How Deirdre overcame burnout and started the wellness magazine Self.ly

Deirdre and I initially connected after she signed up for my Free Smart Work™ Challenge. When she did, she was in big career transition, and wanted to start a business to help professionals prevent burnout through self-care. What inspires me most about Deirdre is her never-ending enthusiasm, her incredible creativity, and the passion she has for her project. It’s been a joy working with her, and supporting her in achieving her dream. Here’s how she did it.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

I want to end burnout in the workplace and make workplaces more human so people can be at their creative best. My own experience of burnout, after working myself to exhaustion in my previous fast-paced job, inspired me to understand what had happened to me. 

I wanted to know how I went from energetic, positive, and creative to overwhelmed, and stressed out. This made me understand the need for self-care and wellness in the workplace, and what ultimately led me to create Self.ly – a platform dedicated to the wellbeing of professionals.

Did you always have this dream?

No. It arose out of my own burnout experience, which illustrated to me that the current workplace is not fit for purpose. What happened to me is not an isolated event. Our work environments are not equipped to take the “person” into account, and the needs we have. 

Stress reduction, a sense of purpose, inspiring work… it’s not often there. When it is, it’s not always readily available or it gets counterbalanced by even more pressure to perform. Something has to change. 

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

I enlisted as coach. I wanted an accountability partner, sounding board and support mechanism as setting up a business is a daunting proposition when you’re emerging from burnout and you’ve lost confidence somewhat.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

Mindset – having the positivity, focus and self-belief to translate a wish into a website, an online magazine and an online community. Entrepreneurship is a journey. You start out with passion, and a desire to create change. Even though you “know” things might get tough at times, you’re never fully prepared for when doubt hits, or when the results you’re hoping for are taking longer to manifest. 

That’s why mindset is so important. Staying optimistic and believing in your project, adjusting expectations along the way. 

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I underestimated the amount of time things really take. It’s also all-consuming so I had to start practicing what I preach and look at pace and build in regular recovery time; something that’s particularly important when you’re engaged in creative tasks like writing or planning. It’s easy to get sucked into the “work longer, harder, faster” fallacy and burnout. So building in regular breaks and making sure to build connections and talk to like-minded entrepreneurs who are going through the same frustrations and trials has been vital to maintaining momentum.

This notion of overnight success is an urban legend, and very misleading. If you’re starting something new, expect a long and challenging journey. I’ve had to revise my expectations around monetary growth. You have to believe in yourself – believe in your ideas, your abilities, your will and perseverance, and dedication. And that makes you want to live your life your way and not anyone else’s way.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

I’ve done what I set out to do, which is to get my magazine established. I would say I’ll have achieved my goal when I see active change as a result of the magazine and online programs. 

Self.ly was created to really help move the needle when it comes to self-care and burnout prevention in the workplace. I know there’s still a lot of work to do, and for the dream to be complete a paradigm shift needs to happen. We have to redefine work, and make the worker center stage. 

What do you think helped you achieve it?

You were instrumental in allowing me to see a feasible path forward and establishing a framework and milestones for achievable growth. It’s important to speak to someone who has gone through the process and is familiar with it.

The fact that I wanted to create real change also helped. When you’re passionate about something, you can put all your talents and creativity into building it. 

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Stick with your gut – you have to go at your own pace and listen to your own instincts.

Don’t underestimate the importance of incremental improvements – Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t compare yourself with business owners who have been at this for 10 years. You’ll get there at your own pace, in your own time.

More about Deirdre and Self-ly  – https://www.self-ly.com/

Deirdre is the Founder and CEO of Self.ly. The platform is a lifestyle media brand and supportive community dedicated to making self-care simple and accessible for busy executives, entrepreneurs, business leaders and healthcare professionals. An antidote to hustle culture, Self.ly provides the information, tips, latest trends and advice to show you how to avoid burnout and overwhelm and raise your energy, performance and mental health and wellbeing.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Deirdre! She loves connecting with people from around the world. You can do so through her website at  https://www.self-ly.com/

Deirdre’s favourite quote is:

Build yourself brick by brick

– Tom Bilieu

Deirdre’s big dream for the world is:

I want to help create mentally and emotionally healthy and human workplaces where individuals can flourish and organisations can prosper.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

5 easy steps to set successful goals for yourself

Happy New Year! I absolutely love those three words, don’t you? They come bearing the gift of opportunity, and the promise of 365 days to create whatever your heart desires. A clean slate for you to play with, reinvent yourself, achieve your wildest dreams.

I’ve always had big dreams, and goals but it’s only in the last few years that I’ve become really intentional about achieving them. Every year I find that I’m perfecting my goal-setting techniques, rituals, and habits. And every year, I’m achieving more of what I want. So much so, that I created a goal-setting course called Dream Bigger that you can join here.

This program guides you through the process of dreaming big, and setting fulfilling goals for yourself, all the way to creating an actionable – and achievable – plan!

The amazing results that students have achieved using the program, and reflecting on my own successes, proves to me that nothing is impossible!

What really matters is not what your goals are, but how you set them.

So here’s 5 easy steps to set successful goals for yourself!

#1 Reflect and learn

If you don’t know what you’re doing wrong or right, you will never be able to use that knowledge to grow. So the first step when setting successful goals for yourself is to reflect on your successes and failures of the year that has passed. What goals did you achieve? What went well? What didn’t? And from that to distill some lessons learned that will help you to move forward faster in the new year, or to avoid the mistakes you made last year.

#2 Write, and dream big!

Planning your goals for the new year is like doing a gigantic brain dump. You want to get everything you want to accomplish, and achieve over the next 12 months out of your head and onto paper. The important thing here is to be as complete as possible and not to censor yourself. You have a permission slip to dream big. At this stage you don’t want to make your life dream realistic, you want make it really fantastic!

#3 Cut, cut, cut

If you’re familiar with the 80/20 principle you know that according to that principle 20 percent of what we do in life (and business) accounts for 80 percent of the results we achieve. Applied to goal-setting this means that less is definitely more! So review the list you’ve created for yourself in step 2, and identify the goals or actions that you either don’t really want to go for, or that will not bring in the returns you’re going for. Make sure to feel into your goals when you do this exercise, and to dismiss anything that doesn’t feel right for you. Ask yourself questions such as: How do I want to feel this year? Is this goal helping me do that? Do I really want this? What desire lies behind this goal or action? Is this the best way to achieve it?

#4 Organize

Once you know the goals you’re going to work towards this year, it’s time to get organized and structure your goals by creating a plan for yourself. You can do this in any number of ways, with Nathalie McNeal’s 5×5 quadrant for instance, or by organizing your goals per quarter, month, week, or even day. Whatever system you’re using, make sure you’ve got a clear overview of what it is you’re trying to achieve, create visual cues for yourself (hang your plan onto the refrigerator, on the wall in your office, in the bathroom…) to be reminder of your goals daily, cultivate action-oriented habits, and use planning tools to help you work on your goals throughout the year.

#5 Schedule, and keep yourself accountable

And finally… schedule. What gets scheduled, gets done. Have weekly check-ins to review your goals, and plan ahead. Put all your action steps in your calendar, and set deadlines for yourself. Don’t be afraid to keep yourself accountable, because that’s precisely what you need to reach your goals. And if going at it alone is too difficult, find yourself an accountability partner. Have regular check-ins with her, say what you’re working on, what you’ll do by when, and stick to it. The results you’ll achieve will be nothing short of a miracle, I promise you!

Why every freelancer needs self-care (and how to start)

You’ve leaped off the edge of the 9-5 and into the digital nomad or freelance lifestyle – or freedom lifestyle as I like to call it. You went from schedule to no schedule, from many bosses to you being the boss hot sauce. This jump might have been thrilling, but now you’re on the brink of exhaustion, fighting off the stresses and anxiety of the freelance world. 

From working sporadic hours while listening to the news, or watching YouTube and researching for your next client, keeping up with your habits and your time can border on a traffic jam or Titanic level crash. Putting your health and body first can be a struggle when everything else seems important, to the detriment of your work performance. (Perhaps you’re still in the dreaming phase of becoming a freelancer, and want to overcome the career change fear, if this is the case I wrote about that here.)

How to Self-Care as a Freelancer

Freelancing can easily lead to overwhelm, anxiety, loss of sleep, and even burnout. No clients or overwhelmed from too many clients? Exhausted from trying to juggle all of the elements of your freelance job? The list is endless: cold calls, responding to leads, marketing activities, writing and sending out newsletters, social media scheduling, meetings, networking… 

To enjoy the freelance lifestyle you need a schedule, priorities, ways to delegate, and tools and resources to help you navigate the trenches on the daily. Create daily and weekly goals, organize your tasks according to a schedule and use deadlines, both soft and hard ones and, most importantly, self-care all parts of your mind, body, and soul.  

Mind

One of the main elements of freelancing is that you’re working in isolation. It can be difficult to maintain connection with people when you work from home, or a coffee shop. Try not to neglect your family and social life. Isolation, both for freelancers and entrepreneurs in general, is a huge and common challenge. It’s hard to nurture strong relationships when you’re either not in the same location as other people (perhaps after work) or in a slump working from home (can’t seem to get out of those PJs huh?). 

Work is work, and as freelancers it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the things we have to do or underwhelmed by how slow the process is to get things off the ground. Make sure you prioritize your social support (schedule it if you need to). Work will always be there, but friends and family are important, both during good times and the more challenging ones. Don’t neglect the people around you. Call, text, send an email, check in with your people regularly! 

Apart from a social life try to include some form of mind work into your days: meditate, breathe, reflect, journal. And remember, always make your bed.

Body

Nutrition and physical activity are essential for freelancers. From maintaining a balanced diet, to moods, preventing chronic disease, and boosting positive emotions. You can’t work your best if your body can’t work its best. Often, we don’t take self-care seriously until we experience a serious health setback. Make sure you’re planning your meals and not breaking the bank buying fast food meals. This does twice the damage – processed meals and spending too much money. Why not try a meal planning app like Mealtime, Food planner, or Paprika? Be sure to supplement and balance with lots of natural foods and water, and try to minimize the amount of sugar. Sugar cravings can happen, and it’s a habitual trigger from anxiety, or even from skipping meals or low blood sugar. 

Slow down, take your breaks, go for walks, get off the bus one stop earlier, or sneak in YouTube videos on yoga, or simple at-home exercises (as safely as possible!). The other important thing about self-care is having a good healthcare plan. 

Be proactive and maintain your breaks for the gym, walk outside, eat nutritious food, maintain a healthy diet and get sleep. Don’t procrastinate all day, only to stay up all night to get a gig done. Sleep is one of the most vital things to ensure well-being and mental focus. 

Soul

Whether you’re a freelancer or a digital nomad, self-care is about a nourishing type of discipline (and not the punishing kind). The mind and body like routine and habit, while the soul requires more depth. All it takes is one step, and one plan to get going. Keep distractions at bay. Create a soulful work environment that helps you feel good AND succeed. Know yourself and spend time to reflect about where you are and if you’re heading in the direction you want. You can’t know until you sit quietly and listen to that inner knowing. 

Build self-awareness through stillness. This will help you to know what you tend to do, what your triggers are and how you react to situations. Becoming intimate with yourself like that will help you grow, and reach new heights.

In the end, be realistic and make sure you’re creating healthy boundaries in this new work environment, and say no. 

At first it might feel very tempting to say yes to any and all clients (and that’s okay when you have bills to pay) but do not bend your freelancing values just to accommodate everybody else first, including leads and clients. This might take a toll on your health. 

Be proactive about your freelance self-care. Whether it’s a 10-minute meditation in the morning or turning off all your electronics after 7 pm and taking a bath. 

Freelance self-care always starts with your well-being and the choices you make. Make sure to develop the self-trust necessary for stepping into your own power. In the end, if you’re not feeling well it’s going to be difficult for you to maintain that freelance lifestyle you dreamed of – and that you now finally have.

The life-changing power of doing things slowly

Can you remember a time when you did something so slowly you really got to enjoy it and build a memory? (Using a phone doesn’t count!)

While I was tying up the final bits and pieces of my From Overwhelm to Flow Training (it took me close to 8 weeks to write it) – something incredible happened. I had an epiphany. A *real* moment of awareness. The kind that knocks you off your feet, makes you think you’re dreaming and leaves you wondering what just happened.

This labor of love (and sweat, blood, and tears – OK just that first one but you can’t blame a writer for wanting to add a dash of drama, now can you?) is everything I know about achieving flow, soul, and ease both in your personal life as well as your work. The best part? A free 7-day life (and sanity) saver is waiting for you. Sign-ups happen over here.

Where was I? Oh yes, it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I was walking back from the kitchen to my desk, a cup of hot coffee in my hand. Suddenly it hit me: I’d finally done it! I’d turned this idea that had been swirling around in my head for a long time into 30,000(-ish) carefully thought out, and actionable words.

Although this isn’t the first time I’ve written a course or training, something was different. For the first time in my life, I’d taken the time to create – slowly. Not rush my way through the process, but pacing myself. This is big, because I’m programmed for the opposite…

Fast-paced.
Always on.
Working against the clock.

Looking back, that’s how I spent a big part of (probably most) of my adult life. Especially when business and work are concerned.

Stressed-out.
Always in a hurry.
Feeling as if the clock was always working against me.

There was never a moment to rest, let alone gather to my thoughts.

A lot of people will tell you this is one of my strengths. Early in my career those same traits often qualified me as ambitious. The first time someone said that of me I didn’t *understand* what it meant. In fact, I felt a little insulted, with the people-pleasing perfectionist in me needing CPR. Together with her, we decided that we didn’t like the word. So we dismissed it as an oddity. Not something that applied to me.

All the while I kept doing. More. And more. And more.

Then, the epiphany. As I was making my way back to my desk, ready to sit down, hot coffee in hand. There it was. I’d done something I loved doing, and I’d taken the time to do it.

Slowly. Without feeling guilty. Without giving up on other things for it.

In what must have been a fraction of a second, my life played out in front of me like a movie. My father working relentlessly, me copycatting that behaviour, the many months and years spent trying to achieve an absurd idea of success and equating my worth with it. But also: the pressure, anxiety, fears and limiting beliefs that accompanied me everywhere I went.

Always on. Fast-paced. Working against the clock.

It was unsustainable. Hard. Not to mention doomed to fail. What so many had mistaken for ambition. *Ouch*

I was stuck in the tyranny of the endless to-do list, the hamster wheel of relentless productivity, the never-ending and exhausting cycle of overwork and perfection. Perhaps you are too…

Since 2010 I’ve been on a journey back to sanity. It took me to so many places.

Mindfulness training.
Transcendental meditation practice.
Yoga.
Self-love.
Self-care.
Daily journaling.
Reading – lots of reading.
Minimalism.
Essentialism.
All those other -isms I can’t think of right now.

They’ve all been important pieces of the puzzle, for many different reasons. They also all have one thing in common: they’ve taught me to SLOW DOWN. So I can…

be in the now,
give my mind a break,
feel my body,
receive unconditional love,
organize my thoughts,
learn what matters most,
have more space to be,
have more time to live,
let go of what doesn’t serve me,
do so many other amazing things.

Slowing down is beautiful and powerful.

In fact, it might well be the biggest secret to success I’ve ever learned. The one that allows time and space to be part of everything I do. That says it’s OK to take my time, to think, to create bit by bit.

Fast is a lie that will cost you money – like when you redo your website three times in two years because you’re still figuring out your brand (true story). Will stress you out – like when you give yourself an unattainable deadline simply because you picked that date and won’t change it now (I mean, you know). Will lead to bad decisions, big mistakes, and in the end a hell of a lot of freakin’ wasted time.

So many of us (I’m one of them) underestimate what we can accomplish over longer periods of time yet SYSTEMATICALLY overestimate what we can accomplish in shorter ones.

The truth is: slow will get you further.

By starting with the notion that creating needs tending, that beautiful things take time to grow, that we can only nurture – not force – anything into being, we give ourselves something invaluable.

The gift of slow

Today I want to invite you to make a small inventory of the most wonderful things you wish for in your life but are hesitant to get started with. Ask yourself if the gift of slow could help. Imagine you had all the time in the world to accomplish them (which you LITERALLY have, that’s the whole point of this essay :)).

What would you get started with?

PS: Don’t forget to sign up for the Free Smart Work™ Challenge. It will help you to take things slowly too.

How Katherine started her own bookkeeping business & became a money mentor

Katherine and I initially connected online. I loved Katherine’s bubbly personality from the start. When I needed someone to look at the numbers of a start-up I was building, she’s the one I turned too. I felt so supported knowing that she was on the team. Katherine does have a way with money! Ever since, it’s been a joy connecting with her, and watching her revolutionize the accounting world one business at a time. Here’s the story of how she started her own bookkeeping business and became a Money Mentor.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

It’s my mission to help 3 million people retire rich. Which is ironic, since I never cared about money when I was younger. Instead, I was focused on making an impact with my art, and talents as an actress and director. 

When I started pursuing this dream professionally, however, I felt I’d been lied to. The work itself was fulfilling, but not one of my mentors had prepared me for the financial challenges of being self-employed. I soon discovered my mentors couldn’t have prepared me because they struggled with these things too! So, I set out to learn about money. The more I did, the more ambitious I became.

I learned that money is a language to master, that it has the creative energy to build on itself, and that it’s possible to stop fighting money and instead make it a teammate. I learned this process was surprisingly easy and enjoyable, but no one – and I mean no one – gives you this critical education in school. Which is why if you pull back the curtain, almost everyone, in every industry, is struggling with money.

That’s the most important thing I learned: money problems aren’t limited to creatives! So I decided I’d had enough and wanted to tackle this problem head on.

That’s why I started my own accounting firm. I wanted to move the needle just 1%. I want to help a mere 1% more Americans (the only country I’m licensed to work!) kick their money woes and retire comfortably. 

At the time I made that goal, 1% of America was 3 million people. That’s how my big dream of helping 3 million people retire rich was born.

Did you always have this dream?

No way! As an artist, I always wanted to inspire hearts and minds, but I never dreamed that a single topic would inspire me so much or that I’d change my life’s work to pursue it.

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

I invested in my education. I’m a graduate of Ben Robinson’s Bookkeeper Business Launch. I credit Ben with how I think about bookkeeping and client relationships. All my tax work, writing, and coaching have grown from this bookkeeping foundation.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

When I started, I really, truly thought that I was going to acquire all this tax knowledge, teach it to my clients, and “BOOM!” the problem would be solved and we’d all have successful, profitable companies to brag about.

But education is not implementation. My first clients had cleaner books but weren’t changing their money habits.

Changing money habits is hard to do! Money is an emotional topic for many people. We not only need to master an outer monetary system, but also master our inner thoughts and emotions about at. This inner relationship with money becomes ingrained in us as children, and every friend, partner, and the bill we pay either reinforce this relationship or will bring us into conflict with it.

Owning up to this relationship and learning to tackle my own “money blocks” was the first step. Then, I had to learn how to pair money mindset coaching with my growing financial expertise. This was how the Chaos Money Framework was born.

The Framework keeps us accountable. Because it’s challenging to accept that “wealth” and “success” are not static achievements. I need the Chaos Money Framework to help me choose and walk my wealth journey every day.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I wish I had slowed down.

I made the new business owner mistake of focusing only on growth and income. This meant I chased every shiny tool, coach, or course who could take me to the “next level.” (All the while telling my clients to act differently – the hypocrisy!)

But if I had focused more on the clients in front of me – if I had treated them as the only important thing in the world – I would have achieved better results overall. I would have figured out some things faster. Most importantly though, I would have helped more people.

I would caution others who are looking outside of themselves for answers. 

Copying other people’s business only encourages comparison and imposter syndrome. It’s better to slow down, focus on the work at hand, and develop your own system with the resources available to you.

I’d encourage them not to chase income, but rather measure metrics that support your own mission and values (like repeat customers, profitability, or the success you help clients achieve). Only look to change your system when it helps you improve one of these metrics and stop caring what caring about what’s “expected” in your industry.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

Uh oh! Remember what I said earlier about achievements?

In all seriousness, yes. I’ve achieved some incredible things since I started.

As my impact grows, my clients’ impact grows, and as their impact grows new jobs and new investments are created. Each one gets me closer to the 3 million marks!

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Oh, my Money Map! Definitely!

That’s what I call the unique mix of financial reports you use to lead your business. Everyone’s Money Map will be different and that’s actually the purpose of the Chaos Money Framework. The Framework helps you break down big goals into actionable milestones. Then we turn those milestones into – wait for it – a map! You can follow this Money Map to reach your goals.

I’m my own customer here because Money Mapping really works. I also have an incredible coach to hold me accountable, a team to support the work I do, and I’ve invested heavily in my marriage and personal relationships. 

Everything’s harder if you’re trying it alone!

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Set a big, scary goal. You have permission.

But don’t try to tackle that goal everyday. It’ll be too overwhelming. Just let the big goal float around in the back of your head.

Instead, slow down. Ask yourself “What’s the very next step?”

Also pick out the smallest, tiniest, so-simple-it’s-easy next step. (Like clicking send on that email or taking that receipt from your purse to your desk). Do only that step.

Then identify the tiny step after that. Do that. Identify and execute each tiny step, over and over, until you’re getting to work naturally and you don’t have to think about it anymore.

Big goals create too much pressure, but tiny tasks are easy. Tiny tasks also add up fast! It’s getting started that’s the hardest.

More about Katherine – www.bookkeepingartist.com

Katherine is a money mentor for creative entrepreneurs. She can transform you from a stressed solopreneur into the money-savvy CEO of your own online empire. She specializes in Taxes and Business Entities, Profit Strategy and Business Growth, Bookkeeping, Workflow, and Productivity.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Katherine! She loves connecting with women from around the world. You can do so through her website at bookkeepingartist.com 

Katherine’s favourite quote is:

Imagination is only intelligence having fun.
– George Scialabba

Katherine’s big dream for the world is:

To persist joyfully along my unique path of creative and financial freedom. To lead and inspire others to do that same.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

5 skills (you can start with today) to work less and achieve more

Among the many ways that can help to work less and achieve more, there are 5 skills that I live by. 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s so much information out there! Courses, blogs and advice that offer great value, but what will truly make a difference? Which resources are helpful for you, and what *you* want to achieve today? 

I might not have the perfect answer, (which doesn’t exist anyway) but I do have the experience as a professional coach and Smart Work™ Expert to share that my clients come to me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and leave feeling less distracted, more calm and more productive.  

The recurring theme, distilled from more than a thousand coaching hours, is that time management, productivity, and the confidence to achieve a level of success that seems unreachable, are at the heart of working effectively. 

Working less but achieving more means just that: achieving a state where you’re not scattering your energy anywhere and everywhere, all the time. 

It’s about knowing and differentiating between what should receive your energy and attention and what needs to be discarded or stopped. Before you can do that, you must develop a higher level of self-awareness. 

5 Skills to ​Work Less And Achieve More

#1 Seek Clarity

Being crystal clear with yourself requires a level of honesty and transparency that can be challenging. Defense mechanisms can get in the way. “I wasn’t late, the bus was,” or “I can’t invest in my own goals, things are just too busy.”

Be honest with why you want to grow, and if you’re willing to give up outdated habits, and beliefs. Replace them with a crystal clear vision of who you want to be, and what you want to achieve. Ask yourself: why do you want to achieve this, and are you ready to commit to change?

#2 Prioritize

Precise arrival at the right time is quite a different feeling than running late, packing frantically, sweating in the Uber ride and being the last one at the meeting. This might be the feeling you carry with you along every task you undertake. The frantic overwhelm and anxiety. It’s the result of miscommunicating your priorities to yourself. Wanting to get too much done affects this, as does focusing on the wrong things and mistaking them for the right ones.

Track what you’re doing: sleeping and eating habits, people who drain and fuel you, where you’re losing your time – social media? Binge-watching shows? Shopping online? Prioritize the things that are important to your future self and not just the person you are right now. Ask yourself: are you willing to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success?

#3 Manage Yourself

Life has peaks and valleys, and you cannot control every external happening. However, you can manage your inner state. Your reactions, emotions, and attitude to what happens day-to-day.

If you have a difficult time with patience, you might be draining yourself of mental energy because you spend more time stressed out than choosing calm as a response (did you know you have that option?!). Ask yourself: are you willing to admit your growth areas, start on a new plan for addressing them, and how to overcome them?

#4 Boundaries

There’s no such thing as #SoulfulProductivity without a focus on boundaries. When was the last time you said “no” confidently? As women we tend to be “yes” people because we’re nurturing and accommodating.

But where do you draw the line? How do you prioritize if you feel you *must* say yes all the time? Ask yourself: are you ready to say “no” and not feel guilty? Are you ready to put yourself first.

#5 Less stuff

Being able to do less and achieve more, means reassessing the mental, emotional, physical and digital landscape that is your life. The ways and spaces you interact with on the day to day. Materialism is making us sick, social media is affecting our mental health, and our sleep. The psychological benefits of tidying up are proving to be great (thank you Marie Kondo!), so take a good look around you.

Start with decluttering where it makes sense to begin. Take a digital detox, Marie Kondo your home, or clean up your computer. Making space actually promotes new energy, less distraction, and stress from the important tasks you do want to accomplish.

When you have a laundry list of to-dos, life or work gets overwhelming. 

Trust me I was there, and I did a lot of trial and error to find tools, tips and tricks that actually work to get you off the hamster wheel of productivity! I left the corporate world to pursue a more soulfully productive way of living. I even teach about it here. I followed my true voice because it grew too loud, too frustrated and – honestly – too exhausted. 

The truth is: you have to clear time to make time! If you want to prioritize yourself AND improve your well-being, you *must* create space so you can invest in yourself. 

The 5 skills you must practice to work less and achieve more is not a quick fix, nor is it a gimmick. It’s also not an easy road – at first. Once you’ve mastered those 5 though, you’ll get more focused time to tackle some of life’s bigger challenges that are getting in the way of being soulfully productive. 

Once you have mastered those 5 skills, everything else will flow naturally and easily into place. 

Until then, practice them as often as you can. Start small, start today, and let me know how it goes!

Being too much, eating cake, and little acts of everyday rebellion

Have you ever inadvertently let go of control? Dropped the mask? Fallen out of your *roles* in life? Felt like you were being too much, even for a minute?

You know what I’m talking about. That moment when something within you surfaces, and you become an observer. You’re trying to contain yourself, but you simply can’t. *It* has to come out. You’re restless, sleepless, pacing, your inner voice screams, stutters. There’s no way to hold back the anxiety, the tears, the anger, or the joy.

Eventually, something has to give.

You let go of the reins. Loosen them (because I mean, letting go – even a little – you’re still a very put together human, aren’t you?). Show a side of you that only you know exists.

This letting go does something, relieves something, creates something new. It certainly doesn’t feel all that bad. But then, your inner critic takes over and screams at you, what the hell is wrong with you!? Shame sets in, telling you that you’re…

Too much.
Too loud.
Too foolish.
Too demanding.
Too out of control.

The voice hides the fact that you did nothing wrong. But still, you struggle and keep apologising. You try to make up for your “bad” behaviour – because for some reason it feels threatening to the well put together you.

Many have felt this way. I’ve certainly been there many times. Maybe you have too…

As creative, multi-passionate, high-achieving women it’s hard to live up to society’s expectations. We’re taught to play the part early on in our lives. We’re expected to be nice, anything but loud. Although many of us become *really* good at it, it’s a struggle to remain composed all the time, and to feel constrained by the pressure to be what we’re not.

This keeps us from letting go, and stepping into the fullness of who we are.

Light and dark.
Soft and hard.
Strong and fragile.
Courageous and afraid.
Put together and a mess.
Happy and sad.

The conditioning is strong, which makes it hard to shed.

You can’t just dance on the bar counter, or let the mask fall completely, now can you? Sometimes you ignore the nagging voice in your head and indulge in small ways. You eat that piece of chocolate cake, even if she tells you that you shouldn’t; or you buy something for yourself, even if she tells you not to. Perhaps you spend time doing nothing at all for once – yet, even that feels like you’re breaking a rule, and doing something wrong.

The guilt is always there.

Just last week, I had a conversation about this with a client who went through such a moment. This always-so-composed human let go for a few hours at a party recently. All of a sudden so much emotion and frustration came out. She made a *scene*. Afterwards she felt shattered, as if she’d done something horribly wrong, when in fact she’s an incredible person. Why did she feel uncomfortable and weighed down by revealing such a pure and raw part of herself? Of her truth?

This heart-to-heart was an honest assessment of the work needed for expansion, beyond the mask, and into liberation, freedom, and courage. What my client did that night is one of the hardest things she (or anyone else trying hard to hold everything together) could do.

The truth is, this was a way to take back control, not surrender to it.

This was an act of rebellion.

Liberation requires transformation. It can be rough to the edges, because we need to reclaim the lost parts of ourselves in the process, our wildly creative and expressive spirit. That of a full embodied human.

Breaking free is hard. But it’s also growth and beauty.

I believe there’s way too many false have-tos in our lives. They keep us so small, exhausted, stressed-out. Far away from our power and potential.

The challenge is to pay attention to our inner fire, not muffle it away as being wrong. Only so can we find our way back to the things that really matter. Only so will we ever be free.

So here’s to being too much, eating cake, and little acts of everyday rebellion.