Orgasms are good for you. You should add them to your self-love practice

There, I said it. Orgasms. That’s what I want to talk about today. About how they’re good for you, how they help keep you healthy, can make you love yourself more, and why I think you should consider adding orgasms to your self-love practice.

I’ve been binge watching Masters of Sex on Netflix recently. I started on a Sunday afternoon, randomly, just looking for a quick R&R fix, and I’ve been hooked since. I enjoy watching the show – it’s set in the 60’s and 70’s, the actors are so talented (I have a real girl crush on Lizzy Caplan), and the mood fits the subject so beautifully – but that’s not what got me so hooked. What grabbed my attention is it’s subject: the scientific pursuit of knowledge about the female orgasm.

If you’ve watched the show you know there’s a lot of sex going on. Even if you haven’t, going by the title, I bet you’d kind of know. That’s not to say that it’s too much, or over the top. But it does put the subject front and center. Not only that, the show – because it’s set in a time before the sexual liberation of the 70’s – gives a well-paced, intelligent, sometimes hard, and probably pretty accurate account of how sex, orgasm, and masturbation were perceived, and understood, in a time were most of it was nothing but taboo.

That’s what makes the show so interesting to me, and why I wanted to talk about orgasms, and particularly about why I think enjoying them is a powerful self-love practice.

A quick dive into the history of the female orgasm is enough to understand how controversial a subject it’s always been, and how controlling it has always been a way to try and control women. Much like the history of women themselves: side-lined, oppressed, misunderstood, feared, yet never conquered, their power never really taken away. Of course we’ve come a long way since – at least in the Western world – both in terms of women rights and orgasms. But the taboo lingers on, and a lot of misconceptions remain. With it a lot of guilt, insecurity, and agitation.

I’ve always had what I would call a healthy relationship with my sexuality. I discovered masturabation at a young age, always enjoyed it, and although it wasn’t a guilt-free act at first, it wasn’t all that guilt-laden either (at least not consciously), rather something I intuitively knew required caution, and that I’d better keep to myself.

Still, it’s only in the last couple of years, through my journey of self-discovery, that the relationship I have with my orgasms matured, and that I realized I was in control of my own pleasure.

I also never bothered with the habits of my partners, and always felt that it was none of my business when, or why they wanted to make themselves feel good. I know that a lot of people think differently about this issue – especially women – and that within a relationship enjoying solo-pleasure is often considered a no-no. I remember one particular friend who gave her significant other a weekly interrogation about the subject, which predictably and unfortunately always ended with her calling me in tears.

My point is – and I’m shamelessly paraphrasing a line from the show here – that as human beings we have no problem satisfying our urges when it comes to hunger or thirst, but that our sexual needs have been the subject of so much debate, anguish, and even persecution throughout the whole of human existence – female sexual needs in particular. Since then, thankfully, a lot has been achieved, and the benefits of orgasm, and thus masturbation, are strongly established – even scientifically.

Among other things, having regular orgasms has been proved to be beneficial for a wide range of things, going from making you look younger, protecting your cardiovascular health, reducing stress, over boosting your immune system, all the way up to lowering rates of depression, and anxiety, and even possibly preventing breast cancer cells from developing into a tumor.

But we’re not there yet. Because to me – how wonderful all of these benefits might be – we, as a society, still have a hard time accepting that getting off is a need, and therefor that enjoying regular orgasms, just like eating when we’re hungry, or drinking when we’re thirsty, is essential to our well-being. In my own life I’ve been through periods without orgasms, sometimes because I gave away the control of my own pleasure to a partner (never a good idea, believe me), but more often because I let the busyness of life get in the way, something that I know a lot of women do. Each and every time this happened I experienced higher levels of stress, more anxiety, less appetite for life, and a dip in my overall health and feelings of joy.

Click here to access the free resources library

A few months ago I found myself in the same situation again. Working on multiple businesses at a time, trying to achieve big goals and dreams, I woke up one morning realizing I was letting this amazing source of pleasure slip away again. So I decided to make it part of my self-love practice again. Two months in, I can honestly say that it is life-changing. I already had a pretty good self-love routine, but adding some orgasms to the mix just makes everything better.

There’s another benefit that brings all of this home for me. Making a conscious commitment to pleasure is also good for you on a deeper, more soulful level. What I mean is that enjoying your orgasms is not simply a good self-love practice, it’s also good to teach you how to love yourself. By discovering, and understanding your physicality, your needs, and your sexual desires, and by allowing yourself to experiment with them, especially by taking control and giving into them, you are not only gaining more insight into who you really are, but developing a deeper sense of love, appreciation, and affection for yourself.

When you look at it like that, adding orgasms to your self-love practice becomes a conscious choice, a moment in space-time when you decide – every day – to choose yourself, to do something that has nothing but benefits for your well-being and your health, while literally making yourself feel amazingly good at the same time. And that to me is a powerful act of self-love, if not the most powerful one of all, and something that is yours, and yours alone, to have, to practice, and to own. So what are you waiting for?

It’s time to stop identifying sexual pleasure with true love, and start equating it with self-love instead.

I’d love to know about you. In the comments below, let me know what you think about sexual pleasure, orgasms and self-love. Or anything else this post brought up for you.

Want to be good to yourself? Try disappointing a few people

I’ve spent a big part of my life trying not to disappoint anyone. I’ve also spent a big part of my life not living up to my full potential, and not being really happy. During those years, I’ve had my share of disappointments. I’ve had hard times come my way, decisions gone bad, toxic people in my life, situations I wasn’t sure I would get out of in one piece. And looking back, there’s one thing that connects all of those experiences: me not being authentic, real, and honest with myself, in an effort to avoid disappointing others. And what I’ve learned since, is that if you want to be good with yourself, disappointing a few people is inevitable.

I’ve wrote in the past about how I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and how I’ve spent a big part of my time trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me – or at least the expectations I mirrored about the kind of person I though I needed to be in order to be loved. As a people-pleaser I was very sensitive to disappointing others, trying to avoid it at all costs, all the time. As a result, I was never truly myself. And because it started at such a young age, it silenced my needs and desires to a pretty scary degree.

When I started my journey of self-discovery in 2010, one of the biggest challenges I faced, was to listen to my desires and figure out what I really wanted. This may sound trivial, but for a people-pleaser like me, or anyone with low self-esteem, or low self-confidence, having lived from a place of trying to not disappoint anyone – ever, rather than a place of self-fulfillment and self-love, messes with your sense of self and intuitive knowing about your innermost dreams and cravings.

In my case, on the proverbial day that I woke up from this pretend life, I was shocked by how little I knew about who I was or why I did the things I did. It dawned on me that avoiding disappointing others had played a major role in alienating me from myself, and who I was really meant to be.

Because you see, there’s two sides to this story.

The more you try to avoid others from being disappointed by you, the more likely you’ll be disappointing yourself. You might not be conscious of it, or you might not realize the effects it has on you for a long time, but eventually – I promise you – trying to meticulously avoid others from being disappointed by you will leave you unhappy, unfulfilled, and disappointed in yourself. At least it was for me.

When I started my self-love journey, the biggest part of the work I did focused on trying to figure out what I really wanted, and what would really serve me, and make me happy. It’s only later, and in time, that I realized that I could not become who I really longed to be, without disappointing others along the way.

The mind is funny like that, I know.

For a while I thought I could keep up the people pleasing and be self-loving at the same time. Until one day, when being true to me, and loving me made me realize I was going to break some eggs doing it. Often. Repeatedly.

That’s when I knew I had to come to terms with it, if I ever wanted to be happy. And that’s why I want to encourage you today to look at disappointment not as something to avoid at all costs, but rather as something to embrace as part of your self-loving practice, and personal growth. I have come to learn that choosing you, and wanting to be good to yourself, and treating yourself well will often collide with what others want from you. And you know what? That’s perfectly OK.

We’re not put on this earth to satisfy the needs of others, or to put those needs before our own, or to feel guilty all the time, or not good enough. We’re here to fulfill our destiny, to become the best versions of ourselves, to find happiness and joy in this existence. And that’s impossible to do, if you’re not willing to accept a few unhappy faces along the way.

Here are a few things that helped me accept disappointment in my own life, and that might help you do the same in yours:

#1: Figure out what you really want – and be true to yourself!

When I realized I wasn’t being true to my own desires, a big question mark popped up. What did I really want? I understood that in order to be happy, I needed to figure out what mattered to me. To do that, I needed to analyze my behavior, and strip it from all the people-pleasing first. Whenever I would be asked something, whether it was to do something, go somewhere, or my opinion on a particular subject, I asked myself just one question: “What would I do, if I were the only only person in the world?”. From there, I started adjusting my behavior, and my responses.

#2: Learn to say no gracefully.

By asking myself the question above, it became clear to me that I needed to say “no” much more. But I had no clue how. Not only was I afraid to disappoint, but when it came to formulating a “no” response, I was terrible at it. Often, this caused even more disappointment. My advice is, if you’re going to say “no” – and I strongly encourage you to! – it’s wise to do so gracefully. It will ease the process, and make things easier for you and the person you’re saying “no” to.

#3: See disappointment as possibility, and learn from it.

The people who know me will tell you, I never shy away from learning something new. So when I started to embrace disappointment, and see it as a useful, and even natural part of living a fulfilling life, I also started to embrace all of its possibilities. The thing is, working your way through disappointing others, and accepting to be disappointed, can have many benefits.

It helped me to see things differently, to get to know myself better, to remember what really matters to me or why I do something, and it also pushed me into places well beyond my comfort zone.

But what about you? Are you afraid of disappointing others? And are you finding that you’re turning “no” into “yes” way too often for your own good? If so, perhaps it’s time to let go, and embrace those unhappy, frowning faces.

Let me know how you’re dealing with disappointment in the comments below, I’d love to know.

Want to achieve your goals? Make sure they feed your soul

Every year I do the same thing. Come November, I start thinking about what goals I want to achieve in the following year. And from that moment on until early January, I dream big, and write down everything that my heart desires. And what I’ve learned doing this is that if you want to achieve your goals, you have to make sure they feed your soul.

To stay on track and in action I use a systematic action-setting, and goal-review system that I’ve worked out over the years. As part of that system, by this time of year each year, when we’ve passed the six-month mark into it, I do a thorough mid-year goal review.

And every year, no matter how well I’ve planned in advance, I catch myself doing the same thing again. Because every year, six months into working towards my goals, I always find the odd one or two in the list that don’t work for me. I’m talking about the ones that I haven’t worked on yet, or have been procrastinating on, or have been working on at first, only to find that I’m not able to keep it up.

Before I would really get upset, or feel guilty, or a failure for not addressing these goals properly, or from being so bad at working toward them. But what I’ve learned since my early goal-setting days, is to stop blaming myself and to start by asking one simple question instead: What will achieving this goal really do for me?

And it is powerful, I promise you. By asking yourself this question you’ll start listening to your soul, and learn to connect with your emotions. And when you want to achieve your goals, that’s really what you need to do. Jotting down things on a piece of paper, without wondering how those things make you feel, or why you really want to achieve them, really does not make sense. Yet, we all fall into the trap (sometimes). Even after years of goal-setting, I know I still do!

The question here, of course, is why that is. And the simple answer is, because we go about setting goals the wrong way.

Think of your new years’ resolutions, and what eventually makes it onto paper. It might look something like this:

• Lose weight

• Quit smoking

• Get organized

• Travel more

• Read more

At first glance, there’s nothing wrong with this list. I’m sure that most of us want at least one or two of the things on it even. Still, there’s an issue. There is no purpose, no emotion, no feeling in a list like that. And without that, achieving goals is that much harder. Because in the end, the only reason why we ever really want to achieve anything, is to feel something, and to feed our soul. And that’s the reason why so many goals fail.

Now, that’s not to say that all goals you procrastinate on are orphan of purpose, absolutely not. There are many different reasons why we don’t achieve our goals, even the ones that really feed our souls. Absolutely. But if that’s not the case, if we don’t feel an emotional connection to what it is we’re trying to achieve, it will be really hard to do so. Or to sustain the effort.

Now that we’ve established that, I’d love for you to look at the example list above again. And ask yourself what you would feel if you where, let’s say, getting organized or reading more.

What would that bring you?
What would that change in your life?
What would the purpose be?
How would that feed your soul?

Getting organized might give you a sense of greater control over your life, or give you a greater sense of freedom. Reading more might be an activity you really enjoy, making your less stressed overall, enjoying things more. Or it might feed your insatiable appetite for knowledge.

The point is… those are your real goals: having a greater sense of freedom, enjoying things more, keeping a sharp and educated mind. And those are the goals that feed your soul.

The goal is almost always just a symptom of the real goal. And that’s were a lot of goals go wrong.

Losing weight is an even easier example. We never want to lose weight just for the sake of seeing the numbers on the scale go down. Ever. What we really want, when we say we need to lose weight – which is, by the way, the real goal we’re setting for ourselves – is always more personal, and more emotional. We want to lose weight because we want to feel sexy again, or because we want to feel wanted, or to feel healthier.

Notice the word feel in the last paragraph. That’s the essential word here. A goal should make us feel something, it should make our lives better, and make us happier. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t feed our soul. And if it doesn’t feed our soul, it’s going to be really hard to achieve. And by the way, why would you even try to begin with, if that were the case?

So if you find it hard to get started with a goal you set for yourself, or if you notice you keep procrastinating on it, I invite you to ask yourself what this goal really means to you, and how it feeds your soul. And if you find that it doesn’t, do like me when I find the odd one out: drop it, and move on.

Beautiful picture by Frederic Frognier – shotbyfred.com

How to make money while working with purpose

When I was 12 years old, my father became the CEO of the Belgian branch of a U.S. company listed on the American Stock Exchange. We’re talking 1987, the year Madonna revolutionized the music industry with the hit song “Who’s That Girl”, and by doing so made millions of us want to go and see the movie with the same title, too.

While I was enjoying that pretty harmless tune on my Walkman – for those of you born after 1990, that’s a portable cassette-tape player – one of the first things my father had to do as the brand new CEO of that company was to lay off quite a lot of people. I remember it (almost) as if it was yesterday, despite my young age. Although I can’t recall how we ended up talking about the lay-offs, I do remember a specific conversation we had about it. In that conversation, my father tried to explain the principles of business to me – that is, the obligations of CEOs of companies owned by shareholders, and the pressure that comes from an ever-growing need to make more financial profit. I remember not understanding. So, when my father told me that he needed to lay off people because the company wasn’t making enough money, I asked him if the company needed money – to which he said no, the shareholders just wanted more. That’s when I thought I’d found the solution, and told my father to simply tell everyone that they had enough already. And to share the money evenly among everyone, so nobody needed to be laid off.

Of course, this is not how things unfolded. My father laid off people when he started working at that company, and did so many times after that. Until, finally, he was laid off, too. Many years later, when he had given his all to that company, and done so many things that didn’t align with his personal values.

And this misalignment between values and business is precisely what I want to talk about with you today.

We live in a world that is ever changing, and where new opportunities emerge alongside new knowledge of how things can be done, including business. If you’re reading this post, chances are you’ve watched Simon Sinek’s talk inspiring millions to Start With Why, but if you haven’t, I invite you to do so to understand how working with purpose can help change the way we do things in business, and in life, too. And although this talk is not specifically about doing good, or upholding specific humanistic values when it comes to business, I believe the mechanics are the same.

And they are important. Because this focus on purpose is allowing a new kind of entrepreneurs to emerge from the masses.

Often, they are called social entrepreneurs, but I’ve seen mentions of do-gooders, bottom-liners (I kind of like this one), and disrupters of the status quo, as well as, even, change sustainers (this one’s not bad, either). Now, overall, I think labels are kind of limiting, and in this case I find that ‘social entrepreneur’ is a difficult one to deal with. It sounds as if anyone who is not a social entrepreneur is in business solely for personal gain or profit.

OK, I’ll admit, that’s probably the case for a great deal of corporations, but I don’t believe it’s the case for the solopreneur (there, another label) or for the freelancers and small business owners among us.

That’s why I prefer the idea of spiritual entrepreneur, and I define this as being in business for more than personal gain or profit, answering to something that is greater than ourselves, and upholding spiritual values that we believe in. In short, having a mission of doing good through business. Or better yet, making the world a better place while making money – aka the double bottom-line.

Now, the point of all this is that we can all – and I mean everyone – become do-good entrepreneurs, running spiritual businesses. You don’t have to have spent years in an Ashram in India to do this, or meditate three times a day, or be a vegetarian (although that might be good for the planet, too!). Whatever your business, whatever your background, whatever your beliefs, you can make a difference through your business. The only thing a do-good business is, is a business where the bottom-line is not only measured in terms of financial profit, but also in terms of social and environmental benefits.

So, here are 3 simple ways to get started:

1. Start with why

Being in business for the money alone is not very satisfying in many cases. At first, it might feel good to make money, and to create your own future and sense of freedom, but after a while, you might start to feel something is missing. If this is your case, why not go back to the drawing boards, figure out what your why is, and rethink your business from there.

2. Define what your core values are, and infuse your business with them.

Imagine that respect for and the wellbeing of your employees is part of your core values. If that’s the case, think of ways to make sure that those values become part of how you do business. Perhaps by asking your employees regularly how they’re doing, or by making sure that every voice is heard, or even by making a week or two a year off mandatory – and paid – for the entire staff, so everyone can enjoy time with their family and friends, away from work.

3. Assess the impact that your business currently has on the world, and see where you can make improvements.

Questions you can ask yourself to assess the environmental and social impact of your business include: How much waste are we producing? How much good are we doing in the community? Are we giving back? Are our products or services helping the world or harming it? Whatever the answers to these questions, there is always something more you can do. Changing the world doesn’t happen overnight, so don’t stress over everything at once. Just think of one thing that you could change, to make the world a better place. Then do it.

I hope this post has inspired you to look at your business and the impact that you can have on the world differently. I believe that we can all make a difference – and that we should. What do you think?

Creativity as a spiritual practice

I believe that we are all creative beings, and I believe that women especially are constantly called upon to create, or to birth, so to speak. It’s in our DNA, it’s part of our nature, it’s one of those things that makes us human: our imagination and what we do with it.

I also believe that we are spiritual beings, and I believe that we are all in search of purpose, and want to be part of something greater than ourselves. You know, the search for the meaning in life.

In my own quest for meaning and purpose, and in the discovery of my own creativity and my imagination, I have come to realize that being creative is, or at least definitely can serve as, a spiritual practice. I believe that creativity is a powerful force that is greater than us, moves through us, and creates with us. Creativity takes us beyond our own limits and beyond ourselves in a way that can be called spiritual.

The creative process seems to emerge inside of us, from a place of knowing that is difficult to grasp, and yet connects with life and the human experience in incredible ways. As such, listening to the creative call, and allowing it to express itself through you, requires you to slow down and listen. And in the world we live in, that’s a hard thing to do.

To me, this type of contemplative awareness is what a spiritual practice is all about. It’s a search for greater meaning in your life, it’s a pause that asks you to think about the mystery of life, and it’s a way to create space for stillness and for a different kind of human experience.

But what makes creativity a spiritual practice? Or better yet, how can you use creativity as a spiritual practice?

I believe it begins with breaking out of the limits that our world forces onto us. Limits about ourselves and who we are, limits about what is possible in the world, limits about who we believe we can be and what we believe we can achieve. And to break out of those limits, you have to allow yourself to think differently. And to do that, I believe you need to trust your imagination and allow it to go to many different places.

Cultivating such a wandering mind, where possibility is the word of the day, requires you to unleash the power of your imagination. Again, a very hard thing to do in a media-driven world that doesn’t ask you to really think at all, but rather loves to serve you its preferred version of everything instead.

So, it’s hard to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. And it is something that can be achieved through the creative process.

1. Don’t be afraid to create. 

Imagination is unleashed through the creative process, not through the final product. It’s about expressing yourself in new and different ways, and learning new creative languages. In a way, a spiritual practice is the same. It’s the journey that matters, for there is no destination.

2. Use the creative process to learn about yourself. 

What comes easy to you, and what is hard? These are pathways to discovery about who you are and what you stand for. In a spiritual practice, the same happens. You might find it really hard to meditate, or to not feel frustrated with something or someone. These events tell you new things about yourself (and not about others, as we often believe!), so use them to dig deeper and find out more about who you truly are.

3. Use your creative practice to connect with something bigger than yourself.

One of my spiritual mentors taught me the benefits of discipline, and how having a consistent spiritual practice and doing the work can forge a relationship between me and that which is greater than myself. I believe the same is true of a creative practice. By surrendering over and over again to creative impulses that ask to be unleashed, it becomes easier to connect with the divine, the life force, the mystery that makes everything possible. And this is precisely what a spiritual practice aims to do, as well.

Finally, besides being a spiritual practice, creativity is also a way to live a richer and more colorful life – a life of exploration and discovery, a life of change and growth.

So, don’t miss out, and especially not by thinking you’re not an artist or that you’re not the creative type. Creativity and imagination run through all of us. Just like the divine mysteries of life. All it takes is for you to pay attention.

In the comments below, tell me… what are you called to create?

Gratitude as a pathway to success

Very often, we turn to science for help when we want to achieve something. Or medicine, for that matter. Sometimes it seems there is a pill for everything, or when there isn’t, we wish there was. Many of us look outside of ourselves for things that will make us feel better, gain more self-esteem, sleep better, be happier, be more productive, and so on. The list is endless.

And in all this, we forget the things that are closest to ourselves – within ourselves – and that cost us nothing to use or practice. Like gratitude.

There’s a lot of research that shows the many benefits of having an attitude of gratitude – an attitude defined by the simple act of being thankful: for your life, for your work, for what you have, for your health, for your friends and family members… for being alive. And for realizing what a miracle that is, and how fortunate you are for being able to experience it.

As Goeffrey James so beautifully says in this Inc.com article about the benefits of a gratitude muscle:

People who approach life with a sense of gratitude are constantly aware of what’s wonderful in their life. Because they enjoy the fruits of their successes, they seek out more success. And when things don’t go as planned, people who are grateful can put failure into perspective.

On the other hand, people who approach life with a negative attitude will approach success and failure in a completely different way, too, and will never be able to truly enjoy what they have worked for, or to cope well and overcome the failures that are inevitably part of life, and business, in a way that helps them to grow and move forward.

If this is true, and I believe that it is, the real question is: how can we remember to be grateful? And, how do we live with an attitude of gratitude?

In the prep program that I’ve designed to get clear on what you want and to turn that into actionable actions towards your goals (accessible for free to the members of The Boho Loft, by the way), there’s a section about gratitude and the importance of keeping a gratitude list.

During one of the group coaching calls, though, one of my students asked how to stay motivated to write down such a list “when nothing much happens in your life”. I thanked my student for this question, as this is something that has been hard for me to deal with at times, too. We live in a world where everything needs to be big and grand it seems, but gratitude doesn’t work that way. At least, not if you want a sustainable practice.

So, how do you keep an attitude of gratitude, whatever your day looks like?

1. Celebrate the little things

You don’t need be superwoman to be grateful. Look around you – at your life, at yourself. There are so many things to be grateful for, most of which go by unnoticed. Did you have comfy shoes on today (okay, that one might be tricky for some women, I admit), or did you have a beautiful pair on (there, that’s probably more like it)? Be grateful! Do you have a roof over your head, and enough food to eat? Be grateful. Is it warm enough where you are? Is the Sun shining? Be grateful. Did you see a flower today? Did someone smile at you? Be grateful. These are just a few of the many experiences and things we encounter on a daily basis in our lives, and yet we feel to recognize them for the blessings that they are. So, make sure to include the little things in your gratitude practice. Believe me, there is plenty to be thankful for.

2. Don’t be afraid to say ‘thank you’

I have found that saying ‘thank you’ to those around you for all that they do for you, and for what they mean to you, really helps to put you in an attitude of gratitude. And the added benefit is that you’re spreading the love and gratitude around at the same time. I have never seen anyone remain unhappy after someone thanked them from the heart. On the contrary, thanking someone almost always lifts the mood of that person, and of the one saying ‘thank you’, too. It’s one of the best remedies I know to get myself into a state of happiness. Try it, and you’ll see. Oh, and smile – that’s a good one, too, I promise.

3. Check in with yourself and count your blessings

Hectic moments can sometimes follow one another for days on end, without giving us enough time to even catch our breath, it seems. In the midst of chaos, take a moment to check in with yourself and remember something that you’re grateful for. It can be a little thing, or a big thing. Whatever you want, really. It might help you to keep a note on your phone, or on a card with a list of things you’re grateful for. Then, when it’s time to check in with yourself, just read the list and say “Thank you”.

4. Keep a gratitude journal

Writing things down is often more powerful than reading things, or even saying them out loud (it’s not me saying this; it’s research!). I cannot recommend anything more than for you to keep a gratitude journal. Journaling in general is a very efficient way to get to know your deepest thoughts and desires, and when you’re focused on gratitude, journaling becomes a way to see all the beautiful things in your life. Journaling doesn’t need to take long either; you can choose how long you want to spend writing. But I encourage you to try, and feel the benefits for yourself.

Ultimately, every day is a new opportunity for you to say ‘thank you’. And in the comments below, I’d love to know what it is you’re grateful for.

On the importance of a holistic approach to health

Traditional medicine – and to a larger extent traditional science, too – come from a very masculine place of measuring and testing, where the body – the medical subject – is regarded as something that can exist in perfect health, whatever the state of existence of the subject inhabiting it. What I mean by this is that traditional medicine looks at people and their health in a very narrow way, with regards for the physical aspects only, and without taking into consideration the mental, emotional, or spiritual state of a person.

From this approach, curing someone or maintaining a healthy body is purely a matter of applying scientific knowledge to the physical body. But, I hear you say, what about all the research that shows how body and mind are undeniably connected, how our emotions influence our physical state, how our mindset can have a positive or negative impact on curing disease, and so on?

Indeed, what about all that? What about Dr. Lissa Rankin’s “bold” statement that caring for your body is actually the least important part of your health?

I had the pleasure of attending a talk by Dr. Rankin last year in Portland, and I have to say that, ever since, my understanding of health and wellbeing has really expanded. I’ve come to understand that health is a global concept, with an infinite number of parts working together or against one another. Trying to stay healthy by looking after your physical body only is just addressing a part of the story, and will never allow you to be truly healthy.

According to Dr. Rankin (and many others in her field of holistic medicine and health), besides a well-functioning body, to be healthy, among other things, we need a positive and resilient mindset, more positive than negative emotions, and a sense of purpose and belonging to something which is greater than ourselves. Without this – and more – our physical bodies can suffer, and sustainable and profound health is much harder, if not impossible, to attain.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and of course I’m not making any medical claims with this post, but as a human being concerned about her health and that of others, I believe that there is more to health than just the body. That’s why, in this post, I want to address what are commonly known as five distinct, yet intertwined, aspects of holistic health: the mental, emotional, physical, environmental, and spiritual elements.

So, let’s take a slightly closer look at these five aspects, and see how they can influence our wellbeing.

1. Mental wellbeing

The way you think about things, the way you look at life and at yourself, at your achievements, and at your potential, is not only essential for your growth and happiness, but it also influences your health, in every aspect, all the way down to your physical body. And that is what your mental wellbeing is all about. To become more resilient, you can work on having a positive – and growth – mindset, as we’ve explored in The Boho Loft.

1. Emotional wellbeing

Your emotional wellbeing is everything that has to do with you feeling good about yourself and your life. Feeling good about themselves and their lives enables people to be part of society in a meaningful way, and to deal with all that they have to do in their everyday lives. Things that can influence your emotional wellbeing include: self-esteem and self-confidence, your relationships, your work/life balance, and even your financial security.

1. Physical wellbeing

Traditionally, talking about health would be more or less all talk about the body. In this case, however, following the bold statement from Dr. Rankin above, we’ve decided to take a holistic approach to health, and to see our physical wellbeing as one of the five main aspects of our health, and not the primary one.

When we talk about physical wellbeing, the first thing that comes to mind is, of course, taking good care of your body. This is what many of us know most about, simply because this is what we traditionally have been taught by our doctors and the medical profession, in general. More and more, however, the importance of nutrition – what we put into our bodies every day – is being recognized as an essential part of not only physical, but also mental and even emotional, wellbeing.

Then there is movement, and rest. The sleep revolution, started by Arianna Huffington, who made it her mission to get the world more sleep, even claims that if you want to succeed in your life and your career or business, guess what? You need more sleep! What a beautiful example of how health is being redefined.

1. Environmental wellbeing

An aspect of health that is very often undervalued is the environment that we live and work in. This environment should be peaceful, the air should be clean, and the surroundings should exist in accordance with Nature and should invite you to want to be a part of it, and to want to live there and work there.

There are two aspects to every environment we find ourselves in: an internal aspect and an external aspect. What I mean by this is that you have the spaces you live in and then you have the external environments which those spaces are built on. What you want is to have a healthy indoor environment, and a healthy outdoor one, too. If one of these two (or both) is not positive and healthy, this can be harmful to your health.

And ‘healthy’ here again must be looked at holistically, so it doesn’t mean just the air you breath, or what your walls are made of (although that’s important, too). But more important than these elements are things such as: whether your home or work environment is inviting, and safe, or whether it has enough light or is quiet enough, and etc.…

1. Spiritual wellbeing

I’ve mentioned this before, and I’ll surely mention it again. When you feel you’re part of something greater than yourself, you’re happier, and you feel good and grounded. Thanks to these feelings and that connection, you know you have a purpose in life, and each morning you wake up with a reason, and hopefully also with awareness of your own uniqueness as part of the bigger mystery.

Feeling spiritually connected like this is important to being healthy, and there are many ways to gain a greater spiritual awareness and connection to the divine mystery: meditation, mindfulness, stillness, creativity, and so much more. But what my spiritual mentors have really taught me in recent years” is that a spiritual practice requires discipline. You need to do the work in order to reap the benefits.

This is only an overview of the different aspects that matter for us to be healthy. In The Boho Loft, we go into much greater detail about each aspect, with an audio lecture, additional resources, reading material, and so on. As part of that, there are downloadable worksheets to help you learn more about yourself, and your health, too.

And here’s a link for you to a bonus download from the resources section of the membership site: natural remedies to lift you up – whatever mood you’re in!

Make sure to comment and let me know how you approach your health, and what you think is the most important part of being and staying healthy.