How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You

My entire life I’ve been intrigued by how differently people perceive the same things, and by how biased we are in our assumptions of what other people think.

As a perfectionist, and people-pleaser I spent a big part of my childhood and adult life worrying about what other people thought of me. On a daily basis I would replay conversations in my head, wondering if I had said or done the right thing. When I was in high school, and later at University, whenever a group of students would stand together talking, if even just one glanced my way, I would immediately assume it was me they were talking about — and probably not in a good way.

Then later on in life, my excessive worry caused me sleepless nights over little conflicts, and friendly disagreements. Any action coming from me that I deemed imperfect would trigger a worry spiral I could hardly get out of.

This constant stress and anxiety was exhausting, and depressing.

This was a long time ago. In the past decade I’ve grown and left most of my worry days behind me and with it the mind-boggling dichotomy that existed between what I was worrying about, and what people were actually thinking.

Of course the road to the (almost) worry-free life I’m living now was a bumpy one. The change didn’t happen overnight. But what I want to share with you today, and what I hope you’ll get out of this article, is that there is a way out of your anxieties and into a more peaceful life. I know, because I’ve been there.

Along that bumpy road I learned a thing or two that I’d love to share with you. So here’s 5 tips to help you stop worrying about what other people think of you: 

#1 Don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking

The group of talking students example above is a beautiful illustration of how our thinking works — and how wrong we are! We almost always assume we know how other people think and feel, based on our own feelings and thoughts. When we’re cold, we automatically assume everyone around us has icicles for feet. When we’re hungry we often think everyone’s ready to eat. When we’re sad the Sun doesn’t even shine as bright as usual. You get the picture.

The first thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to realise that you’re most probably wrong about your assumptions of what they’re thinking.

#2 When you think you know go for the best option, not the worst

Although the previous point is a valid one, it’s also hard to do. We’re all — always — alone with our thoughts, and emotions. Just like everyone else is alone with theirs. Assuming we know what someone else is thinking is the normal thing to do. But every time we do we also have the choice to pick the kind of assumptions we make. As a people-pleaser and perfectionist I always assumed the worse because that’s what I was focusing on. But since what we think is probably wrong anyway, we might as well assume the best, don’t we?

The second thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to reformulate your negative assumptions into positive ones. Instead of worrying about how silly you looked, or how stupid what you said was focus on how wonderful everyone thinks you are. They were probably not thinking about you anyway. Oh but wait, that’s the next point…

#3 People lead busy lives

I lead a busy life, and I bet you do to. In fact, everyone’s life is busy to the brink. It’s the disease of our times. When you look at the statistics, they’re staggering. On average a worker now produces in 11 hours what a worker in the 1950’s produced in 40 hours. I know, right? Although this is alarming — and the subject of a future article, the good news is that busy people don’t have a lot of time to think about other people.

The third thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to remember how busy people are, leaving very little room in their schedules to think about you.

#4 In doubt, ask

Sometimes worry controls you. You’re trying to follow tips one, two, and three but nothing’s working. Whatever you do, you keep on tossing and turning that conversation in your head. If you’re anything like me, you might even have winning arguments with them in your head, you know the ones in which you’re telling them how it is.

The fourth thing to do to worry less about what other people think of you is to ask them about it. Although this might feel daunting to you now, I promise it will release at least parts (and often all) of the fears, the worries, and the anxiety that you’re currently experiencing.

#5 Trust, love and appreciate yourself more

In the end, living an anxiety-free life is an inside job. I’ve found no better remedy to worry than to learn to trust, love, and appreciate myself more. The more you do that, the more self-confidence you’ll have, and the less you’ll worry about what other people think of you.

In the end all that matters is what you think of yourself.

Do you feel like you're always worrying about what other people think of you?

I know how it feels to be constantly stressed and anxious. You might not even realize that this is happening because it's become your normal state of being. But the truth is, we all deserve peace and happiness in our lives. We don't need to live with constant worry or anxiety!

My private coaching series will help you break free from these worries so that they no longer affect your life. It'll give you a sense of relief knowing that there are things in life more important than what others think of us - like living a happy, fulfilling life and doing work you love! Or perhaps even building that business on the side!

Schedule your free session!

7 habits that will completely change your career

Sometimes focusing on the end goal can be daunting when you’re unsure about what you really want. Especially for creatives and multi-passionate entrepreneurs, having to choose often feels like losing. What if I’m wrong? How do I “win” at this game called success? It’s even more difficult when your knowledge keeps evolving, and your interests keep changing… which often happens when thinking about career advancement or change.

Did someone take your idea again or not give you credit? Feeling bored and uninspired? Unhappy where you are? Stuck and unsure? Looking for a new, and greater challenge? Thinking about starting a little something on the side?

There are specific habits that successful creative entrepreneurs consistently act on to help grow their careers or businesses. Developing yourself professionally only works when it’s intentional. You have to want it, and work at it.

We often delay happiness in the relentless pursuit of accolades, status and money. We lose sight of something deeper and more purposeful in our careers when we only feel validated through external self-worth. This isn’t sustainable. Understanding what is helping you or preventing (!) you from creating positive habits in your career can help mitigate some of those stumbling blocks.

In the end, your career can only grow as much as yourself.

#1 Check your baseline

Where are you right now? How are you feeling? What’s been on your mind (or to-do list) lately that is important but keeps going by unnoticed? What’s the itch you can’t scratch, and where did it come from? Checking in with yourself regularly is an important step towards change. What parts of your career need some spring-cleaning or inspiration? Where do you see yourself in five years – is it time to set some new goals?

#2 Give more compliments

Sometimes we’re so fixated on what isn’t working we forget about what is. Build empathy by seeing through someone else’s eyes or walking in someone else’s shoes. By listening, validating and giving positive feedback you can create a foundation for relationship building, even if you’re not best friends with your co-workers, boss or the people on your team. This change in atmosphere can be the reinvigoration you, and your career needs – kill them with kindness. However, it’s not the solution for a very challenging or toxic work environment. If you have to stay there, you can try to make the most of it, for now. 

#3 Overcome perfectionism

Avoiding failure is a deeply rooted focus on the negative. In order to dissolve the barriers holding you back from career success, you have to let go of control. Demanding an abstract form of perfectness might make you miss the mark because you were fixated on doing things perfectly, rather than delivering progress. Remember there’s a difference between setting standards of excellence and setting standards no one can reasonably meet, including you.

#4 Invest more in yourself

Filling your own cup is one of the best returns on investment – you are investing in your future career by growing as an individual. Whether that’s through nutrition, meditation, yoga, a new class, online courses or hiring a coach, valuing yourself instead of waiting for external praise is the mindset that will help you grow the most. Say “yes” to yourself more, and considerately say “no” to others to create the necessary space for your well-being, and growth.

#5 Take leadership seriously

Sometimes we forget we can be role models and lead teams. We go about our day or want to get the job done. Do not underestimate your ability to use your creativity and transformational skills. We all have the potential to step up and create change. This includes self-management, taking the right risks, making those difficult decisions and being adaptable. 

#6 Expand your skills

Sometimes we get stuck because we don’t have a clear vision. The best way out of it is to develop new skills. Manage your money, plan your next adventure, or learn how to write a book – get curious with something you enjoy that doesn’t necessarily pay. Remember that you need your interests and passions to be happy and to thrive, but not all of them need to turn into businesses or a career! Invest in the skills you have and build the ones you’re lacking. Never stop learning and don’t underestimate the power of knowledge to up-level your career, at any stage in life.

#7 Connect, connect, connect

Do you avoid work breaks? Skip on the after-work get togethers? Dread the networking events that you know could bring in new business? My advice is to show up. As women especially, we’re still too often the silent birdies in the workplace and at the decision table. It's not only about connecting, but also about making sure people "see" you and your potential. You never know who you might meet, or what new idea you might get. So get out there. 

Practice these seven habits consistently and you’ll completely change your career. Finding the necessary mentors or coaches to support you can be an added strength. 

Investing in yourself and your growth are career-changing habits you can start with right now. The benefit will show faster than daily trips to the gym, I promise you. 

How to change careers with what you already have

Career exploration sounds more difficult than a NASA mission to Mars. The older you get, the more you wonder: a new career, is that even possible? Changing course might be daunting when there’s a perception that you’re throwing away the “perfect” career or that you don’t have the degrees or skills needed to make the change. Yet, the 9-5 hamster wheel is losing its appeal now that loyalty, benefits and pensions no longer guarantees career success and satisfaction or outweighs the boredom and lack of purpose that many driven creatives experience every day. 

Professionals are job-hopping more than before, some twice as much as they did two decades ago (often not for money). Career change is no longer taboo, it’s becoming the norm. Value differences, burnout, and stress are leading people to second-guess the career they’re currently in. Regardless of the trend, many still feel stuck. What if you could start a new career (or business) with what you already have – the skills, attitudes and value system that could inspire growth in new directions?

Using your experiences and transferable skills is not new. We do this all the time when pivoting or moving up the chain of command. We fake it until we make it. Critical thinking, problem solving, writing, creative thinking, researching – your multi-passionate creative skills can be applied in any industry or niche. The point is: you have what it takes and anything you don’t know yet, you can learn. On the job, that is! Not by first enrolling in another course or degree, you’ve done enough of that already…

Focusing on what that next step is starts with the first step you can take right where you are. Let’s use the four C’s approach to starting that new career, whatever it may be, using what you already have in your proverbial toolbox. 

Change 

What’s inspiring the desire for change? Thinking about a new career, what excites you? Being outdoors? Getting more creative? Being your own boss? What will sustain you when you’re not making money from the get-go? Why the change and why now? Change is good, but preparation is key. Being in the right mindset will help you tremendously when the transition might not go as planned. 

Cross-functional skills 

As mentioned, you’re well stocked with skills, even some that are under-utilised where you currently work. What professional muscles do you want to stretch? Remember, you do not have to limit yourself to your current industry. What are the skills, strengths and preferences you can hone in on? What are the skills that are effortless and productive? 

Comfort 

As humans we naturally prefer comfort to discomfort, safety to fear. This is why many delay making a change for weeks, years and even decades. If you’re naturally a predictable person, with an inclination towards security and structure, you might be risk averse, but ask yourself what comforts are you willing to sacrifice for more fulfilling and meaningful work? And ultimately, looking back five or ten years from now, will you regret not making a different choice?

Confidence 

Every new idea is launched with some bravado. A career change is no exception. It helps to have support. As a career and business coach, I help clients overcome the fear and inner doubt that keeps them stuck and plagues professionals seeking change, regardless of age or social status. Ultimately, your experiences and desires will defeat any inner uncertainty, but only when you realize what this change truly means for you. 

You must have heard of imposter syndrome and that inner doubt, but your strengths and interests speak for themselves, as do the accolades (accept the compliments!). The multi-passionate research will move you forward while the four C’s will help you navigate some answers to those tough questions. 

There’s no Secret for Preparation

Preparation requires soul-searching, countless podcasts, and a collection of self-help books you can gloat about, but you cannot stay inactive forever.

What will be that final nudge towards taking that one confident step in a new direction? You might be hesitant to send in your resignation, or you might be feverishly ready to do so without a game plan. Either way, consider what is required if and when you decide to change, but more importantly how that change will look and work for you.

You might not have the time or energy to decipher all of this and that’s okay. If you desire to seek a new career with what you already have, there’s an entire world out there to support your vision. Undeniably, there will be people and factors in your life that will prevent you from seeking change; remember your responses to the four C’s when that happens. 

Always go back to the proof in your achievements and what you’re truly proud of – not what you’re lacking. No achievement you’ve made is without its lessons and merits. Now onto the next career challenge you’re seeking!

Ambitious and creative? Entrepreneurship might be a good fit for you.

Admit it, you’re a passionate, life long learner person. You’re thorough, and a bit of a perfectionist at times. Now, what does that have to do with entrepreneurship?

You’re open to new experiences and you’re never bored learning something new. You’re conscientious too. After all, you want to read and review a report or email at least three times before sending (guilty :)), help others on different teams when you already have four projects on the go, or clean every nook in the house and run 5 errands in one day before calling it quits. You’re ambitious and creative.

But these qualities can work for you or against you. If you feel like you’re hitting a dead end where you are in your life and career right now, here’s something to ponder…

From my coaching experience, more often than not, my clients have a hidden itch and talent for entrepreneurship – actually most of them eventually follow that path. They work with me and uncover what their deepest dreams and goals are. Let’s see if that’s what you want to do also…

1. Was that child curiously leader-driven?

Revisit your younger self, when you were your most passionate and imaginative. What were you doing in unrestrained happiness? Check out the photo albums and speak with family and friends. Was that child hustling and trying to sell things to unsuspecting family members? (Guilty) Was that child in charge, curious and a little, okay, quite bossy? (Yep, that too!) Did you have a stronger feeling of wanting to problem solve or fix everything when you were younger? 

2. Do you have an idea?

You probably have an endless supply of ideas and hundreds of notes in your phone. (Hello multi-passionate mind!) Things you quash or forget easily because, well, you’re busy! Go back and review those notes. Go back to certain years in your life when you had an aha! moment. Go back to those conferences, events or people you learned from that left you in awe. What ideas are you brewing now?

3. What does your dream life look like?

You might keep a journal, a mood board, or a vision board on Pinterest of all you want to do in your life. If you have none of those, now’s the time to do so. Grab some magazines, or just put on your favorite playlist and meditate. Centre yourself on what you’ve been thinking about. 

If money and resources were not an issue, what would you do?

4. Who inspires you?

When getting to know your entrepreneurial spirit, listening is more important than speaking. Listen to yourself and to others. If you’re networking, pause and get to know everyone, and find out from the people around you, what entrepreneurship is like and what their favorite part is. Hey, maybe you’ll end up with a mentor! What entrepreneurs are you instantly feeling connected with? Are their success stories inspiring you to start your own thing?

5. What’s holding you back?

When was the last time you faced uncertainty, but you were in control? That’s kind of like considering being your own boss. You learn the skills as you go, yes (hello, Google), but you also have to get inspired by your inner child, ideas, dreams and professional desires. What types of problems or issues get your juices flowing? Is it fashion, accessories, education, injustice, animals, housing affordability – what’s a problem you face that you would love to fix?

Many preliminary and seemingly impossible daydreams have lead to a lot of creative – and successful businesses today.

Answering these questions got you excited, and inspired to start your own project but you feel stuck where you are, and not quite ready to take a leap (even to start with a little side hustle)? Self-doubt and fear might be holding you back from expressing your true entrepreneurial nature. As will the “stuff” you carry (we all do) that you keep pushing in front of you.

Reflect and review the activities above and get back to me to tell me all about what came up for you in your free coaching session.

It’s never too late to step into the entrepreneurial life.

Admitting you’re bored or uninspired is the first step! Get off the couch after work (and on the weekends), change out of your PJs and start getting inspired. If you journal and seize the moments outlined above you will soon uncover if entrepreneurship is for you and how. I promise!

Smart work habits for creatives and entrepreneurs

There’s a difference between doing things mindlessly and doing things consciously. Have you ever gone grocery shopping and realized once you got home that you bought *some* (ahem, a lot) of unhealthy options? And that you forgot the apples?!

This is only a small example of how we operate on autopilot most of the time. Now what does that look like for a multi-passionate creative trying to get work done? 

Habits and Productivity

With a multi-passionate, creative mind like yours I know you struggle with focusing – I’ve been there. You let distractions get the better of you, you tend to be indecisive about the fourteenth great idea you have, and you just feel like you’re too busy all the time! (Spoiler, you’re not truly being productive, you just look like you are…). So, how can you finally get to work so you can achieve all the things you want? 

Awareness is the idea that you’re mindful of your internal and external surroundings. We practice being aware through specific mindsets or behaviours, for example in the form of a new daily habit or ritual. This adds a layer of meaning and purpose to what you’re doing. What’s a ritual, or formal process (or ceremony) you can start tomorrow that’s small? This could be as simple as a five minute routine in the morning, an act of self-care, something you do when preparing a meal, journaling… The idea is to find something small that can help you shift into action. 

Too many ideas? Journal them.
Don’t know how to start a business as a multi-passionate ambitious creative? Speak with a coach.
Feeling overwhelmed with your to-do list? Take a course on working smarter and not harder.

Trust me, I know because not only was I there (not knowing who I was and what my personal dreams were), but those are the exact clients I serve today (feel free to sign up for a free consult – no pressure!). 

What will help you do things differently from now on? 

Creating new, automatic actions that help you achieve your goals. I like to call them rituals, but you can call them something else. They can help shape or shift you, changing you on a deeper level. 

Daily rituals act like small but important ceremonies, where you’re consciously allowing things to take place rather than being overwhelmed, distracted or careless. That’s why they’re such an important part of the Smart Work™ that I teach. Adjusting your daily habits is something you can do with anything in your life – regardless of how big or small, whether it’s moving more slowly, eating nutritiously, or making decisions that will impact where your career takes you. But most importantly with purpose rather than just rushing it because everyone else is doing it. A ritual is personal and should fit you like a glove. 

Smart Work is also a free challenge I developed about these very issues my clients face over and over. It’s about more than just knowing what to do to achieve your goals, but embodying it so you don’t give up if it doesn’t go perfectly the first time. 

By inviting intentional rituals into your life you rewire your entire system. 

You’re addressing those habits that might get in your way, whether it’s distraction, fear, feeling like you’re not enough, or you might not deserve it. The stagnant and exhausted parts of your life need a breath of fresh air. 

Habits and rituals are important because they add your senses to your day-to-day life, so you’re not just centring life on what you produce. Life is not meant to be tedious work. If you’ve been busy this whole time and you still feel like the finish line keeps being pushed back it’s time for a different approach.

Knowing what the first step is – what helps align with who you want to be and how you want to feel – is important. 

You can’t create something new when there’s no space for it.

What is currently serving you? What isn’t serving you? Is stress and overwhelm a common denominator at every turn? Let’s focus on 6 specific habits around smart work.

Smart work habits for creatives and entrepreneurs

1. Banish Distractions: address distractions holding you back. Overwhelmed? What’s causing it? How do you stop them? Why are you doing what you’re doing and why *that* specific goal? What’s the relationship you have with yourself, and how can you get time to work for you and not against you?
   

2. Build Healthy Boundaries: what are safe and reasonable ways for how you expect yourself and others to behave? What do you require to understand your own needs, priorities – mentally and emotionally? How do you communicate? Do you know how to say “no”? Saying “no” and letting go of guilt, negative self-talk and boosting the positive chemicals in your brain are vital to be smart about your time!
   

3. Embrace Simplicity: let’s declutter (music to Marie Kondo’s ears!). Not just physical things, but digital, personal and emotional. If you want to be truly productive then you must be willing to move from chaos to calm and easy systems, (eliminate, automate and delegate), to let go and create space for things that truly matter. Are you still holding onto too much baggage? Then you’ll keep paying for the extra fee.
   

4. Find Balance: we hear this as “work-life balance,” but it’s more than that because you’re not just the work you produce, you’re so much more! Finding balance means getting focused, intentional and not running on autopilot. What does true success mean to you and not other people? Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? That constant feeling of inadequacy around what you can and can’t achieve? What if those thoughts were learned and inherited from other people? How can you truly find balance as a woman in today’s society?
   

5. Create Daily Rituals: working smarter and not harder requires attention and intention – you need to focus on your inner voice. What nourishes you, your habits, and your self-awareness and daily routines? What is the anatomy of an effective goal? Have your lessons in life been practical or short-lived? Do you still feel overwhelmed by chaos, or are you ready to turn new habits into inspiring and life-changing daily rituals?
   

6. Master Smart Work: There’s only so much growth you can do on your own, even for an overachieving perfectionist (hello there!). The truth is you must create a deep sense of awareness within yourself. How do you remain present? Accept the highs and lows? Transform the old into the new? How do you keep self-sabotage in check? You’re on a journey to uncover your unique recipe to success and that requires transforming your internal programming in the final step towards smart work.

How do you want to grow as a creative or entrepreneur? Ditch the old, and embrace the new (and not in a cheesy, new year’s resolutions again, kind of way). 

By addressing these key ingredients to Smart Work™ you might be closer to your dreams than you’ve ever been before. 

So what’s next for you? As we close off the past, I encourage you to slow down and realize that you’ve accomplished so much and only the best is yet to come. 

How to say “no” to protect your creative time

“Why did I say “yes” to this thing? What was I thinking?! Why do I keep over-committing myself, and feeling like crap as a result?”  When was the last time you mumbled this to yourself on the way to a commitment you regretted saying “yes” to? Not so long ago, I bet.

When was the last time you said “no” to an opportunity, ask or time-consuming project? “How do I even say do that!?”, you might be wondering. 

Trust me, it IS possible. 

We don’t say “no” because it makes us feel bad, guilty, or worried. “What will people think of me?” How many times have you been asked to do something you REALLY didn’t want to do, but still said “yes”? It happens to creatives and entrepreneurs all the time! And it sure has happened to me many times, too.

In a way, everyone prefers to say “yes”. 

When someone asks us for something we don’t want to disappoint. We’ve been raised to listen to other people’s needs. We’re told that saying “no” might burn bridges, or that it might jeopardise a relationship. If someone is willing to disconnect and ignore you when you say “no” to them, perhaps they needed that “no” the most though…

The truth is: saying “yes” is the easy, people-pleaser response. But it’s not always the best one. At least it’s not the best one for you if you want to protect your creative time. 

After all, there must be a good reason why you’re reading this. You might be a bit of a perfectionist, have high standards, tend to people-please. I’m here to tell you, you shouldn’t do this at the expense of your time, energy and sanity. Chronic fatigue is real and over-working and over-exerting yourself can lead to under-performance in all areas of your life. 

This is not the way to more – or sustainable – productivity.

Prioritise Yourself

You can’t control what other people think and feel but you CAN be in charge of yourself. 

When you have an overwhelming list of to-dos – where do you even start? Trust me, I was there, and I did a lot of trial and error to find tools, tips and tricks that actually work! Whether in life, career, or business. I left the corporate world to pursue a smarter and more sustainable way of living – I followed my dreams because they grew too loud to ignore. 

Uncovering what is sabotaging  your productivity is unique to you (and that’s where I come in). It’s not just about the work anymore, it’s about meaningful and joyful work. It’s about prioritising the right things, and not just any things. It’s about addressing habits that no longer serve you, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Now let’s get back to saying “no”. 

Saying “no” can feel spooky or weird. It may or may not result in hurt feelings. But every time you say “yes” when you *really* want to say “no”, you’re actually saying “no” to yourself. The busier you are with other people’s requests means less time for yourself. At first it might seem like you’re helping others, doing your job or being a team player, but there’s a difference between doing good, and overworking just because you think you have to. 

That’s where you need to differentiate and learn to say “no”. 

Saying “no”

“Let me get back to you on that.”
“It’s not a good time for me right now.” 
“I have a lot on my plate right now, I’m gonna have to pass.” 
(For more ways to say “no” graciously, click here)

We’re all balancing A LOT. When you decide to work overtime, you’re saying “no” to a social life, hobbies, passions, relationships or even your wildest dreams. 

Sometimes, when we get into a cycle of saying “yes” all the time, we are blindsided by the fact we’re saying “yes” to unimportant activities. Granted, some of those activities might be important to others. That doesn’t make them valuable to you. We internalise the idea that by saying “yes”, those requests are important to us as well. When in reality it’s not the request that’s important, but rather the idea that we’re doing something, which in turn makes us believe we’re being productive. (But why, then, aren’t you moving forward on your own dreams?!)

That’s a problem.

By saying “yes” to other people, you’re losing touch with your own needs. With your purpose. It might feel good for a while to be appreciated for your time, energy and talents. But how sustainable is it for you to say “yes” to everybody all the time? The fact is: you will eventually burn out. 

Aim for the Right Target

At work things can get even trickier. If you’re giving out “yesses” too easily, you might end up sacrificing your own ideas, and projects to pursue someone else’s. Is that going to work out for you in the long run? Probably not. By fulfilling someone else’s vision, you’re following someone else’s breadcrumbs, building someone else’s dream… Essentially, you’re going to end up at the wrong house. I know, because I’ve been in front of ugly front doors many times!

Always consider how you invest your time and energy. Whether that’s leading towards a goal or dream you have, or away from the ones you don’t want to take part in. This way, you’ll have time to choose opportunities that align more closely with YOUR goals. The more you do this, the more those opportunities will present themselves – it’s like magic, believe me! 

Say “no” to following the breadcrumbs.
Say “no” to building other people’s dreams.
Say “no” to relationships that are no longer working.

If there isn’t an element of authenticity, or reciprocity, or if you don’t feel deeply connected to giving to someone else, you need to practice the art of saying “no”. 

Did you know? Saying “no” is also a huge productivity hack. 

I’m in the business of getting #SmartWork to as many multi-talented creatives and entrepreneurs as possible (psst that includes you!). Once you start believing that it’s okay to say “no” and how to turn down requests politely, you’ll free up so much time to rest, recuperate and realign to your inner voice, and where you really want to be going. 

After all, we could all use less work, and shorter to do-lists, couldn’t we?

Reclaim Your Time

Time is our most precious resource. We can never get it back.

How we spend our time can often feel like a loss, especially when our heart wasn’t fully into it. We don’t want to *waste* time. But what are we really doing, when we’re spending it on other people’s wishes? That’s not to say we can never be there and help, only that we should do it with care and consideration.

As a professional coach for many years, my clients come to me because they’re fed up with losing so much precious time. What’s the next step? What do I do? How do I reclaim my time? How do I achieve my dreams? Those are some of the common questions I get asked when we start working together. 

Part of it is #SmartWork – how do you get productive without feeling like you’re constantly running out of time and energy? A slice of that pie is learning to say “no”. And knowing that it’s okay.

Would you rather say “yes” and be unhappy? Or “no” and be fulfilled? It’s up to you… Part of it is finding the courage to stand up for yourself. 

In the end, if you’re not saying “yes” to yourself you’re saying it to someone else’s dreams and projects.

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An experiment to try: In the next two weeks, I’d love for you to say “no” to at least three things you usually say “yes” to but then feel resentful about. What shifts are you noticing? Is it getting easier? What other options is this unlocking for you? Let me know x

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How Suzanne beat career anxiety and became a yoga teacher

When Suzanne and I met, we were both enrolled in Marie Forleo’s b-school, back in 2015. I remember a post in the group asking if any b-schoolers were located in Belgium, and sure enough, Suzanne and I were! We quickly connected, and have kept on checking in with each other regularly over the years. It’s been wonderful seeing Suzanne grow into the entrepreneur that she is today. Her soft and gentle nature, intelligence, patience are some of the qualities that I appreciate most in her. Spending time with Suzanne feels like a warm Spring day, where everything flows and is easy. Her courage is undeniable, and her wisdom mountain high. Here’s how she did it.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

I’ve always pictured myself in a successful career, ever since I was a little girl. However, at age 30 I still didn’t know what that was going to look like for me. I was full of anxiety about my career path. When I say successful I mean that in a very personal way, not what it may mean or look like to the rest of society… 

For me it’s about finding balance between all the areas that matter to me: a creative job that gives me purpose and satisfaction, being in control of my schedule, having a lot of free time for all the activities that I enjoy doing, being financially stable and able to support myself and my loved ones, being able to give back, and having the time to take care of my health. 

So being creative, I started countless creative quests: working as an architect, graphic designer, illustrator, furniture designer and maker,… But I could never find the balance or the success that I was looking for. At the time, yoga was the only source of appeasement in my life. 

One day, while sitting on my mat waiting for class to start, I was examining my yoga teacher and she seemed so genuinely happy and relaxed and I had a vision of myself like that. Since that day, the idea had sprouted in my head that maybe I could also teach this amazing practice to others. For some reason, it clicked.

What made me take action on that seemingly crazy new idea was my drive for more purpose, and my frustration with my present life. I’m not the type of person that can just complain about my situation and not do something about it. It may take me awhile to realise what’s wrong, and I may complain in the meantime, but when I know, I need to take action. Because the only alternative would be to start blaming myself or others for my own unhappiness.  But that just leads to no change and feeling bad about yourself.

What could I lose by trying? I guess it’s my strong desire to thrive, feel aligned and find my purpose eventually led me to go after my dream.

Did you always have this dream?

Yes and no, I always had the dream to be an independent and successful woman, but I never knew what that looked like for me. It was hard unpacking the beliefs and ideas that others had for me, the path that others expected of me. But I gained more clarity by trying out all these different jobs and side-projects. 

It’s so easy to think that I wasted years of my life pursuing all these different things but in fact, following all these different paths is what lead me to be where I am today. I needed that clarity. The actual dream of becoming a wellness expert and entrepreneur emerged only a couple of years ago. But the dream of being a boss babe, a strong, fierce independent woman, has always been there.

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

Research. 

I was practicing yoga but knew nothing about it. The first thing I did was research yoga schools, programs, locations and duration. Overwhelmed with the amount of choice, I decided to go for something practical. I wanted something that I could do quickly, close to home (to limit the budget of traveling) and that had good reviews. I found a yoga ashram in the Netherlands that had a one-month training in Summer and went for it – even though it seemed expensive to me. Even though it used up all of my holiday days. Even though I thought I wasn’t good enough at yoga to be a yoga teacher… 

I had many excuses not to do it: time, finances, my own confidence. It made the goal seem hard or unachievable. But you have to get past the excuses.

So I did, because the voice inside me was telling me to go, and that I would learn and grow and be perfectly imperfect.

When I finally was training at the ashram, for the first time in my life, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be and I could not wait to go home and transmit the wisdom I had learned. I felt so inspired, motivated and full of purpose that I couldn’t wait to start teaching.

I started researching again: this time for spaces to teach yoga!

Anytime I do something, I research it, find what I’m looking for, let it macerate in my head and then take action.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

Definitely self-doubt. 

A lot of doubt and questions about my worthiness. Am I good enough to be a yoga teacher? Will I have any students? Will they like my classes? Why aren’t they coming back? I’m tired, maybe I can’t do this? I’m still working full-time, maybe I’m not a real entrepreneur or yoga teacher and so on. 

It takes a lot of motivation and commitment to keep going when you have all these questions running around in your head, or worse, when they’re being voiced by close ones.

Thankfully, having committed myself to my students, I just couldn’t not show up! That accountability is probably what kept me going at times when I felt like staying on my couch 

I was serving others now, it wasn’t about me anymore. All I can say is that out of all those times when I wanted to stay at home, I never once regretted going out to teach. I always came back grateful and filled with so much appreciation and motivation for what I do. Magic happens when you serve your clients and live on purpose.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

Putting less pressure on myself. I’m a high-achiever and a perfectionist. I get very impatient. I want results quickly (who doesn’t these days?!).

I would put a lot of pressure on myself to be further than where I was. I thought that I should be running retreats already, doing more workshops, and be trained in this and that. Basically I want to do it all, not giving myself time to enjoy the moment, the newness, the beginning, the journey of being an entrepreneur. 

I would work myself to near exhaustion to be further ahead. That’s not the idea of balance you might think of for a yoga teacher. Ironic isn’t it, that the yoga teacher is burning out? But that was the reality. Thankfully I realised it before it was all too much and I made a mental shift.

I’m now trying to focus on the journey more than the “shoulds” because everything is a process. As time matures wine or cheese, I believe it’s the same with my business. The more experience I get, the better my classes are, which means that more students like them or benefit from them. The bigger my client base is, the easier it becomes to create a workshop or a retreat that will sell out. 

It’s all a process, a journey and this, by definition, needs time. It takes time for people to get to know you and trust you and it also takes time for you to evolve, get clear and learn. So don’t rush things. Accept and enjoy the journey. 

As I say to my yoga students, you’ll only be a beginner once in your yoga journey, so enjoy it.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

Not entirely but I’m certainly getting closer every day. And I am ok with that. 

Because the big dream is also shifting and transforming itself as I grow and get closer. I think my big dream will always be slightly out of my grasp, which is good to keep me thriving but it’s also crucial to notice all that I have accomplished so far. Noticing the distance you’ve traveled is so important because that’s when you realise you’ve probably already reached one or more of your dreams or past versions of it. That’s great and needs to be celebrated. It also builds resilience for the next endeavours.

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Accountability! Having mentors, coaches, building relationships with people going through the same struggles, battles and challenges as I am. Getting support from people that understand and can relate and giving support back. Basically having a community of supporters. This is something you might have to build and create for yourself.

I built a community because I didn’t know any yoga teachers before I embarked on this journey. I had no entrepreneurial friends around me, and certainly no online entrepreneurs. It’s hard to share your ideas and vision with people that just don’t get what you’re talking about. Finding role models, inspiring entrepreneurs, getting a coach or having mentors is so important. Then making your goals public or known to get accountability.

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Fear will be your biggest frenemy. I say frenemy because fear is good and bad.

Fear lets you know that this dream or project is scary and maybe even risky, but that’s why it’s worth doing. It acts like an indicator of what you should pursue. Fear wants to keep you from going out of your comfort zone but growth and change only happens there. Fear is good because it tells you what will challenge you and make you grow. 

Fear becomes negative when you let it rule you and it keeps you stuck, paralysed, dead in the water. So listen to the fear to let it guide you towards the scary project or dream, then tell it to take a back seat because you’ve got it. Take action asap, even small baby steps because getting into action will help to dissipate the fear or it’s held on you. It will create momentum. 

It’s important that you’re moving forward no matter how slowly or how small the steps are, as long as you’re not staying stuck in fear. This is a mental game. Fear will come back again and again and you have to create the mindset to keep it in check. I believe you can develop this strength with action because it builds your confidence. 

You start believing that you can, in fact, achieve your dream because you’ve already successfully taken steps towards it.

Anything else you’d like to share with us?

Murielle, you’ve been one of my mentors and I thank you so much for your presence, your words and your work. You’re an inspiration to me and I’m sure to many others.

More about Suzanne – simplysueyoga.com

Suzanne Ibrahim-Fay is a multi-passionate creative soul and a caring yoga teacher with big dreams to change the world into a better, happier and healthier place. She loves eating, travelling and outdoor adventures and is dedicated to fighting climate change.

She decided to transition from a career in architecture to one of a yoga teacher after she fell in love with the practice a few years ago and experienced first-hand the restoration and spiritual powers of yoga. Indeed, yoga helped her to overcome some rough emotional times, get through a chronic illness and overall, find more balance and peace in her life, while getting fitter and happier. Having never felt as good as she did now, she knew that if yoga could transform her life it could transform so many others’ lives too and she wanted to be a part of that. 

Suzanne’s favourite quote is:

My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

– Maya Angelou

Suzanne’s big dream for the world is:

I dream of a world where all beings are treated equally. Where women are strong, fierce, playful, and respected. Where all girls can get an education. Where our Mother Earth is preserved and loved for everything she gives us. Where every human being feels loved, free, safe and at peace. I want to help spread love, compassion, fulfilment and health to as many as I can, because I believe that when we’re at peace with ourselves we can create a world that reflects that. I believe that we have to work on ourselves first to be able to serve others from our state of highest being. Only when we’ll find inner peace will the world we live in be at peace too.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.