s why private coaching can be a powerful tool for breaking through these barriers.
With private coaching, you’ll get personalized attention and accountability from me. I'll help you identify areas of improvement and offer advice on how to reach your goals with greater confidence and efficiency. You'll also develop new strategies that empower you to move forward without dreading every mistake along the way.
Stuck in the Overthinking Loop? Here Are 5 Ways to Get Out.
Do you ever feel like you're stuck in an overthinking loop? You know, where all you can do is think about everything – the good, the bad, and the terrifying – and it's preventing you from taking action? This type of thinking often leads to paralysis by analysis.
Overthinking and worrying about the right decision is stressful and causes anxiety. Those are not great feelings. Instead of helping us get unstuck, they keep us where we are for longer. I know because I've had to work through them to get to where I am today - and so have many of my clients. That endless spiral of thoughts that keeps you up at night, where you get so caught up in your thoughts that you can't make a decision, can be disastrous for your career, business, or personal life, especially if you want to make meaningful progress.
The good news is there are ways to get out of the overthinking loop and start taking action again. In this article, I'll share five strategies to help you get out of your head and move forward! But first, let's take a look at why we overthink in the first place.
Why do we overthink?
We all have fears and concerns that can cause us to overthink. We might be worried about making the wrong decision or feeling doubtful about our abilities or worthiness. Fear of failure and fear of rejection – these can all be triggers for overthinking.
Of course, sometimes it's just human nature – when there's an unknown or unpredictable situation, our natural response is to think more about it to prepare ourselves better and feel less anxious. Chronic overthinking is one of the reasons many people get and stay stuck. Because of brain plasticity, forming a habit of overthinking every choice happens without us realizing it. Add a dash of the nervous system to it that feels as if danger lurks every time a decision needs to be made, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Regardless of why we're doing it, too much rumination can keep us from living a full life and reaching our goals. That's why it's essential to find ways out of the overthinking loop as soon as possible!
Five strategies to get out of the overthinking loop
Train yourself to make quicker decisions: The way to get out of overthinking is by training your brain and nervous system to make quicker decisions without giving them much thought. You want to practice this on little things first, like the pants you will wear today or the coffee or sandwich you will order at Starbucks for lunch. Practice making quicker choices daily and gradually work your way up to more complex situations and options.
Let go of perfectionism: We all want to make the right decision and have perfect outcomes, but that type of thinking can send us into a never-ending cycle of overthinking. Accepting imperfection is key to getting out of the loop; doing something is better than nothing! Remind yourself that mistakes happen, growth requires learning from your failures. Take a risk, and remember that you can course-correct if needed.
Understand your fears: When you're in the overthinking loop, it can become hard to see past your fears. To get unstuck from this kind of thinking, try to understand why you're scared or anxious about making a decision. Is there something you need to learn more about? Do you need help from someone else? Once you have identified the source of your fear and anxiety, it's easier to work through it and move forward.
Eliminate the noise: It's easy to get caught up in the endless loop of thoughts when we have too many options to entertain. To start making progress, take a step back and strip away any distractions, opinions, or options that don't matter so you can focus on what's important and make an informed decision. What ideas can you eliminate? What information will help you make the right choice? What opinions can you do without?
Take action: The only way to get out of the overthinking loop for good is by taking action. Even if it feels scary or uncertain at first – do something! Taking small steps will give you momentum that can help propel you forward into more significant decisions and actions with more confidence. Remember, every day is an opportunity to practice making better decisions, trust yourself, and take action! If you're struggling to find your way out of overthinking, I hope these five strategies have given you some ideas for moving forward.
Overthinking can keep us stuck. It can lead to paralysis by analysis, or worse, make us doubt ourselves in the decision-making moment, so we stay stuck forever. But with the right strategies, it can be a different way. Training yourself into faster decisions, letting go of perfectionism, understanding your fears, eliminating noise, and taking action are all excellent ways to help you break out of the overthinking loop and move forward confidently!
So if you feel stuck in your head and keep contemplating the same ideas or options repeatedly, remember: in the end, you cannot think yourself into anything; you have to go out and do it! Good luck!
Feeling stuck in an overthinking loop and needing to make progress?
Private coaching is a great way to get unstuck and take action. You'll be able to work with me one-on-one, and I'll help guide you to the life and work you want.
Imagine your life if you could finally break free from the chains of overthinking. How much progress could you make if you had someone supporting and motivating you every step of the way? Sign up for a free session today and find out.